| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:57:34 AM | The OP's question seems to be "why won't men be just exactly what I want them to be, and do just exactly what I want them to do, and when I want them to do it - automatically?".
I have the same question, of course with the word "women" substituted for the word "men". It's soooo difficult when the whole world doesn't revolve around ME!
Yea, what's up with all the bad women who think it's all about THEM?  | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:59:39 AM | I think you have pretty much discovered what dating in general is like. Everyone experiences this, men and women alike. You're just experiencing this in a distilled manner, on a site where there are expectations of finding a relationship. Sites like this speed up the process, but we humans are not built for speed when it comes to relationships.
Think about this -- many years ago, before internet dating sites were born, meeting someone happened by chance. Most stories you hear are of the variety "we met on the bus -- he was doing a crossword and I helped him with a word. Next thing you know, he asked me out for coffee. He called me that weekend and asked me out on a date. He's wonderful, I'm so lucky to have met him."
This site works much differently, and MUCH faster. Do you like shoes? I won't assume you do just because you are a woman, that would be a generalization, and we shouldn't speak in generalizations, right? ;) You'll understand the simile anyway, I'm sure.
Old way of dating: You're walking down the sidewalk, looking for a place to eat, and see a fabulous pair of shoes in a store window. You just have to try them on. You like them, you buy them, you go eat. You might discover that you don't really like the shoes after all, but it's not the end of the world. You'll just pass them along to a friend if they like them. Simple as that.
New way of internet dating: You leave the house intending to find a perfect pair of shoes for some party you're going to. You go to DSW or some other such mega-shoe mart, and start trying on shoes. You're in a shoe store with the intent to find the perfect shoe, so naturally these are too high, those are too green, these others are just ugly. Nothing seems like the perfect shoe, you tried on all of them, and didn't find what you were looking for. You leave, shoeless, disgusted.
Then you see your friend with a beautiful pair of shoes on, and ask her where she got them. "DSW," she replies. Of course, you can't believe that, because if you had seen them, you would have bought them. Unfortunately, they were $3 outside your price range, so you never even looked at them. And your standards were too high too... you shopped there with the intent to find the PERFECT shoe.
The moral? Stop trying so hard. Ease up on your restrictions. Walk into DSW with the intent to still go slow, enjoy the shoe shopping experience, try to see the beauty in each shoe without picking apart its flaws. Try the shoes on, walk around a bit, and if they aren't too expensive, buy them. Buy a few. Eventually you will find a pair of shoes that you just can't live without, but you won't know until you have had a chance to wear them for a while.
Of course, maybe what you really need is a comfortable pair of tennis shoes. You probably didn't even go near that section of the store, did you?
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UV777
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Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 27 | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:11:57 AM | Well. Alrighty then. Glad to have wasted the time writing a long post for someone who isn't going to appreciate what I have to say. What about my post offended you?
I truly wish you well (although it looks as though you have left the building...). There is someone out there for all of us. You just can't hope to find him in every guy you date. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:46:02 AM | And women delete mail, respond later and they already blocked her? It happens. Nothing intentional. I read my mail, deleted, went to work, came back to respond to my emails and had negative e-mail and "YOU REJECTED ME" crap that was never rejected....HELLO....I HAVE TO MAKE A LIVING AND DO MY JOB....and those that responded so negatively - NO THANKS anyway. Men and women alike take this online thing a little too serious and need to chill out, lighten up, have a beer,   ..RELAX!!!!!!! Delete means nothing necessarily.
Moving too fast, not fast enough, not into instant relationships....AGAIN CHILL OUT....some want to get to know another past 3 emails and 1 phone call.
You seem rather needy and one that is add water = instant marriage. Maybe you need to reassess your approach, your self-esteem and confidence. You are being too needy, not enough independence, and to reliant on others to define you. If you define yourself, others will ensue appropriately (or at least you hope appropriately).
You put everything on a checkmark in a box on this page. What if something in the middle was not an option? Like, "I broke up, reassessed, want to date, nothing fast and furious, but don't want to be alone forever, don't want instant sex..." WHAT CATEGORY DOES THAT FALL UNDER????? It's not an option, as you would see. Communicate with people, listen to folks.....then you might not take such nasty offense at their reaction to you. Instead you choose the "instant dumped" mode....so that is indicative of mental stability to handle a relationship if one came? No...that screams....NEEDY - LOVE ME SINCE I CAN'T LOVE ME....
Step back, take a deep breath, reassess. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:54:46 AM |
The OP's question seems to be "why won't men be just exactly what I want them to be, and do just exactly what I want them to do, and when I want them to do it - automatically?".
I have the same question, of course with the word "women" substituted for the word "men". It's soooo difficult when the whole world doesn't revolve around ME!
