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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?      Home login  
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 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 51
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?Page 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I have found with my experiences of the net dating, and the off-line dating as well that very little effort is to be expected from the female TO the male. Case in point, I have sent numerous emails and IM's to numerous females with whom I felt were "decent" BASED on what they said in their profile and their pics as well. Very little response was returned, whether interested or not. Most all were not.


In my experience with "online dating", as with other things in life, one leads himself into unhappiness and angst by having "expectations" of strangers. Many women don't answer all their email, because they receive a lot of it, much of it from men who aren't even close to what they're looking for. That, and there are people (men and women) who will argue with you, and get angry, with a nice "not interested" email, so many people (men and women) stop sending replies, unless they want to extend the conversation.

Think of the whole process much like a job search. Write only to those with whom there is a reasonable chance of mutual interest, and don't take it personally, if you don't get a response. And, just as in a career search, there are women who will come looking for you, and make the first contact. When I was on a dating board, and looking, I received about 1/2 as many first contacts from women as I sent out, and, because I only wrote to women, who both interested me, and who I felt might reasonably be interested in me, I received a fairly high response rate.

A grown up should have some sense of the general type of woman, who might be interested, and some reasonable sense of what he has to bring to a potential relationship. Writing to those "out of your league" just wastes everyone's time.

None of that really has much to do with the topic, which is about the internal dynamics of dating. The process of "online dating", though, does illustrate that it's a very different world from the one that the OP references as her "ideal", where men had to spend months vying for the attention of one particular woman through elaborate "courtship rituals". In the present day and age, one can look far and wide, and for me, if a woman plays "hard to get", then I'm quickly "gone". There are many, many possibilities, and many women, who are willing to express interest, when they are interested, to waste time with someone, who wants to play games.
 nickolysseus
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 52
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:48:21 AM
Re the Opost

IMO the "good ole days" are mostly due to our bad or selectively retaining data memory!

The romance and courtship days were not as pure. wholesome, romantic, honorable or in gen "good" as we remember them now.
 Guesswhoo
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 53
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:38:11 AM
It's still out there.........if you can find it.
 Mr Happy Pants
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 54
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:08:40 AM

It seems to me that (perhaps because of media, etc.).....in this fast-paced, instant everything....world, that there seems to be a lack of class, manners, gentility.......


My world isn't fast-paced or instant, but then again I live in the middle of nowhere.

Romance and courtship are like anything else someone wants in a relationship. Stand solid on what you need or want from your partner and tell them straight out. We don't like hints, because we don't get em.

Both of em are still around. Although I always have to laugh at the fact that women want romance and courtship, and yet few of em return the favor because they think we don't want it.
 Guesswhoo
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 55
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:12:18 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ my only reply is " Stand solid on what you need or want from your partner and tell them straight out. We don't like hints, because we don't get em "

 whitefether
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 56
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:48:06 AM
God, Mr.Happy Pants, I DO LOVE that name. If I name myself Ms.Happy Pants, does that mean we have a relationship going? LMAO! And, we always wonder why men don't "get it". Don't they know they are supposed to be mind readers?

Sherry HappyPants
 taigaadoshi
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 57
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:02:33 AM
Hi,
Romance and courtship ... hmm. I believe it is still out there, but like many things has evolved to fit the context of the times. Replicating the old style is not common these days, but I'm sure that it too is still out there, rare and hard to find perhaps. New style romance? Some things never change, but given the context of the changes in society, evolution is inevitable.

The things that are a hallmark of romance (and any good relationship) is respect for each other, and making that someone special to you FEEL special, and vice versa. Those non-verbal communications that show kindness and thoughtfulness to the other's sensibilities such as gestures like bringing flowers, or carefully preparing an array of candles at a dinner you prepared for the other, make up a myriad of ways that one shows appreciation and respect for the other, and become part and parcel of a romantic relationship. Mood setting, especially when you had a hand in designing it, always is a constant ingredient in romance.

Doing these things when it is not expected also is a great way to enhance and bring romance to the fore in any type of relationship.

Yes, it may be a lot of work, but anything of value is valued more when you work hard at it.

Yes, also it is true that the result may not be fruitful, but if success was common place, it would not be worthy of one's special appreciation.

