Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What if the woman makes more money than the man.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 26
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
As long as my perspective mate can pay his own bills and supports himself, I don't have a problem with how much or how less he makes. I learned a long time ago, money rules this world, but one doesn't have to let money rule their life...

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 lucretia21
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 27
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:38:13 PM
Oh my.

This shouldn't be a problem at all, and frankly I don't imagine it happens often.People tend to meet partners in their social circle. Often, that circle is filled with other people like them. This isn't to say there aren't exceptions, but I rarely see doctors fraterinizing with people on Welfare.

I personally wouldn't care at all if a man made less than I did. If he has a job and he has managed to support himself thus far in life, why should it be any concern of mine?

And you know, i'm with leagueofextraordinary (or LEOM as I shall henceforth call him) on this one. What is this crap about 50/50? If one person makes more than the other, it's sort of expected that they can afford to pay more than the other. This isn't to say i'd demand we go somewhere expensive, then stick the bill on him if he made more or anything, but in general life as a couple, the person with more income is naturally going to contribute more to the living situation than the one who makes a much less significant earning...that is, if they want to maintain the lifestyle they've become accustomed to living.

50/50 emotionally? Absolutely. 50/50 financially, when one could potentially make thousands more a month? I don't think that's fair or beneficial to anyone involved.
 ttou
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 28
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:34:09 AM
It seems to me the issue of "ownership" is a personal choice. You've stated two good reasons for your decision to not own: movement is often necessary, and flexibility. I can't speak for other women, but it seems like you've elected to make decisions that keep you focused on the reality of your career and lifestyle. What's not to respect?
 Gourmetchef50
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 29
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:50:56 AM
its a beautiful thing..the only prob. with it..is if they hang it over your head..like my ex. did..then again..she had 20M in assets..so i didnt complain right away..lol..
 Rubytyr1
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 30
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:00:34 AM
Good, means i dont have to work as hard haha...

I'm mature enough to not feel like her "lesser" if she happened to make more then me, personally I would be motivated to do what I can to reach an equal state - but if that didnt seem likely, I would simply make sure I'm at least contributing equally to expenses, and help out with other things she may not have time/energy for.
 Lightly-Lightly
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 31
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:01:14 AM
I have a friend in the US and he is doing medical school.
He went to do some practical work at some medical centre.
The doctor there told him before anything:

You are not soldier anymore, from now on you are officer. You won't believe how much attraction women have to "officers". You will see how women will try now to get to you. And yes he confirmed with the "stetoscope" under his belt...the looks were different. BUT also the guy (the dokee) added...be carefull, no matter how beautiful "she" is ...if the times comes she will try and hurt you especially if things don't work out for her. And also woemen with kids would try the hit....more and more.
He went back to his old workplace and meet old collegues.....right away there were women who offered to introduce other available women or other women he never knew there him business card. What happened before this for 10 years? No interest in him no matter where he was or what he did.
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 32
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:07:38 AM
it's not how much money he makes, it's what he DOES with the money he makes.
 samstyles
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 33
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:19:43 AM
Good point blk archangel!

I'm no big earner but I dated someone who if we had lived together, this could have been an issue and when it looked like living together could be a possibility, we talked about it.

Our take on it was, what we as individuals thought we could reasonably afford to do by going 50/50 was what we took for granted. Anything over that we'd talk about it as it arose, but he wouldn't have assumed what he couldn't contribute to. Similarly, I wouldn't have drawn attention to what I'd paid for or what we'd paid for. That was basically the plan anyway, one that we both felt we could make work.

We also discussed the idea that as we'd be living in my house, I'd continue paying the mortgage alone but he wouldn't have any rights over the house. The problem with this is that the person with the lower wage has no home security and really still ought to put mortgage money away in case its needed.

He was very environmentally friendly and that tends to be cost saving over things that would have been split like heating bills, and I was happy to buy in to that as I tend to be a frugal lass! I was pretty hung up on him and lack of sharing wasn't going to be an issue if we'd worked out, I was more concerned that I didn't want him to loose his pride.

