| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:19:50 PM |
Would you be angered if your partner had a profile on a site with no forums?
Now that I would have a problem with... the only purpose would be trolling/window shopping. There's no integrity in that. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:39:47 PM | ^^^^Yep Margo, you have that right.
POF is different from other dating sites because of the forums. That is the reason I am still here. I don't do IM very often, and frankly, I wouldn't have met the friends I have on here, elsewhere.
It is a fabulous place to share your opinions, learn a lot, and just generally share. My guy is ok with it. I told him that I had no problem with showing him all my stuff, including email, my favorites, my posts on forums, etc. He is fine with it. He questioned it because his last ex used another site to flirt with men.
I even offered to let him have the password to my other site (networking, not dating), so that he can see what goes on there too. I have all female friends. The two men on my list of friends are my brothers. Some of my friends on that site are my 15yr old daughter's friends, because I like keeping tabs on who she is hanging out with.
It is about trust. And I disagree with the poster who said it has to be earned. That means that every day that your s/o rolls out of bed, he must "prove" himself worthy? That is unrealistic.
I prefer to trust 100% from the get go. You decide whether you keep that rating by your actions. Actions speak volumes. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:06:06 PM | On second thought, yeah, be mad - only try to get it out of your system and into somebody else's... | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:22:52 PM | " My question to everyone is would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile on a dating site even if they said they are just looking for friends?"
Personally, I wouldn't mind. If she were looking for another lover, even, I wouldn't mind as long as she was honest about it but that would also tend to depend on how strong our relationship was. I wouldn't be okay with someone continuously trolling for sex, but if she was looking for someone for a little variety or something, I wouldn't mind. I am of the mind that having more than one lover, provided it is stable and not trolling for new partners continuously is probably healthy in the long run. Cheating breaks up a lot of relationships and if she finds someone who excites her but she isn't interested in much more than friendship with benefits, she wouldn't have to cheat. Sure, you take the risk that she might dump you and leave you for someone else, but actually, you take that risk every day as it is. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:38:08 PM | it would bug me seriously and alot if i found out that my boy friend had created a profile on a dating site
after all, there are L O A D S of sites where you can network, make friends, have discussion about all kinds of different topics
why choose a personals site, unless you're not too terribly sure if you like the person you're with?
nah, doesn't fly with me. two thumbs down.
...as for me, if i WAS in a committed relationship? no way would i be spending time here -- sorry folks, got stuff to do. don't have time to be spending time on personals sites... unless i'm single and looking for somebody. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:09:00 AM | "My question to everyone is would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile on a dating site even if they said they are just looking for friends?"
That would be such a trivial thing to get angry over, if someone got angry over something like being on this site then, they would have jealousy and control issues for just about everything, what people can't make friends on or offline? | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:27:19 AM | | No, I wouldn't be mad because I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone if I didn't trust them. Pof is a great site for forums, friends etc. Sure there will always be people who will chance their luck anyway, but anyone who has anything about them will know how to get rid of them. I don't think you should expect people to come off pof because for some it's a way to get different perspectives about life and relationships, and for others it's just a chance to get to know a variety of interesting people you wouldn't know normally. I know there are some on here with ulterior motives, but if you don't know them well enough to figure out if they are that type of person then chances are you shouldn't be with them. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:27:38 AM | | Been in this exact situation and absolutely I was upset among other things. There is only one reason a person joins a SINGLES SITE an everything else is just an excuse to deceive! Remember people that hide nothing have nothing to hide! | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:15:35 AM | | Hi, I would not be angry. I think everyone has a right to do what he or she wants to do. Someone like me, for example, I have few friends since I am now 30 and college and HS are so far in the past. People my age are generally married or have kids and don't need new friends, so I do like that internet sites give you a chance to make friends too, not just find love. You cannot be angry is someone is being honest. They should note that they are just looking for friendship, and if that is not what you are looking for, don't e-mail them. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:29:23 AM | Actually me and my (ex) boyfriend got in a big fight about this. He was at my apartment while I was at work and I noticed that he had been going to dating sites on my computer. I was able to even look at the profiles of women that he had viewed. I think this is a very dishonest thing to do, especially when he told me that he wasnt going to the sites in the first time, not only did he lie, but he totally broke my trust...again. We were great together, everything was perfect. He treated me really great, but I am not going to be the girl that he is with while he searches for something else.
