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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/21/2008 11:25:02 AM | I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A
little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,
ballooning, or rock climbing ?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?"
"No," I said. "I've never done any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be
80?" | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:16:49 PM | Bad Mustang, you don't have to worry about hanging around with me. I have never heard that line firsthand. LOL.
This guy goes to see his Doctor and says "Doctor, I have a problem. Every morning at 5:30 am I have a bowel movement." His Doctor says "That's great". The guy replies "No, it isn't. I don't get up until 6:15". | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:18:50 AM | I love these jokes.  They're just sooooo long. I think I'm gonna love to read this thread from start to finish, one day when I have an hour or two to sit at the computer. | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:15:22 AM | lol Me too susie  Tho i have to admit, my humor runs more to the 'Adult' side (lol) i like ALL jokes!! So far these have all given me a good !
And ty to my friend who sent me a good one yesterday! Loved it! | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:40:32 AM | well here is one the requires a little adult imagination sent to me by bugjo
One Has To Laugh !!!
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother
asks if he had done his chores. 'Not yet,' said the little boy. His mother
tells him no breakfast 'til the chores are done. Well, now he's a little
pissed off.
He goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my
cereal?' he asks.
'Well,' his mother says... I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any
eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a
week either.I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any
milk.
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway
across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile
says:
'Are you going to tell him, or should I? | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 9:34:35 AM | Now I remember why I never kicked a CAT!!!
Seriously, before you animal people get mad, it's a joke tread and I don't kick pets, I have 2 dogs and did have cats...
C.W. | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 12:26:48 PM | Not my joke, but read this somewhere..
After starting a new diet, I changed my drive to town to avoid passing my favorite bakery.
I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and there in the window was a collection of all my favorite goodies.
I felt this was no accident, so I started to pray.
Lord, if you don't want me to have any, please no parking space for me directly in FRONT of the bakery..
Sure enough, on my 8th trip around the block there was a spot, right in front..
C.W. | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 1:31:59 PM | You're welcome out in the countrygal...
Here's one for you,
"There once was a man from Nantucket.
Whose............. | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:42:20 PM | This is not a joke but really funny.
I have this posted in my profile....
"You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder."
A guy wrote back, "Thanks I just sat quietly in a field and a butterfly pooped on my head !!"
Love men with humor any out there e-mail me.LOL | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:45:50 PM | | Check back and see if that butterfly was on the move or perched on his head.... Also, lesson to be learned here is NOT to chase a butterfly, or face consequences. | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:53:35 PM | We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death. | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:54:13 PM | Reprinting one from a POF poster...
What's the difference between Vietnam and Iraq?
Bush had a plan on how to get out of Vietnam....... | |
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| Michigan's own little joke thread.
Posted: 7/22/2008 9:15:18 PM | The Donkey
Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a
farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey
the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but
I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied,
'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said,
'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said,
'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked,
'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said,
'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said,
You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with
Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Chuck said,
'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit
of $898.00.'
The farmer said,
'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said,
'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works for the government
"guess we know what happened to chuckie now...lol" Hodgie | |
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