| There is no
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:35:07 AM | Ugh.
There is no "translation." It's not about men vs. women, us vs. them. People are very different, all of us. So stop looking at him as "a guy" and start looking at him as your boyfriend. Remove the barriers.
I read his statement as "I'm ready to open up with you and tell you how I feel, but I want to know if you feel the same way before I do." But I don't know him. You do. What do you think he means? Go with your gut.
For me, there are 4 things vital in any relationship:
- Honesty
- Communication
- Trust
- Respect
If you don't have one of them, the others will eventually suffer as well. I can't respect a person who is not honest with me. You need all 4 to have a healthy relationship.
Juliet, you love him. Show him respect. Be honest with him, and communicate your feelings. Trust that he will be respectful of you and communicate with you about his own feelings as well.
The best advice I can give you is to sit with him, tell him that you are confused by his statement, that you love him, and you want to know if he feels the same way. If he would do anything for you, that means he won't run away if you tell him how you feel, and if you let him know that it is okay if he doesn't love you the same way, then he should feel safe enough to tell you the truth.
If you both cannot be honest with each other, talk about it, and trust each other, then I don't see how you can progress and grow in your relationship.
It is very scary to get over the "I love you" hump in a relationship. But you have to look at it differently. If he does love you too, then you have something to build on, and can progress in your relationship. If he does not love you, and can't give you what you are looking for, wouldn't you rather know that now, salvage what relationship you do have, and move on to find someone who can reciprocate your feelings? You may find that the two of you become the best of friends for life, instead of waiting a year, getting into a fight, breaking up, and never seeing each other again.
Good luck, hon. | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:44:33 AM | IMO . . .Ekimnod3 . . . said it perfectly . . .
Pretty simple, he's not sure he's "in love with you" but probably loves you. That being said, relax, communicate with him, and enjoy the moment.
Don't listen to what a guy says or doesn't say. His actions will speak louder then any words.
Just to elaborate . . . . we know . . . we can love someone . . . . but NOT . . . . be IN LOVE with that person . . . . . it takes time to DECIDE . . . whether or not that person is THEEEEEE person for you.
In the meantime . . . .when you are together you enjoy each others company . . . you laugh . . . you share . . . you learn/feed off of each other . . . . you are BOTH enjoying each other and learning about each other . . . .
Maybe I missed something . . . . So my question to you is why does it matter that he is NOT "IN" love with you "YET"? ?
~Myth~ | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:49:13 PM | | Take it for what it says and don't read anymore into it. If he loved you he would use the words "I love you". Don't try to figure it out. | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:15:02 PM |
Geez you men are strange little creatures.
Dating women chases the sanity and common sense out of men. That's what makes us 'strange'.
But regarding your post if you want to know what a guy means when he says something - ask! | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:51:50 PM | "Love" and "like" have different meanings for mainstream men and women.
If he said he loved you it might well mean he was back for sex. The old chemistry thing, which as you know wears off.
Long term, it is better that he "like you one whole heck of a lot" because liking is about personality and the feeling lasts much longer. | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:08:08 PM | JulietJuliet
LOL ~ I can't stop laughing! You go ask in a forum for a male perspective on a comment made by your current boyfriend and when (2) males offer you their perspective yet they state something you obviously refuse to hear that being --> NOT TO READ ANYTHING INTO HIS WORDS.
You immediately post a response that indicates that YOU will believe what you want to believe --> HE "LOVES" YOU. Good luck with that! Call Harlequin romance and start penning your first book!
All there is left to say is; Men although women pretend to ask for our advice, the reality is that in general they don’t want to hear anything that will contradict their fantasies. They’ll always have their minds made up way before their mouth opens up requesting advice!
And to think that females rant that we are the pigheaded of the two sexes! | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:15:47 PM |
LOL ~ I can't stop laughing! You go ask in a forum for a male perspective on a comment made by your current boyfriend and when (2) males offer you their perspective yet they state something you obviously refuse to hear that being --> NOT TO READ ANYTHING INTO HIS WORDS.
