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| E.D.
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:32:20 AM | On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and
asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused
state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30
years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes
and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband
in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his
employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he
had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty
years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which
were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the
results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his
voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would
have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him. You know, men just don't know when to keep their mouth shut.
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:41:22 PM | How do you know whether there are any members here who are dwarfs?
I think your joke is in cruel poor taste. How would U feel if you were at pof looking to meet someone and you were a dwarf? | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:29:19 PM | Get a life, it's a joke ...
Thanks | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:48:08 PM | Another thing, lady, the joke is about 2 Dwarves ....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarf
Noone calls a "little person" a dwarf or midget anymore.
Just to keep you in the loop, noone uses the term coloured people when referring to blacks and asians are asian, not oriental. | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:03:52 AM | One day as a woman was sewing while sitting on the riverbank,
her thimble fell into the river.
When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,"Why are you crying?"
The woman replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble.
Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The woman replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a wooden thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woman replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with a silver thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The woman replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her
all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the woman was walking with her husband
along the riverbank when he fell into the river.
She cried out, and the Lord again appeared and asked her,
"Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson.
"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woman.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woman replied "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up
with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with
my husband. Had I then said 'yes', you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands,
so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is
for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:43:25 AM | Thanks for calling me a lady! lol. (RIGHT)
Dwarfism (various types, btw) is a real genetic condition and that is the correct name.
Whether its 1 or 2 dwarves (I thought about that spelling at the time, actually, thanks)
You are correct about the use of the word ''midget'' though.
My point is still the same. It was/is a joke at the expense of anothers' difficult-enough situation.
I'm sure you can do better than that. Maybe someday you'll have a kid that turns out to be born a dwarf. Would it be so funny then?
Humour IS subjective, but ridicule, humiliation, etc. is ignorant and sadistic. (IMO)
I ''got'' the joke, but to me it isn't funny. Maybe pass it by some real dwarves and see if they get a chuckle out of it. Some may. I dunno........
I'm not trying to just be PC or even right for my own ego. I'm also not here to criticize you so don't get so bent out of shape and nasty. I think it's great to share humour. Still, that one crossed the line.
It's juvenile. (OK, I AM old,lol)
Gotta go enjoy this beauteous day. Hope U are doing the same.
I HAVE a life. Why are you spending so much time HERE? | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:01:20 AM | I heard this joke using newfies ....but it can be used for whatever ...so here I am Italian .....let's go with that .
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Farmer has a cow ....great cow ....always gave great milk ...til one day ...the milk was sour ....he didn't know what to do.
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Called the Vet ....Italian Vet .....he came over .....looked over the cow and tells the farmer ...."very simple ....cow's eyes are crossed ...see ...." So he goes and gets a hose ...and shoves it up cow's behind and starts blowing ....and blowing and blowing .......15 minutes of that and Cows eyes start to cross back to normal........et Voila ......the cow gives great milk again.
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Farmer elated ......"how much Doc " ....... and Italian Vet tells him 200$ .
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Weeks go by ....Cow's eyes recross again .......Farmer not being dumb ....decides to get the hose and save the money . But after hours of blowing ....nothing happens .....so he calls the Italian Vet .
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Italian Vet comes ...sees one end of the hose up the cow's butt and looks at farmer .... "Ha ha .....tried to do it yourself " .....and as he is laughing he goes and pulls out the hose from cow's behind ......proceeds to put the other end up the cow's behind ........
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The Farmer looks at Vet ......."Why are you doing that ? "
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Italian Vet looks at the Farmer with incredulous eyes and says " Well, sir .....you don't actually think I will put my mouth on the end you had your mouth on ?"
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:31:05 AM | How'd the Italian break his neck getting a drink of water ......... the toilet seat fell on him !!!
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How'd he break his back getting a drink of milk .......the cow fell on him.
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How'd he know his socks needed cleaning .......when he threw them against the wall ...they stuck !! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH
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I ogt a million of em , I tell ya. | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:19:41 PM | OK...this thread is all about me, as I suffer from all of these afflictions. ED, Dwarfism, Males are like... jokes! All making fun of my hardships... or lack thereof. 
How improper to laugh at an other... ruthless I say
There was an old lady,
who heard, '...you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by
stuffing the pack into a condom.'
She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up.
The pharmacist said, "What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am." She said "I'm
not sure, they're for my Camels." He fainted.
