|
|
|
|
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:04:53 PM | | Nosey? No need to get those knickers of yours in a twist as you are so famous for doing. I was simply posting what I have read here in the forums. Nowhere did I say that I wrote them or even acted on them. Take yourself a chill pill. Was all in good fun! | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:05:41 PM | No, because she "just wasn't into you", otherwise, she would want to have sex with you.
This statement is the epitome of malarky. If a man decides to forego romance and courtship, buy into so-called rules, third date or otherwise, their loss. They could be passing a good relationship with a woman, by. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:06:30 PM |
Sex happens when and if both parties are agreeable!
Or horny... 
There aren't rules that apply to all. Especially something like this.
Of course there aren't.
That was precisely my point.
Assuming that there are rules that are "obligatory" is the fastest way to miscommunication.
If a person doesn't have sex by the third date -------------- then what? You ditch them because they didn't have sex with you?
On my planet we only use binary system... so, there are no third dates... and this rule does not apply.
What kind of logic is that?
Uhhhmmm... looking for logic?
He he... that's kind of cute.
You forgot that we are on PoF right now.
I suppose a person would dump someone in that scenario if they're out for sex. If you're lookin for an actual relationship, I'd like to think someone would give it more time? Or no? Is that not part of the rule?
Seriously now... I am not here looking for a hook up... and I do like to take time... If another person's time frame does not coincide with mine (and they do not want to talk about it), we probably won't be a match.
And, I am fine with that.
There are worse things than being single.
I readily admit to having a very simple mind when it comes to dating.
Again? 
 | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:10:24 PM | This statement is the epitome of malarky. If a man decides to forego romance and courtship, buy into so-called rules, third date or otherwise, their loss. They could be passing a good relationship with a woman by.
Most mature men don't "forgo" romance in conformance to some societal rule. However, speaking for myself, I can see no point in "pursuing" romance with someone who doesn't see sexual intimacy as a need for herself, or isn't sufficiently into me, so that a romantic relationship is sexual as it is explored and developed.
There's no reason to, either. There are countless women who share the dating style that is compatible with mine, and who have needs that are similar to mine. Trying to "make it work" with someone who doesn't is a colossal waste of time, and unlikely to ever really lead to a relationship where we're in sync sexually, and if we aren't "in sync" sexually, none of the rest matters.
For me, the difference between "romance" and friendship is sexual intimacy. It is, for me, the point and purpose of seeking a romantic relationship, when I don't have one, and it can be an urgent human drive. I understand that you don't know if there will be strong chemistry, until you meet, and that it can't be truly intimate without it. However, if there is, I don't "get it", if mature adults don't act on it, assuming that they both want a romantic relationship.
All this convoluted process of "dating" over time, prior to becoming lovers, is about as appealing to me as going through a series of job interviews. If it were the only way to do it, it would be one thing, but it's not. For me, the closeness, emotional intimacy, the "want" of the other in all the ways, great and small, is initiated through being lovers, and if we aren't, it's awkward, strange, and difficult, and sets up cognitive dissonance.
I have friends to do stuff with. If sharing activities with a female friend is the goal, I have someone to do that with, without the confusion and hassles of dating, and without feeling that I'm being "evaluated"
Seriously, this go slow process sounds like nonsense for me, and if that were the only way, I'd just stay home. No thanks to the "go slow", "friends first", etc. process. Fortunately, I just haven't had to accept it, and almost always figure out that that's what someone is about, before wasting time with in person meets. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:11:56 PM | Nosey? No need to get those knickers of yours in a twist as you are so famous for doing. I was simply posting what I have read here in the forums. Nowhere did I say that I wrote them or even acted on them. Take yourself a chill pill. Was all in good fun!
Nawww. I have seen you in action. Your method of debating is using the personal insult card. When someone disagrees or calls you out on factual information, your double-standards, flip-flops; you make false attributions rather than debate ... you insult. Like the "Karma" debate. Pretty pathetic.
Nope, you can flame all you like. Does not bother me 1 iota. I'm not as sensitive as you. And you claim "it's all in fun"....That's lame because your words speak volumes to the contrary. And it's not pretty. It's no wonder people like you are single. | |
|
| |
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:24:04 PM | Can we NOT have another thread go to hell in here?
