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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?      Home login  
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 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 251
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?Page 11 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I agree that not all men want the super slim woman. Many like a rounded soft look I have found. I am well endowed and men seem to like that and they dont care about a few extra pounds elsewhere.

The media brainwashes us into thinking that we must want the super slim arm candy but a discerning mature person will not be influenced by that. Of course there is always the person who wants the trophy partner but often they are not all that as they say and sooner or later will have to come down to earth and compromise.
 kyblonde48
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 252
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/31/2011 8:04:50 AM
This day & age romance/courtship is sooooo yesterday..There isnt any mystery anymore. Theyve made a sport out of intimacy..Theres no feelings involved..just the act for instant gratification..They dont care about disease or how many partners the person you are with had before they got you..Ive heard of women gettin pregnant from online one nite stands..These girls meet guys & go to there house without knowing who they are..I myself have done this & my mistake.. luckily he was a decent guy but still extremely dangerous..same applies to guys goin to womens homes..There are some really scary people these days..Things should go back to the simple way of dating but we know thats not going to happen
 tevans64
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 253
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/1/2011 7:22:03 PM
very well said!! most of the guys i have met on here expect sex on the 1st date. it's not gonna happen with me, been burned a few times. i have learned so many life lessons meeting or just talking to guys from this site.
 Cathysaint
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 254
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/1/2011 9:00:18 PM
Courtship made dating fun and exciting
If you liked someone and they liked you, it was like mist in the air, full of antisipation.
Miss them times, when it was more innocent and sexuality was an essence rather than the too fast, rawness and wheat from the corn it is today

Im not keen on the changing society...and sometimes have to say this to myself over and over

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 255
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/1/2011 9:23:00 PM

Courtship made dating fun and exciting
If you liked someone and they liked you, it was like mist in the air, full of antisipation.
Miss them times, when it was more innocent and sexuality was an essence rather than the too fast, rawness and wheat from the corn it is today

Im not keen on the changing society...and sometimes have to say this to myself over and over.
Courtship is doing sweet, thoughtful things for each other. One time, my SO and I were out in the city and we went into a sweet shop to, ostensibly, buy his sister a birthday gift, a box of chocolates. When we got back to my place, he gave it to me saying he'd never intended it for his sister, he would give her something else, it had been for me all along. I will get texts from him at times, out of the blue, that say 'I love you' or 'you're beautiful.' That's all they say, just 2 or 3 words. I don't expect them. It's not on a daily basis or anything. That kind of thing is courting. It's not a big deal. Doesn't take much money or effort. I can't figure out why people don't do these things for each other.
 sumrlve
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 256
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/3/2011 8:15:11 PM
you know, I think of it that way too.. McDonald's says Have it your way.. or is that Burger King?? At any rate, it is the fast food mentality.. order and receive. What happened to dating??