Part of my long standing (and mostly successful) relationship with my ex (over 30 years) was an old fashion love letter writing "campaign". We lived in different cities for awhile before getting married and we wrote letters (the old 'snail' mail Canada Post way, and before email) on a weekly basis, even though we spent most weekends together and we were just a phone call away. There's nothing like the anticipation of waiting for that affection-filled little note that shows you put the time and thought into putting down with pen and paper how you felt. The thrills and appreciation of seeing each other, doing things together, being 'in love'.

An incurable romantic? Me? Even after our relationship is over, it was special - over 30 years is nothing to sniff at - I still have those letters!!! It is a reminder to the power of romance.

May you find your romantic encounter - we all deserve it.

Les
 gpb1953
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 58
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:03:15 AM
Rossal,

I know a lot of people are asking the question to day … “is romance dead?” I won’t pretend to have the answer to that question but take it from a guy who has always been a big believer in romance & courtship … if romance isn’t dead, it’s definitely struggling to stay alive.

When is the last time you have actually witnessed a truly romantic moment? When is the last time Hollywood released a truly romantic love story that captured the attention of the public? What’s the last time a good old love song hit the charts as #1 and took the listening public by storm?

I see a stark contrast when I look around me. I’m always touched when I see an older couple walking hand-in-hand & their love radiating all around them. Nothing captivates my attention like watching a couple enter a restaurant and share a quiet candlelit dinner, each obviously totally captivated by the gaze of the others. It’s almost as though they are the only two people in the room.

But then it’s back to the real world and my restlessness in this world of dating that I found myself in. I never had much of a chance to date when I was younger because I fell in love at a very early age, got married & spent the next 30 yrs in the role of husband & father. But due to some very unfortunate circumstances beyond my control at the age of 50 I suddenly found myself single & fairly lost. I took 2 yrs off to focus on some personal issues & then set out to enter the wonderful world of dating. I was so looking forward to meeting new people, finding someone special & reliving those years in which it seemed like all of my focus was on courtship & romance. Little did I know just how much the world had changed over the past 35 yrs!

Welcome to the world of speed dating, friends with benefits & online dating! Like so many other things in our modern, fast-paced society … everything seemed to be moving so much quicker than I remembered. I went on date after date, trying to put my best foot forward & looking forward to getting to know the person & seeing what life had in store with us. Instead what I found was the immediate expectation of a spark, some chemistry … some magic, unspoken feeling that the other person expected moments after we met. Time and again when that didn’t happen, I received an email or a phone call that always seemed to start off with you’re a really nice guy but …

I wanted to stop and say “but you haven’t even taken the time to get to know me!” But instead I would simply thank the person and move along. After a while I started wondering if there was something wrong with me. I mean what could I be doing so wrong that makes other people give up on me after only one brief meeting? But the more I asked those questions, the more questions I seemed to have. My friends told me not to worry. “It’s just the way things are now-a-days”, they would all say. Don’t worry about it … just have a good time. But what they don’t seem to understand is the fun (for me) is derived by focusing on the courtship & the romantic time you share when you are in love … it’s not something you can experience on a single date.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is … you aren’t alone. There are a lot of us who feel exactly the same way you do about romance & courtship. The problem seems to come in trying to find someone who shares your feelings & is willing to take a chance. At this point I haven’t given up but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it seems to get a little tougher all the time.

Good Luck Finding Someone Special!
Gary Berger
 Guesswhoo
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 59
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:10:27 AM
Don't fear there are alot of romantic people out there and one day that special person will pop into your life and you will see all things beautiful not only through your eyes but through the eyes and heart of another.
 parrothead 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 60
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:34:29 AM
we do ms sherry, we just often misread the minds we read
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 61
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:58:38 AM
...A friend of mine has met a guy and they are so in the beginning stages of their relationship, ya'll remember what thats like? Where everything is contrived as romantic. It was/is cute...she bought a card for him and the card says, "These are just 3 of the things you do that make me smile".....she wanted me to help her word it just so....it took us over an hour .... she kept changing it ...oh when he does this, it makes me smile or when he does that it makes me smile,.....finally I said BRENDA....pick THREE and sign it haha
But serioulsy, I have forgotten what it's like to be romanced, and when I see how happy my friend is I remember the feelings..... and I get just a wee bit envious.
Romance?.....Hmmm I hope its still alive.

