| | Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?Page 3 of 3 (1, 2, 3) |
So my question is twofold. 1) how do you handle it when someone just feels the NEED to give unsolicited advice, even when you really don't need it? and 2) If you are one of these people who just thinks everyone would benefit from YOUR advice, why is it that you feel this way?
IS it just a means of trying to take control, or is it something else?
1)I have no patience with people who give unsolicited advice. If I come across someone like that, I avoid them, would not date someone like that, would not get involved with them socially, male or female. 2)I am not somone who offers unsolicited advice; I mind my own business and expect others to do the same. | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 5/7/2011 3:25:03 AM | Usually i try not to disagree...i end up leaving the store with that purple and green polkadot dress. Hopefully my date will understand i have no mind of my own. As long as my butt still looks good in it...who cares...am i right..um am i? | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 5/7/2011 4:32:26 AM | I get unsolicited advise as to what to do by a certain friends mother a good bit..
my answer is always the same..Put gun to my head..maybe I'll consider it, but that would depend on the day/mood and try to just interject humor....... laugh.
People love dolling out advise.Some because they want you to enjoy what they do..I don't and never have enjoyed certain things..so..I let them babble if they are older than me and try not to say "Good for you". Glad you enjoy that.
Most of the time they mean well and think they are helping you.. | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 5/7/2011 5:15:36 PM | | OP, as an answer to #1, I am very strong headed and stubborn, and it's one of my pet peeves. That said, I usually tell them off. That's just me though. | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 5/7/2011 6:05:19 PM | How do I handle it? Not very well it seems.
Recently on facebook I joked about having to have a colonoscopy on Valentine's Day. Most of my friends made jokes about hoping I got flowers afterwards......however, one old acquaintance, who I hadn't talked much with in years, private messaged me to say
"DO NOT GET A COLONOSCOPY! (yes the whole message was typed in CAPS) YOU CAN TELL MORE FROM A SIMPLE STOOL SAMPLE!!!!!! TRUST ME!!!!!!THEY ARE DANGEROUS!!!!!YOU CAN END UP WITH A PERFORATED BOWEL!!!" YOU WILL REGRET IT!!!...........well you get the idea.
Now I'm not one to go getting medical procedures for fun, in fact, I avoid Doctors like the plague, but since my Dad had colon cancer and my husband lost a sister to colon cancer and was urging me to get the screening, I had reluctantly decided to have the test. I made the decision carefully and did my research homework. And I think that's why her unsolicited advice, delivered like that, pissed me off.
I responded, nicely enough I thought, that because of my family history, and my husband's pleading, I had decided the risks were acceptable. Then I said the unforgivable. "Don't tell me what to do, and I won't tell you what to do, OK?"
That was unacceptable to her, she defriended me after telling me how mean spirited I am. I tried to tell her it was her delivery, but it was too late.
I think about why I wasn't my usual patient self and I think I had simply reached my lifetime quota of unsolicited advice and said what I had always wanted to say to every other person shoving their unwanted opinions down my throat and telling me what to do or what not to do.
That is the only time I have even spoken out against unwanted advice. I'm still not sure I regret saying it. | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 6/30/2011 6:44:53 PM | | I think you meet some real creeps and they are controll freaks! i once told a girl friend to come on here to meet friends and i could not beleave what some of these guys put her thru the were not taking no for a answer and were trying to put me down and she was hurt and i felt bad because i told her to come here! i read some of the emails and these creeps were acting like true scum bags one guy was asking what job i had and trying to tell her what she needs in life and she kept telling him no thanks and he keeped writing! it was kinda scary! so i can see what you mean by some of the bad apple,s on here i hope no one falls for there crap... | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 6/30/2011 7:41:12 PM | Msg. #2 from OP:
UM....once again I forgot those ever important words, "at OUR age". I tried to delete the post to try again, but was unsuccessful, so please, just understand that I meant to add those words to the subject, eg. "unsolicited advice at our age...", OK? Since the subject matter has to do with younger people forcing their advice on someone much older, I do feel this is the right place for this topic.
IMO, when it comes to advice, it really doesn't matter the age of the person giving said advice?! I've found it helpful to remember what I heard long ago when I was a younger person/people....