My point is that IMO its one of those many issues that are only a dealbreaker if you let it be.
You might see it as a minor con rather than a pro when looking at potential partners but there are factors that are much more worthy of being a dealbreaker.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 34
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:28:24 AM
Once I am finished with College, I am pretty sure I will do VERY well. Right now it is not the best, because College, books, and life in general are draining me. However, I am myself not looking to meet a man who makes more than me. I prefer to have someone happy in thier own skin who can look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me. And mean it. If I make more? Great, we simply go on more fishing or hunting trips together. I would never use that against anyone. And today, some career minded women are doing very well. I am simply pursuing it, because I have hobbies that cost money! And I want to be comfortable.
 Dstinct
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 35
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:18:33 PM
It depends on a lot of things. Some men feel very insecure about not fulfilling the stereotypical "bread winner" roll, while other couldn't care less. I think the bottom line for both parties involved is that it isn't held over anyone's head how much one partner makes. I have a friend whose wife makes three times what he makes, but she also works in a very stressful work environment which he said he wouldn't do for the amount of money she makes. If you enjoy your job, and you are contributing as much as possible to the relationship, I think that's all one can ask of you.

D
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 36
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:40:47 PM
I would have no problem if a woman made more money than I did. However some women wouldn't date a man who made less than she does. Because she might think she is above him in terms of social / economic status.
 Darknight1984
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 37
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:25:35 PM
I think today people are so self centered when it comes to money. When they are in a relationship they make sure everything is done to protect them and there money. God forbid you think of your partner and share your money or possesions. It really comes down to the me first society we live in.
 imsickofthegame
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 38
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:19:00 PM
If a woman makes more money than the man, then she makes more money than the man. I don't really see where there's a problem, but then again I live in, I don't know, TODAY, as opposed to 1950.

I have no problem cooking because I can do it reasonably well and I enjoy eating. I also have no problem cleaning the house because it looks better than when it is dirty. Yet somehow I still have a penis and am attracted to women.

The point is, it's a pretty antiquated notion to get distressed when a woman makes more than the man. People should make as much money as they can and be happy that the bills are being paid, not worry about societal concerns taht their masculinity is being threatened. How silly.
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/18/2008 4:01:41 PM
So my last boyfriend was 13 years younger than me - because he was so tradition oriented, it took him awhile to get used to me paying for most of our activities. In no way did this emasculate him, he was 6'7". I felt flattered that someone so goodlooking and so much younger was with me. We enjoyed each other companionship and we had alot in common.

We were introduced by my nephew. The first time he asked me out we went to a taco stand and the beach, something he could afford. Mostly we just hung out at the beach and surfed together. He had a old VW bug and I had a Mercedes convertible, a VW Jetta and an old Cabriolet that was my surf car. He like to drive, I like to be driven by someone else, so he drove my cars. I had more money, so I paid most of the time and when they gave him the bill, I put out the credit card.

I got him a job with a business associate of mine and he started to become successful on his own. When we broke up 4 years later, he said he would never forget me because I was the one who taught him everything about women.
 Loveablebob
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 40
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:16:30 AM
Dear MISSZ,

Sounds like you were a sugarmomma! I'm not looking for that. I appreciate all the input from everyone. My concern was basically that I meet a woman, we hit it off online and on the phone(and yes she sees my pictures) I don't overstate or put out any BS, and the when we get down to sharing more information about ourselves they seem to lose interest. I can see it their eyes when they see I don't own a home, I haven't been able to save much for retirement and drive a 7 year old car (Because I don't want a $500 mo car payment). I think the person I was concerned about read this thread, because i haven't heard back from her since I posted it. So much the better. So I will just keep looking and see what happens. Thanks for all the input. Bob

PS: MISSZ how old are you?
 john.duke12
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:33:44 PM
Tell that to the 33% of marriages where the woman is making more.

Those women have money. Why do they want someone who also has a high powered career? They probably want someone with less money for that reason. Richer men might not be able to give them the time and attention they want.

In terms of dating what difference does it make? You'll still be paying to keep her. No such thing as a woman being more generous than the man.
 Maddie51
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 42
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:45:51 PM
I would have to disagree with you on that one. The OP is not thinking in the right way as far as the relationship. If two people are right for each other it works out.