Live well
And Love long,
But for heaven's sake
Don't bring your camels to the beach.  | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 9/5/2008 5:52:26 AM | One night a woman wakes to find that her husband is not in bed. She
goes downstairs to find him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of
coffee staring straight ahead. She watches as he wipes a tear from his
eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"Honey, what are you doing down here at this hour?" she whispered.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only
16?" he said solemnly.
"Yes, I do." she said quietly, trying to comfort her distraught husband.
The husband paused as the words would not come easily. "Do you remember
when your father, the cop, caught us fooling around in the back seat of
my car?"
"Yes, I do." said the wife as she lowered herself into the chair beside
her troubled husband.
"Do you remember when he shoved his gun in my face and said, 'Either
you marry my daughter or I'll send you to jail for 20 years!' "
"I remember that too," she replied softly.
He wipes another tear from his face and whimpers..."I would have gotten
Out today."
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| E.D.
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:34:16 AM | | lol that was great | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 9/5/2008 6:44:14 AM | Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis fifty times." | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:14:48 AM | A man wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no recollection of the night before.
Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.
He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top.
The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside table is a note, which says, 'Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.'
Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper - and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.
'Tell me, son,' he asks, 'what happened last night?'
'Well, says the boy, 'you came home so blind drunk you didn't even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.'
'Christ!' says the man. 'Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?'
'When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, 'Get your filthy hands off me, you whore, I'm married!''
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| E.D.
Posted: 9/25/2008 10:23:17 PM | I am back for a bit... but, I brought a good joke with me...
GOLFER'S HONEYMOON
A guy out on the golf course takes a high spee ball right in the crotch
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon
next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way'
The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it
heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.'
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided
splint, and taped it all together; . an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their
honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her
beautiful breasts. She said, 'You're the first; no one has EVER touched
these.'
He immediately drops his pants and replies, .....'Look at this, .....still in the CRATE!'
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:52:25 PM | My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other
day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/20/2008 7:00:58 PM | Joke time
Old men may walk slow BUT think F A S T
In Queensland l had owned a large property for several years. I had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where I had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and I also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.
One evening I decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as I hadn't been there for a while. I grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As I neared the dam, I heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As I came closer I saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in my dam. I made the women aware of my presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to me, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' I frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.'
Holding the bucket up , 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.'
Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/20/2008 7:17:04 PM | Hee Hee Hee...
Very good misstiqueII.
Old horny woman
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, “Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?”
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, “Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.”
The old woman then asks, “Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk…aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?”
The clerk responds, “Yes we do.”
She asks, “Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo Ttturrrnnn ttthe ssuma aaffabbiiiitttccchh offffff?”
Must be using eveready batteries. | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/22/2008 9:20:35 PM | Very funny ^^^^^^
I think this is funny.. well, funny by my standards
Li b eral or Labour , I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night,! he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and see s his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Any questions  | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/23/2008 2:58:04 PM | LOL now thats what I call hitting the nail on the head miss Tique.
Well done
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/25/2008 12:12:50 PM | Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sexual intercourse:
1: Smurf Sex.
This is when you first meet someone and you both go at it until you are blue in the face.
(Notice the blue  )
2: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so easily turned on by your partner, you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
(This calls for a ;~ )
3: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a while and the sex has become routine and usually only occurs in your bedroom.
(If you are not married, "Make Sure You've Got One Foot On The Floor") 
4: Social Security Sex.
This is when you get a little each fortnight, but not enough to live on.
(Blame it on ED.)
5: Religious Sex.
This is when you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
(Too kinky for moi!!!)
6: Hallway Sex.
This is after you have been having the 5th kind too long and when you pass each other in the hallway, you both say, "screw you."
(Especially if neither of you weren't dressed as a Nun.)
7: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand each other any more and your spouse takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
(Doing the nasty??) 
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/25/2008 7:43:49 PM | Who is ED?
I don't understand.
Why is ED hiding?
Hiding under his turtleneck?
He should be proud and poke his head from wear...
...as long as it is not anywhere near me
Il fait froid, et faudrait que je me cache.
Encore.
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/26/2008 7:35:44 AM | Good one Sissy -poo, keep them coming Sissy cc | |
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/26/2008 7:39:10 AM | A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra.
Seeing the $10 per pill price, the man was astonished - but his wife had a different opinion -
"Oh, $30 a year ain't too bad".
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/26/2008 11:24:02 AM | ^^^^^ a good and short joke..
Here is mine
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only
underwear made of Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, 'Well...I can clearly see your nuts.'
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| E.D.
Posted: 10/26/2008 11:48:16 AM | So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.
She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, it's a permanent | |
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