Ren I hear what you're saying. If that works for you, more power to ya.
Just seems to me that having some unspoken rule dictate what a woman may or may not feel for you, doesn't make sense to me. Just because she's not ready to have sex with me by the third date, at least in my mind, doesn't mean more than it means straight out. I like dating, courting as it were. The process of actually getting to know someone and spend time with them. Intimacy will happen when it happens. I don't see the point in putting timelines on when it will happen, but to me? A third date isn't very far into a relationship so I'm not sure how that could possibly be a make or break moment in how someone feels. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:29:02 PM | | Mr. Happy, I totally agree with what you say. Whilst it has been said that there is this 3rd date rule, a couple who meets must surely play it by ear. Some can go there on the first date, without all the romance and courtship. Others take much longer than that. In actual fact, I truly believe that there is no hard and fast rule. The couple takes it as it comes, plain and simple. Whatever they are most comfortable with. And by no means is there anything wrong with "courting". I think it can most definately build up to something worth keepin! | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 12:16:27 AM | I think 'courtin' is being done right here on this thread. A few of you are doing the 'fussin' ' and feudin' thing like couples do when they are doing the 'back n forth' insults - when in actual fact, they are attracted to one another. 
Am glad I'm outta the loop and can come on the forums for the fun, kick back and watch these type of scenarios play out.
Thing is I found my dude ... right here ... and am in the logistics of the 'move' taking place soon.
And.....guess what. Sex can wait till a couple are in love. It can wait until the mind has been totally seduced and the mental love comes before the physical act of it.
Okeydoke... now that I got my thoughts posted, I shall go grab the popcorn/soda and watch this thread continue to play out on the movie screen. It's very entertaining with all the subtle undertones of a 'true romance' novel amongst some of you. Gotta luv it! 
And, I truly mean that in a good way! | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 4:43:06 AM | I'm thinking if people would just stop trying to put a timeline on sex, or trying to figure out when it should happen and get to know the other, relax more, everything would happen when/if it's time........in due time, when the moment is right for both parties and be a special thing. Seems to me like it should be special, with special feelings, but what the heck do I know........
Being in someone's company 3 times doesn't seem to me like a whole lotta time to get to know another person, but that's just me, again, what the heck do I know anyway? I only know myself and before intimacy happens, I'm darn sure gonna know him..... | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 4:54:42 AM | A few of you are doing the 'fussin'' and feudin' thing like couples do when they are doing the 'back n forth' insults - when in actual fact, they are attracted to one another.
Huh? A way to a person's heart does not include insults in my world, of romance and courtship. Fussin' and feudin' are two activities that would NOT attract me.
If this is a guy's method of communication, if he has a problem with women who voice an opinion that differs, or seems to be focused on insulting women , he would hold little interest for me.
I'm looking for a mature man of character rather than a bad-boy. Of course, that's just me. | |
|
| |
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:04:46 AM |
I wonder if the forum posters all were in a room together if romance/courtship and/or sex would happen with any of them?
The cool thing about that scenario, fifi, is that it would eliminate all those who aren't really dating in real life, but are just theorizing about what they'd do, if they were to date.
IMO, attitude is key, and if people would take responsibility for finding a compatible other, rather than complain that the ones they are attracted to, aren't interested in them, or how they want to do it, it would simplify things.  | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:32:54 AM | | I use the 3 date rule too. If he is putting on pressure for sex to happen by the third date, I know he is an a-hole and I am out of there. That is just being a big creep. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:48:30 AM | Somehow I find it hard to imagine you would even ever want to date a man. You seem dead set against them all around.
It's hard to want to pet a porcupine. Or a snarling dog. Or a hissing cat. There is a theme here if you dig for it. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:16:40 AM |
It's hard to want to pet a porcupine never pet against the grain.
I think in order to get the romance and courtship you desire, you must stay true to your expectations. Sometimes people don't know what they themselves want ...it stands to reason that they won't know how to tell people what they need. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:25:03 AM | I certainly don`t think it is very romantic to announce, "If I don`t get it by the third date, we aren`t compatible and I am moving on!" WTF. Thats just nasty. You certainly aren`t going to improve your chances at getting laid with this stance. That is just silly.
