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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:36:07 PM | I'm with the "no" crowd. It's not so much the apology part, as the question "would you go back with an ex?". I think with my last ex, we were both to blame for things not working out, we were both sorry, and we had pretty well forgiven each other. We got back together for a total of a week, because the old problems (and the reasons we broke up) were still there.
I'd try some role reversal: "I'm so sorry but I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."
Ha, yeah! "You're sorry for what you did? I'M sorry for what you did, too!". | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:39:17 PM | I guess I'm going to be the only one to post here that has other thinking on this one. There is one that I would take back. The most recent one in fact. We can't help how our hearts feel and love, they just do. Only problem with that relationship, He told me I was in the wrong and I just didn't see it that way. Sometimes when we love a person we just don't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I know I'm better off emotionally without him but try to tell my heart that. I'll recover I'm sure, but there was just an anniversary this week and it brought all of those feelings back again.
Blonde  | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 29 | |
| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:42:06 PM | If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
It wouldnt have made any difference at the time (while the emotions were still raw), it didnt make any difference in the 3 years or so he chased me afterwards... and it wouldnt make a difference now (assuming our circumstances were different).
This is only my situation...but once somebody humiliates their family, disrespects and abandons them...they dont get to come back.
And I told him that before he left.
I dont care how sincere they are about apologizing.
Overstep my personal boundaries...I will not deal with the fallout created for nothing.
Sometimes apologies are not enough...when the foundation to it is the broken trust, lost faith and lack of commitment displayed by the other person. | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:13:42 PM | Nope, no chance in hell. Because every second she's not around, is another chance to get cheated on again. I don't cheat and I don't want to be cheated on, that's it.
Or if it was just you guys not getting along, it wouldn't work out either most likely. I'm sure at first things will be fine, then after a few weeks you'll remember why you broke up in the first place.
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:42:44 PM | Not a chance in "heck".
He never apologized for anything during 27 years of marriage. I certainly would not accept one, now!!
*****************************************************************************
Good point. Also accepting the apology for closure purposes only (of course I would not really believe it was sincere if only to get back together - would he still say it if he believed it wouldn't result in reconciliation?).
An ex is an ex for a reason. My ex has tried, no way. He never apologized for anything then or now, the sad attempts at I'm sorry are really - I am sorry you don't see how wrong you are and how you need me. Yeah ok. Sure. I thought I needed him till I escaped that train wreck. (Don't get me wrong, I was not some innocent victim - it takes two - I just got sick of being the only one to say sorry and the only one that wanted to work at bettering things).
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:44:08 PM | Well, a only a few people jumped on me for my "pattern" in men.
After my divorce, I never committed to any of these men to the degree of living with them, which is part of what contributed to their insecurities, though the last one, neither one of us wanted that. They are all very different men in character and personality and values, though all insecure and yet very *confident* seeming. If there is a pattern here, it's that out of the four, they all spent the first few years treating me fantastically well.
I'm a bit selfish that way, in that I *like* being treated fantastically well and I like giving it back. When it came to family and friends, you can be sure that everyone was also happy with my choices at the time, because of how well I was treated. These were actually logical choice relationships in that I did not choose for emotional reasons, but because, hey, here's a nice guy who is great to me and there's no reason to say no.... Only the last, was a man I was in love with. He was my first love, at 38. I don't regret it, though I'd like to get that apology - closure... he accused me and forgave of something his ex framed me for and it was a no-brainer to see my innocence, and I'm the one who could not just let that lie.
I guess I'm going to be the only one to post here that has other thinking on this one. There is one that I would take back. The most recent one in fact. We can't help how our hearts feel and love, they just do. Only problem with that relationship, He told me I was in the wrong and I just didn't see it that way. Sometimes when we love a person we just don't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I know I'm better off emotionally without him but try to tell my heart that. I'll recover I'm sure, but there was just an anniversary this week and it brought all of those feelings back again.
Right. Emotionally, I'm better off without him. I'm more creative, and more productive with my art and writing. I'm more social with the world in general. I'm quite a bit more self-indulgent too! | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:44:27 PM | Well, a only a few people jumped on me for my "pattern" in men.
After my divorce, I never committed to any of these men to the degree of living with them, which is part of what contributed to their insecurities, though the last one, neither one of us wanted that. They are all very different men in character and personality and values, though all insecure and yet very *confident* seeming. If there is a pattern here, it's that out of the four, they all spent the first few years treating me fantastically well.
I'm a bit selfish that way, in that I *like* being treated fantastically well and I like giving it back. When it came to family and friends, you can be sure that everyone was also happy with my choices at the time, because of how well I was treated. These were actually logical choice relationships in that I did not choose for emotional reasons, but because, hey, here's a nice guy who is great to me and there's no reason to say no.... Only the last, was a man I was in love with. He was my first love, at 38. I don't regret it, though I'd like to get that apology - closure... he accused me and forgave of something his ex framed me for and it was a no-brainer to see my innocence, and I'm the one who could not just let that lie.
I guess I'm going to be the only one to post here that has other thinking on this one. There is one that I would take back. The most recent one in fact. We can't help how our hearts feel and love, they just do. Only problem with that relationship, He told me I was in the wrong and I just didn't see it that way. Sometimes when we love a person we just don't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I know I'm better off emotionally without him but try to tell my heart that. I'll recover I'm sure, but there was just an anniversary this week and it brought all of those feelings back again.
Right. Emotionally, I'm better off without him. I'm more creative, and more productive with my art and writing. I'm more social with the world in general. I'm quite a bit more self-indulgent too! | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:50:52 PM | No way - no how - not EVA. I would not go down that road again. I feel way too good about myself at this point in my life & refuse to give that back .
