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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:57:05 PM | I dont write much in the forums but felt that I had to go with this post... cause well when you get older , dating is harder , finding that special someone is ALOT harder, and if your one with kids , its damn near impossible.
Women are not so much as easy to pick up anymore either. They have laid down some STRICT REQUIREMENTS ... wich are pretty much MANDATORY ( I appologise for the caps but I like to be a bit dramatic on subjects).
So in being the single guy , single parent , and trying to find love or something out there so your not alone at night or anytime. What are we to do ? What if the Reqs made are too much. What if the Demand is too high of a price. Are we to just accept and move on to something that we dont want? Lower our standards to however low that we can get them just so we are not alone in the world anymore ?
Now Im not out to pick on you ladies , but your standards and requirements and stipulations are a bit too much, especially being on a dating site like this.
If your looking for Model Material with a shitload of money go to WWW.SUGARDADDIES.COM , cause this is Plenty of Phish and here we are all in the same ocean, cause you wont find any RICH Fish in this sea cause Rich Fish dont need to fish they just catch and go.
Let Me ask you this ... on ANY of the Male Profiles that you have checked have you seen a LIST (it will look something like this )
1. Must have a Job
2. Must have their own home
3. Must have wheels
4. Must have all of their teeth
5. Must like kids
6. Must look like Brad Pitt
Now would you see any kind of a list like this on a guys site or profile ... HA HA HA !!! NO ! but you see plenty of them on the ladies profiles.
Now I know that the ladies are going to say that they throw up these things cause they want to be SAFE and Secure and dont want to go through the crap that they went through before so they are taking precautions.
Ya know what thats all well and good , and I can respect that but ladies you really need to lighten up a bit and cut us guys some slack. We are not all bad guys , We are Not all the Same, We arent your Ex's and we dont need to be interrogated like we are criminals before being an innocent.
You know guys have been hurt by women too , we have been cheated on , abused, lied to , probley have had dishes or other shit thrown at us at one time or point in our lives. So dont think that the ladies have had it all rough and bad cause the guys have had shit in their lives too. Yes we dont want to make the same mistakes as before , We are older now , we know what to look for, we know how to stop situations before they happen.. WE HAVE EVOLVED.
However ... Ladies again I say .. you gotta cut some of us some slack, and not be so picky and choosey. Maybe cut down on some of your demands and stipulations and conditions and just maybe you might find the guy that your looking for.
Not all of us work , not all of us have all our teeth (have you seen the prices for Dental for adults now OMFG !!!) and Im sorry to say but not all of us look like Brad Pitt and are Super Models and are on Calenders for the Playboy of the Month.. sorry.
Again Im not picking on the ladies , I know Alot of you have had shitty experiences with men in the past and you want to do things right and feel safe about the decisions that you make , just want you to keep in mind that some of the nicest guys in the world are poor as hell and dont look like Adonis , but we are still Good Guys. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 7/20/2008 3:25:37 AM | Most definately, there would be something wrong if we didnt get smarter and learn by previous choices. We all deep down know what we do and dont want in our lives, there is no need to settle for 2nd best, too many people do just for the sake of a relationship. I think as we get older , we are more content with ourselves and not likely to waste our time with the wrong ones. Sexual compatability will become obvious as you progress and this area can only get better between two that actually want to be together, than two who go through the motions for fear of being single.
So yea I say Fish deeply in the pond and don't be afraid to throw a few back in...be loud, be proud and be fussy.... | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:41:20 AM | | It depends, I'd figure, in some cases where people were more shallow whwen youngerr, would be more reasonable in what they look for in physical appearance as they got older. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:49:56 AM | Absloutely. One of my main realtionships was with an abusive man (I was 19-22). He was extremely jealous if a guy even glanced at me and would take it out on me, just very unstable and would have mood swings. I put up with that 3 years. Now I would put up with that for say 2 minutes!
Life's wayyyy too short to deal with someone else's BS. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:58:18 PM | Ouch! Your comment hurt! Sounds familar! Part of getting older is being wiser,
looking for qualities in people one being, liking a mean person, if so, get out
of the relationship sooner, don't keep the abuse going. For some reason we like
the chase, it is harder to find a person to blend with, and not be bored. If you nip
it in the bud, it will be easier to find at least friends, and friends may have a
sister or cousin in your case, that could be your future Lady Friend.  | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:25:59 PM | Apparently my requirements have become too strict. I was told by a man when I listed what I want that no such man exists. 
I know there are many things I just won't accept any more--abuse; addiction; a man unhappy with himself/low self esteem; no goals; puts down his ex all the time (what would he say about me if we parted???); too much of a sports junkie (if golf EVERY weekend is more important than spending time with me and family, that's a red flag); not taking care of his health (eating really poorly, no exercise or taking care of his physical self, bad hygene, etc.); and ignorance and stupidity.
I also have my physical preferences, which I'm trying to look past as I get older, because I know I don't look like I did when I was 20. I still want to be attracted to a guy physically, so he has to have something about him I find attractive and charming.
I think as we women get older and we have learned how to take care of ourselves, we want someone to truely be our partner and equal, or its just better to have a pet. lol  | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:44:04 PM | Xanothos,
You said, "Now would you see any kind of a list like this on a guys site or profile ... HA HA HA !!! NO ! but you see plenty of them on the ladies profiles."
No, some men list that they want a perfect body, big breasts, no baggage, no drama (any woman with kids, especially teens, has drama!).