...maeflowers
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 62
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:47:49 PM
We live in an "instant" society now days.. instant food, instant tv, instant internet.. instant connections.. and Romance/Courting takes time.. it is the slow road..

I believe most people are too much in a hurry to take their time and I think that is why a lot of relationships are short lived.
 darlinhun
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 63
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:00:00 PM
If a guy dosen't think he has to go the extra mile, he won't, and he don't!
 Sky at sunset
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 64
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:04:06 PM
Well you must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still a sigh
The fundamentals still apply
As time goes by.

I like to watch people - and still see them fall in love.
I've also seen many fall in lust - and can predict the end.
I'm with the group that thinks romance takes time.

That said, as I read various topics, I'm amazed and rather sad at how hurt some people are, how easy it is for someone to completely inadvertantly "hit their buttons". Many men seem to send emails - and get no response. Many women never get any emails. It's too bad we can't get these two groups to communicate.
 whitefether
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 65
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:17:47 PM
God, please, if I have a choice, let me be an aging Raphunzel as opposed to a bitter, cynic in my middle age.


Sherry
 lbiker
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 66
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:54:12 PM
HAPPY PANTS>>MS OR MR
just coulnd help myself
 lbiker
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 67
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:16:19 PM
Wow I feel like I have read a Dr Phil script. Romance?? What is it?? Where is it?? What happened to it??
For me its real, when I allow it, to share it, to enjoy it, even when it doesnt envolve me. When I have friends being romanced and in that euphoric world, I feel that old feeling, even though its not my romance. I dont live in Hollywood,,my life is not like the movies, I dont look like a movie star, I dont think that Cinderella is real. I dont believe in Happy Forever After.
I choose to be around the men that have manners, have teeth in their mouths, can spell, take a bath daily, have a job, and are humans. Males that are rude, smell, and are a disapointment are removed from my free time.
Any romance that I have experienced was a shared event. We both enjoyed it, until it ended for whatever reason. I never thought to compare it to the movies, books, or what I thought romance was in the 1800s.
I enjoy the romance whenever I am blessed with it, if I had it everyday, I wouldnt know how to act.
One good thing about bad days, lonely, sad, disappointment, tears, fears, and hurt it wont last forever, only as long as you let it..Smile and the whole world smiles back.
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 68
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:46:02 PM
In the "old paradigm" that some women in this thread remember fondly, I think they forget about the "power balance".

In marriage, in days of yore, marriage was basically a paternal arrangement, with men having all the "power" in terms of the finances, and major decisions. A woman was usually "dependent" on her husband, and divorce was socially stigmatized, so she had to be very careful in choosing a "good provider". Before the pill, too, the risk of pregnancy made women have to be very reluctant to be sexual, unless she was fairly certain of marriage. In fact, it was her control of sexuality that gave her a source of "power" to get a man to marry her, and be the "husband, father, and provider".

An expression common the 50s was "why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free". So, the nostalgic "wooing" process was largely men trying to get sex, and women extracting "love" as the "price" for sex.

Some women still yearn for having that sort of "power" over men, while enjoying the relatively equal opportunities that now exist in the larger society. Fortunately for men, that "power" only existed, so long as it was generally enforced by most women.

Now, the view that "decent women (good girls) didn't want sex apart from marriage" is not the societal norm. A woman can choose to 'wait for marriage", but men don't have to marry to have sex lives, because most women are comfortable in acting on their sexual needs. There isn't the same fear of pregnancy, nor the "dependence" on "finding a good provider".

Romance? Sure, and it's sincere now, where in those "golden days" it was often manipulative. I will do romantic things to express appreciation for a cherished lover, because I care about her, and want to bring her joy; not because it's part of some agenda to try to coerce her into bed.

There was a Barbara Streisand song "The way we were"...

Memories, can be beautiful, and yet.

.....

Can it be that it was all so simple then?
or has time erased every line?"

