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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:13:42 AM | The first thing out of most mens mouth is ... i am not paying until i know i like you....
.... or sex.... or bla, bla, bla,
what has happened to courtship?????? This may be a social thing. Maybe I am in the wrong city or the wrong area. Maybe I just have to wait for the man with the better maners or upbringing. Too bad that the poor as well as other cannot be a bit better with wording. I say this because the next thing is "gold digger" comments. Wrong agian. I am use to the finer things in life but I also fit into any social setting and I am into the person not their bank account. Some men jsut do not get it.
I have been dumped or maybe just not gone out with because I do speak up with my thoughts after the first word is... you meet me half way or i am not doing this. Me pick you up.. only if you pay for the gas. One man just sent me email stating that i had not heard from him for a while because he was doing some figuring. He said, (I should cut and paste actually)... he said he decieded not to continue with me because he already liked me and if he liked me more it would require 3-4-5 trips a week and that would be around $500 in gas money and xxxx time away from his house. He also had 2 kids (way grown) that he was helping out and wanted his extra money to go to them. He babbled on a lot more. If I would say I would always pay for half or more, like always come to his house we had something. Bla, bla, bla, I had another guy say similiar things. What is wrong with men. He already knew he liked me a lot? I liked both of them actually. (this was a while back and not looking now).
What happened to boy meets girl? What happened to boy takes out girl? This can be a coke or coffe or lite lunch. It does not have to break the bank. But for us that are older it is unsulting for the first thing out of mens mouth to be get naked and have sex first, or i am not paying for anything unless i really like. Why waste time or money. I am never a waste of time. I am a great friend and a great person. The worst that happens most of the time is we both get a new friend. How great is this. If we are lucky we get more or our new friend introduces to another friend and walla,,,, we find love.
Doesn't dating and getting to know each other take time? Hasn't this always taken time? It does not always work, no. But it has always taken time.
We can say ... forget the traditional. I say no. I like a bit of the old and the new. Be personal and find love. I feel this new way will get old. I say the old way will come back around. I say bla, bla, bla to this instant gratificaiton of me. Everything takes time and your slefish ways ... I am glad I know now. I am generous to a fault ..you may pay for the first date but the next home cooked meal or act of generosity well makes up for it. But you opened your mouth and threw away a diamond. Keep picking up stones. Someone will appreciate me for the diamond that I am. Your lose. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:16:11 AM | | Old fashion dating and romance will continue to be a victim of the electronic lifestyle if we allow it. So we should not let it by ticking to some of the old ways and find, pursue romance as we used to do | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:18:22 AM |
The first thing out of most mens mouth is ... i am not paying until i know i like you....
.... or sex.... or bla, bla, bla,
Perhaps it's a social class thing, but I don't know any men in my real life who would think like that, let alone say it. I expect to pay for the first meet, and it never crosses my mind that it should be different. Of course, in my experience, if there isn't strong chemistry on the first meet, there won't be a second, and if there is a second, in my experience, we're already lovers. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:31:28 AM | You know, as much as I complain here in ther forums,in reality, I haven`t dated very many men they are blatant pigs. I mean normally I would think that you could pick this attitude up fairly quickly before you even went out with them. Most of the time I could. I mean I am just not going to date a crude individual. A few have been foolers, came off all nice and kind and polished. Then you go on a date with them and guess what-fooler PIG. One thing is that I have learned that you have to have a very tough skin.
I have my own 3 date rule. If a guy is going to get snotty or push getting sex in within three dates or else, he ain`t getting any ever, not from me. Any man that I have dated for an extended period of time, and ended up being in a realtionship with was a gentleman first and foremost, and didn`t push. Yeah there are still chivalrous guys out ther. You just have to weed through them. And the most important part-when he is chivalrous, thank him and tell him how much it means to you. I know it really is annoying when women seem to expect it. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:07:15 AM | Romance is still around but sex makes the world go round.
The new world has no room for gentlemen anymore.
And since the 70's and the feminism movement, Women are no longer women, they are just our competitors for the same jobs and have become men with different parts who swear and fart and fool around. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:40:15 PM | The old fashioned Romance and Chivalry is still very much alive and well! I know for sure. And, found right here via PoF! 
Just have patience and it is literally true...when one least expects it... there it comes to be!! | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:38:05 PM | | Unfortunately, all too often women who SAY they want romance, end up choosing a guy who treats them like dirt (I guess it's the 'bad boy' thing). I have always treated women with respect, I open doors for ANY woman (no matter what age), say thank you and please, and offer help if it looks like they may want it. I like to cuddle and hold hands in public and private. I like to suprise someone I care for with little gifts or notes to let them know that I was thinking of them. However, I have lost more than one relationship to a schmuck. It is almost like (some) women feel that they don't deserve to be treated well by a guy and would rather chase after someone who doesn't seem to care about them. Sad, but in my experience, all too often true. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:19:31 PM |
It is almost like (some) women feel that they don't deserve to be treated well by a guy and would rather chase after someone who doesn't seem to care about them. Sad, but in my experience, all too often true.
