| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:29:32 AM |
Then there is the ultimate nightmare. I'm "working on her" for an extended period; my jaw is cramping, my hands are tired, etc. She's vocalizing, then gets really loud and maybe starts jerking a little, i.e. she's coming. I'm in pain, and roll over exhausted thinking she has just had a great orgasm. THEN I find out that she had only gotten really really close to a mind blowing orgasm; and I quit 10-15 seconds too early! Talk about feeling horrible! If she had just said, "Don't stop", or "I'm close."
This is what I find the most frustrating. Being sooooooooooooo close and my partner just stopping. After being with someone a few times and having had it happen more then once I have learned to say the DON'T STOP! 
That scenario is understanding, but if the guy KNOWS you haven't cum but has had his jollies and doesn't bother making sure you finish, this is what I find upsetting.
I don't mind being asked the question, but he best be prepared for a honest answer and if the answer is NO, then make sure it ends up a YES.
 But unfortunately it isn't always the case. I had a partner that would say" Oh, sorry, hopefully next time we can make it happen." HUH???????? | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:29:49 AM | | i dont agree,at least he cares and if u say no he best be doing something about it. | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:00:04 AM | I got to say when i was with my ex. My sole purpose when we made love, was to make her cum. I got off on the fact that I could make her happy, which enturn satisfied me.
It didn't always go to plan, and sometimes i would cum before her! Thou, I would always make sure she was well wet, before we even got that far, or had even come, when i went down on her! | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:34:33 AM |
Why put each other in a weird situation by hearing NOOOO....
Just a thought...don't say no, don't lie...just run you fingers up the back of his neck into his hair, close your hand into a fist (full of his hair) and force his head down to your crotch and say..."if you have to ask, then we're not done yet" | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:19:42 AM | | LOL...."Who's your daddy?" is definitely one that will kill the moment for me. | |
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Gators
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Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 56 | |
| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:50:02 AM | | I agree w/ most women being different . In most things there is no stupid questions only stupid answers .. if a guy ask , maybe he really couldn't tell . You might have thought you made in clear that you did , or didn't . Now getting to the 5min of sex thing , that is a whole other issue ... if that is all he could do , that would be the reason for booting him out , not asking you a question . | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:12:29 AM | Ok, OP, now I get this... and it's not a sex issue as much as a communication one.
An ex of mine used to do the same thing... he would insist that I had to have one every session (sometimes I dont need the "O" just the touching and bonding is sufficient) made me feel the same way, like I hadnt performed.
When he asks you if you've cum, HE KNOWS that you haven't, he's just trying to put the conversation on the table to find out if 1) its one of those nights where thats ok or 2) should he continue to complete his mission. He is looking for feedback, and the respectful thing is to give it too him.
But you cannot put him in a damn-if-you-do-or-don't position, which is what you are doing.
If he tries to talk about it you get mad... and if he rolls over and goes to sleep you get mad.
What do you want the poor fella to do? 
You may have talked about it with him... but anyone can tell you, that some topics require MANY conversations before both of you reach that sweet place of "OH, ok, I get it now"
With my ex... ...i would let him know ahead of time if it was one of those easy ride nights ... ; but if it wasnt, all it took was me saying "I wasnt quite finished, mind if i finish myself" and within minutes he would be back on the mission!
Figure out what works for you... but by all means TALK ABOUT IT!!! | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:07:16 AM | LOL Op,
atleast he didn't ask you if you wanted fries with that... | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:50:58 AM | I don't quite understand how a person can have an orgasm and not giving an indication they did. I'm not finding fault but trying to understand.
Maybe the first few times I might need to pick up on the signs an orgasm is impending but not forever. I pick up those signs because part of the fun of sex is learning what to do to increase his orgasm so he is left a dumb struck from the intensity.
I don't understand how a person can be silent during an orgasm, it's one of the most primal experiences and you'd think some type of breathing or vocalization difference would occur.
I can't fake orgasm because my nipples become erect at climax and my body reacts in general. I can see during oral sex needing to provide some direction but still there should be some way to measure if a woman had an orgasm or not.
