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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?      Home login  
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 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 26
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Thank you, Wpg and ten ocho. I don't think I could take him back if he came back, though. Our relationship was pretty strained at the end, and I don't want to get hurt again. I don't really see him coming back in the future either. He's the kind of person who gets his mind set on something and then does it. No questions asked and no changing his mind which I respect about him.
Anyway he never cheated on me. He has never cheated on any of his girlfriends in the past. When I saw this woman I wondered if maybe he had had some kind of attraction for her before we broke up, but since I am more attractive than her (which he admitted) I don't think so. He thinks she's really sweet and he says that's enough. I asked him if that was what the deal was, too btw. He said no, and claimed that it had taken him a long time to start dating again after our break up. In what parallel universe is a month a long time to move on? Anyway.
Oh and I offered to give him a hug for being nice to me about the whole situation clearly as friends, but he said, "Noooo." I think maybe he still has feelings for me, but he knows the relationship just wouldn't work. I'm glad I know that, too.
 SassyHouLdy
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 27
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:12:40 AM
I asked a guy friend about this and his reply was simple....."I've told you all along, men are pigs. They're no better than dogs or bulls or any other mammal. They're born to breed with no emotions involved. They do what they need to do and move on". I think that explains it very well.
 Zentimes
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 28
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:29:28 AM
Emeral

Do not take this the bad way but -> Do you not find it tiring and emotionally difficult to go on and on in a post about your past while pondering the actions of your former lover?

Women do just as you have done within this post. Most go on and on about something that is truly O V E R.

Questioning the “why” and “how comes” of a failed relationship is useless.
Ask yourself why you are using energy to comprehend the reasoning of a former lover?
Where is that going to get you? To wonder why they are at this point in time where they are is useless for your growth as a person in your life.
It’s over! FINI ~ Move on with YOUR LIFE and GOALS!

You know the reason why men can easily embark into a new relationship as fast as they do. You've been around the block. Their new relationships may not last or even be a perfect match -- (truth be told: men do not care!)

Men LIKE TO SCREW!

Come on -- You knew that but were emotionally unable to believe that your ex is the same as the rest of the male population.


PS: Sex is not only an emotional need (as most females would love to believe) it is a true addictive physical need that males are able to voice and assume as a component of their being as humans.
 *~Krysteene~*
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 29
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:52:40 AM
I think different people (men or woman) deal with loss (relationship or a loved one) in different ways.

Some take time to grieve, heal, reflect, learn, etc...

Others, just jump right back into life w/o a 2nd thought.

The way that is right for someone else, is not the right way for others.


Krys
 Nightwing66
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 30
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:20:48 AM
I agree w/ the answer that Krys gave. Everrybody's different...even within their own lifetimes.

But if I had to take a stab @ a general answer, I would say that the conditioning a man receives as the 'pursuer' in most romance settings (& the inherent rejection) sets him up to be able to cut his emotional losses in a more timely manner.

IOW.......we are used to dusting ourselves off & climbing back up on the (next) horse, so to speak.
 maggiedoyle
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 31
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:29:28 AM
Why be broken hearted when you can be f*cking someone new?
 James_in_SD
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 32
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:56:21 AM
They don't, necessarily. Some guys start dating before they break up.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 33
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:48:15 AM
Well. I will find someone new, but I'm very picky so it may take a while. I can't just hop up and jump to the next available partner. And Zentimes, you're right about sex being a big priority for men, but I have known men who have stayed with girlfriends for years and waited to have sex with them so to each his own. I don't think all men are selfish pigs. At least, I hope they're not.
 eclipseIDE
Joined: 2/4/2008
Msg: 34
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:57:34 AM
My ex of 10 years was with someone a couple months after breaking up with me so its not always guys so, no generalizing please.

Also while sex is a big priority to me Im looking for a long term relationship. Ive turned down a couple women who just wanted booty calls because Im looking for something with more meaning.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 35
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:04:44 AM
Well, eclipse. It sounds like your ex was probably just rebounding, though. After a ten year relationship? Geez. Who dumped who?
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 36
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:21:34 AM
Anyway my question for you guys is what is up with guys dating two or three weeks after a break up?


Some people ( often the person who ended things ) are able to move on quicker than others. The person who ended things probably lost interest well before the actual break up.


And is it ever just for rebound? Are they seeking to fill some void from the long term relationship?


It could be a rebound relationship in some cases. But it is also possible that a man met a woman that he really likes. It probably depends on the man's personality or what a man is looking for at that particular moment of his life.
 KASL
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 37
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:31:24 AM
There is an old saying...men don't greive, they replace.
Seeing a couple of my past loves choices, I can see that I have probably been a "replacement" and was "replaced" by my X. Look at some of the characteristics you share with his "other" woman. Sometimes the similarities can be downright frightening. Now you know, and don't start up with a guy quite so soon again. You can't control what another does, but you can control what you do. Best wishes.
 TheOneWho_
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 38
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:48:41 AM

Emeral Reese said:
Besides if you move on too quickly, don't you risk carrying all your baggage to the next relationship?
Most people carry the baggage into the next relationship no matter how long its been, anyway.

