| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:10:03 PM | | I like wild flowers sent to me if a guy is trying to get a date with me I think that is so romantic.. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:42:40 PM | How to put this without sounding full of it? I've always been a quality over quantity person so I usually only get to the "dating" stage if I know I like a person and feel that we have some kind of chemistry already. I have never had a bad first date. I can also say that, in this situation, flowers are perfectly acceptable.
Like others have said, though, if you are just meeting and don't already have some good solid conversations under the belt, skip the gifts entirely. It should never be necessary, but in this instance it is definately not necessary.
Lastly, if any woman (or man - men can get gifts too) analyzes a gift that someone has brought them and makes some kind of snap-judgment about that person, you probably don't want to be out with them anyway. So you're out $20, you just found out early on that they have paranoia issues. People need to get over themselves. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:13:53 PM | I think you should just be yourself, if you want to be a nice guy and bring flowers that is sweet and your choice. I don't think she will think any less of you if you just be yourself and enjoy the date, flower or not flower. I have been brought flowers before and I was touched at the thoughtfulness. It did put a smile on my face. You say you think you'd like to do that, well I'd say go with what your gut tells you. Go with your own heart, you don't need someone to tell you what you feel is a good thing. To many people don't try to make people smile anymore. Good luck on that first date.  | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:25:00 PM | Silly girl...if just being yourself worked...he wouldn't be here posing questions.
As human beings, the only way we improve it to quit "just being ourselves" and strive to be something better. He wants to meet and date highly desirable women. He needs to look closely at himself and improve what needs improving.
Just be yourself...sheesh, and next he'll be asking why girls aren't attracted to nice guys.
 | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:35:25 PM | Precisely!
If chick
... analyzes a gift ... and makes some kind of snap-judgment about that person, you probably don't want to be out with them anyway. So you're out $20, you just found out early on that they have paranoia issues | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:41:06 PM |
Never met someone from online before. What is the general consensus, if its to hang out and get to know each other...
Bring flowers or no?
My gut says yes because its just something that I do, randomly for women I care about... But looking for women oppinon on this one... How would you feel? Happy or creeped out? No matter how good your intentions are, NEVER......EVER bring anything to a woman on a first date. Most of them will think you have some sort of alterior motive other than just doing something nice.
God forbid someone does something nice for someone....even if she is basically a stranger!!! | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:02:25 PM | OP~ you have honorable intentions, from what I see.
Unfortunately, online dating is so very different from the days of old. The flower idea is lovely, however~ she may think you have an agenda. Open doors, pull out her chair, walk on the busy side of the street. Be a gentlemen. Actions like this speak volumes.
I am a huge proponent of the old school courting process. It gives you great insight on character. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:13:55 PM | To quote mthomjmark:
"I think the internet has created a very dysfunctional group of people that try way too hard to impress. They don't know how to act around people, and its ruined peoples skills to relate to others. "
This is true, the internet dating has decreased our ability to be social. Yes I agree, just be yourself and relax, if that is what he is used to bringing flowers, well then he is being himself, and to me that is just a gentleman trying to woo a lady. Remember when men actually tried to woo ladies...too bad there are not many gentlemen around anymore. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/23/2008 11:18:22 PM | Why would you behave any differently on a first date with someone you have met on line as opposed to meeting in a store check out line? Both are first dates. You need to be true to whatever you usually do - because not being natural will show.
Just my $0.25 worth.
jtf | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 12:04:07 AM | .
Nope. No flower(s) when you’re just meeting her somewhere for the first time. Personally, I think that’s kind of silly, anyway. But, really, I can think of two very good reasons for saying no to flowers:
First, every woman I know thinks differently about flowers and different types of flowers. Hell, I know twins who feel greatly different about what flowers mean and which kind is best. It’ll take a little time before a guy knows what the gal he’s interest in thinks about that topic. Then, when he knows, he should only use that knowledge for special occasions -- birthdays and promotions come to mind.
But, y’know, I have an old Internet friend who clearly stated that she would never like flowers from anyone, for any reason, and would get angry if she received some. But, that was an un-truth, because, when I sent her a large setting of wildflowers for what I knew would be a lonely birthday, she even put a photo of them on her web site. Sure, she “started” to chastise me when she called, but quickly changed her tune when I chuckled and replied that she knows me well enough to know that I’m going to do what I’m going to do. So, I got away with it just fine and it made her a little happy looking at the flowers for the next few days.
But, OP, if we are just meeting someone for the first time, I must say no. No flowers. No nothing, actually. Just show up and be polite is all that is required. Talk some about what you like and then zero in on things she likes.
Only once have I had a first date or “meet” that didn’t last past the coffee stage. That means we have always walked and talked and did different things (depending) out in public places. This also means that it would be rather inconvenient for her to be carrying around flowers (or whatever) for that time. (Not to say that it also messes with the holding hands part, too!)
Nope. Save the flowers for later. The first few times you are with her, concentrate on being the polite guy she will like to see again. And, be just somewhat affectionate, as if she were a good friend. Impress her with YOU, in other words, not things.