Why isn't there a "crying towel" emoticon?
I seem to remember reading posts like this in the "nice guys finish last" pity posts. It's not that women, or men, don't want to be involved with a "nice" person. However, "nice" isn't what attraction is about in terms of responding to the hard wired sex drive, which is really what begins the process of attraction. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:25:03 PM | Well, I've got a news flash for ANY female that thinks I am going to foot the bill for a meet, a date, or a whatever if she is NOT my girl and mine only!!! I've had all the many years of the meets and NO truthfulness that I want! And all the females use me for so many things, like cards, flowers, candy, dinners, gifts, parties, vacations, and the like, that I've got a belly full!!!
You as the female would not "shell out" money for me, a FREE $30.00 dinner with all the expensive wines and this just for a meet ( a meet is just that a MEET, NOT a date) and this just on a whim: no promises made, no giving their word that they will ever see you again, OR even CALL you again; no agreements to go on a real "date".
On the point that males are accused of wanting sex by the third date or else. ( I have read postings on this sooooo many times by the women). And maybe that is true, BUT NOT BY ME! NEVER! NOT EVEN ONCE!
I'll relate what I have been shown and told by females. They are on POF one or two days and already are "seeing" someone. One or Two days! Try to IM or send them an email and IF it gets answered they say "I have already met someone and we are exclusive". They get very offended if you mention that "hey, I emailed you, wondered if you would be interested in talking and getting to know one another. I am here ".
Can't tell everyone how many times I have been told "well, I just met him and I am going to see where it goes". But they just became a member. They are brand new.
Dang, they work fast! I see no need for men to get ragged at when many, many women are doing the very same thing on such a large scale. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:40:13 PM | I don't know, CountryMainIsGentle. It sounds to me like you have been abused once to often. Personally, if someone asks me out, whether it be a meet or a date or whatever, if They ask Me to come and give them my time, I expect them to pay. If I initiated the meet, I will pay. Just seems right to me. But, I am very old fashioned.
Sherry | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:35:06 PM | I think I have to agree with Rossal.I too,watch them old movies where the relationships were built on time and romance.It does sound corny and old fashioned but,we could use some old fashion methods from the old days that you can build on.
Good point Rossal | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:51:53 PM | Sometimes the only choice left is literally between the rock and the hard place.......
I will tell you there are plenty of 'old fashioned men' of all ages. All with character that was inherent and then reinforced by some people in 'the village', who assured them that if they stuck to those values, it would pay off......
And then one day those men left the village and went into the real world. And they truly faced 'culture shock'. Because it turned out that most of the other people from other villages simply weren't taught what he was taught back in his village. And try as he might, his willingness to always remain virtuous and true to his core values, eventually leads him to a life of 'solitary confinement'. He becomes a green monkey living in a world of brown monkeys. And brown monkeys don't LIKE green monkeys..... for green monkeys aren't just DIFFERENT than the whole world of brown monkeys..... they're actually more VALUABLE than brown monkeys. So, not only do brown monkeys envy green monkeys for what they are....they HATE them for it.
So in order for a green monkey to actually SURVIVE in that world, he only has a few choices left.
He can continue to remain a green monkey....... but he will eventually be cast out from the 'mob mentality'...... He is not viewed as 'unique'... he is viewed as a threat.
He can paint himself brown from time to time... hoping to fit in... but eventually, he will shed that paint... he simply can't TURN brown all the way... and so.. he will still be a cast out, whether by self or others.....
He can try to find a world of green monkeys.... but they are rare now. The brown monkeys just simply took over. They killed off all the green monkeys, rare as they already were becoming. His search will just be in vain......
He can 'accept' that who he is, is who he is..... and that, though he can be proud of being a green monkey.... he might simply have to go do it alone now. It's not in his nature to try to BE a brown monkey... he is a GREEN monkey. He can accept that he will not be valued for BEING a green monkey.... he has to go and value himself..... And so...he just decides to find a really good rock and crawl under it to make a safe home for himself..... He comes out when he knows the brown monkeys aren't around. He finds food, plays, has a good time by himself.... He discovers new places that brown monkeys haven't found yet and he enjoys them.... until some brown monkey comes strolling along asking 'where are all the good bananas?', and then runs back to tell everybody else about it, and the MOB comes rolling in again. Then the green monkey just leaves to find another haven or another rock. Sometimes that rock is pretty dark, damp and cold under there... but at least he's safe. He's OK... He's LEARNED to be OK. Even if he's the only green monkey left on earth... he's OK....
