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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:21:10 AM |
I am surprised more people don't think more realistically. I really thought there would be different responses here. I guess until people live through the difficult times like we have, they won't be able to see the other side.
You can't be serious. That pisses me off and can be very offensive to many people. Guess what? I have twins too. Mine weren't born as early as yours, but they were born early. My water with baby A spontaneously broke and I sat in a hospital bed leaking water for 5 days before giving birth. I could have been in there up to 4 weeks like that. We were flat broke so my husband went home and made a bunch of burritos and kept them in the trunk of the car and would take one to the cafeteria to warm up and that's what he lived on. (It was Feb so they stayed frozen in the car.) We also had to make those long drives back and forth from the hospital for a few weeks. How could we have predicted I was going to have twins and give birth early?
When I got pregnant we knew we could afford one baby. It wasn't until I was 20 weeks pregnant that we found out I was having twins. Technically that would have given me 20 more weeks to buy extra things and such. Yeah, as you know, it didn't work out that way and I gave birth two months early. I didn't have time to gather all of the things I needed for the babies, but it all worked out. Nothing in life is predictable.
Oh, and disposable diapers for two babies, LMAO.
You could have used cloth. Take a trip on over to mothering.com and tell them it's not possible. But tell me when you do cause I GOTTA see this!
However, I will agree that money does play a factor. I think if you're living in some run down one room shack and can't even feed and clothe yourself that you have no business having kids. But I don't think you need many thousands in savings to have a child either. We have struggled at points through the years, but we've made it and our kids haven't ever gone without. I think most people can, and do, make the best out of the situation to the best of their ability. Lots of kids are loved very much that don't come from money. Those that come from money are likely dumped off at daycares or left with a nanny. Kids don't care about your money, they care about your time and love.
Money, money, money... f*ck money. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:35:49 AM | In what respect does one need to consider money when having a child?
*As the OP said to maintain one's figure on a gym member ship?
*To buy the expensive Baby Einstein videos when as a parent you should be teaching your children (not a video)?
*To buy toys they will never play with as you buy into the hype?
*To pay for the name brand clothes and shoes you want to put your child into to "keep up with the Joneses" or at least look like you do better than them?
Honestly I think before having a child one must look at where their priorities lie. Children over time have been raised with much less than what most children today are raised on.
Sure one must be prepared for the enevitable such as at the last minute something goes wrong or the child isn't born perfect and have a plan on how they will handle such a thing, or at least know your options on how to find help and such... but I had presumed this was common sense. I guess I was wrong. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:37:34 AM | it's all part of the picture, but sometimes we find ourselves with child and it feels right to bring her/him into the world, even if everything out here isn't perfect.
i honestly believe one can raise a healthy, happy, secure child without a whole lot of material resources.
you need a lot of love, time, patience and resourcefulness.
you need to be willing to learn, to adapt, to find what resources are out there and to ask for help when you need it.
you don't need a bugaboo stroller, a gymboree wardrobe, a cherrywood sleigh crib or a medela breast pump.
in fact, i think a lot of people and their families would be a lot better off if they released the pressure generated by having to have everything under the sun and spent their energy on finding ways to develop more of the single most important resource our children need from us: time.
our precious time to spend on the floor, reading, talking, playing and staring at the sky.
time.
a | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:19:09 AM | When I became pregnant I started putting everything I made on a paycheck in the bank.
You never know what could happen. But even if nothing goes wrong, I never want my child to go without. And I'd love to have money saved up if something did go wrong. Something is bound to go wrong once in a while, even if it's as simple as a flat tire.
If I get laid off atleast I have plenty in the bank to make sure she gets what she needs. I work at daycare and had a mother ask me not to change her daughter's diapers every 2 hours (state regulation) because she was low on diapers and needed to conserve. She said unless they were really bad let her sit in it. The weekend before she bought herself new clothes, went out to eat with her SO, and bought her girls matching outfits. But she couldn't afford to buy formula or diapers for her daughters? I had spares so I used them on her daughter and changed her anyway.
You need money when it comes to a child. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:21:25 AM | Not saying you have to have A LOT of money, but some money yes.
I prefer to have a savings for something going wrong, but my parents were poor when they had me and my brother. I was not planned and they had nothing. We turned out fine.
It comes down to how you make do with what you have. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:53:55 AM | I agree specialheartedlady.
