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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:22:27 AM | | Agree with ABC, and I didn't mean every common interest. I thought I said something earlier about a person's "MAIN" hobby. I don't want a woman to go to every game with me, I don't want to go to every opera or shopping with her all of the time, but like ABC said if there are few common interest, there are fewer and fewer days left in that relationship. My ex and I still remain friends and raise our child, but no what I would get with her again, simply because of this reason. | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:25:34 AM | You hit the nail on the head, girlfriend with your remark "they insist that the potential partner be interested and participate in the same things. In essence, they really do not want the woman for who she is but how she fits into his life." This seems to be the prevalent (sp?) attitude of the men. It's Very disconserting indeed....
I think the key word is "Partner". I've been married, raised kids. It's time to enjoy my life. Like I said earlier, motorcycling for some of us is a passion that we devote a lot of time and expense. What's the point in being together if both of you go your own way all of the time?
Why wouldn't I be concerned with how someone fits into my life? I don't understand your point. I agree with what abc6587 said. Anybody that says the excitement doesn't fade is either extremely lucky or is lying. What's left? If we don't share some key interests then what's the point in the relationship?
Don't get me wrong, I would love to find someone to grow old with but I'm getting used to going solo. There's a free feeling that is amazing. I've sacrificed what I wanted all of my adult life. First for the military, then for the wife and kids. I don't begrudge them that, I wasn't forced into anything but isn't 25 years of sacrificing for others enough? It's my turn now. I'm more than willing to share my life with someone but it needs to be a little less one sided.
Bill | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:40:31 PM | | I agree that a lot of us have been in those lopsided relationships where you give and give and rarely get back in return, but to go from one extreme to the other is, well, EXTREME. To carry that sort of baggage into a future or potential partnership is unhealthy. So many people have such unreasonable expectations of their future partnerships that it affects their ability to make a connection with some truly wonderful people. I for one love to sew and go the fabric store. I design costumes for a local community theatre. Design, color, feng shui are my passion, but I do not make interest in fabric and design a prerequisite for dating. Nor would I want to date a man that follows me to the fabric store. I would rather make an agreement to attend live baseball games and even take up golf if that is what he likes than to have a guy that wants to "help" me design costumes. I would rather be with someone whose interests expand my horizons and provides opportunities for growth, than with someone who is a clone of me. | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:42:46 PM | susu 1wa,
I understand your point and I agree. I guess I didn't express myself properly. I didn't mean to imply that it's all about me because it isn't. I don't want a clone. I don't look at it as baggage. I felt this way before my marriage. My ex wife picked out my last Harley. Some of the best memories of that time for both of us were riding with each other. We split because we were so wrapped up in our careers and being mom and dad that we forgot about husband and wife. Love of riding was something we shared. I do believe that there should be separate interests but a hobby at home is different than something that takes you away for days at a time. You don't say "I'm going to the fabric store, see you in a week or two". I am perfectly happy doing my own thing at home while she does hers. Motorcycles are different for me, it's more of a lifestyle choice than a hobby. Kind of a "love me, love my bike" kind of thing.
For dating it doesn't matter.
For a long term thing, it matters a lot.
For me to be in a committed relationship, she has to be my best friend. I don't understand a relationship without that. I can't imagine not being able to share something that has been a passion of mine for 35 years.
Let me know if that clears it up a little.
Bill | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:56:38 PM |
Design and costume work is not a "hobby" for me. It is a passion. It is my creative outlet.
I apologize for a poor choice of words. I didn't mean to minimize it's importance to you.
Motorcycling is a passion for me. One that is more enjoyable when shared.
By your own words, your passion is not something you want to share with someone else. I can understand that. I have things that are more of a solo thing. My only point is that something that you love, spend an extraordinary amount of time away from home with, and costs a significant amount of money should be a passion shared or there will be problems.
Would you significantly curtail your activities to maintain peace in a relationship? Neither would I. There are more than enough people out there that love riding that I don't think making it a requirement is that much of a handicap.
Bill | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:12:34 PM | | I do not know that I would curtail my activities, but I at least would want someone who is tolerant and understanding of the fact that in order to execute a successful production the planning starts four months before the prodution and is an all consuming activity until the production is complete. No way would I expect or demand that the person be as passionate and involved. Tolerance, acceptance and support are enough for me. | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:39:01 PM | First let me say I appreciate all of the thoughtful commentary on the subject. Everyone has made a good point. I guess I look at it as not a big deal that I don't ride, even though it is apparent to me that it is a big deal for some. It only means that there is a subsection of people who are not available to me as a potential date (or more) and I can accept it, even if I don't agree.
For those who ride as a passion and consider it a deal breaker if "she" doesn't ride...I do have a devil's advocate question. Suppose your significant other rides with you for years and then because of health or fear, no longer does. Is the relationship now over? Or do you focus on the many other things you have in common?
