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| The Neglected Self
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:12:10 PM | Your last post bucksgirl ^^^ I hear ya girl. Very well said. I think there are already so many good things said in this thread, but we seem to be coming back. Why?
you said:
What keeps people immobilized IMO is fear. At times people are so afraid of what may happen, they don't even consider that it may be good, may work out and may be a great thing. A new relationship, a new job, moving...fear isn't something to be afraid of.
That is indeed true. There are some areas in my life where I have taken many risks, I took lots of them, I can honestly say I don't regret any of them. Apparently later on life people say that they don't regret what they did, they regret what they didn't do.
If I may add something to your post is to say that what stops people to go forward with anything that maybe a wonderful experience, is that they project their last failure into the next encounter, sometimes it can also be lack of trust in themselves. I am talking about the situation where you feel you want to go forward with this project, this relationship but you are paralyzed by your own belief system, unless you change it and reprogram it, it will stay the same. I think what many of us are doing before going forward, they would "wait and see" how things evolve, but this is really lying to yourself, because if you are not engaged fully in it, emerged and consumed by it, why even bother, forget about it.... I mean really, if you are withdrawn and passively looking at the event to evolve before you, it is like putting a cart in front of the horse. Why bother?
I put this on my profile: "to love like you never have been hurt before" | |
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| The Neglected Self
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:16:02 AM |
I love who he was and I loved who I was when I was with him.
Wow. Thank you for that. I am one who had lost my entire self in an abusive relationship. When it ended, I totally shut down (for several years). It took a founded relationship with God to bring 'ME' back and to begin to trust again.
I'm very open to who I am, my faults and my vulnerabilities. I recognize my insecurities when they 'pop up'. I'm very much a people pleaser at my own expense (co-dependent and, now, very much aware of it).
As a good friend said to me once "your man-picker is broke"! So, I try very hard to keep that in mind! And, through the past few years of dating, I have been slowly learning what I am looking for.
But, it always bothers me when I find myself saying "I won't settle". I try to keep myself in check about settling ...am I closing doors too soon? (What a roller-coaster ride with the combination of all the above 'issues'!). I , also, don't want to be looked at as one of those women who is being too picky and demanding (ah...still always questioning myself ....and wanting to get approval...lol)
Amazing, it just took that simple statement above to ding me in the head. I want to LOVE WHO I AM WHEN I'M WITH HIM. With my verbal abusive upbringing and past relationships, that is a concept that never occurred to me. My own thought process sometimes amazes me....lol
45 years old and still learning everyday....
Great Thread, thank you.
A slow learner,
Lisa  | |
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