There are far too many people out there who try to "wing it" without having enough money to afford a child. Of course a child can always use more, however, when you can't afford school clothes, school supplies, field trips, birthday presents for friends parties, trips to the arcade with their friends family, etc. Kids don't need to get everything they ask for but some things are important and important to a child and their development. It does effect your child. Some of these parents didn't experience it themselves, therefore don't usually understand. I'm telling you from the child's point of view. Love and getting by isn't enough. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:19:23 PM | There is a great silly movie called Idiocracy. It is based on the result of smart people making sure they are prepared before having children.
I was totally not prepared for my child. Yes, life has a way of working things out... sometimes.
However, one of the reasons for my last relationship falling apart was related to this. I have a child. She has a child. She wanted us to have a child together. Sorry, two is my limit. College for 3, Life needs for 3, a bedroom for all. I do think that if it happened life would/may find a way. I say no. I do not think it would be smart. I can think of other reasons as well but that is a huge one. If I won the lottery there is a much higher chance I could become comfortable with the idea. I would rather be happy with what I have in life and not risk it all for selfish reasons. Having a child can be a selfish act. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:31:26 PM | stillclock points out:
...one can raise a healthy, happy, secure child without a whole lot of material resources...you need a lot of love, time, patience and resourcefulness.
No argument there. But I'll wager that if given a prior choice to sock a few samolians away in order to be even a better parent, by being able to offer more opportunities to the kidlet-to-be, the decision would be obvious. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:31:42 PM |
I got to tell you, everything i wrote in the original post and more happened to me for real, times 2. Trust me that being as prepared as possible is definitely needed. I never thought I'd have sick babies--who thinks that they will, we always think it's someone else, but look at the March of Dimes, Children's hospitals, Children with Cancer, etc. It has to happen to someone, and happens a lot actually.
There is good reason to consider the consequences... which doesn't mean "look" for them. When things happen and you have no alternatives... like... on the way to my 2lb baby's heart surgery, we hit a rock and it sucked the last $20 of gas out of the gas tank when it smashed a hole in it. We had no way to pay for even food, let alone gas, a new car, a new tank, and so on. If we waited til we had money saved, I finished college and had a decent job, a reasonably affordable place to live, etc, things would have been different for sure.
i guess with everything you have been through, it happened for a reason, i havent read what everyone else said, but your in your life, it all happens for a reason, you pulled thru the hard times, im sure your a better, stronger person, as with anyone.
we dont plan for the unexpected, cuz its unexpected, we're not planning on our lil ones being sick or born early. I myself, had an awesome lil guy, so far no problems. my own life path wasnt easy, but i made it through, if you had money saved, and had your twins, then maybe they wouldnt of been sick, then you'd have all this money, possibly they'd be spoiled. you never know. and never will. don't regret and dwell on the past.
It made you a better today. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:29:48 PM | Hmmm-diapers, food, shelter and clothes weren't free, last time I noticed.
When birth control and was less precise or readily available, and before A.I.D.S., "Oops I'm pregnant" was a conceivable situation. Pun intended!
I guess I'm less understanding of an oops, in today's world. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:53:15 PM | i think that those who take the priveledge of having kids seriously, then any troubles before the baby comes would just be no brainer to fix.
i was horrible with money before, even when my son was first born. but i knew when i made the choice to have him, that i would be buckling down and making big changes. it took a while, but we're just about comfortable now. =) | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:43:52 PM | | If you can't take care of yourself financially how would you expect to be responsible for yourself and child? While money doesn't raise a child, ignoring the realities of financial stability being better for the child is foolish. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:08:13 PM | | Depending on your situation, the cost of raising a baby from newborn to age 18 is anywhere from $118,590 to $250,260, according to the US Dept of Agriculture. That figure doesn’t include any special circumstances! While you will feel as if you never have enough, money is a very important factor in determining when you are ready to have a child. You can’t plan for every possible scenario, but it is really important to have a plan for a financial crisis. I think thinking about finances before having a child is the responsible thing to do! | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:17:00 PM | | In an ideal relationship (unlike the ones most of us had, or we would not be here, LOL), yeah, children are planned. One generally wants to have a stable, loving marriage, a big enough home to accomodate them, be in the right school district, have something in savings for contingencies, etc, etc......but, one can go overboard there, too. If you tried to save all the money you would need to, you would likely never think you could afford kids. And plenty of UNplanned, financially strapped children turn out just fine. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/21/2008 1:18:26 AM | Its a tough one and its comes down to the individual person and what they want.
