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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:18:07 PM |
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Vital. At least for me personally. Without that, I'd just be dating to date and I don't see the need to waste the energy, time, effort, emotions, etc., to get through the 'getting to know you' phase. If 'he' isn't on the same path I'm on, we can be friends, but it won't go any further than that. JMO  | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:30:35 PM | Oh the modern world of hi-tech internet, hey I just got my hi-speed!
Anyway, on to the subject at hand. I guess I'm one of the last of the rare-breed of people that still believe in a monogamous relationship. When I'm in a serious-committed relationship, I feel that trust, mutual respect and communication are the building foundation to a lasting relationship. My guy knows and will get all the love and attention that he deserves.
Laurie  | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:41:15 PM |
One thing that always amazes me on these threads, is how people who are monogamous, look down on those of us who aren't. I don't go around saying everyone who doesn't believe and act like me is damaged somehow. I don't believe in monogamy as a valid relationship structure for me, but I'm not going to attack people who feel it works for them. Why the need to attack us? Is it so hard to come to terms with the fact that different relationship structures appeal to different people? Does it have to be right or wrong? Once you take out the religious factor, is there really a need to pass judgement here?
No one is looking down on you for not being monogamous. What's looked down on is someone that pretends to be monogamous, but they aren't.
That's fine if you want to just screw around, but don't pretend to be something you are not. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:51:26 PM | Re post 54:
"That's fine if you want to just screw around, but don't pretend to be something you are not."
With all due respect, "screwing around" is not a term that best describes the honest non-monogamous people. And this expression does not bode well with: "No one is looking down on you for not being monogamous", does it?
"What's looked down on is someone that pretends to be monogamous, but they aren't."
Agreed, But that includes many many many many men and women, who say/claim/pretend one thing (monogamy) and do another, even by "accident" (sic)!
Some would rather claim to be non-monogamous and turn out to be monogamous in a rel, than the other way around. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:00:09 PM | Bitohoney, I didn't think you were talking about me but thank you for clarifying and being considerate. I am all about honest differences. 
No one is looking down on you for not being monogamous. What's looked down on is someone that pretends to be monogamous, but they aren't.
I read terms like disgusting in peoples answer and that's what I am responding to. Now, I have no more tolerance for a lier than anyone else. It makes all of us look bad. We have a term that we use "responsible non-monogamy". That means everyone involved is honest, aware, and practices safer sex practices. No lying to the spouse allowed. No pretending to be monogomous when you aren't. Those actions are irresponsible and that's something most people won't tolerate. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:18:29 PM | Hi Nayukhuut
Most men do not want 'open relationships'. I do know men who think that way and are 'sex maniacs' but they're in the minority.
I've gone for Nonogamy for many years now because it's actually very difficult to find a 'modern' woman, who I find attractive, and who is firstly appropriately available and secondly (and most importantly) capable of maintaining a balanced loving/romantic relationship.
I've had several married women and also single women with multiple boyfriends come on strong to me. I sometimes find women I take an interest in will pretend they haven't got boyfriends when they have - and don't bat an eyelid when I find out.
I've known women in their late 30's who tell me they've never been without a boyfriend yet have had many boyfriends which means they've always had 'overlapping' boyfriends.
My personal shocker though was when my ex wanted me to see other women (I suspect she wanted to see other men and this was her 'get out of jail card').
I left her 14 years ago and I've been Nonogamous (celibate) ever since. I prefer what I have now to what I had during my marriage.
I do know a lot of long-term happily married monogamous couples too so we mustn't be too jaded and most of them will talk about wanting to see me settled like they are - which would be great apart from the world has changed a lot since they got together (some of them have been married over 30 years).
I think it all comes down to how much you value yourself and are you able to be faithful to your self-image rather than are you able to be faithful to another person. I don't want to be involved with someone after an 'open' relationship but I respect them if they tell me that's what's on offer so I can refuse it early on.
Personally, I blame the pill and condoms.
Take those things away and we'd find celibates and monogamous married people all over the place once more. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:50:59 PM | Absolutely.
Intimate relationships are funny that way. In every other kind of relationship, you would be considered silly to put all your eggs in one basket, but if you followed the same rule of thumb with dating, then the relationship wouldn't be very intimate, would it? | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:52:39 PM | Right on OP!
I dont think I could play an open relationship game!
I always have been and always will be monagamous anything else confuses me and I can get confused pretty easy! :D
I hear of a lot of people that go outside their relationships for whatever reason. I just would not want to hurt my partner or demean myself or whomever I am with.
If that makes me a minority then so be it. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:06:57 PM | Wow first and foremost great topic 
I think most women, not all, want the safe relationship and thats were monogomy comes into play. I know that I would give my right arm just to have a man that wants to be monogamous. Lately it seems that both femaie and men, mostly men want only the famous FWB and nothing more. In the town that I am in the average 8 out 10 guys only want you for that, as as soon as you want something serious they all disappear. Maybe I'm stepping away from the topic but I just wanted to share that  . | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:08:27 PM | | For me, it's monogamy or it's the highway. It really is quite simple for me. If others want "freedom", then so be it. Its none of my business anyway, because it won't affect me. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:15:44 PM | OP -- I've always been monogamous. Have only been in 4 relationships in my life -- one early boyfriend, two deceased husbands, and a current boyfriend.
There are lots of people who are life-long one partner people. The point is to make sure you only get into relationships with like minded people. You can find out all you need to know during dating.
Just take your experience as a life lesson and move on. Sorry you had a bad time. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:22:50 PM | Most of us are here to find a partner. We are complex beings. Each of us has likes and dislikes. Activities we want to engage in with a partner and others we don’t. Attitudes that are important to us. Values. Fears. Personality traits.
