~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 26 | |
| Trust issues
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:11:13 AM | Wow cowboy...long post. Musta taken agesssss to write that eh?
I managed to sum all that up in one sentence.
Could be...and until OP speaks up...*shrugs*...guess none of us really know
Anywho...OP has disappeared...which means she's probably a retreater ...hehe... | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:22:23 AM | | Can't get pass Cowboy's rant . But Kyn as summed it up nicely | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:36:33 AM | Gee KYN ... maybe we thought you summed it up with this line instead?
This is the start of your first post....
"oh puhlease...I cant believe people are defending this guy.
My ex husband didnt lie to me for 8 yrs and I still think the guy she's talking about was an idiot."
So maybe it was hard to pick out which ONE sentence of yours summed it all up so perfectly? Because this sentence bears no resemblance to what you posted as summing this all up Babe?
Cheers
Cowboy | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 29 | |
| Trust issues
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:04:33 AM |
Gee KYN ... maybe we thought you summed it up with this line instead?
This is the start of your first post....
Gee ya know... if someone thought that...it would mean they DIDNT read and absorb the entire thread...and were more focused on just posting a rant.
So maybe it was hard to pick out which ONE sentence of yours summed it all up so perfectly? Because this sentence bears no resemblance to what you posted as summing this all up Babe?
Well...I didnt have a problem with it...it was near the end of a progressive discussion and not a blind post.
And meh...I dont like babe...call me Buttercup  | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:08:57 PM |
Gee ya know... if someone thought that...it would mean they DIDNT read and absorb the entire thread...and were more focused on just posting a rant.
LOL .. I was just trying to defend the poor guy while you and a dozen others jumped his butt actually with no defense. Oh well... I actually maintained the same position throughout the thread. You seemed to of started on a rant based on the opening quote I used and then waffled towards the end.
And meh...I dont like babe...call me Buttercup
Hi Buttercup.... (wink) Look I enjoy your posts in general. I just disagreed with this one. And again it wasnt just yours here that I did the long post about. I thought many quickly jumped in to the OP's defense. And she didnt deserve it based on the little knowledge we had. Thats all. Sorry for the long post trying to make a point. Sometimes in teh forums where you are the new guy you can't get away with a one liner saying "You guys are nuts.... blah blah blah". You gotta present a logical arguement. oh well...... so much for a logical arguement on here... (rolls eyes...) LOL !
Cheers to you Buttercup! (wink) you better know you will be Buttercup from here on out........
Kindest Regards
Cowboy | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:53:02 AM | Unfortunatly internet dating can lead to finding poeple with things to hide. I was engaged last year to a man who was the poster child for everything bad in internet dating. If I hadn't checked on him I would still be engaged to a married, excon, still on probation, with a cell phone provided by the woman he was flying in from out of state to sleep with guy. And that isn't all, but it's all I have time for.
PS: the cell phone had naked pics of both of them. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:41:00 AM | Sandy.....I can not imagine being engaged to another that you know so little about. The time frame for your knowing him, must have been quite short in order to know so little, and that is not a judgment on my part, just a statement.
Most if not all people have some things to hide unless they are still in their teens, and as I think back to my teens, I had things to hide even then..... 
Owning up to your past is something that each of us must deal with on our own terms, and if you are going to invite another to join you, then you need to explain those things to them, as the both of you feel important enough to do so.
I have had women not tell how many times that they were married, women not tell me about all the children they gave birth to, women not explain their financial problems, women that were sexually molested and did not want to share that part of their life, on and on.
In the end, most if not all things show up and come out to be shared, discussed, and decided upon by each of you, and if you can deal with it or not. The end result, for me at least, is to take the time to know each other WELL enough that the only surprise you might have, is that you really did find one another in the first place......
