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 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 51
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
"Yes, that strong pulling chemistry feeling. Feels great and the world almost makes sense during those times. But... and because most here are single... they didn't exactly work out either. "

Maybe I am unique, but I get more cautious when my hormones are involved and chemicals get in the mix. I think people fall in love with the chemical****ail more than the person who inspires the attraction. I think a lot of this is based on the need to procreate when young and as we mature, we need more.

I would rather have a slow attraction that builds over time and based on genuinely liking my partner than I instant physical attraction. That's just me though
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 52
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:07:06 PM
Yes, absolutely, op, it can happen more than once....how many times? Well, that's up to you and the one(s) who are meant to be with you.
Are you naive thinking it can hopefully happen again? No, but perhaps wishing for it again in only three years may be asking a lot.
I understand those here who said it can happen when we decide for it to, and yet, I'm not so sure that is how it happened with me - perhaps I was unconsciously 'ready'...
I absolutely agree that being in 'the present' is necessary or, in our 'daydreaming', we might miss looking up at the right moment :) !
For me I have had it happen twice - not exactly the same, but both were instant connections that lasted - one for 6 years and one for 4.
I would like to add, though, that both of those relationships started not from online dating sites - they were both from before I moved back to this country and long before I wandered into the online dating world.
And since then, I have only had a few small relationships that lasted months and not years.....those are the ones I met from online beginnings.
Like you, OP, I know my short term relationships were missing that really special connection - ....
I have been thinking that is just the way it is going to be.....until.....recently.......
for the last one I met from here may, quite miraculously, hold a real possibility for that amazing chemistry....and it's been 8 years.....so we shall see what will be.
 Seriouslytaken
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 53
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:52:45 PM
It depends: if you believe you can, you will. If you don't believe you can, you will not experience it again. It is all in your mind. Instant chemistry is in your imagination. It might disappear when you are ready to face reality, without mental projection of any sort.
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:03:34 PM
Thanks guys! Keep the responses coming

Someone asked me if I knew much about this man I had that "chemistry/connection" with and the answer is no, I knew the 'basics', I met him through a friend. It's really hard to explain unless you've experienced it. It actually felt like we already knew each other, we just "clicked" in so many ways, it wasn't purely physical although the physical attraction was full on. I was also asked was he really good looking, well yes to me he was a 10, but that's not to say he would be for everyone, I think that's what "chemistry" is, it's almost indefinable.

I've had people say that when you have that "bam kaboom" instant attraction with someone, that it fizzles out fast. Well for me in this instant it didn't, but then it didn't last forever either. Would I change it, no way jose!! I don't 'expect' that instant chemistry with everyone I meet, I think that would be naive, I'm willing to get to know someone and take things slowly, but there does have to be at least a "niggle" of chemistry if that makes sense??

I do think online dating makes it harder in some ways ..... I will try to explain what I mean by that. Ok, for example, I met a man online (not POF) and we chatted online for about 2 months before we met (something I won't do again) , we chatted pretty much every night and really seemed to "click". Obviously we'd seen photo's of each other so we knew if there was at least some physical attraction there, just based on that, and we got along really well. When we did meet, there was nothing there.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, you cant tell from typing on a screen if there's a real attraction or "chemistry" there ~ you don't know that unless/until you meet face to face, and that's why online dating makes it harder. When you meet someone face to face in person, the first time ~ you know right away if there's any attraction there (physical and personality wise).
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:07:09 PM

Instant chemistry is in your imagination


I used to think that, until it happened
 Forum.Skulker
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 56
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:09:42 PM

Am I expecting too much? Am I naive to think it can (hopefully) happen again?? I have had relationships since which were 3-6 months, so short term, but that real connection was missing.