The best example I can give is myself and my husband. I made considerably more than he did. So, we worked together. Since he made only half of what I did, that went into savings, groceries, gas, things like that. Since I made more, I covered the house, cars and utilities. We both kept a certain amount of spending money for ourselves, and were always able to have a wonderful time on the weekends going to a movie, out to dinner, or just taking a drive somewhere. Most of the time he would pay for dinner or breakfast, but once a month we had "Gigilo Weekend" where I paid for dinner and movies, etc. - We had a lot of fun with the waitresses on GW! -- LOL

It is not about who makes more - it is about if you are right for each other.

JMHO.
 john.duke12
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:51:24 PM
Most of the time he would pay for dinner or breakfast, but once a month we had "Gigilo Weekend" where I paid for dinner and movies, etc. - We had a lot of fun with the waitresses on GW! -- LOL


So a woman treating a man makes him a gigilo? Does the vice versa make her a prostitute ? No wonder men can't trust women.



And you know, i'm with leagueofextraordinary (or LEOM as I shall henceforth call him) on this one. What is this crap about 50/50? If one person makes more than the other, it's sort of expected that they can afford to pay more than the other. This isn't to say i'd demand we go somewhere expensive, then stick the bill on him if he made more or anything



Not natural at all. Even when women make more than their man, he still covers dating expenses.
 Maddie51
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 44
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:59:38 PM
No - That is what my husband called it. His sense of humor was a bit dry - but once people understood it. They laughed right along with the rest of us.

I personally do not care how people think of it - bottom line, we had a good time and were happy - and would still be had he lived. JB had a good time naming it GW and that is what counts. My married friends who knew us as a couple do the same thing, and call it GW as well.

Take it how you wish - but life is too short to be cynical and take things too seriously. I for one would much rather see the funnier, happier side of life as often as I can.
 redkatt
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 45
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:00:39 PM
Loveablebob as a woman who makes a very nice living for my age I can tell you personally a lot of the men I have dated in the past have made less then I and I've never had a problem with it. I feel that as long as the man makes enough to take care of himself then I'm good.

However I have run into issues with quite a few of those men I have dated. Please keep in mind I did not talk about my income with those men, they either simply figured it out based on what I do for a living or based on my lifestyle. But seems that some men have a complex and no matter how much I may reassure them they have talked themselves into feeling that they are a failure if they don't make as much as I do and assume that they can't make me happy.

Well we all know what assuming will make out of you........ an A$$
 kthyg
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 46
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:05:13 PM
I'm used to making more money and having more assets than a lot of the guys I date. I always made more than my ex husband and it was never a problem. The fact that he was extremely irresponsible with money was a problem, but not the fact that he didn't make as much. I had a much bigger problem with him taking money out of my purse and cleaning out our bank accounts to play big man to his friends.
 Maddie51
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 47
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:07:05 PM
I agree Redkatt:

If a guy makes enough to take care of himself - that is all that is required by me.

I have also had the same issues as you. They figure out somehow what I make and get a "complex". I actually had one guy tell me that women should never make more than a man, no matter what they did for a living. I have definitely seen "the south end of a mule heading north" on more than one occasion regarding this subject myself.
 fetish4u
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
History
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:16:28 PM
I see nothing wrong with a woman making more money than a man.I don't believe in gender roles.I know there are women that are smarter and stronger than some men.Why wouldn't there be women that make more money than a man.
 callwilliam2
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 49
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:17:34 PM
I don't think it matters.

On the other hand, expenses are part of life, and a couple needs to agree on how much each will contribute to the upkeep of a house or condo or tent or boat or whatever.

Money is a touchy area for a lot of folks. And things can become difficult if a partner refuses to work (laziness).

What I would do is sit down with the person and lay out all expenses on the table. There should be nothing hidden from a partner, and visa versa. Then a discussion would follow for the purpose of reaching an agreement about how much each will contribute ($) so that all ends (expenses) are met. There would also have to be agreement as to highest priority bills that need to be paid. Those come first.

The key is to reach agreement. If agreements cannot be reached, it might be unwise to live together under the same roof.
 lookinatit
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 50
What if the woman makes more money than the man.
Posted: 7/21/2008 5:04:30 PM
I have no problem with it as long as she doesn't try lord it over me.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What if the woman makes more money than the man.