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 12:04:49 PM | | LOL!!! When are women going to learn that men WILL ALWAYS have other women on the side and/or in their lives???? I guess NEVER because why are they so shocked that other women are in the picture!!??!! | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 12:12:00 PM | | We knew each other for 8 months. And he wasn't with his wife, just hadn't bothered to get a divorce. Also he was, I believe, a pathological liar. Lots of reasons I didn't know until the end. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 12:12:23 PM | | I'm still not clear on exactly WHO answered the phone. DUH. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:08:56 PM | Did I deserve to be broke up with for making that call or do you think my instincts were right and he was just upset with me because he was caught in his lie?This is someone who had already mentioned putting a ring on my finger but dropped me like a bad habit for one mistake.
How could you even accept taking the blame for discovering that he lied and was married? How could you believe a guy telling you he was going to put a ring on your finger, and the drop you like a bad habit. You sound like a self defeatist person that not only accepts this type of behavior, but feels guilty for it.
So be happy that you caught his lie. Be happy that he is no longer in your life. But also stop being an idiot. Do not accept an apology from him, and back to where you were. Do not accept any bu!! crap that these guys seem to tell you.
So here's some practice for you.
"I love you, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"I want you for the rest of my life."
"You're the only woman I ever cared about."
What do you say to all that? Poopy poop. Until stuff like that is said when time has transpired, there's transparency and you know their houses, lives and what not, they are saying it just to get inside your nicker. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:24:40 PM | We knew each other for 8 months. And he wasn't with his wife, just hadn't bothered to get a divorce. Also he was, I believe, a pathological liar. Lots of reasons I didn't know until the end.
It happens!!! Sometimes you can know someone a lifetime and know absolutely nothing about "who" they truly are. Some years ago now, I ran into an old friend. I had known him since the 2nd grade. Small town kids, grew up together, mutual friends, etc. In fact, every ONE of our friends were joint. I had NO clue he had never been legally divorced. That stopped that 2 hour conversation about maybe dating instantly. Fast forward 6 years ~ ran into him, same scenerio. Still NOT divorced but still single (at least in his mind.) If it can happen under those circumstances, it can happen under any circumstance. On the positive side, sometimes you can know someone a day and you may very well know them to the core of who they are. It's the person, not the length of time. JMO | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:28:27 PM | | its always good to double-check..triple-check..if they get pissy at you..then you're better off without them... | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:34:11 PM | | Dear Op - You called his cell using a private number and guess who answered - I need clarification - who answered the phone - if it was another woman - then great he got caught and now he's turning it on you - dump his sorry butt, he knew about your past, and hey better say than sorry. However, if he answered the phone - then he has a right to be pissed, but not enough I believe to warrant ending the relationship. Everyone is entitled to a mistake - but you do need to let the past go. This does not mean in the slightest to put on blinders and live with "rose colored glasses", but I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until I am led to believe otherwise. To many years lived to treat all new men as "suspects" rather than relationships. Everyone gets a clean slate, but that is not to say, that you learn a lesson from the past, just don't let it cloud your future. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:46:40 PM | | I've known many people who won't even meet with the other until they have them "checked out" - there are many services for that too make sure that they are not still married, etc., unfortunately there are many ways apparently too cheat if you are of a mind to do so. I personally can't be with more than 1 guy at a time - simply one is more than enough - but there are others out there - cheating away, etc., so they always say to get a person "checked out" or a "background check". I feel if you have nothing to hide there should not be a problem - after all you really don't know someone from a few texts, etc., and some phone calls. It does not hurt in this day and age to do that. I haven't done that - makes me feel to sneaky or the like, but some people need this for a peace of mind - in your situation I can easily understand it. From what I understand most of these services are on-line - just a thought for the next time around - but definitely I would say don't bring this into new relationships - they have enough problems without adding to them. Still think you caught him, it just wasn't enough to have him get that "angry" especially when he knew your situation. Almost like he set you up! | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:48:29 PM | I will leave all this could have and should have and who should have called or not called whom... He lied.. may be it was an innocent lie or not.. you have trust issues so you blurted out.. whatever.. The key point is that he dumped you so easily which means he was a big liar singing you all these songs about how he loved you.. So he is a liar, big time and forget about the phone story. Suprised that he is a liar? I think not.