I don't think you're expecting too much. After all, without chemistry, there's not much to a relationship. You've obviously tried working without chemistry but it's only lasted short term (3-6 months.) So I would suggest holding out for the real connection and real perfection. You've had it once before and if you give it a while, you can probably have it again.
 morgan28oi
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 57
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:19:59 PM
Everyone has wondered that I think. I know I have. You think you may never have that passion again. The answer is a resounding YES! Takes time. You have to be over your last relationship to feel that again. Don't worry about it. Focus on the future. It'll happen.
 Liana K
Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 58
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:29:10 PM
OP, I sure hope so because as yourself, I was in a 12 year relationship that was an instant connection with a stranger right from the first day we met. We fell in love, had an incredibly strong love and chemistry that was just simply beautiful and decided to move in together before two weeks had even passed. We just knew that we belonged together as a couple and the first ten years were the best years. We really thought it would last for a lifetime, but if people don't accept the other's changes and grow together, you can lose that sense of togetherness as we did. I often wondered if it could happen again because I think that if it happens once in our lifetime, we are truly fortunate. I would say, yes, if you are lucky!! ... if you keep an open heart and mind it may very well be possible to experience this more than once in your life. But .... for it to happen even once is a blessing and a rarity because I don't think everyone is fortunate enough to find and experience this wonderful connection.
 *cee~cee*
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 59
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:21:00 PM
I've asked the same question and still don't know the answer but sure hope it is possible.

I did 'meet' (not in person), someone I 'thought' I had that connection wtih but apparently I was wrong. Just hard to know in this day and age given the 'fast food' mentality out there towards dating.

Keeping my fingers crossed though!
 Must Be the Moon
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 60
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:28:47 PM
Damn I hope so? Otherwise I'm wasting my time here on POF!
 bathurstman08
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 61
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:43:31 PM
for sure.there is more than one person that we can be compatible with.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 62
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:24:25 AM
For me too, op, the people in my life that I felt this instant energy connection with (my concise definition of chemistry is energy, really)...they were the ones that became my long term relationships....plus it was not just an all or nothing reality with anyone I've been with, for example, my marriage and longest relationship (9 yrs) was instantly connecting, but it was a brotherly, buddy instant connection - so different and one would wonder why I married him then if he did not have the depth of connection as the ones I describe below? Well, because they came after my marriage - in my 30's and I met my husband when I was 23, so I hadn't yet found on an adult level what I was to in my 30's and 40's and now 50's.

So, those extra special instantly strong 'pull's or attractions were unique in terms of they were sudden, clear, not scary, but familiar it was almost like we instantly knew or recognized each other. And yes, I would go so far to say, it was like we saw, knew and loved each other through this almost already knowing each other in that one moment and first eye to eye view.....I just knew they would be significant to me and my life, as I would be with them - I just knew we'd get together, no doubt...because, most honestly now - it was as if we already were together and there was no doubt about that either.

They have been the most blessed 'loves' of my life, so I do not have any negative views on instant chemistry at all - to me it's been like a beacon to guide me to love.
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:28:19 AM
[quoteSo, those extra special instantly strong 'pull's or attractions were unique in terms of they were sudden, clear, not scary, but familiar it was almost like we instantly knew or recognized each other. And yes, I would go so far to say, it was like we saw, knew and loved each other through this almost already knowing each other in that one moment and first eye to eye view.....I just knew they would be significant to me and my life, as I would be with them - I just knew we'd get together, no doubt...because, most honestly now - it was as if we already were together and there was no doubt about that either.

Wow!! That is exactly how it felt for me too ~ an amazing feeling, you describe it perfectly
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 64
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:59:35 AM
^^^

OP...your screen name implies a lot. And might be kinda scary for a potential suitor. He might feel that he's going to have to live up to a lot that he may not be able to. Just a thought...but I digress...

Do you approach every potential suitor seeking chemistry? I ask because I was talking to someone I met online a few months ago (not here) and he was going on and on about how much we clicked--mind you, via email and phone conversations only thus far. He asked me what I thought and I said, "time will tell." He paused and asked why was I being negative. I explained that isn't negative, it's me realizing that all the chemistry in the world at first means nothing unless I give it/him time. Time to prove that we're a good fit. Time to prove that the first breath-taking-away feeling isn't just lust. Time to make sure that the real chemistry will keep burning brightly. He said oh..."but don't you feel we're clicking right now?" Sure...but let's meet and see how it works before you declare me the love you're seeking ( I swear he said something almost similar...that almost made me run right then).