You are right about moving on too quickly - this is often a dangerous practice. Both time and work are needed to unpack the baggage to learn from your own mis-steps and adopt new & more effective habits. Time alone can't get this done, and different people do this at different rates.



Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Same reasons gals do it:
To feel good.
Stated rather crudely - to find a new, warm, and welcoming place to put their member.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 39
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 1:10:15 PM
You're right, ABK. I'll date again when the time is right. I'm kind of an old school, old-fashioned woman anyway. I learn easily from my mistakes and the mistakes of others, though. I don't think my ex is such a quick learner, though. The reason his ex wife left him was because she said that she wanted to find someone with a "heart." I can see where she gets that now!
 tamas33
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 40
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 1:41:46 PM
because we are the scum of the earth, and you girls are so easy. we like to get around and around untill we finally find a nice, sane, normal girl, who is good in bed lol. I for one rebounded to random sex after 3 days. of every bad break up.
 whph4u
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 41
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:58:26 PM
The real issue is the fact that you refuse to break the connection with him to begin with or have an opinion of how their relationship might develop and work out. I'm not saying once someone leaves that feelings like that won't occur but rather than dwelling on the break up and the new woman, just work on getting on with your life. When you feel complete indifference to him then you are where you want to be.

The best advice I ever took was to take a few years off from dating after my divorce and for someone that rebounds, like that, odds are it will just be more of the same for him in the future, but if they break up next week or are still together in 20 years it shouldn't be something you are even concerned with.
 Emeral Reese
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 42
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:12:24 PM
Thanks, Tamas. That was lovely. You should write that in a poem. Say, do you know that some of us girls out there are what I like to call "old school," and we're not easy? Just food for thought. I know you're young, but you have to really get out there and get to know real women. They're like fine wine.
Whph4u, so you think it's possible that he's rebounding? And yes, I try not to imagine all the horrid things he and his new girlfriend might be doing at the moment.
 eclipseIDE
Joined: 2/4/2008
Msg: 43
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/23/2008 8:29:10 PM
Emeral Reese

Long story, but I met her at a really bad time in my life. I was open from the very beginning of our relationship and told her I needed some time to myself to get over some things so I could give her 100%. She was away at school for 5 years and had a LTR during that time. When she graduated she moved in with me. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown because I felt guilty that I wasnt getting any better. She moved out (but we still saw each other on the weekends) but I started to recover and started to miss her. While this was going on we talked about how things would be so much stronger with us when we worked through this. During this time she apparently was looking for someone else. She came over one weekend and told me the next day that she was leaving me. A couple months later I saw her with someone new.
 MyNic
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 44
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:06:26 PM
There are two sides to any break up. What he says, what she says and the truth is somewhere in the middle. I am going through the same thing my self chicka. Listen when I say keep your head up, your mind occupied on other things and your friends close. In the end if it is meant to be with you two it will be.
 Seas_the_Day
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 45
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:16:38 PM
.. aren't there stages that people go through after a long marriage ends? some people tell me to wait a year before dating and I'm a female..
 Dark_Welder
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 46
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:12:46 AM
Because we SUCK at being alone - that's it, that's all.
 edgefan
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 47
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:45:34 PM
the only way most men can get over a woman is another woman.
 Summerwinds77
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 48
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:15:42 PM
Because men tend to make decisions based on logic, and women tend to make decisions based on emotion. It's just the way we are programmed by nature. Men are more "mechanical" in their thought processes... we typically don't dwell on past decisions. We fix what's broken and move on.

I am generalizing here...not everyone is the same and there are always exceptions to the rule.

Best wishes to the OP...I hope things improve for you very soon.
 stacks42
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 49
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Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:59:09 PM
"Get up and go on with your life. It's alright to sit around and be depressed for a minute. Cry about it, do whatever you have to, but don't stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life. This is what I learned in all my years on this earth: If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know you done done everything you can do, you done sat around and been the best man or best woman you can be and they still wanna go, let em go. Whatever they runnin after they'll see what they had in a minute but then it's gonna be too late. Cause half these people you sittin around cryin about, in two or three years, you ain't even gonna remember they're last name. Let folks go."

-Madea
 winterfall10
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 50
Why do guys start dating so soon after breaking up?
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:08:17 PM
To the OP...

If a person is the one who broke up the relationship, wouldn't it stand to reason that they would be further along the process of "moving on"? I have an ex who spent 3 months sorting out her stuff before telling me the relationship was over. She went and got a boyfriend the next week, while I spent several months coming to terms with what happened.

Both men and women do this, the unfortunate thing is it is more likely you will not know you are about to be dumped, and therefor will be completely unprepared.

It sucks but really, who cares what they do. It is in the past. You are more important then anyone you know, so take the time you need to heal yourself and brave the world again.
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