I was thinking the exact same thing. Well, ok, nearly the exactly same thing. At least, close enough that I'm going to claim that anyway.
OP: Take a run through the positive testimonials. People meet their matches here and other places all the time. Finding someone is actually very tough. It's a long process that can stretch out to years and years. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:59:58 AM | | Websmith, this is obviously about you and what you have said, and it certainly isn't about "honesty". The OP chose to be offended just because. Obviously, she hasn't come here to get advice in the first place, but she came here to vent and possibly seek some pity and attention. I think that's become pretty clear throughout this thread. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:31:52 PM | Well, I see OP is once again in the "wind"........deleted profile.
Guess that light didn't flicker on over her head. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:38:47 PM | | Pretty much what we're thinking about the women on this site. Most don't even bother to respond or reply. Chat with them and they seem disinterested and so standoffish that further reply seems like a waste of time. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:45:34 PM |
Well, I see OP is once again in the "wind"........deleted profile.
Darn. Another one lost to the other side. Buh Bye! | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:02:46 PM |
I went off this site a while ago because I was so disapointed in the men on here. I decided to give it another chance and guess what, I've been back for a couple of weeks and here I am scratching my head again. What's up with men on this site? Or what's up with men in general?? Funny......I could say the same for women!!! | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:06:48 PM | You get what you give..... and obviously the OP wanted all the goodies without putting her best self forward.
Sometimes it's so much easier to b*tch and moan....
I'm here for the FORUMS only and I can tell you that I don't lack for men friends here.
They all know I won't ever meet with them, but when you offer a genuine friendship, you'd
be amazed at what you get back..... yah, free, for nuthin'!!
MEN ROCK!! And once our now deceased OP realizes that the problem was with her, then
she too will become a groupie like bullie.
Feel the love.  | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:13:56 PM |
MEN ROCK!! Let me be the first to say thank you & you rock too for recognizing that!!  | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:22:47 PM | | How about an arranged marriage web site? Where we can go when were sick of dating and a computer matching people up. What do you think? | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:22:56 PM | Websmith, I loved the post even if she didnt. I was using fruit earlier...someone might like apples, some oranges..you can be the best apple in the world but if the other person is wanting an orange it wont matter.
BTW I would have gone with the flip flops :P | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:01:42 PM | If you have reason to hate men you should follow your intelligence and stay away from them.
Naturally meek people want to avoid controversial or opinionated people, so they aren't going to like forum posters.
Better that you filter them out now than in a year from now.
It is all working as it should. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:23:45 PM | UV777
The reality is that males are not females! We will not express have the identical online ethiquette as females.
I'll have to try some other way to meet
Have you considered lesbianism as a possible option that could appeal to your sensitivity issue with how males respond toward online flirting? | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:04:02 PM |
Websmith, I loved the post even if she didnt. I was using fruit earlier...someone might like apples, some oranges..you can be the best apple in the world but if the other person is wanting an orange it wont matter.
BTW I would have gone with the flip flops :P
Thank you. The post wasn't just for her, but for anyone who could get something out of it. I'm glad you liked it. I just get annoyed when you offer advice to someone who asks for it, and then if they don't like the answer, they cop an attitude about it. I try to stay positive in my posts, but it's difficult sometimes... | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:18:23 PM | I know the OP is no longer taking advice but since the post is still open I figured what the hell.
Attitude, whether positive or negative tends to dictate what you find. A good attitude attracts others that are attractive to you. A negative attitude makes good people run from you and bad people flock to you. Negative attracts negative.
The good and the bad of online dating is the barrier to entry is rather low. This means you have to do more work in filtering. In real life our eyes and society tends to do a lot of filtering before we get to people. What I mean by society is that normally a hermit that doesn't talk to people or is too shy to even talk to people and as a result doesn't have normal etiquette and social graces isn't in the mix and online that is a fairly significant group here. It is both bad and good.
Those are the only two things I can suggest to change your situation. Change your attitude and it will change your results and be understanding and realistic of the good and bad of your chosen mode of dating online. I say that because if your messages are anywhere as negative in tone as your posts are then I can understand why guys are running. See my above reasoning for attitude.
Cheers and good luck! | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:28:16 AM | [Naturally meek people want to avoid controversial or opinionated people, so they aren't going to like forum posters.]
...Maybe. But controversial people are interesting and opinionated people are always good for a laugh. | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:06:03 PM |
I've met alot of women on other websites, that I could talk with and take seriously.
But this one, I have a hard time with. Which is a shame because its a nice site. Totally my experience with the only difference I am a woman. What's is wrong witht he site?
OR US??? maybe we just don't take free things seriously? And when we pay - we try it harder | |
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| What's up with everybody?
Posted: 7/23/2008 5:57:51 AM |
I was using fruit earlier...
I don't know how I missed this before... thanks for sharing!
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