What's funny is that when we did meet, it was awful--for both of us. I realized that his original email to me had been written by someone else (and he admitted that), his picture was older, and we didn't have chemistry--see I used the word! He realized--his words--that I was too "independent"...he liked his women to be home in the evenings, not working so much, needing him for things. And that no...we didn't have chemistry. He was constantly saying that word during the time we talked and I didn't. Yes, we found all this out in a 2 hr face to face conversation...after 2 weeks of talking (him wanting to take his time).

Yes, I DO believe in it...but I also truly believe that short, flaming chemistry that many of us seek right away (includes me!!) causes us to expect way too much and get disappointed quicker than we should.

Just my thoughts...what do I know? LOL
 Ms.Sweet Sinful Seduction
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 65
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:35:00 AM
I have experienced that myself and he has since disappeared from my life. Not sure myself if I will ever get that feeling again.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 66
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:46:33 AM
^^Maybe that goes to show that...amazing chemistry does not a relationship make."

It can also be very fleeting. Just something to keep on file.
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 67
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:48:41 AM
It's happened to me twice. The bad news is, it was reciprocated only once. It's that simultaneous multi-direction part that seems to be the problem.
 lonesureman
Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 68
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:13:35 AM
I think we never feel that same chemistry quite the same way as we did with the first because it's no longer new to us. Kinda like visiting a tourist attraction or hearing a funny joke, it's great the first time but seems to lose that magic the next.

So, yes, we may find the chemistry again, just won't be quite the same.
 SCOUT196838
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 69
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:18:41 AM
I do not know if it can happen again, I have pondered that question for about 7 years now lol. 3 years is not that long of a time. IMO.

I did have the chemistry relationship where even with my back turned and he walked into a room, I knew he was there and the same with him. Butterflies every time you look at each other or think about each other. We were together for 15 years.
Hopefully, it is possible, but if not, that is ok too.
 vrb1955
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 70
Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:26:38 AM
Yep....it happens...to other people

But I flunked chemistry in high school

I kept blowing stuff up
 kayliecat
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 71
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 7:48:19 AM
For me, yes. I have experienced it more than once.

And "amazing connections" or "amazing physical chemistry", both of those I've had happen more than once.

I've had a few guys, throughout my life, with whom the physical chemistry was just knock your socks off explosive. One of them, it was just a physical attraction - he was "my first" and now htat I am older and experienced I realize he wasn't good in bed at all. But physical attraction. Yowza. Like, even today if I saw him again, i wouldn't want to be alone in teh room w/him. LOL And this was 17 years ago!

One guy I was with in late high school/early college - it all seemed to be there - love, chemistry, attraction. I seriously thought I'd marry him, even though we didn't really get along. I know, crazy, huh? Maybe today we would, I don't know. He's married and in another part of the country and I have no desire to see him again. But the thing is, even though a lot of the parts were there, we still didn't have what it took to stay together.

The thing is, until I was truly over him, and by that, I mean in both my heart and brain I accepted that we just weren't going to be a good *fit*, no matter how much I wanted us to be, well, I wasn't ready to fall for anyone else. Sure, I dated. But the butterflies/chemistry/excitement just wasn't there. Once I finally was ready, then I was able to find that amazing connection again with someone.

So yes, I think it can happen again. But you have to be open to it happening.

And, then, of course, there are the times when it really does just sneak up on you. When all the parts seem to fall into place. And you can't wait to see what happens tomorrow with him. When you feel like you are a teenager again with a super crush on the cutest boy in school. Yes, that's awesome. And YES I fully believe it can happen more than 1 time.

Keep the hope, be open to the possibilities. And it'll happen when you least expect it!

Kaylie
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 72
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 7:55:06 AM
So, then, if the 'chemistry' factor is all that, how come nobody here who felt it is still with the person (in most cases persons)? Clearly it's not predictive of a successful lifetime relationship. It's like a roller coaster ride to me - yep, a great thrill while you're on it, but it's just a ride and there's more to life than roller coasters. I think if you demand that you feel the 'amazing chemistry' immediately before you have a relationship with someone that you're putting too much emphasis on the thrills and probably missing out on deep and lasting love which may evolve over time with someone despite the lack of instantaneous 'zap'.
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 73
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 8:00:08 AM
I can only speak from my own experience, and I am very happy to report that yes, indeed , it can happen more than once.