I do have to add, though, that I am not so sure about the cats!
 SunnySmile0121
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 257
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 2:33:55 PM
Couldn't have put it better myself... here, here!!
Men think we are thick or stupid (well some of you are!) I can see them a mile off, the deceivers are very easy to detect especially on this POF site, it's rife with 'users' wanting what they want. A pity most women aren't intelligent enough to recognise the signs, you'd think they'd know by now after moaning about the 'bad' dates.
Yes, don't expect any loyalty or commitment from these guys, I gave up on that one long ago, they don't deserve me, I'm keeping myself for someone very special, nothing less.
 SunnySmile0121
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 258
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 2:38:23 PM
The more I chat with guys on this site, the more I realise 'they are all the same' sorry if that sounds wrong.. but that is the general feeling... they use the site probably cos it's easy sex. Bit sad really isn't it?
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 259
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:56:17 PM
I agree whole-heartedly with Rossal.I have to say this is certainly a different world we live in today.........I'm 46 and already,in the past 2 decades, SO much has changed.Men used to open doors for women....a lot of the younger men don't.Pull out a woman's chair for her??......that's unHEARD of these days.How about....let's see....even something like helping a woman into her car if it's icy out.......to quote myWONDERFUL Italian back ground......FORGETABOUTIT! Now,I'm ALL for women's rights.......the right to work if we want to,the right to vote.....etc......but don't we deserve SOME special treatment,too?? I don't believe a woman should be barefoot-and-pregnant (unless SHE wants to be!) and I don't want to go back to neandrothal times,either,but,in this day and age it's rush,rush,rush.....we want it,and we wanted it....yesterday. I LOVE the old movies.......people met,held hands,cuddled a little,kissed some,,and....and this is big.....TOOK THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER AND THEN FALL IN LOVE! No,maybe they didn't have all the answers,and maybe,,just maybe we have a better handle on some things nowadays. All I know is,what WOULDN'T I give to go back to the days of Annette & Frankie,or Debbie Renolds,or the wonderful actress Audrey Hepburn......you ask a lot of kids about these people now,they gaze at you like you just grew a second head! ( I should know....I TRIED IT! Let's just say......it went over like a LEAD balloon! ) I don't think chivalry is dead.......maybe on life support....gosh,I hope it doesn't have a D.N.R....wait,who do I talk to about this???!.......but,like I said in the beginning, alot HAS changed. Progress has indeed taken place.....but,will someone PLEASE tell me who said proress is ALWAYS good?? In my opinion,we've taken 2 GIANT steps forward......and 3 in the OTHER direction! :
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 260
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:56:42 PM
I agree whole-heartedly with Rossal.I have to say this is certainly a different world we live in today.........I'm 46 and already,in the past 2 decades, SO much has changed.Men used to open doors for women....a lot of the younger men don't.Pull out a woman's chair for her??......that's unHEARD of these days.How about....let's see....even something like helping a woman into her car if it's icy out.......to quote myWONDERFUL Italian back ground......FORGETABOUTIT! Now,I'm ALL for women's rights.......the right to work if we want to,the right to vote.....etc......but don't we deserve SOME special treatment,too?? I don't believe a woman should be barefoot-and-pregnant (unless SHE wants to be!) and I don't want to go back to neandrothal times,either,but,in this day and age it's rush,rush,rush.....we want it,and we wanted it....yesterday. I LOVE the old movies.......people met,held hands,cuddled a little,kissed some,,and....and this is big.....TOOK THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER AND THEN FALL IN LOVE! No,maybe they didn't have all the answers,and maybe,,just maybe we have a better handle on some things nowadays. All I know is,what WOULDN'T I give to go back to the days of Annette & Frankie,or Debbie Renolds,or the wonderful actress Audrey Hepburn......you ask a lot of kids about these people now,they gaze at you like you just grew a second head! ( I should know....I TRIED IT! Let's just say......it went over like a LEAD balloon! ) I don't think chivalry is dead.......maybe on life support....gosh,I hope it doesn't have a D.N.R....wait,who do I talk to about this???!.......but,like I said in the beginning, alot HAS changed. Progress has indeed taken place.....but,will someone PLEASE tell me who said proress is ALWAYS good?? In my opinion,we've taken 2 GIANT steps forward......and 3 in the OTHER direction! :
 CarpeOmnia
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 261
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 11:23:35 PM
I know I got very lucky in the romance/courtship department. It took a lot of meetin’ and greetin’ to find this person though. When I see how I am being treated daily by my Sweetheart…I look back and shake my head at the very little I received before and how I had been grateful for crumbs of romance.