I think both sides are guilty of wanting perfection. (By the way, I can do without the Brad Pitt part of the list. I don't see what the hoopla is about him.) I also don't think that requiring a job and their own car is over the top. Any guy over 30 should be settled enough to have both of those (yes I understand job loss, but he should be looking for a job if he is jobless.). A house, not a big deal. I have my own house. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:48:05 PM | I have to agree. You find out from past experiences the things you don't like and don't want. You also find things that are important for someone to have and that you do want.
So it really makes it a lot more difficult to find that right person, because the list is much larger, just from personal experience. I don't think it's about being picky, but about wanting a relationship that will last. | |
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CHRMZ
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Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 33 | |
| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:09:19 AM | | I don't think I really have requirements, everyone has their certain gifts or talents, something to be learn from everyone, but the older I get the less interested in the Dating Game I have become. Really, if someone the same thing and was willing to grow towards the ideal, I would be will try to work things out and find common ground and learn from the differences. | |
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isoU
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:13:39 AM | That is why they are single !!!!!!!
Most single women are single because they either prudes or delusional (excluding the desire to be single).
I totally disagree ... I see it the other way ... MOST women will lower their standard to find a guy later in life. Men that would not be tolerated are banging their arse years later. 
The fact is that most women later in life who wish to date MUST lower their standards because their desirability diminish and the quality and quantity of men do as well. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:28:39 AM | I happen to disagree with you, are we arguing? I will not lower my standards
and have had 4 relationships in 20 years, was also married for 21 years prior, always
stood up to my standards. Just because we all get older (wiser) doesn't mean we
have to settle. Everyday is a brand new day, if you are young at heart, that is what
you will attact, if you are negative, you will have to settle. Life is full of surprises,
it is wonderful to surprise yourself! Sex drive is not diminished as I speak from
experience, being 61 years young, and have friends that say the same, both men
and women. We are mentally and physically active love to live, love and
laugh, have the wisdom to do it! | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:53:23 AM |  When you fall in love being younger or older, I realize from Family and
Friends, Love doesn't have an age, therefore put your guard down, and the
requirements will fall into place, as when it happens, Love will conquer all!
It is difficult for alot of family and friends to find that special person to love, it
is not an age factor! | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/16/2008 8:15:18 AM | | I'm different than many people on this thread. In some ways, I have become more flexible. When I was younger, I mostly dated tall, athletic / fit, white men. After my divorce I have dated many different physical types of men. Tall men, short men, black men, white men, slender men, athletic men, chubby men etc. Some of my non- physical requirements have changed. But they aren't necessary any more strict. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:30:59 AM | | I am willing to "put up with" a lot more now than when I was younger. When I was younger I thought I had to find the perfect man, and now I relize there are no perfect people. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:45:09 PM | yeah...but only because I know myself better & I've been there done that got the t-shirt...like I know I can't deal with someone uptight...or without a sense of humour...many moons ago, I stayed with someone who screwed around on me...now, I'd never deal with that....someone who always had to be right or controlling or not understand that it's ok to have different opinions...can't deal with someone overly jealous...
I'm sure I pass up on guys now, that I wouldn't have when I was younger....I guess just because I so want to find someone that fits me....& now...when I see something I don't like...I'll just pass him up...whereas when I was younger, I would think I could change whatever it was...& while I'll still catch myself doing that from time to time...even on little things, like "I wonder what he would look like with long hair or a goatee"...& I have to stop & remind myself that I want someone who wants me for the way I am...& I want to find the same...not someone I'm constantly trying to "fix"...not Mr. Perfect...but perfect for me....
so yeah, I'm more picky I suppose...& I think harder to approach...they seem more afraid..lol... | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:16:16 AM | It was definatly easier when we were younger..
But you have to make sure as you get older that the person you are with see's the real you. ie not the superficial exterior, and that makes it a whole lot harder | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:17:30 PM | I think some of what I am seeking is the same while some things have changed slightly.
I do know that in some ways I am stricter as although everyone wants to say this, I want to know that the one is the one. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/17/2008 5:42:06 PM | I am eager to hear someone say no to this question. Why wouldn't your requirements get stricter? I suppose if you become less attractive to the opposite sex and have fewer options, I suppose... but still, could you put up with someone you don't want just to have someone? Maybe... a matter of necessity, I suppose... but hopefully no one ever gets to that point, right?
Anyway, absolutely I am pickier as I get older. I did find another way I might suggest something helpful to you, OP:
"sexual compatability ( although I am not sure how to weed this info out early on in the relationship)"... one of the ways you might consider guaging the likelihood of successful relationships with your potential mates, is to experiment sexually with them BEFORE your relationship becomes serious and committed. Early on in the relationship is a great time for this, since you should both be really hot for each other, anyway. | |
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| stricter requirements for mate as you get older?
Posted: 8/17/2008 5:43:37 PM |
Perhaps is not that you have "stricter requirements" as you get older, I think that as you mature and grow into your own skin you become self assured and assertive, you come to terms with who you are and who you are not, and as you age, each year, month, week, day becomes more valuable and you are less likely to waste your precious time chasing after the wrong guy/gal. You also realize that as an individual you cannot change another individual, you take or leave people as they are good, bad or indifferent. In short as you age, you tend to be less and less tolerant of stupidity and immaterial attitudes.
BINGO! | |
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