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 NewWayHome
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 176
Monogomy is it important anymore?Page 8 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
To the posters who are hijacking and altering the original content and purpose of the OP's thread, please take you religious arguments over to the Religion or Science forums. You're being rude by having your discussion here.


The thread title says: Monogamy is it important anymore?

It doesn't say from a non-theological or any other particular viewpoint, merely asks if it is, and why. If the answer turns out to be religious, it's not irrelevant.

Monogamy has nothing to do with adultery or they wouldn't be two different words. Go back and read post number one and realize what the question was really about. I'm not monogamous; I happen to be a Muslim, so I can have more than one wife, but guess what, I'm still not supposed to commit adultery.

The question was actually about being faithful, which is about adultery, not monogamy.

Or maybe it's not even a question of monogamy or adultery, maybe it's simply a question about betrayal.
 ApplePieSweetTart
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 177
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:03:04 PM
^^ Good points!
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 178
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:07:55 PM

I believe in monogomy very strictly.


Couldn't agree more.


I also believe that sex should be with a person that matters and never just casual.


You're stunted... emotionally and mentally. Seek therapy.


So I ask where and when did this become so commonplace.


... Really? Well let me think... I'd say about 30,000 - 40,000 years ago... give or take a couple millenia.


Or was it always there and just become more public now that our society is so openly obsessed with sex.


... Guffaw... You realize, of course, that sexually speaking most of today's societies are practically the Virgin Mary right? Looking back at history... we're pretty tame.


...but we outgrew that need as a species a long time ago and to be honest I've always really hated that excuse.


We outgrew it? How do you figure... do you understand evolution? lol That habit is part of our success as a species and still is ok? Also... its not even an excuse. We have human minds which we use to override instinct everyday. "Its in our genes!" Is NEVER an excuse for a healthy person. NEVER. You can restrain yourself. Do you pee in public? Do you growl and throw feces at every male that approach's your woman? No. So don't use that line, its lame... and indicates your extreme stupidity gentlemen.



In conclusion monagomy is a part of a deep bond between two people. A deep one mind you. These are far more rare then TV lets on. Soooo... you can't expect everyone to automatically feel that way about you hun. You just cant. Some farseeing and smart men, me included, know that if the relationship has even the POSSIBILITY of developing into a Love then its smart to stay faithful from the get go. But men like me are hard to find. ^_^
 upbeat99
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 179
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:22:57 PM
I agree, You would think a man would NOT a woman that has been with a lot of other men. I know that they have been divorced but that is differant.
I had coffee with a guy to-day that said he was a Christian on his profile. When asked what he wanted out of life with a woman, He said sex. A true Christian (guys) that would not have been the answer.
When I meet a guy, a true Christian. It's not for him to spend all kind of money on me.
I don't even care to go dutch. I want to get to the man, the true man. We could go places & do things & just get to know each other.
Because in the end if there is not true love when you reach those golden years when you cannot have sex any loner you will still be alone.
So I want someone to study the Bible with , someone I can trust, some one to travel with, a friend, go on long walks with. really get to know each other. Then the Lord willing. (FIREWORKS FOR LIFE). Upbeat in Ga.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 180
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:25:18 PM
upbeat99: Let me get this straight... you think Christian guys don't want sex like the rest of us? How has your cult even survived if that's the case. I mean indoctrinating children is the number one way to keep making money off it. If they didn't like sex... I mean... you'd all die out.
 upbeat99
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 181
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:35:20 PM
You are so right, self control. That separates the real men from animals.
Doing the right thing & waiting, I believe the Lord will bless that union. Upbeat in Ga.
 cptdave
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 182
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:39:09 PM
Monogomy is important when you've had "the talk" and have decided to be exclusive. When I'm exclusive with someone, I'm not interested in seeing anyone else. Outside of being exclusive, while "just dating" it's perfectly ok to have sex with people you're dating due to the fact that you're not exclusive with any one person. While I do agree that the media is clearly biased and plays a huge role in spreading "talking points" or others agenda's, values, opinions and ideas. Sex isnt used as blatantly in Amarica as it is in other countries. When you look at it from a world view perspective, you'll see that America is really quite conservative. Good luck finding the right person to be monogomous with!
 ApplePieSweetTart
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 183
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:02:24 PM

As for the bible it is a source of fact natural law and physical law. All scripture is God breathed...written by God. BIBLE basic instructions before leaving earth.


