| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:38:57 PM |
You cant control other people. If its an issue then I guess you would have a choice to make.
Personally I would be open for dicussion and probably would want to know where the insecurity comes from. If there is no trust......there is no relationship...........JMHO
It's certainly not about controlling people.
It's about people controlling themselves.
I would expect my SO to be concerned if I were to frequent singles bars or swingers bars. Why? Not because she wants to control me, but more like: WTF am i doing there in the first place?!?
And this is not much of a hyperbole, read the tag at the top of any pages. It reads: Free Dating Site.
Here is the hyperbole:
Yes honey I ordered escorts because I would like them to be my friends, we're just friends, nothing more. Don't worry about it and stop trying to CONTROL me. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:58:32 PM |
My question to everyone is would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile on a dating site even if they said they are just looking for friends?
Nope ~ I wouldn't take down my profile, why would I expect someone else to? I'd be willing to give my password to an SO, if he so desired. I think for those of us who are in forums more often than not when logged in view this differently than others. Maybe the key is a joint profile ~ then no one is concerned. Hide one (if there are two here) and use just one for forums or chat or whatever. Only a very secure couple would do that. JMO  | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:01:59 PM | to msg 27 .....And as I said its a matter of trust.
And the topic is would you be mad if your SO had a profile on a dating site.....if you get angry at something on expectations and not fact then it is about control.
And I did say I would discuss it.
This may be a dating site......but many , many stay here for the forums.
And equating it to swingers bars is rediculous.................
PEACE | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:16:59 PM | As someone who is in a happy relationship, and on this site, I think I can comment on this topic.
Anyway, my partner (SO) and I are both members of this "dating" site....I believe this site to be more than just for dating, otherwise, the option to seek friends would not be listed. Some view it as a purely dating website, to others, it is a "networking" site, which allows them to communicate with several people from differing countries, who have similar views as their own.
My partner knows I am here, just as I know he is here, we are very open and honest with each other, and is that not the way it should be?
So, why would you be "mad" that people are here looking for friendships? If you find one you desire who is only interested in friendship, move on to another profile, find one who is seeking the same things you are....that is what this is all about.
Good luck to you. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:29:29 PM |
In viewing some profiles of women on this site I noticed that a large amount of them indicate that they are happily in a relationship and are just on the site to meet new friends.
My question to everyone is would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile on a dating site even if they said they are just looking for friends?
Well it would depend.. if I met them on a dating site.. no it would not make me mad.. if I met them out away from the cyber world and they had a profile on a dating site before we met, No I would not be mad.
Now if we met outside of the cyber world and we were "going" together and they created a profile on a dating .. site now that would make me mad. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:34:02 PM | | no they made they're intentions known that's they're with me and why should I get pissed off if my SO wants to go on a dating site just for friends | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:34:48 PM | | Well, we met here. He knows I love the forums and I have met some new ladies from all over the world that I now exchange emails with. He reads my posts and is fine with it. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:39:39 PM | | I think it would depend on the situation. If there were prior problems with infidelity, then yes, I could understand the partner being angry. If there wasn't and the profile stated that they were happy in a relationship and not looking for someone and they didn't have questionable pictures up of themselves, etc., then no big deal. It would also depend on if they were trying to hide things about it from the partner. I've seen profiles where people have indicated they were happy in a relationship and not single/not looking but then described what they would want on a first date. Ummmm yeah... I'm not sure who people think they're fooling sometime hehehehe | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:42:01 PM | If they're going to do the dirty on here they'd probably do the dirty in real life even if they weren't on here.
The question is how much do you trust them? People have friends on here and that's fine - I suspect women talk to other women more than men on here - but that's just a guess based on my social experience.
I suspect there's a gender network that goes on for the women that us men don't know a thing about. They're all talking about us men behind our backs.
No women! Do not be talking about us behind our backs! Write directly to us!
There, that's my tuppence worth. I obviously am quite, quite mad. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:42:08 PM | | The only thing to get mad about is the violation of a boundary that has been explicitly set. To me, being suspicious about my partner is being obsessed with what might go wrong, and I prefer to be obsessed with what is going right. I have a certain allergy to folks who spend time trying to divine the meaning behind the actions of others. I have an even greater allergy to those who are suspicious of everyone around them. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:45:52 PM | | If I was in a relationship with someone I think it would be respectful to check with her first and I would expect the same consideration in return. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:52:02 PM | | well if it was so inocent then why didnt she tell you up front. i would not do it | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:21:41 PM | | Yes, I would be very mad. I frankly wouldn't believe them. If I start seeing someone I will take my profile down so fast the site will spin. There may be some that are here just for the forums but most are looking to become involved with a a member of the opposite sex. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:50:45 PM |
This simply isn't an issue between us... as he has said, the day he is concerned about PoF is the day he also has to be concerned about who I speak with at work, or on my way to the corner store... where does trust begin and end?
Another awesome post, Margo!
I was here before he came along and he only dropped in long enough to hook me, and off he went, lol. He could care less about my being here or anywhere else, and shoot, I can't even drag him back in here to read something I came across, even tho he might be sitting right behind me, but we do discuss stuff here that really interests me. But his forum interests, as you know, are all about the Steelers and the Penguins, and politics, OF COURSE, so those are the forums he hangs out on.