Back away girlfriend - back away.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 I'm with Prissymae, I feel way too good about my life now as well, and wouldn't trade it in for a thousand of his sorry's.
There are too many good guys out there to settle for a man who I am just not happy with. | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:52:35 PM | Based on my history, I'd have to say no. I always thought that this was harsh of me, so a couple of years ago, I did accept his apology and we tried working on it again. BIG mistake! While his words were sincere, his actions didn't change one bit. So I put up with a bad relationship for another 5 months.
Actions speak so much louder than words. Apologize all you want, that's fine, but if you really want me back, SHOW me that your behavior has changed. Only then will you have the chance to get me back. | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:54:26 PM | | Well I did go back to an ex, we broke up after 2 years, he came back telling me things had changed, he wouldn't do what he did again, blah blah blah, I took him back, it lasted 2 more years, and it only got worse!! From that experience, I would say to not go back, a 'leopard rarely changes its spots' . . . best to move on hun. | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:37:30 PM | Well... I would say no but maybe it depends on the circumstances. I had a bf ( my high school sweetheart exactly). We were toagther for 6 yrs. Due to his lifestyle we broke up. Almost a year later he tracked me down I had started my life over but was happy to see him. Long to short he said a ll of those words I am sorry...e.t.c. I gotten my life toagther and so on. I would not take him back. Really I just wanted him to prove himself. Not even a week later he was shot down while comming out of a night club. the police stated it was totally random.. At his CD relase party. He had accomplished his goal. For a long time I lived with regret. I truely think he was sincere that night he came to my home. His famliy at his wake stated he really had accomplished all of the goals he had stated to me he had. I would tell anyone everyone deserves a second chance you just never know. But like I always say time is not your enemy it is your friend. If I would have taken him back he still would have went out that night and I might have been with him. Don't listen to what anyone has to say or think...listen with your heart and let the higher power guide you. Love is a tricky thing. But in the end NEVER live with regret.
I don't know alot just a thought | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:43:27 PM | | I accepted the perfect apology. When after abuse of every kind became unbearable I stood by his bed with a 45 fully prepared to blow his brains out. My son coughed in his sleep and it hit me. If I shoot him I will go to prison. I ran away while he was at work that morning. He stalked me, driving all the way from Utah. Asking people where I live,its a small town. He drove back to Utah and told his x-wife I would never have him back and blew his brains out with the same 45 I had once held to his head while he slept.Please don't accept that apology. | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:54:11 PM | | I could not put myself through that emotional pain again despite how much I love him. He didn't change his ways in two and a half years despite our numerous breakups and always going back together again for that 'one more try' and I couldn't emotionally handle his ways. So, we are out of 'one more tries'... | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:09:33 PM | Looking back I have given each of them a second chance...
I would not take back any of my ex's any more... they are ALL done... I have moved on and it feels great. I only talk to one of them but we have a child together. The rest are done, gone.
Will I continue in my pattern? I imagine so... I like to give them the benefit of the doubt... at least once.
But their pattern is that they seem to forget about me... Geeeezzzz...
~Charmed~ | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:39:20 PM | So sorry Miss Purrecious......... I did miss that.
Ya know, we did try several times to get back together. Three to be exact. I just hate to give up. It's over for the two of us and I think he won't be wanting to talk to me at all. I really moved on a long time ago, it was just this month and specifically the early part of it that hit me really hard. Some loves just stay with you for a long time.
Blonde | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:01:28 PM | I do not understand you're willingness to believe it more than once with the other two relationships. I would think that after your first man you would set your boundries and hold to them with any others that followed.
My Ex started therapy, continued for a year. When I asked for an appointment with his therapist I went over a few things to see if they were being covered....for his sake and curiousity. The same issues (which reared their ugly head after we were married) that came up in our joint therapy over the years where he would stop going when it got to be too hard for him to be real and honest with himself, the damage of his mother and even agreeing with the therapist. None of the hard stuff in that year he went alone was brought up whatsoever. A couple times the therapist almost looked shocked at what I told him. Why would he not know this stuff...because he didn't know to ask...and the Ex won't bring it up because it's too painful.
I hope he heals. Even if he managed to go through therapy to it's conclusion, even with follow-ups and regular check-ins, even with a men's group (like he is attending now). I wish him luck. We're done.
I met a nice, but in the end way too insecure man a few months ago, we dated for a while. When I stopped seeing him an aquaintance asked if I had talked to him again...eluding to the will you see him again thing. I do not understand that kind of mentality - get back together? I'm not in high school anymore.
Most people know when they are doing something hurtful so I have little tolerance for the immature apology schtick. I don't know what you are referring to that they would do something so horrible they are having to apologize for it. What is it they are apologizing for? | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:12:36 PM | | There is one that I would be with again in a second. Haven't seen him in four years, but if he showed up in the next couple of minutes, you bet. As far as any other x, don't want to see them, talk to them, or even hear their name again. | |
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| If the apology were sincere enough, would you take back your ex?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:37:41 PM | | I find it funny that the vast majority of responses are a definite no. I would bet everything I own that most of these responders didn't do anything to promote growth or nurturing in their relationships ever. The fact that a person came back and made an attempt to apologize and possibly change themselves and their behavior should be welcomed very strongly. That's what relationships are about. Even if it is a past relationship I did not see anyone who had anything nice to say as a friend. Did it ever occur to any of you that while the person may say they want to get back, the important thing is that they are reaching out to you and they have an opportunity to grow as a person, and in the end they can be a friend. All of my ex's are considered friends, and I would always be there for them if they needed me, at least to talk to. There is still friendship. Almost everyone here just hates all there ex's, and that says more about you than it says about them. Where is the adult section of POF? Good grief. So shallow. | |
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