"When someone gives you advice or tells you something different than you know, take what you need from the conversation, and blow the rest away with kindness!"
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 6/30/2011 9:40:57 PM | Interesting questions, and ironic.
I don't know if I push advice in real life, I've never had anyone complain about it, and plenty come asking. The truth is that I am uncomfortable giving advice as the sole source and to a person who is desperate for it. They usually don't tell the whole story and some vital element is left out. The forums have a way of fishing for details, ferretting out BS and giving many many many points of view. The OP rarely wants advice but does serve as a tool for opening a discussion about a topic.
I sometimes get unsolicited advice, it's just advice, I can take or leave it and even use bad advice as a way of brainstorming. When I get directed and ordered to do things, that's different. I usually give a person space, I consider the source and the intention. I tend to back off, a lot, get quiet, listen. Some people you can reason with. Some you may have to be firm with, some you may have to be more than firm. I just can't see a one size fits all solution. Kill with kindness when ever you can. Look, listen, love. | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/1/2011 7:55:03 AM | If I'm getting a lot of unsolicited advice, there probably is a reason for it. Am I complaining about things or in some way giving off the impression that I'm not handling something very well? Rather than become upset with the other person (people) I think looking at myself is more beneficial. I don't mind someone telling me what to do because I in no way feel obligated to do it.
But having said that, I do avoid giving advice unless asked. Sometimes there are ways to be supportive and even provide information without coming off as telling someone what to do... sharing a similar personal story works very well.
I don't consider anything in the forums as unsolicited. If you come here, you are opening yourself up to a variety of opinions and personalities. Don't take anything personal or become overly defensive when someone disagrees with you. There is always something to be learned, no matter your age -- if you have an open mind and a secure soul. | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/1/2011 9:55:03 AM | plursty ~~ I think the addition was an attempt to keep the thread from being deleted. . . .
Since the truth of it is, when youngsters give advice (almost 100% of the time), my response could be (nearly 100% of the time) Binderdundat, it's just *easier* to smile and pat their heads. But I admit it was great fun to be in my thirties and have my pre-teens advise me on life courses. . . .
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 9/18/2011 5:43:17 PM | I agree with Paumanok.........it doesn't hurt at all to listen. You just MIGHT gain something worth while from it! Sometimes,though,it does get to be a little tedious.......you're thinking,"Believe it or not,I actually KNOW what I'm doing!!" while somebody who's upteen years younger is handing out free advice. Then,I do what my Mom told me.......listen,then put it on a scale. Then, ask yourself THE question....how important is the person handing out advice to you? If they mean a lot,try to do what they suggest....if not,let it slide like water off a duck's back. Good advice!!! Thanks,Mom! | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 9/18/2011 11:40:24 PM | The OP was talking about about younger
men giving advice to older women !
If the women were engaged in chit chat
with the younger cubs maybe the young
studs were thinking....."now we're getting
somewhere!"
If the women are not interested in a Cougar/Cub
relationship what were they doing talking to
these young guys in the first place?
My guess is the unwarranted advice given
was a way of showing they can take charge
with an older woman.
I have no advice, just wtf were you thinking?!!! | |
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| Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 9/26/2011 8:03:57 AM | Here's some unsolicited advice to some:
Learn the difference between advice and advise. One is a verb, the other is a noun.
They are not interchangeable.
I received some unsolicited and unwanted advice from a woman last week.
Out of the blue, she messaged me, claiming that I would have absolutely no success on here because my hair was too long and I should shave off the 'stache. She also said I should add, "some brown to the hair".
When I responded that she should keep her preferences to herself, she came back with the claim that I would always be lonely as long as I didn't heed her advice. She'd shown my profile to two of her female friends and they both agreed with her, so she must be right, and that I would find it out, eventually.
It would have been quite different if we'd exchanged messages before, but she just projected her preferences onto me, assuming I was having zero success because my appearance didn't suit her.
Some people...
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I would also like to add that if I DO ask for someone's 'advice' yet don't take it for whatever reason, I don't expect them to hate me with a passion simply because I didn't take their 'advice.' That shows arrogance and self-importance on their part coupled with a need to feel superior to the person that shunned their advice. I'm too old for that crap. Luckily, my decisions have served me well with or WITHOUT anyone's 'unsolicited advice.' 