He has me in the flesh, in the same house, in the same life we've built and in marriage...so the internet, my profiles here, there and yonder, my pics, my posts, my forum buddies....none of it concerns him cause he knows I'm his. He knows I'm a talker; oh, how he knows, so actually, he's a lil relieved that I have this outlet.  | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:14:34 PM | No, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. If she has had a profile on here for a while and likes to browse and comment on the forums, its likely she does have some online friends, just like I do. I always say that trust is either 100% or not at all, and everyone gets the benefit of the doubt from me til they prove otherwise. I wouldn't expect her to hide or remove her profile, but it would be simple courtesy for us both to change our profiles to read not single/not looking, and forums only.
Now if she hadn't had a profile here or elsewhere before, and then all the sudden she did, saying she was looking for new friends, that would give me a moment's pause. I'd sit down with her to talk and try to find out what she felt was lacking in her life that she needed to go online to find people with which to discuss things. I'd still of course extend her the same trust as before, but if she feels like something is wrong or missing from with our relationship, thats when it could potentially become a slippery slope as she spends more time online meeting strangers. To me that says something is bothering her, and I'd do my best to get to the bottom of it and try to help her resolve the issue. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:22:22 PM | I was here for dating but made some friends here, mostly women friends through the forums. I am TOTALLY addicted to the Forums so, I would definately still be here if I was in a relationship and I am not looking to date anymore anyway. Just can't get away from these damn forums! lol!  | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:34:12 PM |
So, why would you be "mad" that people are here looking for friendships? If you find one you desire who is only interested in friendship, move on to another profile, find one who is seeking the same things you are....that is what this is all about.
Actually, I never said I was mad at anyone that said in their profile they were just on the site looking for friends. I was just making an observation from the profiles I have come across since joining the site. I know this site is here for other things besides dating and if you are just looking for friends that's fine as long as your telling the truth about why you joined. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:34:16 PM | This topic has been done recently. I"ll post the same response. If two people are honest with each other in their relationship, and are not sneakig around behind each other's backs about meeting potential partners - then why not? This site acts as a medium to meet and make new friends (and yes some people can keep the relationships plutonic), the forums can be a good source of information - it's a great source for networking too.
Long as everyone is honest in their intentions - then why not? | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:39:38 PM | If I were in an exclusive relationship, I'd want my partner to be honest enough to say that he's on POF for forums. OP - there are no guarantees that your S/O isn't shopping around (besides the malls) or fooling around on you.
IMO - trust has to be earned. It isn't given on a silver platter. The "net" does open up new avenues & new temptations "if" we allow it to. Simply put, what ever you write, or do, would you be able to do it with your S/O standing over your shoulder? If not, then your relationship is in a heap of trouble. When in doubt, don't do. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:46:13 PM | | Yes I would be. A person can look for friends elsewhere. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:52:08 PM |
would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile on a dating site even if they said they are just looking for friends
This is a rather pointless thing to ask in a dating forum. Everyone using these forums will clearly side with it being ok, wouldn't you think? Because if they thought it was wrong, many of them would be a hipocrite just for reading your post. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:53:15 PM |
<---- Hi, here I am, one of "those" people. Met my sweetie here - WoW - PoF actually works!
I post in the forums, he lurks my posts and occasionally makes one of his own. My profile is not hidden because that would disable the IM feature... and he and I quite often chat a bit on IM when he has some precious minutes of down time at work. I don't accept IM's from anyone else.... probably annoy people who don't read my profile before sending an IM. Sheesh, if you read my profile you'd know I am happily in a relationship.
I have friends here, both male and female, who I have come to know through the forums. Some of them have become very special to me, and I will (hopefully) maintain a friendship with them when I leave the site.
As far as continuing on here while in a relationship... my priority is my sweetie; if he ever had a problem with my still being on here, PoF would get immediately and unceremoniously dropped from my life. Posting on PoF is not a "right" I claim, it is a trust he extends.
This simply isn't an issue between us... as he has said, the day he is concerned about PoF is the day he also has to be concerned about who I speak with at work, or on my way to the corner store... where does trust begin and end?
This works for us, I don't expect it would work for everyone... but I'm in a relationship with one very special fellow, and that is the beginning and the end of my concern about the matter.
Thank you I'm am the same type of person, both me and my s/o is still on here and we both have that we are not single and not looking however people still do not look at profiles all the way obviously because people still message us. Any way I don't want my IM to be disabled is why my profile is not hidden. He isn't always at home and he can check this site a lot easier from his cell. Anyway point of the story if it works for the couples who are together then what is the problem find someone else and forget about the other ones. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:53:53 PM |
If I were in an exclusive relationship, I'd want my partner to be honest enough to say that he's on POF for forums. OP - there are no guarantees that your S/O isn't shopping around (besides the malls) or fooling around on you.
SueCat51 - good point but I'm single so the question was not geared toward anything that happened to me.
But thanks much for your input! | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:05:46 PM | | I think this is a social site more than just for dating, now if they were paying to be on a site that was only for dating, I think a long talk would be in order. But sites that have message boards tend to attract people in all sorts of personal situations. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:16:41 PM |
My question to everyone is would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile *on a dating site* even if they said they are just looking for friends?
OP didn't indicate POF, the only dating site I know of with forums. Would you be angered if your partner had a profile on a site with no forums? Kind of waves temptation under one's nose.
Happened to me and I got angry. I believed it was a preliminary to cheating...again. | |
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