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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/22/2008 1:27:45 PM | There are many issues here.Remember, they dated some 20 years ago, so there is a familiarity between them.If he is having an issue about drinking, due to a past relationship, possibly he needs to decipher the difference between baggage and caution.She needs to ask herself why they didn't make it 20 years ago.People do not change.Circumstances can play a role in personality modifications or, in fact,magnifications.... | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/22/2008 1:42:42 PM | Here's my two cents. You may have known this gentleman 20 years ago, but that doesn't mean that you know him now.
He sounds extremely needy and extremely controlling.
To give you an extravagant gift within the first three weeks, is strange and could possibly be a major red flag. Especially when you consider the fact that within three weeks he has already wanting to isolate you from your friends.
To me, he is giving you this gift, in order to make you dependent on him, in which he will remind you of the fact consistently. He doesn't want you to see your old friends, because he is trying to isolate you to increase that dependency. And to make sure you're dependent on him, he wants to move in together and I would bet he wants it to be his house. And I wouldn't be surprised, that if he is suggesting that you get rid of your house, because you no longer need another house. Therefore increasing the dependency.
Also, the primary reason he's pursuing this relationship, is because he doesn't want to be alone, not because he has identified qualities/personality in you that he admires and wants to be part of. Again, this seems to be all about him.
The fact that he's moving so fast, may also be a sign that he doesn't want you to have a chance to think it over. The quicker he can make you depended on him,the quicker you'll be locked in. And if you try to back away, odds are he's going to make extreme efforts/arguments to win you back. Just realize, that if this relationship is a viable at all, it should be able to handle in the period of several months to a year or more before any major decisions are made. If you're dating, he is not alone. But my gut feeling, that won't be good enough. He wants ownership of you.
It would be interesting if you could talk to his old girlfriend and find out exactly what he's like.
Regardless, I would keep him at arm's length, and as many has suggested here, runaway. | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:09:02 PM | It's only been 3 weeks.. try him on for size...
I have a problem with him trying to make you "settle down" you are not married..
I'd wait to let him move in with me.. if he is this controlling away from the house.. just wait till he gets into the house with you..
If you let him move in be sure and make him pay for 1/2 the mortgage and groceries even though he bought you a truck.. you don't know what the true situation is with the truck..
Is the truck in your name??? does he may payments on it?? you need to find out the situation with that truck I feel.
What ever you do DO NOT LEAVE YOURSELF VULNERABLE IN FINANCIAL SITUATION WITH THIS MAN!!!! Keep your money and assets separate.. and keep some extra money squirreled away incase he stiffs you for extra expenses.. and don't sign any credit stuff for him.. or co-sign a loan.. or sign for a cell phone.. | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:47:20 PM |
Again... reread the post... she did not use the word "demand". She used "wants me to".
There is a difference, although this seems to be lost on you and half the people here...
I want the magician to pick me to be onstage, but I'm not going to get up there and demand that he picks me....
Hitman; you can make excuses for this situation if you want, but I didn't miss a thing.
If you think this guy gave her a truck so he could suggest that she do things, then I have a big orange bridge to sell you that is in San Francisco. I dont deal in semantics, I deal in reality.
He purposely gave that truck to her to control her. End of story. He is controlling and demanding and very insecure. Something isn't right with this whole thing and I think we are not getting the entire story.
Again, I think this is a train wreck. He's buying you off and this is going to end up badly if it goes any deeper. | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/22/2008 4:12:42 PM | How he was then is probably not how he was then, mostly due to life experiences and growing up and getting more mature. It sounds kinda funny to me that he now wants to get all serious. He was in a 6 year relationship, getting older and you are familiar to him. So maybe he wants to be with you because he is scared of not finding someone, being alone or maybe even a combination of both. I would play it safe and keep my eye out for other red flags.
And if he tries to change you and who you are, like you mentioned about your friends because they drink, then you should not keep him around. Trust me, it only causes further problems.
~Carrie | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:09:24 PM | I would like to know why you accepted the truck, I would have thought common sense would prevail with a no thank you, but then nothing in this short relationship is making any sense.
A "normal" person does not just give someone a truck.
I will make an assumption that he is also still holding onto his last relationship.
Desperate minds are those I seek often and like I, are but mere thoughtless pieces in my mind which I must push over, just to have them lay down, for my actions are wrought with need. | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/23/2008 7:16:38 AM | | I would be very concerned by him making "rules" for you and wanting to isolate you from your friends, very typical first step for the typical abuser | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/23/2008 1:41:29 PM |
very typical first step for the typical abuser
Bingo!! | |
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| i need advice,please
Posted: 7/23/2008 2:27:52 PM | Please give the truck back. I'm not sure if I cringe more at the thought that he gave you a truck, or the fact that you accepted it ...
*big sigh* | |
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