I'm not sure if porn has distroyed our preception of how the female orgasm is demostrated or years of woman faking. Also sometimes I wonder if some women fear enjoying their orgasm because of the slut factor ( if a woman enjoys it too much or is too experienced she must be a slut) and is afraid to let go and enjoy. Or it could be that some men are so into their orgasm they don't pay attention. | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:20:22 AM |
I have had a guy burst out laughing because the dogs across the street started barking with me again but that was just damn funny.
Hehehe, reminds me of the scene in Porkys where "Lassie" was getting banged in the locker room and was howling while he was trying to finish....LOL, too F'n funny! | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:45:58 AM |
A guy cares about your needs and that is something to complain about?!?
my thoughts exactly daveatcmf..........some couldn't care less if you do or not
as to "how on earth could you NOT know?"........i can see if you are with someone for the first time or so that indeed, they may not know...........over time, you learn to read the body language, the rhythm, the sounds of a person; i'm thinking if you're on round 3 or 4 with someone and they are still clueless, maybe that would be annoying and i would wonder about their powers of observation or whether they are just on an ego trip......but prior to that, i would rather have someone ask me than not to care | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 12:14:21 PM | | If you have to ask, then no, she didn't. Some are more subdued about it, others cum buckets and scream like she's being murdered. In either case you will know if you're paying attention. | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:34:35 PM |
Im not being mean, I just want them to put a bit more effort into "reading my body language" rather than 'DID YOU CUM?' it doesn't show a lot of desire to please me, otherwise they would be quiet and exploring my body...
Oh ok, so it wasn't so much the question itself as it was the guy being extremely inattentive. I can understand that. If he just isn't paying attention and the sex took place without foreplay and lasted all of 5 minutes, than I can understand your frustration if he asks after blowing his load.
Im not being mean, I just want them to put a bit more effort into "reading my body language" rather than 'DID YOU CUM?' it doesn't show a lot of desire to please me, otherwise they would be quiet and exploring my body...
After all, what is the hurry... take your time... explore...
Well, oftentimes with guys when we are with a new partner, the excitement can cause both performance anxiety beforehand and poor performance during. Let's face it, you're doing a fly gal and it's new and exciting . . . should it be any surprise that we get excited? This being the case, too much foreplay will get us all riled up and by the time we're in we'll be EVEN CLOSER to coming, thus reducing your pleasure 100 fold. The first time with a new mate should always be taken with a grain of salt in my book. I don't think women can possibly fathom the performance anxiety. If a new guy you are ****ing performs extremely well, it's probably because he has LOTS of sex with LOTS of different partners ALL the time. He's definitely "in practice" and I'm not too sure those are the kind of guys I'd want to be around if I were a girl, but what do I know? | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:09:05 PM | Dave,
I dont think its a guy's performance that's in question here, its his motivation... ie, does he actually want to please me or does he just want his ego massaging?
Why can't a bloke believe it when a gal says she doesn't always have to cum to really enjoy herself anyway?! To be honest, having had the right physical buttons pressed hasn't always meant particularly good sex for me, but I have had good sex and not cum. Of course, both together is good, but I hate the pressure of being made to think about it - its a big turn off.
Asking whether I've cum or not feels too much like he wants to feel good about his abilities rather than he is concerned with me. I think I'm quite good at letting a bloke know how much I'm enjoying myself, and that should be the point.
If he wants feedback then it should be about how much pleasure he's giving, and maybe he shouldn't be waiting until we're spent to be asking! | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:24:27 PM | I don’t really have that problem. I’m the type that has a waterfall of exstasy or a seizure. Turn off HMM not really sure would have to be in the moment.  | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:11:19 PM | Physically speaking....
1-if a woman has any kind of vaginal muscle tone a man should be able to tell from the spasms, now that's just my opinion and has been confirmed by my lovers.
2. Breathing should/could also be an indicator as well as tensing of the other body muscles.
I suppose, too, this could all be affected by how intense an orgasm is being had.
Once you know your lover it should be easy to tell. | |
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SGL66
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Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 67 | |
| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:40:12 PM | Sometimes we require you to beat the mattress incessantly, scream uncle repeatedly and bite your lower lip till it bleeds.
We're just guys sheesh whatta ya want from us??? | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:43:52 PM | | Only my lip gets bit and the mattress beaten? Awwwh, spoil sport!!!! | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 69 | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:45:03 PM |
atleast he didn't ask you if you wanted fries with that...