This man wishes his Beautiful lady(me) a good morning by text every day…while I’m at work and my shift is ending. Lets me know every day how much he loves me…and likes me too(two different things). He always pulls out my chair to sit down. He opens the vehicle door, and any door, for me. He walks on the curb side of the sidewalk when we go for a walk. He makes sure I’m buckled up completely before he starts driving:)

He hid O’Henry chocolate bars in my “special” bedroom drawer…because he knew I loved them. Makes me Tequila Sunrises when he doesn’t drink Tequila…because I enjoy them. He had a messenger send a packet to my work as a surprise…with chocolates, and a card in it. Left flowers at my work place(one hour from his home) and a card with a key to his house in it, and went home without seeing me…for me to be surprised with when I got to work hours later. He took me on a tailgate picnic in winter on a beautiful day. He remembers each month on the 8th and tells me how happy is to have met me(this month he gave me a red, pink and white rose).

He offers to mow my lawn…fixed my deck…fixed my tub so the shower works again. He made the most beautiful Valentines’ Day card…with a wonderful letter in it. Built my little dog a ramp to get up on my bed. Ordered up an autographed picture of Annette Funicello(speaking of Annette & Frankie in the above post) and framed it…because that’s who I was named after. Helping my daughter strip and re-do an old piece of furniture. Has taken dance lessons with me(you know how men usually love this..lol). He cooks me fabulous jazzed-up meals…has offered to “cook to order” when I want to dump a few pounds(from his good cookin’ and those O' Henry bars). Made home-made chicken soup and brought it over to my house when I was sick. A weekend trip to Banff on my birthday(profile picture is from there). Writes me amazing love letters(that I have in a binder).
I could mention sexual stuff….but that’s for another forum section…I’m just talking strictly about how he treats me…and yes, the thoughfulness and romance is most definitely in the bedroom too.

I could continue to go on and on and on…but you get what I’m saying. I do romantic things for him too…but this post is all about him.
Many are the times that he will quietly hold my face, look deeply into my eyes…and tell me how much he adores me. His actions show this every day. This to me is romantic courtship.

I wish I could have hugged my younger self and told her that such men really do exist.
And I adore the one I found.
 ruby58504
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 262
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 10:41:03 AM
guess what if you don't put out nowdays you never here back from the person you went out with. Most men now days only want one thing, if they don't get it you never see them again. I still believe there is the old romance and relationship out there. The true gentleman who will open doors and help you with your coat. /But they are very few and far between. Especially when some say one thing and do another!!!!!
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 263
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 11:53:50 AM

if you don't put out nowdays you never here back from the person you went out with. Most men now days only want one thing, if they don't get it you never see them again.

Not really. There are some men who just want to run away from their date - especially if she misrepresented herself.
 ronnie12398
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 264
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 2:18:40 PM
I agree there are some on here that their main goal is too see how many they can bed. It is sad you know that they view women as nothing but the flavour of the day, It is sad for them because they could be missing a really great woman out there.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 265
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 7:39:17 PM
Ditto...Very sad state of affairs today. I'm not willing to settle for less. Since I am forever the optomist I believe that one of these days some man will realize that. My deceased husband did and we had a great life together. He courted me. Was man enough not to even bring up the subject of sex for an entire year until I was certain. Because I know that can happen I'll just wait. The recent experiences I have had on here encourage me to be patient on a daily basis.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 266
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 8:16:29 PM
Ok, I may as well weigh in on this whole thing, just because it's an intriguing subject with what appears to be a large amount of odd conclusions flailing around.

The Glory Days of Romance took place a very long time ago. Some might look to chivalry, a romantic concept until you realize that women were essentially chattle. They were property. They did what they were told, when they were told. If they didn't a little knocking around was not only in order, but obligatory to maintain face in the community.

So, we'll leave the middle ages behind.

We'll go back a little less far - to those halycon days of the 40's and 50's. When men opened doors and pulled out chairs and protected their chosen beloved. And she sat home and made the meals, cleaned and ironed the clothes, and herded the kids and attended the PTA and went to the Women's Auxillary, to make the food for the boys at the Elks Club Banquet.

It was a different time - it was a different social contract. And contracts are important.

I've always adored the fact that in 1964, Burt Bacharach penned a Grammy Winning tune called "Wives And Lovers" -

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.