The "old paradigm" is dead, but it doesn't mean that romance is. It's just different, and I think better.
 whitefether
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 69
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:08:14 AM
I, too, think romance is alive and thriving. It is simply not a mere coupling, which we have a great deal of nowdays. A coupling is not romantic. It can be thrillling! It can be adventurous! It can be physically satisfying. But, romantic it cannot be. Romance involves the soul, and the soul is not involved in coupling,.

Sherry
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 70
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:57:29 AM

A coupling is not romantic. It can be thrillling! It can be adventurous! It can be physically satisfying. But, romantic it cannot be. Romance involves the soul, and the soul is not involved in coupling,.


I beg to differ. Cosmic sex, based on intense mutual attraction, is a joining of two into one body/mind/and spirit, when their bodies are joined. With a partner, with whom there is great chemistry, it's hard to know where she ends and I begin, because the physical intimacy is the gateway for true intimacy, expressed in it's intended way. That is the essence of total intimacy, and it leads to feelings of cherishing someone so much, that I feel her feelings as mine, and delight in her joy as my own.

That's not to say that all sex is truly intimate or romantic, but I know that I can't be intimate or romantic with someone, unless it is within the context of our being lovers. If there is uncertainty about, or issues attached, to the natural expression of feelings between men and women, then there is a distance between us, that is a bar to deep romance.

"Wooing" on the other hand, to me seems to be "working an agenda", and the opposite of sincere. If I were to meet someone, who feels that sex is something a woman "gives" and a man"earns", it wouldn't work for me. It's the ultimate romantic experience for a man and women to totally give of themselves to an "us" sexually.
 whitefether
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 71
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:25:41 AM
I disagree with you R.M.! I am not even sure why, but I will think about it and answer later. Something like that the ultimate intimacy is the culmination of romance, but I do not think that all coupling is truly intimate.

Sherry
 NoseyNeighbor
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 72
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:31:32 AM

because the physical intimacy is the gateway for true intimacy, expressed in it's intended way. That is the essence of total intimacy, and it leads to feelings of cherishing someone so much, that I feel her feelings as mine, and delight in her joy as my own.


Sounds a tad self-centered. I think people with disabilities who cannot have sex would tell you a thing or two about romance and "true intimacy".
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 73
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:38:58 AM

I disagree with you R.M.! I am not even sure why, but I do not think that all coupling is truly intimate


Why is it that, when the subject of sex comes up, so many people twist the meaning of what others say?

In my post, immediately preceding yours, I wrote
That's not to say that all sex is truly intimate or romantic


My point was what followed , in saying
I know that I can't be intimate or romantic with someone, unless it is within the context of our being lovers. If there is uncertainty about, or issues attached, to the natural expression of feelings between men and women, then there is a distance between us, that is a bar to deep romance
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 74
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:39:42 AM
OMG!! I swear you read my mind. I have been watching Turner Classical Movie channel and the first thing that struck me was how proper the ladies are. Next, actors like Cary Grant, Spencer Tracy, Humphrey Bogart - they were sooooooo respectful to women, no ill words, and Bogart calls his ladies sweetheart, honey, just kind terms of endearment.

Then I get online or I see people in general - Young girls with "tramp stamps", ill mouths and pants where you can almost see the surprise since the top of their pants stop at the hairline...and we cannot forget the string thong underwear hanging out the top of the pants either. With men I am convinced that gentlemen are nothing but a rarity, a dying breed, an endangered species. So many use profanity to speak in everyday conversation.

It's actually very sad that society has taken a severe nosedive on morals, values and standards to live by. I am convinced I was born in the wrong era!
 Friendlyentity
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 75
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:50:07 AM
Would you all agree that ununrealistic self assesment can seriously impair your chances of love and passion - Just look am me - I awoke as usual in the early hours of the morming - (Don't require any sleep - energetic!) and LO! I felt just like a sixteen year old - (Don't really suppose that I will get one - mind)

Women do say that they desire a "Truthful man" ;and yet when I answer their questions honestly - she gets up and runs?

When I take her a bottle of excellent champagne on a first date, why does she swig it all in one go from the bottle?

When this luscious Blond requested a massage - once more the 'kick out?' she complained bitterly - "Your'e supposed to take my clothes off first" (But we had only just met??

The last one was not bad - Yet I prefered her Mom - super old Gal - plus she had plenty of sweets.
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