Yes, Please... Can you Super Size it too! | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:47:21 AM |
Maybe I'm crazy but can't you feel it when a woman cums? I mean, it seems like it involves so many muscles contracting that it would be impossible not to feel it. Guys?
I just use test equipment so I don't have to rely on direct feedback from the subject. Jeezzzz. Do you really think anyone would go to the effort and to ask such an awkward question if it were obvious? About 20 years ago, I figured it was pointless to ask. So long as a woman moved her hips, she claimed to have an orgasm, so I just quit asking. I've felt women get incredibly wet all of a sudden without noticing anything in the way of contractions accompanying it (except perhaps the contraction of the vocal cords that generate the sound, ``I'm cumming.'') If I didn't notice any contractions, what's up with that? Did the fact that there weren't any obvious contractions mean she found it easier to fake being wet and lie to me. Maybe I'm crazy, but can't women tell that guys aren't clairvoyant?
Seriously, women are a lot less communicative than they give themselves credit for being. Stop talking in riddles and just say something plainly and concisely and guys will pay more attention. Have you ever had a guy give you a riddle to solve in order to say something about molars?
If women find it annoying that a guy asks, why are there so many threads posted by women are who are annoyed that some guy doesn't worry about her satisfaction and is lousy in the sack? I'm quite certain I've never heard a guy say he's lousy in the sack, so perhaps women ought to consider such a question an opportunity to say something before the guy decides he rocks.
I actually find it pretty interesting that women find it a turn off if a guy goes to any effort to get feedback that requires speaking. | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:00:09 AM |
I don't quite understand how a person can have an orgasm and not giving an indication they did. I'm not finding fault but trying to understand.
When women will say that just about any hip movement is an orgasm, anyone with a positive IQ is going to wonder if simply moving, is a reliable indicator. What's the difference between no indicator and saying ``couldn't you tell?'' and leaving it up to a guy to figure out what you mean? So sure, there are lots of indicators. It just isn't very clear what they indicate. | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:23:49 AM |
1-if a woman has any kind of vaginal muscle tone a man should be able to tell from the spasms, now that's just my opinion and has been confirmed by my lovers.
2. Breathing should/could also be an indicator as well as tensing of the other body muscles.
I suppose, too, this could all be affected by how intense an orgasm is being had.
Say, that is good news. You just told me that I've got enough leeway to know that I've rocked the world of every woman I've slept with. The only problem is, I find it hard to believe. | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:41:19 AM | To the guys that think women are being unfair and unrealistic if they dont like being asked for feedback...
The problem is that this question is begrudged when;
(1) the bloke has been around long enough that he's obviously not taking enough attention of the signs to read them, it probably means he's a pretty unresponsive lover in general and perhaps doesn't put enough thought in to expect great results every time anyway!
(2)he's obsessed with being able to hold his head up high and be able to say what an outstanding performance he gives in bed, how well he can flick a woman's switches. He's so obsessed with it, it doesn't feel too much like he gives a damn about which particular woman's switches it is he's flicking!
A better question would be 'ARE you enjoying that@?', 'Like this?' or 'What CAN I do for you?', why?
(1) These questions are not just about his ability to cause a physical reaction but take in to account the fact there is more to sex and definitely more to lovemaking than that.
(2) They are present/future tense... suggesting that he isn't just looking for an ego boost but is willing to do something about it if the answer isn't as positive as hoped for. | |
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| Did you cum YET?
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:33:19 AM | abelian.....
Say, that is good news. You just told me that I've got enough leeway to know that I've rocked the world of every woman I've slept with. The only problem is, I find it hard to believe.
All I can do is speak for myself as I am not in the "know" of how other women orgasm....but a little understanding of the body and what happens to it during sex, however generalized, helps. It's a shame that there has not been more medical research in the area of female sexuality; it seems Kinsey lost his funding when he started delving into the female aspect of sexuality.
Good for you that you've "rocked" so many worlds, maybe you are the above average lover, but to quote you.... "I find it hard to believe" ...on the other hand????????
Personally speaking....It would not offend me for a man to ask, and here's why:
It would be an indicator that he is as concerned about my pleasure as his and that he's keeping it together until I do. It can take some women awhile to get there!
Here's a novel question.... does orgasm have to be the goal every time? Can sex not just be the pleasure in and of itself? | |
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