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Posted: 7/13/2008 8:33:09 PM | in a ideal world u have a mum and dad. lets face it u dont have to be together..
took me 18yr to realise that.
a happy healthy mum is better than nothing.
and a new nan will arrive as he's ment to. dont go looking thats the least of ur concerns. | |
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Posted: 7/13/2008 8:44:08 PM | I'm not even going to get started b/c I'd probably be banned for life from POF if I said what I wanted to say here.
To everyone who says 'get your child back'...maybe you need to go look up exactly what FTT is and it's causes. Then you'll probably not be so damn sympathetic. Good for the OP's ex to put his child in the care of people who can and will take care of her in an appropriate manner.
Sounds to me OP that you need to get YOUR life in check before you screw up your daughters life.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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Posted: 7/13/2008 10:03:17 PM | "Failure to Thrive
Failure to thrive is when a child does not grow adequately over time. Children with untreated failure to thrive are at risk for having short stature, behavioural and emotional problems, and developmental delay.
A variety of conditions can cause or contribute to failure to thrive. Stress is a frequent contributing factor. For example, a mother who is depressed may have difficulty feeding her baby. The baby may respond to his mother’s depression by becoming withdrawn himself, and this could make him feed less. Also, if parents are overly anxious about feeding and try to coerce their child to eat, it can lead to feeding problems and failure to thrive.
If a baby is given formula that is too dilute, it will affect the amount of calories he takes in, and could lead to failure to thrive. Also, babies who are allergic to cow’s milk may have problems absorbing the nutrients from regular formula. Some children might have specific feeding difficulties such as severe gastroesophageal reflux or birth defects that interfere with their ability to take in an adequate amount of calories.
Some children have conditions that cause problems with their ability to absorb nutrients properly. Examples of such conditions include celiac disease, cystic fibrosis, liver disease, and certain gastrointestinal problems.
Diagnosing failure to thrive
Failure to thrive is commonly seen by family physicians and paediatricians. Prompt diagnosis and treatment is required in order to prevent malnutrition and developmental problems. The best way to diagnose failure to thrive is to carefully measure and plot a baby’s weight, height, and head circumference over time, and compare the measurements to the standardized growth charts.
The National Institutes of Health define failure to thrive as follows:
weight less than the third percentile on a standard growth chart
weight 20% below the ideal weight for length, or
a fall off from a previously established growth curve
On the other hand, many family physicians may diagnose a child as failing to thrive if he falls below the fifth percentile on the weight for age chart, or if his weight for age crosses two percentile lines on the chart. Other family physicians may make a diagnosis if the child falls below the 10th percentile on either the length for age or weight for length charts.
If the doctor determines that your child could be failing to thrive, he will make a careful assessment, and will ask you about the following:
diet and feeding behaviours: amount of food and formula eaten per day, how formula is being prepared, and whether you are having any "feeding battles" with your child
medical history: your baby’s birth; any recent illnesses or chronic medical conditions; past hospitalizations, injuries, or accidents; any gastrointestinal problems
past and current medications
social history: assessment of who the caregivers are, whether there is any history of neglect, and whether there are any stressful events happening in the family
family history: assessment of whether there are medical conditions or failure to thrive in the child’s siblings
The doctor will assess your child to see if there are any developmental problems, since these can arise in children who are failing to thrive.
The physician will then do a physical examination on your child. He will assess whether poor nutrition has led to your child’s poor growth. The doctor will look for any signs of a genetic disorder or underlying disease that could be impairing your child’s growth. He will also be on the look-out for any signs that suggest child abuse or neglect.
The doctor will also observe the interaction between you and your child. You may be asked to feed your baby or bring him a snack, and the assessment should be done at a time when your child is hungry. The doctor will assess your child’s temperament and how you respond to his cues. This information can help your doctor determine the best course of action for treating your child. "
http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/Pregnancy/Failure-to-Thrive.aspx?articleID=7592&categoryID=PG-nh5-12m
I agree that Failure To Thrive is a serious diagnosis, however, I also agree that a baby needs to feel loved and secure. It sounds like this young mother is trying to get herself together and get healthy. Post partum depression can be very serious and hopefully this mother has received the help that some new mothers need. Let's hope that she has someone to turn to, when life gets bumpy. Through support and encouragement and education, people can be amazing parents. It sounds as though she loves her little one and is working hard to feel secure in herself and therefore can be secure for her baby. My only advice is to ask for help. No one is able to get through life alone. | |
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Posted: 7/17/2008 3:44:58 PM | I went to court today. It was full of surprises....I lost my baby. In a way. I have no choice but to withdraw. My baby deserves the best and I can't provide the absolute best at this time in my life. (not sure if I ever can...)
I am so emotional right now, I don't know what to do. The thoughts I've been thinking arent healthy but I don't have the support anymore, no job, about to be homeless, etc.
But I love my baby enough to let her grandparents take care of her and spoil her. | |
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Posted: 7/17/2008 3:49:19 PM | I am so sorry. Ddo you have any family that will help you and giv you a place to live? Call your local mental helth center and see if they can do anything for you. | |
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Posted: 7/17/2008 4:23:09 PM | Wolf....
You haven't lost your baby and please don't do something to yourself, like killing yourself. Never mind us on POF cause we were not there in person to see and hear your emotional voice and emotions, feelings, desparity, mindset, etc. This is just typing.
You're so young at 20 so talk to your family and LISTEN to them, follow their advice so you get back on the right track in life. | |
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Posted: 7/17/2008 4:32:33 PM | She will always be your daughter, and you will always be her mother, but you have to keep yourself right in there involved in her life. Perhaps now is not the right time to take over full custody of her, if you still have some hurdles to cross, but if you are indeed getting your life back on track then your visitation should have been continued by the courts. (as long as there is not more to this story, which I hope there is not, for your daughter's sake)
Regardless of where she is living, you can still make an impact in her life. Please don't give up.
Get some professional advice and as another poster said listen to those that have your and your daughter's best interests at heart. | |
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Posted: 7/19/2008 12:38:01 PM | First thing I need to do is delete my PoF account.... It's not doing my daughter or me any good.
I also need to get two jobs. Maybe then I can afford an attorney. I want to do whatever it takes to get her back.
Thank you all for your advice and everything. It helped a lot! | |
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Posted: 7/19/2008 2:19:24 PM | "I'm only 20 years old and I'm going through a divorce and trying to get back custody of my baby."
To be more blunt than usual you have lost custody of your child for a reason, you need to get whatever it is straightened out for the sake of your child, if you love your kid maybe your child is in better hands at the moment, work on getting yourself straightened out, then work on visitation rights and partial custody. Remember its not about your best interest but your kids best interest.
"What I don't know is whether I should stay single since I'm so young or get married again? What's best for baby? Don't children NEED to grow up with more than their mommy?"
You seem quite confused, like I said before get yourself straightened out, try thinking about dating or having a relationship before marriage, unless marriage is just like a handshake for you. It seems your baby is in good hands at the moment so there is no need to fret to much, if your worried about your kid for selfish reason once again get yourself straightened out, don't worry about the dating scene for now if you truly are want whats best for your baby. Someone will eventually come along but your main focus should be your baby not worrying about the next guy you can marry at any ample given time | |
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