So the next time somebody is asking about 'what happened to romance??'........you might want to do a little more searching under the rocks............... But be careful. If you don't reach in GENTLY....green monkeys bite harder than any brown monkey with simply a big mouth...... | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:56:13 PM |
So the next time somebody is asking about 'what happened to romance??'........you might want to do a little more searching under the rocks............... But be careful. If you don't reach in GENTLY....green monkeys bite harder than any brown monkey with simply a big mouth......
Uh, ok. So you are content to spank your monkey. If it's green, though, I think I'd want to be tested. It sounds like a really nasty STD.   | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 4:51:23 AM | A very creative analogy about green monkeys and brown monkeys ,regardless of what some big-mouth brown monkeys say, piano4te.
He can 'accept' that who he is, is who he is....and that, though he can be proud of being a green monkey.....he might simply have to do it alone. It's not his nature to try to BE a brown monkey....he is a GREEN monkey. He can accept that he will not be valued for BEING a green monkey.....he has to go and value himself.
Count me among the legion of green monkeys who values myself. I don't live under a rock. I bask in the sunshine. But, like any observant "green" monkey, I tread carefully on the side of the pond. Gotta watch out for that pond scum, ya know?
I'm confident that there are many green monkeys. They just aren't as verbal as the brown monkeys. But, they are out there, wanting romance and courtship, just like me. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:21:35 AM | Rossal,
Just hold on for God to send his best to you. You and I are rare gems and we are not here to compromise ourselves. Stay in faith that there will be a miner that will appreciate the type of gems we are.
Hold fast, girlfriend! | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:32:23 AM | | Many years ago the road to happiness was marked with a sign that said "Romance". The young man followed the road until it led to a bad place called "Divorce". Older and wiser now when he comes to a crossroad and sees the sign pointing to Romance, he takes the other way. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:42:20 AM | The real question is how come so many people have so little respect for themselves and others. I know Rossal and I know the answer.
As for the statement of the men sitting on the front row at church. Well that is what my pastor calls a "Christianese". Someone that "talks the talk" but does not "walk the walk". There are tons of those out there. Kick those stilettos off and run! | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:52:48 AM | Paumanok,
I am speaking in general here and not pointing fingers.
I provoke you to give deeper thought to your remarks. The road to divorce was mapped out by both. If you are older and wiser then ponder what part you played and do the work in yourself to not take the same behaviors in to your next relationship. Life is a gift and it is meant to be shared with meaning with a partner. The road to romance is a wonderful adventure but both have to do their part to stay on the right path. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:47:06 AM | | I'll suggest you give any thought to yours, and look deeper at mine while you're at it. Please do not embarrass yourself pretending to have greater insight and knowing all. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:02:42 AM | Giftfromgod, If you are a legalist, and wish to be judged under the law, then remarriage after divorce is a sin, just as much as is fornication. In fact, the commandment that people look to as not allowing sex outside of marriage is "thou shalt not commit adultery", and a literal reading of the bible calls remarriage for a divorced person "adultery". There isn't a separate codicil that says, "until a man has wooed a woman, and he's earned her favor".
For me, I accept that "no one is righteous, not even one" and that we are "saved through faith, not works, lest anyone boast"
God knows who I am, and that sex is a human need. How I deal with that is a matter of conscience and the leading of the Spirit.
So, unless you are a widow, and are only dating widowers, you are not on a moral high ground here. It's just your "feeling" of how to "get around" the law, since you want to date. Each of us has to work through those issues in conscience, not on a POF forum thread. | |
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:41:26 AM | OMG you guys! I simply cannot believe a lot of the garbage I have read in this thread! If this is any guideline to go by I may just as well delete my profile here! C'mon and get real! I have met some very decent men who treated me very well. I have shared the cost of a date,realizing that the majority of men have child support payments and financially I do ok for myself in that arena. You know? It is quite simple really. You contact, chat , meet and then take it for what it is and how it goes. He buys whatever, and you buy whatever, as long as you both have a good time. Sure there are some who try to take advantage. If you have half a brain, you can figure that out. And yes, romance is alive and well with a lot of folks. I think some of us are simply too busy putting labels and time lines on dating. Third date rule being one of them. I simply like to take a man at face value and I hope he does the same with me. At our age, are we truly this tarnished, bitter, angry? God..........
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| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:48:52 AM | Great comments "moon".......
I just rather let nature takes its course, meet and greet, take turns pleasing each other in multiple ways, including paying for dates and activities, and just relax.
For me, getting on my Harley and enjoying a ride, or meeting and hiking that peak, or just a walk down a small town street talking and stopping for a drink far outweighs all the pomp and circumstance that so many think is necessary in the courtship arena.......
Just my opinion.......   | |
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