Its almost like he wanted to get caught by going on them on my computer. When I asked him about it he said that the reason he went on there was to delete them or set them to away. Which he didnt do. He was lying and it hurt. Dating sites are for single people, unless it says right on the site that they are in a relationship and just looking for friends or using the forums, but his had information about him, saying he wanted to meet his other half, and all that good stuff....and little did I know I thought that was what I was...if he was really going on here to delete his profile it wouldnt still be there would it...now we are broken up and he is still going on everyday. So I am leaving it be and just moving on with a broken heart...who knows what else he was lying about.
If any ladies get a message from 1stmale, dont answer. He is a lying cheating ***hole with great charm and a nice smile. Just warnin ya!! | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:46:54 PM | Thanks to everyone so far for their input!
It looks like it's a mixed bag of opinions but for the most part it sounds like as long as your significant other doesn't lie about it then they are ok with it.
By the way one of the posters accurately said that my question was not just about POF I'm talking about other sites also. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:48:52 PM | If PoF had no forums, I'd be outta here in NY minute, lol! Woulda been out of here before Thanksgiving, in fact. However, it *does* have some very good forums, and some very very good poetry forums, and I'm a poet, what can I say? He's still on, not hidden, but inactive, but if he wanted to join me on the forums, that'd be cool, two.
As for the rest, I'mma not gonna trubble trubble unless trubble trubbles me.
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:16:56 AM | | ya i would be.theres really no need for anyone in a serious relationship to be in a site like this. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:01:36 PM |
I think everyone has a right to do what he or she wants to do.
This is true enough but when you are in a committed relationship you do have a responsibility to the other person to, at the very least, be honest on your intentions first! If the other is cool than all good but to deceive the other is purely selfish and deceitful. If it's truly to just meet others than there are PLENTY of sites to meet others that are not a singles site. Did you read the initial question?
My question to everyone is would you be angered if you were in a relationship with someone and you found out they created a profile on a dating site even if they said they are just looking for friends?
You cannot be angry is someone is being honest.
Found out not told. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:04:51 PM | If someone is hiding it and you find out, you have a right to be upset that they did not tell you. If you find out they are sending sexual emails or meeting men for things then you can be upset. But if they were already on here, changed their profile and send innocent emails and like to just post on forums, I do not see why anyone would be upset about that. But we have a right to our feelings, even if others disagree.
~Carrie | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:18:12 PM | Maybe...
What's the "relationship status" on the profile?
What's the intent of the profile?
When was it created, and used, last?
And not being cute, but how'd find out... unless they were on here too?
When in a relationship, I may read forums ad casually email"un-date" contacts.
But with zero intent of dating anyone else, and my partner will know this.
Bottom line, either trust someone, or don't. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:48:17 PM | | The only reason it would make me mad is if the person made no indication on their profile that they were in a relationship. Even if they said they are just looking for friends. Especially if that situation was coupled with the fact that you met your SO off the site. If they met you here, what's to stop them from meeting someone else? As long as their profile says they're in a relationship or not looking that's fine. Otherwise I find it incredibly disrespectful and inconsiderate of the other person's feelings. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:49:51 PM | | Well I am one of those people and since my boyfriend's currently not in the country and I don't have any way of contacting him for a month, I don't know. If he doesn't like it then I'll get off for sure . I'm just bored! lol | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/21/2008 1:31:45 AM | | i wouldn't be angered, but i'd sure as heck wonder why the need to find "friends" on a "dating" site. surely, there many non-dating site methods by which to acquire new friends? smells kinda fishyyyyyyyyyyyyy! i think i'd quietly move on to a more appropriate person for dating purposes. | |
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| Would You Be Mad
Posted: 7/21/2008 1:53:12 AM | | Yes,I wouldn't like it at all.If we had just met then fine but if we are getting serious I wouldn't want her on here. | |
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