Day after day,
There are girls at the office,
And men will always be men.
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers.
You may not see him again.


Burt didn't get vilified; he didn't get tarred and feathered. He won a Grammy. As astoundingly bizarre as it seems in retrospect, the song was the culture of the times.

We're a little different today. We went through the sexual revolution and feminism; I suspect there is no one here - especially of the female gender - who would even begin to suggest that the changes that have been made in our culture because of these things were not vast improvements.

But that called for a new social contract.

Social equality is a wonderful thing. But, like all of life, equality is a series of compromises. As a consequence of equality, the elevation of women as paragons disappeared. Like Adam and Eve, self determination drove women from their protected status into an uncaring world to fend as equals.

I grew up in the seventies with the understanding that I don't demean, talk down to, sexually harass, or patronize independent, strong, capable women. I treat them as equals. And I expect them to treat me as an equal. I don't expect a modern woman to "Love, Honor and Obey" me; and I don't expect them to expect me to.

Women are partners, not objects to be won. And, frankly, I'm not fond of the idea of an equal demanding preferential treatment from me.
 Brian091960
Joined: 8/5/2011
Msg: 267
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/11/2011 3:21:29 PM
I rarely see the romantic side of life anymore and especially when it comes to online dating. I look like a dork so I don't get much activity but in the years I've been trying the online dating I've seen that it's all about hurrying up and getting along with the program for the most part. The instant chemistry, yikes, that's more like lust when it happens. Yeah it can happen but I find it rarely does and most I feel don't give things a chance when it's not there instantly.

As far as romance like in the old days... Well the movies are what they are, movies. The old Bogie and Bacall films, that just doesn't happen. It could if people slowed down enough to let it happen. The courting... Dinner one night, a movie another night, bowling another. And at the end of those 3 hour nights a little banter after. It's the chat and banter and flirting in between that leads to desire usually.

My best relationships though few and far between since I divorced some 12 years ago usually are initially friendships and knowing that what lies ahead could be much more. When things are rushed it's simply no good. Let it all play out and good good good, and great too!!!
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 268
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/11/2011 8:34:39 PM
Personal opinion, Brian, but I don't think speed is the problem.

It was before your time - and mine - by about twenty years, but what might be forgotten in all of this romanticization of romance is is that it was never a one-way street.

In the time before the rise of women's empowerment, women were chiefly concerned with bagging themselves a husband. That may be bleak, but it is true and not "wrong," as it was the culture of the time. It was very much a woman's concern to appeal to a man, to attract him, to please him, to stroke his ego and use whatever feminine wiles were available to her to solidify their relationship.

The courting that followed was certainly more traditionally romantic than they are today, because each side fed the hunger and ego of the other; they understood William Blake:

"What is it men in women do require
The lineaments of Gratified Desire

What is it women do in men require
The lineaments of Gratified Desire"