Such a simple word, chemistry, yet so hard to describe. And at times, yes, so hard to even envisualize that it will ever come again. (sigh).... but like lightning, it never seems to strike in the same 'places' twice, meaning, it has been different each time.

As far as when? That question is unanswerable. In between my first and second marriage, there was only the span of one month. Many would classify this as a rebound relationship, but inside, I just 'knew' it was not. And time bore that out....for the second marriage lasted twenty years w/ three wonderful sons. It was a damn good run, and it taught me many things.

Then, interim and short term relationships aside,(they were simply plugging some imaginary breaches in the dam...breaches that most likely i created myself) it was about four years before I felt that draw again to be with one.

It is so rare and precious, when it happens, and the ones that did hit me like a brick, I now realize.....were based, yes, on attraction, of course, but touched so much deeper...some electric feeling whereby Iwas both smitten and challenged. they touched my heart, my soul, made me think, and beyond, and yes, even sometimes hit a nerve...haha....and I'm sure I hit a nerve too...that is not a bad thing.
for not everyone can challenge you in this important way...

Keep your soul strong, and your heart open and it is not only possible, but indeed probable that it will happen again.

best to you
```````````````` "kimbo```````````````````````````````````
 whoami59
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 74
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:37:56 PM

I think we never feel that same chemistry quite the same way as we did with the first because it's no longer new to us. Kinda like visiting a tourist attraction or hearing a funny joke, it's great the first time but seems to lose that magic the next.


Lonesureman, I tend to agree to an extent. Yes, you can experience that thrill more than once, but for me anyway, that first time was the most explosive. not to belittle times since, just that maturity and experience (and hurts and disappointments) puts a bit of a damper on it.... you tend to recognize that spark is not a sign that "OH MAN, THIS IS THE GUY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE" but rather.. "WOW! I'D LIKE TO SEE WHERE THINGS MIGHT GO HERE!"

I've always paid attention to chemistry tho; i need it to keep seeing someone. some spark has to be there. May not be the "right" approach, but it's just how i respond to men. I do, or I dont... if no spark, i move on. Sometimes it's burned out quickly; sometimes not. But if there's not more that you've built up together during that "burn" phase, then the relationship will fall apart when the burn sizzles out. And if the rest of the relationship is strong, even that sizzle can be rekindled over and over during stages of a relationship.

it's chemistry that brings you together; it's what you both bring to (and put into) the relationship that keeps you together.

chemistry online? no way, THAT is "in your head" as others have said any chemistry is. Face-to-face in person chemistry is real, imo; phermones and all. But emails/chats/internet? then you're just feeding your fantasy, falling in love with words and an ideal, not the person or the reality.

i did that after my husband died in '99. spent 2 months chatting with guy from outofstate, spilling our hearts to each other. i just KNEW i was "in love" with this special, caring, sensitive man who always wrote just what i needed to read. i met him and i remember so strongly my reaction: "WHAT? that old man? he doesnt look ANYTHING like his pictures" and then berated myself for judging on looks and not those emails and chats i'd fallen in love with. so i remember DISTINCTLY swooshing my GUT reaction aside, burying it, and focusing on those fanciful feelings i had when i was sitting in front of my computer instead. (hey, i was rebounding, major time... give me a break! LOL).

needless to say, it didnt last. he was a huge mistake (other than he taught me tons about riding motorcycles, which i'd just taken up); and IF i had met him in person instead of online, and spent any time talking to him on a first or second date, i'd never have seen him again, and that's as it should have been (just like what my gut told me that day we met in person). So, since then, i try to meet prospective dates as soon as possible vs emailing/chatting, and then i follow my gut (ie, chemical reaction. lol)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 75
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Can you experience that amazing chemistry/connection more than once??
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:40:00 PM
Still waiting for it to happen once!
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