Personally i know a lot of people whom work very hard to ensure that their child has every opportunity , normally saying something along the times of " I want them to have every opportunity and experience i never had as a child", which is fine, but the long and short of it is, that it all costs money.
Posters have posted how babys dont cost much or care about what they are wearing, but your child isnt going to stay a baby very long.
Things to consider if your one of the "want the best for my child" people:
*Private schools = Statistically a better outcome but cost more money a term than a lot of people earn in a year.
*Clothes while its true your 3 month old baby wont care what they are dressed in, YOU will. Then as your child grows they will start to care. Remember birth till 18 is a lot of clothes.
* housing your children, consider the cost of perhaps having to move or buy somewhere bigger.
* childcare - Want to keep on working, while little johnny is a baby? Going to have to pay someone an hourly rate to have the little bundle of joy.
* food - While little baby is happy with breast milk, your 3 year old is eating you out of home and house and your teenager feels like an endless pit. Dont forget that school dinners or a decent packed lunch every single day of their school life isnt cheap.
* energy - An often overlooked idea, that little baby needs heat and light, then you got to power the myriad to toys and games and pcs over the years, as well as cooking for them.
* household goods and services
* leisure, from activities to holidays to toys and stuff like pc's and games consoles that little jimmy wants, school trips away,
* personal care and hygiene products
* transport - Little baby needs to goto hospital, the doctors, school, out to see there friends, off to that extra Spanish lesson, and taken to there prom...ps mum im 16 now can i have a car?
* health and healthcare products, from healthcare or insurance to nappies, and deodorant
The estimated cost varies from year to year but it always goes up, with most studies and research putting the cost between £750,000 and a million pounds (for the Americans about thats about 1.5 million dollars to 2.2 million dollars).
Then holly poop, If you have a disabled child, the cost is estimated to be about 10 times more. Thought those clarks shoes were expensive wait till you have to buy some orthopaedic boots 20 times a year. Or a wheelchair, which means a wheel chair accessible vehicle. Never mind health care, speech and languge therapy, assistance with getting about, someone to look after them 24/7, the lack of earnings.
If you think its ok because i wont have a disabled child, well more and more people are. Its a fact a child costs a lot of money, yes you can do some things on shoe string budget.
However just because you can doesn't make it a good idea!! | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:14:32 PM | Dear iforgot1
Thank you for that post. I was trying to say exactly what you said.. except I was also trying to add in there that it costs money on top of it to do a few small things for yourself too because as a mother.. and perhaps a father too... we need to get out and get away from it all...particularly if you are a stay-at-home-parent.
Everything I said has been taken way out of context and twisted. I appreciate you simplifying it so well. And, I totally agree with you.
Cindi | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/21/2008 10:46:07 PM | On average it costs approx £200 per child per week from birth to 18. Including childcare costs.
Now of course these figures that the government pull out are all skewed by the highend earners and spenders and its also an average across 18 years.
Everything can be done on a budget. Including Holidays, video games, school trips, bigger house, bigger car etc. Yeah somethings may have to be missed.
We are creating the financial burden of having children by doing the 'I want to give my child every opportunity/experience I didn't get as a child." We fall into the trap that little jonny needs every ganes console going and willing shell out £40-~£50 per game. We allow the hype of toy of the year and spend over the odds to make sure that little jonny has the same present as everyone else. I'll willingly admit my children have more 'things' than they need but more often than not they play with a cardboard box - Limitless possibilities....games that last for hours.... bedrooms full of wasted money.
Clothes... how many times do we grab an outfit out the wardrobe to discover it no longer fits little Jonny and think damn he's only worn it twice? There are days I wonder why my daughter has 6 pairs of trainers. 6?!?! Yep you read that right... and I can't explain how or why! And thats without the school shoes, boots, party shoes etc. Yeah I bought into the shoes for every outfit without even realising. Now shoes I don't pass on. But all those clothes go to other children. Our Local NCH Family centre does well out of the "I want to give my child everything I didn't get"
I can afford to do this, and still get to do the 'me' time. Nights out, weekends away... but many people can't. The UK has horrendous debt problems because people don't live in their means. But this doesn't mean children can't be raised to be well rounded adults on a budget.