You'd be a fool if you believed every single thing a person tells you without verifying it, especially when: 1- e-dating is involved and 2-something fishy is going on. If your words "I confronted him" actually mean you asked a question, consider yourself lucky he saved you a lot of heart-break and left you. He acted like a mad dog. You don't wanna be dating one of those. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:11:05 PM | be glad you got rid of him, if he can dump you like that he did not really fall for you that hard!
Living with a lier can slowly destroy you, but you owe to yourself to heal. Work on loving yourself and believing that you deserve a great man. Next time you get all caught up in your trust issues, call a friend and talk to her instead of acting up on your fears. You should definitely have a friend or two that can help you on your way to recovery. Remember that you cannot control other people's actions, you can only control your response to it. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 12:18:27 AM | | I think you and I have tons in common, except I was with mine on and off for 10 years and we have two children together. He broke up with me becuase I had trust issues. I dodnt trust him agter he left me a year ago to be with his ex(he stole my truck, she said she was dieing). I had an instinct that him and a 19 you co worker had feeling for each other, he denied it, but kept txting her. I was upsey and told him. He disapeared from work for four hours. I had my doubts. Two days later, he broke up with me by txt saying I drove him into her arms and they were shareing a bed less than 24 hrs later. He actually blamed me for my trust issues. I think my instincts were right on and it sounds as if yours was too. Drop him, hes a liar and we both deserve better. I still have to see and deal with my ex because we have children. I hate what happened, but I believe it happened for a reason. He is/was a big jerk and will remain a big jerk. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:44:22 AM | I think you trusted your instinct and he wasn't man enough to deal with being caught in a lie so he projected it onto you.
He lied, you caught him.
Always trust your instincts whether people like it or not.
Yes, you have trust issues, but even so he sounds like a jerk you are better off leaving behind. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:10:21 AM |
so I called his phone using a private number and guess who answered??
I can understand that you might have felt something was odd about him saying that he left his phone at home but you tricked him. Two wrongs don't make a right. He lied about the phone and you tricked him by using a private number to see if you could catch him in that lie.  | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:46:29 AM | Wow., an awful lot of opinions going on here...I have NO knowledge or opinions regarding either side. I DO know, that a future, regarding placing MY heart in the hands of another, IS important enough for ME TO CHECK OUT SOMEONE NEW IN MY LIFE. As far as I'm concerned, I can't think of ANY good reasons to LIE....It's not part of any relationship I wish to cultivate.
I may not tell him that I am checking him out at the time, but you can be sure that I would definitely tell him he passed with flying colors...If he's the man I want him to be...he would be happy to know that I do not have any trust issues, when it comes time to be serious...
Better safe than sorry....I've had enough "sorry".... If he flunked,..,.it would not matter one iota to me, how he reacted to finding out the truth about him!
This philosophy has worked for me sooooo many times that no one can convince me it's not right....for ME.
Just my thoughts..
KK | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:54:35 AM | | More info is needed here... | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:09:13 AM | I agree with KYN!!!
You go girl and let that LOSER lie to someone else!
Good luck! | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:18:51 AM | If he really cared about you he wouldn't mind being tested once or twice, and would understand what your motives are.
You did dodge a bullet. Be thankful. Actions speak louder than words. | |
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| Trust issues
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:21:53 AM | | He probably broke up with you because he thinks your a psycho. I usually leave my phone off during the day because I don't like to be interrupted when I'm with a patient but every once in a while I forget to turn off the ring and end up answering it at work. So, your basicly saying that if I told someone I turn my phone off at work and forget to do so one day, I should expect to be "confronted" about it? Gee I thought at first you were saying he had a wife who had answered. Does he have to explain himself to you if he changes his routine for one day? | |
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