And finally, to Bowlerman: There was nothing offensive in your post. You are who you are and that's ok. Some women like ball games! | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:13:15 PM |
Suppose your significant other rides with you for years and then because of health or fear, no longer does. Is the relationship now over? Or do you focus on the many other things you have in common?
I'm was raised kind of old school. Once you commit, that's it. I believe in the part that says "in sickness and in health". I didn't ask for my divorce, the ex did. There was a secret life going on part time and I was clueless. There were clues but some things a person doesn't want to see.
Back to your original question though. I guess it would depend on the relationship. A casual girlfriend who all of a sudden developed a fear of riding is one thing, being in a committed relationship is another entirely. When I commit, I commit fully and there would be no question of leaving.
A person I grew to admire a great deal faced a similar situation. We were deployed and he got notification that his wife was in an accident. A power company truck in Phoenix ran a stop sign and hit his wife while she was riding. They were and are both very serious about riding. Anyway, it was touch and go for 4 months on whether she would even live. He worked with her through 4 years of rehab. She had to learn how to do everything over again from speech to simple things like taking care of day to day personal hygiene.
That was seven or eight years ago. I knew so much about it because I had an extra duty as the commanders staff safety NCO.
I'm not a religious man but her recovery was miraculous. She'll never be able to ride solo again but at first they didn't think she would ever be able to walk or even take care of herself.
Today, he's retired and they have a Goldwing that they tour the country on.
So with that being said, once you commit, you stand by them no matter what.
Bill | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:20:47 AM | No Not At ALL.
If you do not want to ride then that is your choice and the man should respect that. It has nothing to do with who or what you are it is simply a choice you have made for yourself.
Infact I think that if you do not like to ride then that is a good way for the guy to go out with his riding palls and have a great time and have eachothers space.
Besides whos to say you won't change your mind. but untill then the guy should not base his decision on weather you ride or not he should base it on Who You Are!!!
My 2 Cents for what it's worth | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:41:58 AM | Sean, you hit my point exactly! (insert happy dance)
I not only would not care if my guy rode with his buddies, I'd welcome it! I believe that a couple can be even better if they occasionally have time away to share activities with their friends. It just makes coming together again that much sweeter. | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:57:05 AM | Curls,
In theory you are correct. Personal experience has taught me different. When I was stationed in Arizona, I had a large circle of friends who rode. Most had difficulty getting a kitchen pass to go riding. I think that's why you see so many motorcycles with less than a thousand miles a year on them. They were envious that I had a wife that wanted to ride as much as I did.
I'm sure that there are women out there that are accepting of all the time on the bike but they seem to be in the minority.
Bill | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:15:29 AM | LOL Bill, what the heck is a kitchen pass? I hope you aren't saying women=kitchens!
I know what you're getting at and you have a point. It's a balancing act. There are some hobbyists who do want to spend every spare moment enjoying their hobby and others who are content with the occasional weekend and a big trip once a year. | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:41:36 PM | | Kitchen pass, , , ummm, sounds like it infers getting permission. Rather a childish concept, don't you think? Both partners should be able to be "grown up" enough to let eachother know what their needs are in the relationship, balancing the need to ride with the need to spend time with the family and partner. I know that there are a lot of partnerships out there that relieve themselves of their responsibilities by "asking for permission" and then using the other person as a scapegoat if their needs are not met. | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:59:38 PM | There is a lot of shoulds. If everyone did everything they should, there wouldn't be liars, cheaters, divorces, and people with a chronic lack of courteous behavior among other things. Unfortunately in the real world a lot of shoulds never happen and that has to be taken into account. There seems to be a lot of people on this forum with a screw em kind of attitude. I suppose that is to be expected with a majority of us being divorced.
Bill | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:15:43 PM | | Well, Mr. Wpns, you are correct there are a lot of shoulds, but some of the behaviour that I observe in people over forty seems to be more fitting of someone in their twenties or thirties. If we get to this age, graduate, hopefully, from the school of hard knocks, divorces and disappointments and still not learn anything, then we are in sorry shape. Are we going to continue acting in ways that harm ourselves and others in our closest relationships? If people know how to deal with situations in ways that are advantageous to both, then why continue as if we were unconcious? | |
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| Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles?
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:30:07 PM | What you say is very true. What is also true is that for every person with an IQ of 125 there is one with an IQ of 75. It would be a great world if we could all learn from our mistakes but it will never happen. Remember half the population is below average intellect. It would be great if there was a rule book for life and relationships but there isn't. What would work for you might not be acceptable to me and vice versa. That's what makes these conversations so fascinating. With so many different views, it makes it an education every time. Everyone seems to have an opinion but for the most part, the answer to any dilemma is on a sliding scale of behavior based on the personalities involved. Anyone who says there is a absolute rule for anything is awfully naive. As much as I would like it to be black and white, the world doesn't listen to me. It's all shades of grey.
Bill | |
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