You immediately post a response that indicates that YOU will believe what you want to believe --> HE "LOVES" YOU. Good luck with that! Call Harlequin romance and start penning your first book!
All there is left to say is; Men although women pretend to ask for our advice, the reality is that in general they don’t want to hear anything that will contradict their fantasies. They’ll always have their minds made up way before their mouth opens up requesting advice!
And to think that females rant that we are the pigheaded of the two sexes!
Zen has nailed it. Additionally, those who counseled you to "ignore what he says, look at what he does" are steering you wrong. So if a man is very nice to you, then he loves you? What? If he says he loves you without any actions, then surely he means it right?
Saying "I love you" is not a magic phrase. Neither is being thoughtful towards someone necessarily an indication of love. The two must go hand in hand, or neither one means love.
I'm starting to see why some people go through relationships like toilet paper -- they never listen to what a man says, they ascribe all sorts of bizarre meanings to his actions, and they never actually communicate as two mature adults do. | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:22:02 PM | JJ pay very close attention to jazz and bourbons posts.
That doesn't mean that he can't be at the deep end of "like", he just might be one of those guys that doesn't toss that particular word around unless he is sure he means it. Or he might just be a big chicken feeling you out for your response.
Best way to handle it is ask him straight out if he thinks it could be heading to "more than like", or just relax and see if anything develops down the road. | |
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| There is no
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:41:08 PM | | I agree with websmith, actualy thats some great philosophies. Mind if I quote you? | |
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| There is no
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:53:54 PM | | Not at all, thank you. | |
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| There is no
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:22:11 AM |
You go ask in a forum for a male perspective on a comment made by your current boyfriend and when (2) males offer you their perspective yet they state something you obviously refuse to hear that .....Wrong I did hear it and I do appreciate comments regardless of whether I agree or not.
I agree with actions speak louder than words. This weekend he said it again! However he also said he wants to squeeze me so much but won't cause he might crush me!
I'm just going to mosy along and enjoy our time together.
We currently see each other every second day and plan our weekends together which includes dining out and visitng friends so I think the old 'just want's sex' theory doesn't seem to apply in this case.
I think not having a b/f for almost 10 years takes a bit of getting use to!
Thankyou for your reponses I have enough advice now and am quite content. | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:53:58 AM | for me when it comes to your "women language" i like to use the phrase "it's greek to me." As far as ive seen most women who are genuine in nature have a habit of send hints to a guy that he will never understand, or talking about a different subject when really meaning something else etc etc. Me on the other hand, and most of the guys tha i know, we are about as sharp a a cinder block when it comes to throwing hints, or catching them. so for us we like to remain blunt and be straightforward in what we say. If the man really really likes you, he likes you as more than a friend, if he would do anything for you, he would die to protect you, he would take a beating to defend your honor, he would be a shoulder to cry on, he would give you a massage just to be nice, he would make you dinner, etc. he is trying to get back together with you, which it seems he was blunt about as well, and it worked! Women always say they will never understand men, but for the most part, we are very simple and basic creatures. if he is an honest man take him at his word and that's all there is to it. but im not the one dating him, so you have to be the judge.
What ^^^ he said.
As for the other poster who said there's two types: one's that will say anything and those that mean what they say and say what they mean.
It is only women who say one thing, do another, say another thing and mean the complete opposite and generally communicate in sanskrit......
For example:
When you ask a man what he wants for dinner, and he says "oh, I don't know..." it means, uh, he doesn't know.....he hasn't given it any thought, and for the most part, unless it's dog food, he really doesn't care.
If you ask a woman what she wants for dinner and she says "I don't know" it means: She wants you to prepare her all time favourite gourmet meal, (which she's never disclosed to you), complete with linen napkins, served by a butler named gerrard, and should come with her favourite chardonnay (also which she never disclosed to you) and complete with a low fat high fibre sorbet dessert (which she won't eat cuz she's watching her weight and how dare you even put it in front of her even though she wanted you to in the first place). Oh, almost forgot, if this is a friday night and you DON'T know all the above, you're in for a weekend of irritating little sighs and whenever you ask her what's wrong, she'll answer "NOTHING" and if you act as if nothing is wrong? NO SEX FOR YOU FOR A MONTH!!!! lol | |
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| Congrats :)
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:58:13 AM | That's awesome, JJ.