It is NOT a fact of natural & physical law. I have nothing against God, but the bible has all sorts of fallacies and biases in it.

Bible basic instructions would have you hiding during your period, bowing before your husband, spurting out multiple kids because every sperm is saaaaaacred every sperm is good, every sperm is needed in your neighbourhood.
 123carrie
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 184
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:06:39 PM
There is a societal issue that has not been adressed within the discussions of nonmonogmous relationships. That is , the unforseen issues that may arise several generations into the future when a young person meets another young person who they do not know is their second or third cousin by birth. These two young people fall in love, get married and have a child not knowing that their great grandparents were involved in a non-manogomous relationship and they are actually third cousins. This could result in physical and mental health issues for the children they might bear.

So when any of you look into the mirror tomorrow as you get ready for your day, look into you eyes and ask yourself if you can say that you believe that your nonmogomous relationship was worth this possible future impact on two innocent young people of future generations. It's not an unrealistic possibility.
 NewWayHome
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 185
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:41:31 PM
unforseen issues that may arise several generations into the future when a young person meets another young person who they do not know is their second or third cousin by birth. These two young people fall in love, get married and have a child not knowing that their great grandparents were involved in a non-manogomous relationship and they are actually third cousins. This could result in physical and mental health issues for the children they might bear.


You want me to be monogamous because the future is unknown; because two of my offspring MIGHT meet and NOT KNOW they're related, that they would FALL IN LOVE, GET MARRIED, and have a CHILD, which COULD result in physical and mental health issues that the child MIGHT have to bear.

I'd say the chances of that are about the same that my daughter was switched with another baby in the hospital at birth and will grow up to unknowingly marry my son.

You can't do better than that? Hell, I feel like buying a lottery ticket.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 186
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 7:53:29 PM
It's mandatory at my house. A relationship is based on trust and respect; if you cheat, you've shown a lack of respect for your partner; and the ultimate trust is broken; at which point there is no trust, and, by extension, no relationship. An Aikido instructor of mine used to say, "If you break the rules, there are no rules."
 AngelnGa
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 187
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:08:46 PM
It is essential in a trusting, respectful relationship. It should be a given when you care for someone and are in a committed relationship.
 kthyg
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 188
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:26:32 PM
Again I see the issue of cheating and trust being raised. There arae nonmonogamous people out there who communicate openly, don't lie to each other, don't run around behind their partners backs and don't betray their partners trust. When I have been involved in non-monogamous relationships, it's been with the full knowledge and consent of all involved. Nobody was lacking respect for anyone. Nobody was hurting anyone else.
 Blond Intentions
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 189
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:33:09 PM
I am a monogamous person and therefore look for someone who is also. Sex is NOT casual to me, it is something I value in myself and others. I do not judge others who AGREE to open relationships (it is better then deceiving each other by cheating) and I do realize there are people out there who CHOOSE to have multiple parters and there is not much I can do about it...Just as long as they stay away from me. I have never cheated on any partner, even when the relationship is rocky. I have been cheated on and even though I knew it happened I does not justify me doing the same. There is NO EXCUSE for cheating. If you want other lovers leave the relationship your in or better yet don't get involved in one to begin with.
 NewWayHome
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 190
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:39:23 PM
If you want other lovers leave the relationship your in or better yet don't get involved in one to begin with.


I was actually fine with the whole post til I got to this line.

What the hell does having multiple lovers have to do with cheating?

Oh... and were I a betting man, I'd say at some point, you're going to cheat.

In fact, had I the strength of your convictions, I would say that at some point YOU ARE going to CHEAT and you don't have to AGREE with my statement to make it the TRUTH, so get off your soapbox. But, I don't have the strength of your convictions, so I won't say that.

Only a blonde could spell blonde wrong, yes? Just kidding. I'm guessing you're not a real blonde anyway. Wait... isn't that... dishonest? Isn't dishonesty kind of like cheating? You wouldn't pretend to be something you're not, like a blonde, when you're really a brunette, would you?