I truly believe we need to break the "I want..." cycle... can I do it? I'll think about it when my son comes out of private nursery!
*disclaimer. Its early. The above may not make sense. * | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:39:02 AM | I agree that the mentality that one's children deserve to have everything the parent's never had is faulty thinking and leads to all kinds of problems.
I don't know too many people who do buy all that designer stuff and go that overboard. Maybe on video games and expensive sneakers. Definitely the videos.
I do know people on this forum are taking things to extremes and it's annoying. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/22/2008 11:51:08 AM | Happens all too often within marraiges too regretably.
But I am sure that some of the moms on here have great recipes for no chicken just love in a bowl soup. Or what kid needs a lunch for school when I 've crammed my whole heart in their pocket to tide them over with.
When you try and buy nyeekee runners or why did I buy a 500 hundred dollar video game package. Money money money *&%*** money. Who needs it. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/22/2008 1:29:06 PM | i hope you did not interpret my post as one suggesting that money is not a necessary consideration in having children.
love is the single most important thing we can give our children, right up there with time. but neither of these things can feed, clothe or shelter a child.
i think its pretty obvious that a certain level of financial stability or income potential or whatever is necessary to provide for your child.
i do think however that as a culture, we tend to think that buying things or having things or amassing wealth is an end goal.
i think there's more to life than trying to fill the holes or vacancies or absences we find n ourselves and our relationships with things.
i am raising a child in this world, and she wants for nothing. i know that as she grows, so too will her needs.
i will be able to meet those needs in the future, just as i can meet her needs now.
she won't always get everything she wants, or everything some of her friends will have, but she'll get what she needs. always.
i try not to compete with my friends, with the other parents from her school or even with my family.
we're fine. our life is a little different, but it's always been so. probably always will be.
not judging other people is a good place to start, one way or the other.
a | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:20:29 AM | When my ex wife got pregnant, she was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum. It's when she can't eat nor drink, pukes all the time even if the stomach is empty, and even turning her head caused her to have spasms and vomit. It's horrible, because she's in pain all the time, anguished waiting for the next vomit bout, and spending the day basically immobile on a bed. Even worse, these bouts can make a woman push so hard that she may abort spontaneously. At the hospital, she was there with another two women who lost their babies because of it. She suffered so much that the swore not to have more children.
She spent the first five months of the pregnancy at the hospital, with a parenteral line feeding her through the chest. Every day I went there, I expected the doctor telling me she had lost the baby. Fortunately, the kid was really stubborn and clinged to life. To boot, I was downsized the day after the delivery.
When I got the baby in my arms, I saw how beautiful he was. I also wondered how would I manage to go on, jobless and with two helpless charges, because after delivery, she was unable to work for a long time, and needed medical treatment until full recovery. She was also confined to bed for a few months, meaning I also had to do the housework and most of baby care.
The insurance didn't cover everything, and it was a very hard time for us. I had to take two jobs to support us and even so, if I hadn't have savings, I could have lost my house.
So yes, money is important when planning to have a child. You expect for the best, but must be prepared for the worst. Anything else is unfair, both for the child and for the parents. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/23/2008 8:17:39 PM | | I have one child, and they are not cheap. I do not even considering having another child until im married to someone financially stable. Im in the process of creating that for myself by going to school and getting a degree, but thats so I can adopt....finances are a huge huge part of having a child, not to mention its one of the top reasons couples break up, add a child into that equation and it spells alot more responsibility, and a lot more stress, children are not cheap to feed, dress, daycare aloen for one child here in calgary was 950 dollars a month for one child cause i did not get subsidy, i mean two kids at that price you are better off getting a nanny, not to mention theres dance, hockey, etc depending on their age, that money just doesnt fall out of trees, and then there is education, which is paramount! I mean children are not cheap and if i could afford it id simply adopt as many as I could, but its not. And ill just be single mom banking her checques and hopefully getting rich enough to adopt some day. | |
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| Is money something to consider when having a child?
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:04:54 PM | | If you wait and wait til you have enough money then you will never have kids. However, I do believe that you should be able to take care of yourself and put some money in savings before having a child. You will find out that the money you need to take care of your kids will come from things that you use to do that you don't need to do anymore. | |
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