I doubt that we are likely to see the re-emergence of the doe-eyed, gushing coquette of the past - "Oh, Mister Johnson! The life of a Fuller Brush man must be sooo exciting!!" I've seen women on this site ridicule men for their taste in shoes. Modern women - as is their right - approach dating in the manner of a corporate employer, with standards to be met and qualifications to exceed, just to make the second interview. One half of that old, romantic dance is missing, and will never be replaced. To expect the other half to linger is... curious.
 CarpeOmnia
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 269
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/11/2011 8:54:35 PM
Or...maybe, just maybe....women, such as myself, are also romancing their sweetheart. Making it more of a two-way, fun adventure. I know I have a blast planning and executing the things I do for him.
I even open his passenger door...when I'm the driver:)
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 270
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/11/2011 9:06:13 PM
Women such as yourself well may be, Omnia. But you've been on these boards as long as I; having read the forums over the course of time, would you consider yourself the rule, or the exception?
 logo23x3
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 271
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/11/2011 11:23:49 PM
Your right Carpe! For couples who are in a romantic, loving two way relationship and see themselves as equals will end up having a blast together…..Guarantee! How could they not! We are!
My thoughts would be you are an exception to the rule Babe, when it comes to romance. You are very romantic with all your cool creative planning you do for our relationship. You always were I think……a natural romantic…… but when it was invested into a one way relationship. Most or all of that romantic thoughtfulness of yours was lost on the other person. Believe me when I say this, I can speak from experience. That what happens when it is only one way. Sad but true.
I think a lot of people in a relationship might think of doing something romantic for their partner, but fail to follow through with it for one reason or the other. Honestly, how many out there have thought about doing something romantic on the spur of the moment????? Then dismissed it just as quickly for being silly or maybe too much effort or not having enough time to pull it off.
Romance and courtship together is the sum of happiness in a relationship. What you are willing to invest into your relationship will be in direct proportion to your happiness. But it still has to work both ways in order to work correctly. If you invest little or zero into it; do not expect huge numbers to come out of it. Because you have to times it with your partner’s romance/courtship formula too. If you have huge numbers on your side and your partner has low numbers or zero romance, then your end number you come up with is still ZERO or near zero! That just how the math works.
So my suggestion is the next time you have that flash of a romantic idea to do something special for someone. Carry on through with it and see where it goes.

 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 272
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/11/2011 11:28:34 PM
You're a lucky man, Logo. And you're right - it's easy to be romantic to a partner who romances you. It's a fire that feeds on itself. I wish the two of you the best.
 logo23x3
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 273
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/13/2011 10:12:12 AM
Yes!..... Yes I am! :)
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 274
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/13/2011 10:29:03 AM

Or...maybe, just maybe....women, such as myself, are also romancing their sweetheart. Making it more of a two-way, fun adventure. I know I have a blast planning and executing the things I do for him.
I even open his passenger door...when I'm the driver:)

Absolutely!!! I don't recall a date, let alone a relationship, in the past 20+ years for my own self, that didn't include romance/courtship ~~~~ by BOTH parties. I doubt I've been overly lucky in this department, I think it has much more to do with the fact that I offer what I like in return. I will never be someone who thinks romance/courtship AND chivalry is dead, because I get all of that daily. I don't care about showy production type romance, that makes me uneasy actually ~ but the little things? My SO and I do nice things for one another every single day. And I don't recall too many days where he hasn't thanked me at the end of the day for the kind/nice/thoughtful things I do. It's about mutual appreciation ~ which is so lost on some people today (men and women on this note.) I think that if people were to stop complaining that it's dead and start DOING it ~ they'd likely figure out: You get what you offer. But that's just how I see it!! JMO
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 275
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/13/2011 11:36:11 AM

Perigee:
Social equality is a wonderful thing. But, like all of life, equality is a series of compromises. As a consequence of equality, the elevation of women as paragons disappeared. Like Adam and Eve, self determination drove women from their protected status into an uncaring world to fend as equals.

I grew up in the seventies with the understanding that I don't demean, talk down to, sexually harass, or patronize independent, strong, capable women. I treat them as equals. And I expect them to treat me as an equal. I don't expect a modern woman to "Love, Honor and Obey" me; and I don't expect them to expect me to.

Women are partners, not objects to be won. And, frankly, I'm not fond of the idea of an equal demanding preferential treatment from me.


It seems to me that you are confusing the work place with the social/dating world. In the workplace, women are equals, to be treated with whatever respect they earn. In the social / dating world, women are still “objects to be won”. When I see an attractive woman, I desire her. Period. I want to get close to her, to see her up close, to smell her, to touch her, to feel her, to taste her. In other words, intimacy. That is the desired objective. And that attractive woman has complete control over who gets to be intimate with her. If she is truly attractive, there are many other men competing with me for that intimacy. So I have to “win her over”, and that does involve things like romance, courtship, chivalry, and more.

Which is just another reason to NEVER date anyone from work.
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