Why... dishonesty and cheating, they go hand in hand, don't they?

And child... if you haven't been with your sexual partner 24/7 for the last year or so, there's no way you know where they've been or what they're giving you. You can choose not to participate in the sexual merry-go-round, but believe me, there's a really good chance it's going to participate with you.
 o76923
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 191
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 10:11:10 PM
If it makes you feel any better newway, studies show that there is no statistically significant difference in rates of cheating between the religious and nonreligious. Or between Christians and non-Christians. All are more likely than not (as in over 50%) to cheat at least once in their life.

Also, why is it that everyone equates anything that isn't one male-one female to cheating? There can be cheating in poly relationships too. Likewise, there can be consentual sex with someone other than your partner that isn't cheating. If you define cheating as sex with anyone other than the one person you are in a permanent relationship with, then you're just dangerously closed-minded.

Relationships are supposed to be about things like love and trust. If my partner and I decide that it's ok for me to have sex with someone else, and I do so, how have I betrayed her trust? What if my partner and I decide to have sex with the other person together? What could we possibly be hiding from each other?
 GapeMan
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 192
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 11:33:58 PM
Yes it's important. I long for the day when I can say I have a life partner.
 rocinante_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 193
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/3/2008 11:49:57 PM

If you define cheating as sex with anyone other than the one person you are in a permanent relationship with, then you're just dangerously closed-minded.


Oh brother, I think we have to define 'relationship' first. Permanent or not: three's a crowd - what's so 'dangerous' about that? Are STDs an endangered species or something?

Open-minded = open-underpants? Euugghhhh.
 A-1Heart
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 194
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:06:20 AM
Monogomy relies on trust, and trust takes time. After over five decades of living,I ran into my first "player" who was the perfect placebo monogomous boy friend that I've ever known. Said and did all of the right things, for two months, and I felt he really got me. If it sounds too good to be true,it probably is. We proabably would have still been "monogmous" if one of my friends hadn't noticed him active on a dating web site.
I think come men cannot resist the candy store out there with so many women, so little time. What happened to quality in relationships, and taking the time to know each other?
 kthyg
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 195
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:10:46 AM

Permanent or not: three's a crowd - what's so 'dangerous' about that? Are STDs an endangered species or something


If you have three people involved with each other and not sleeping with others, as long as those three are STD free, where would they get an STD?
 rocinante_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 196
Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:27:15 AM

If you have three people involved with each other ...
are we talking tri-ogomy now? Starting to sound dangerously like math class
 flyonthewall!
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 197
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:10:26 AM
A relationship between you, a cosign and a tangent? It's the new threesome!
 nickolysseus
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 198
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:14:22 AM
"If you have three people involved with each other and not sleeping with others, as long as those three are STD free, where would they get an STD?"

a) from a toilet seat?
b) a used needle?
c) a careless dentist?
d) an unchecked tranfusion
etc etc
 positivelycomplete
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 199
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/4/2008 11:25:18 AM

Honestly, the only thing new here is that we are more open and more people have that opportunity because fewer of us are doing back breaking labor that leaves us no energy or time to pursue outside relationships.


Excellent point. I've had guy friends who spend a large part of that time and energy chasing ass on the Internet. I like 3D much better, or maybe I just lack focus. I'd rather argue with nerds on forums.
 positivelycomplete
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 200
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Monogomy is it important anymore?
Posted: 8/4/2008 11:34:21 AM

In my experience of starting a new relationship with a new man though, it is the man who wants it to be monogamous from the start. I'm usually thinking in terms of getting to know him and seeing how it goes before making any sort of commitment and he is thinking of being a one-woman man and that I should be doing likewise.


It's because he is wanting to monopolize you sexually. He's showing that he's willing to trade his monogamy for yours. Of course, it would take some time to see if the man is being truthful or not. But it makes for a decent sales pitch, because men typically don't like shutting down all their other sexual options, and wow, here's a man willing to do just that.

If I really like a woman, it's a trade I'm willing to make, usually in a hurry. Bring on the exclusivity! If I'm not willing to do that, I probably don't find her appealing enough for it to ever work anyway.
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