Some seem to be less complex. In 2-3 lines they express what they are looking for in a long-term relationship. (To be fair, some short profiles are probably just intended to pique interest with the all the person is looking for to be shared in person). I have some very specific desires and use the entire allotted space to express them.
What I am seeing is that even people with just average desires are often single for one to many years. And this has nothing to do with sex. Just normal everyday, middle-of-the-road people. My impression is that many are having trouble finding an ideal partner. I don’t think your situation as a monogamist is any more difficult than that of others.
Actually, presenting yourself as a monogamist could be a big help. A profile serves two purposes. First it should attract people that are potential good matches. Second, it should send running those that aren’t good matches. I just did a PoF search for ladies within 25 miles of my zip code between the ages of 45 and 63. I’m 58. It presented me with 418 results. At one date per day with a different lady each day, it would take over 13 months to meet all of them just once. Certainly not a practical way to find a partner. So, if you want a particular type of person, emphasize that in your profile to attract them. If you don’t want a particular type of person, emphasize that to scare them away. Both will help you narrow down the field to the one you are looking for.
My user name is sensualmassage42. A lot of ladies probably don’t make it past this word. That’s good. A few have told me they were attracted to me because of my user name. That’s also good. Your user name gives no indication of your monogamy. I just did a user-name search for sexymonogamist. Jump on it. That would tell people immediately that you really like sex but just with your partner.
Next place to focus on is your headline. For example: “Sexy monogamist looking for same”. Attract or send running. This also shows up when there is a screen full of search results.
A third place to put this information is in the first three lines of your text as displayed on search result pages. Anyone skimming these results without going to each full page will find this information and want to read more or move on to the next person. For some reason you do not mention monogamy at all in your profile “About Me” nor the “First Date” texts. You presented so many great things that are important to you but not monogamy. Why not?
Finally, and not until the last of 58 “Interests” does the potential partner find the word “Monogomy” and then it is misspelled. It should be monogamy.
My profile is long and many ladies probably don’t read the whole thing. The typical man may be even worse in this regard. So put what you want where it will be seen quickly. Make it an appealing attribute of yours. By saying “I dislike how our society is obsessed with sex. I'm tired of going to these types of sites and seeing people trying to flaunt themselves like pieces of shallow pretty meat and I dislike "adult" entertainment.” a person could conclude that you don’t like sex at all. So you might end up scaring the monogamists away that very much enjoy sex with their partner. Now you are down to a few deadbeats that you probably won’t like and will truly end up remaining single. Monogamy is truly not appealing to many people. Make it sound great and exciting instead of presenting sex as something disgusting.
Remember, you only need to find one great partner. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:24:22 PM | | Monogamy is very important to me . I am a tad selfish ,and like the thought of when someone is with me sexually ,they are only with ME sexually . I don't share well . | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:49:48 PM | | A man fell in love with a woman and he wants her, desires her. He thinks it will last. But after some period of time he loses sexual interest in her. And then what? She would tell him that he got a problem, that he is impotent and need some help. The only solution to this situation is another woman. To a man a woman is like a book. Some women like thick books, other thin - meaning some women can excite a man for long, others only for a short period of time. And NOTHING wrong with the man. If a man is not sexually satisfy he will look around or stay miserable with a woman. Does it make sense to stay in an unhappy relationship? Monogamy is mostly for women. And not for all women. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:01:06 PM | Relationships dont always last forever and so all we can do is take relationships as they come along.
Some will last 50+ years and others a week or two.
It just depends on the people you meet and your own personality as to how long things last. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:22:27 PM | | Just wanted to let you know that I agree with you on the subject of monogomy. I've never had sex with anyone I've dated either. I'm also proud to know that no matter what anyone thinks or says about my belief on this matter, I firmly hold true to what I believe in. Don't let anyone ever change what you believe in. Be strong in the face of addictions. And above all don't be ashamed, but proud. And don't feel pressure nor different because you believe in something different. There is nothing wrong with that. So be strong, and stand proud for what you believe. | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:37:34 PM | Monogomy for sure. I have never thought anything else would work for me.... lol... "does not share well"... that's me.
Blonde | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:38:43 PM | | Whenever I'm monogamous with a new woman, I think about how nice it'll be when I'm monogamous with someone new... | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:46:24 PM | Thank God I have only been unfaithful once and I wasn't even dating the guy I was just begaining a possiblity of a relationship with a man I had been friends with for over a year. (still to me it was wrong). Some may say its not cheating unless there is a comittment I dissagree. If it is a real possiblity for a relationship that is when I believe any & all relationships should stop. Yes ONE TIME I screwed up and still feel bad aboutit and the man that I slep with was the boyfriend I ended it with before.
Other Than that I AM VERY PROUD TO SAVE I NEVER CHEATED!
OPEN- relationships USUALLY benifit one partener and the other does it for the one thats being benitfited | |
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| Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:52:05 PM |
If both people are sleeping with other people, and they both know about it, then it isn't cheating. That's one reason why the "are we exclusive" talk is so important sometime soon after you start dating. If you haven't agreed to being exclusive to each other, then its fair play if one or both people are sleeping with other people besides each other.
sounds lawyer-ish - getting off on a technicality (so to speak)
Monogamy or Nonogamy for me too.
The instant gratification bandwagon is followed by a big dump truck of justification and I agree that our media makes it worse. Or makes it so commonplace that we accept it as 'normal'.
If people are upfront about their preferred lifestyle there is no problem - it's when someone lies to trick another into a relationship they wouldn't normally choose that it gets messed up. | |
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