It sounds like you two have a great thing going. I wish you both well, and lots of luck (and love!) | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:23:37 AM | "Ignore everything men say and pay attenion to what they do."(stolen from a very wise man) If I could shout this from the rooftops I would.It was like an eye opening experience for me.
You already said "he has been doing everything for me."You have your answer just give him to time to say it.
I know its ask a guy and I don't have a man card ......but am I wrong guys ?
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:39:53 AM | "Ignore everything men say and pay attenion to what they do."(stolen from a very wise man) If I could shout this from the rooftops I would.It was like an eye opening experience for me.
You already said "he has been doing everything for me."You have your answer just give him to time to say it.
I know its ask a guy and I don't have a man card ......but am I wrong guys ?
nope. | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:53:23 AM | OP, theres an old adage, true or not:
"Women tend to fall in love quickly, and can fall out of love just as quickly. Men take a long time to fall in love, but take a long time to fall out of love too."
Its a generalization, of course, everyone is different - but perhaps there is a measure of truth in it. At least for myself, there can be "passion" in there, which is wonderful - but not "love" in my eyes, and I'm not one to break out the phrase "in love" until I realize that this is the person I feel like I "dont' ever want to lose".
I wouldn't be in a rush to assume "love" doesn't come out "because it may be too soon" - that sounds, uh, rather "calculating" - like its gotta be on some "timescale"? Remember that women, in general, are far more emotional beings than men - and are "more in touch" with their emotions - sometimes it takes us guys time to process those feelings - not about it being "too soon", but just that we ourselves "don't really know" exactly how strong those feelings are? It sometimes takes us a while to process "she's an incredible woman I could see being with forever" into "y'know what, I'm in love with her". | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:20:45 AM | Unfortunately, most peoples definition (if they even have one)
of love is quite flawed! Maybe as a simple test, one could ask if
you STILL love all those you uttered those words to?
I would guess that when most men blurt out the "I Love You"
(Usually way too soon) that they simply mean that they feel
a deep passion or possibly even lust! It's not LOVE, but I
guess, it's as good as they know.
Of course as mentioned, there are those that use it for manipulation! | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:28:25 AM | OP,
It's too soon for either of you to be declaring love. Let it flow naturally and if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Meanwhile, enjoy. Sounds like he really, really likes you so far. Don't monkey it up with pressure too soon. Besides, after 5 weeks (yes, I know there was a prior relationship), people can't be really sure...wayyyyy too soon. I honestly don't know why people feel the need to rush these things. Good luck! | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:44:50 PM | Depends on the context of the conversation. If you said & asked "I love you.... do you love me?" and he answered with "I really really like you..." translated means "No, I don't, but I care a lot about you."
If you merely said "I really like you...", and he said "I really really like you, I always have, and I would do anything for you", then yeah, you can say that he's pretty much fallen for you again (unless he said it while he's drunk; a redo is necessary when he's sober). | |
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:24:02 AM |
If you said & asked [/]"I love you.... do you love me?" and he answered with "I really really like you..." translated means "No, I don't, but I care a lot about you."
If you merely said "I really like you...", and he said "I really really like you, I always have, and I would do anything for you"then yeah, you can say that he's pretty much fallen for you again (unless he said it while he's drunk; a redo is necessary when he's sober). .....Thats just it I didn't ask him anything, he just came out and said it! No he wasn't drunk!
He did say tonight when he phoned me that he had been thinking about me all day and felt 'happy' and needed to let me know how I was making him feel. Think I'm on a winner here!
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| Please translate into women's language
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:41:09 AM | If you really want to know...next time your together and he says something about how he likes you, say something like this:
"I like you a lot too. It's would be easy to completely fall for you."
If he say's anything like "So what's stopping you?"
You can say "I don't want to cross that line, for fear of standing alone"
His next words will be your answer. | |
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