I had a girlfriend that would loudly announce to any man who attempted to talk to her, "Well, if you want to go out with me, you got to know, you aint gettin it on the first date, and you better take me to a reeealllly nice reastaurant cause I don`t come cheap!"
Guys would look at me and say WTF is her problem? It`s kind of the same thing. It is just in poor taste and very crude. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:20:30 AM | | Third Date rule? what exactly is a rule in the world? its a bet. Usually the third date rule was a safe bet back in the day. Sex was delayed. But just like all rules (as opposed to laws) there are exceptions. As for the topic of thread what ever happened to romance. we did. we are the ones responsible for romance in our lives and the example we set , good or bad, is going to impact others who may see us as having some sort of wisdom. if we want romance in our lives we put it there or we dont. if we feel romance is important we pair up with someone of like mind and let those whose idea of romance is different from ours do the same. its not as tough as we make it out to be (except for finding the compatable partner part) | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 4/16/2009 9:12:21 AM | I have been thinking about this dilemma for a while. I have tried to compare computer meeting with how meeting was accomplished prior to online services. I have noticed one big change. Prior to mass marketed profile hunting, many folks met (and still do, I'm sure) while participating in an activity that they came to out of a deeper personal interest. So, there already was some kind of common bond. Now, we are faced with a commonality of owning a computer and having internet access. Sure, we can read a profile and get a very shallow idea of the heart of another stranger, but they remain strangers unless we are willing to really put it out there and take a somewhat less-than-calculated risk. At a certain age, we can become risk averse.
Plus the whole title of "Plenty 'o Fish" gives the illusion that we can press our search just a little harder and find a more "perfect" partner. This has never been true in the past and might be even less true now. So ... hmmmm ...
Lew | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:28:33 AM |
Plus the whole title of "Plenty 'o Fish" gives the illusion that we can press our search just a little harder and find a more "perfect" partner. This has never been true in the past and might be even less true now.
Yup, you are right. It's just an illusuion. Looking for a more "perfect" partner does not work in my world. In fact, I don't think I have ever looked for a partner nor would I. I am happy with my current status and to seek something for the sake of seeking something has never appealed to me. Having said that, should someone cross my path or I cross someone's path that makes each of us stop and say "wow" then that would likely be the partner for me and I for him.
Yes, I realize that I have just spoken out of both sides of my mouth but that's just how I view this whole romance/courtship/pairing up or whatever name you want to attach to it. I'm a believer that good things happen when you least expect it. | |
|
*Don*
|
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 221 | |
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:52:50 AM | Romance/Courtship are alive and well in my world, and frankly, I don't much care what 'trends' are or what anyone else does. Some parts of myself won't be changing -- ever.
D | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 4/16/2009 12:23:59 PM | the whole title of "Plenty 'o Fish" gives the illusion that we can press our search just a little harder and find a more "perfect" partner.
I agree. Online dating gives the illusion of an endless market place where, if you keep looking, you will find the perfect mate. And outward appearances reign.
It's like The Merchant of Venice, where the "suitor who correctly looks past the outward appearance of the caskets will find Portia's portrait inside and win her hand." Too many people basing their whole focus on surface appearances, and completely lose sight of the idea that "All the glitters is not gold."
I still want romance, courtship and passion, but I don't expect to find it online...I'm relying on the old fashioned real life way. | |
|
| Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 4/16/2009 12:44:36 PM | At the bottom of my profile (nearly said Resume, lol!), it says: What am I looking for? An interesting man, a passionate man, a loving man. (That's just one man, peeps!) Do I really think he exists? You bet. And I am a patient woman.
You? I suspect you'll know who you are.
He said he did. And I certainly felt it likely as soon's his first letter. We did manage the long slow pavane of Courtship and Romance, and I believe we were both correct. . . . And it's been more than lovely getting to where we are right now.
Keep the faith, kiddles!
 | |
|
| |
| |
|
|
Home
login 