On the other hand, if you later happen to be walking out in the woods, or something, and spy an exceptionally nice flower, it could be an occasion to pick it for her -- depending on how things are going. That's different. . . . 
. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 2:30:39 AM | | The first meeting is not really a date. Make it coffee or lunch something simple. This is to put a person with what has been written/said on the computer/phone. The second date is very important. Flowers would be great on that one. And if you make it to date three WOO HOO for you its going good. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:16:17 AM | Gorgeous man ~ don't listen to the cynics!! A single rose would be super thoughtful and sweet. I've had a man do this for me on a first meeting and it left a very nice impression  | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:17:45 AM | Just like the prior poster said, the first date is more of a meet-&-greet. It's a matter of finding out if there is a mutually physical attraction. Such a setting should be like a coffee house or pub. No pressures - just be yourself. I think it's good to go on many of these meet-&greets so that you feel more comfortable meeting new people.
And for the 2nd date - it's a little different. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:28:24 AM | I have to say I disagree with most of the people here, they are saying what they like and that is what suits them...you should do what you like...
If you like to give someone a flower then give someone a flower. Be yourself, if I was meeting someone for the first time and he gave me a flower I would love it.
Isnt the fact that she is meeting you...the way she EARNED it. (Not that she is entitled to it but in response to the poster who said make her earn it)
I have a guy who always makes it a extra nice treat for me by giving me something special....most is tongue in cheek gestures but I have keep each one and look upon them fondly. One was a lottery ticket that was called sapphires...it was fun to scratch it off together.
IMO it is time to make dating fun again and quit with all the dos and donts ...be happy be yourself. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:16:11 PM | You assume too much my good man, to think my divorce could be the result of me calling someone a name.
Idiot as endearing name. He'd call me goof, i'd call him idiot. He was the hopeless romantic and I was the bumbling blond. LOL it was a good relationship if not a bit immature. We both had growing up to do. Including learning to open doors for girls.. (which he apparently does for his girlfriend now) | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:24:43 PM | I've had a little routine that I've used for years...long before online dating. I'd buy a single, small rose, cut the stem short, and hide it somewhere...in a buttoned shirt pocket, a jacket pocket, or even in my hat. I'd wait and see how the date or "meet" was going, and if the mood or time was right, I'd "suddenly" remember it, and bring it out and give it to her. Very rarely did it ever stay hidden and go home with me, and I don't remember a single time that it wasn't appreciated!
.....But then again, I don't remember many first dates, it's been so long ago.... | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:33:31 PM | I only read the first page of replies but I think this is a different one:
If I liked the guy a lot and thought he was decent and cute, I'd be impressed by the rose.
If I ended up thinking he was a jerk or incredibly strange or something not positive, I'd be a bit creeped out.
I think it's best not to bring a flower until a bit later on. Maybe the time you meet and you know it's a real date and you both are interested. The first meeting to me technically isn't a date.
After you meet and there's a connection, then do what feels comfortable for you and don't worry about what anybody else thinks. If she likes it, great. If she doesn't, then maybe she's not going to appreciate you. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:10:22 PM | Personally, I think although it is a thoughtful gesture if a guy showed up with flower(s) on a first meeting or date - it would creep me out.
Not that there's anything wrong with that but when a guy bring flowers on a first date, then it can come off that the guy is looking for something more serious. Again, although it is a thoughtful gesture in this century - it's something that should be saved when there's more familiarity between two people. Besides, on the first date, what if the date was not exactly stellar? That's money, time, effort and so on wasted just getting her the scented greens in the first place. Of course, it really depends on the date and how both sides feel.
Again, although it's a sweet gesture (and I would admit that I wouldn't mind such a gesture) - it doesn't make sense to do something like that until maybe after you've gotten to know the person better and you have more dates after that.
Then again...that's just my personal opinion. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:21:41 PM | | No flowers! Too soon for that. Make it low stress with coffee or a walk. You really don't know this person and they really don't know you. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:22:58 PM | OP....my rule is if you meet a person on the internet and want to meet them in RL then there are one of 3 appropriate first dates/meetings, whatever you want to call it.
1. Coffee before work. This is a definite time period. You both have to get to work it's 15-30 minutes which is totally liveable if you get there to find out the pics your mate has posted are not only 15-20 years old, or not your mate's at all.
2. Lunch on a work day. Again, this is a definite time period of up to 45 min because you both have to get back to work. Appropriate and as unassuming as date # 1.
3. Drinks after work. This only works if you make it known that you are "meeting" someone (preferably related to you) about an hour after you get off work. Do I really need to state why this is a good idea?? Other than the same reasons as #'s 1 & 2...if you REALLY want to spend more time with the person you're on a date with it's as simple as excusing yourself to the restroom. Phone a friend to call you in 5 minutes...then you ignore what your friend says when you call and make it sound like the person you are supposed to meet is cancelling. Then it varies for men and women right here. Men, you hang up with your friend and inform your date that they cancelled. After a few minutes, express that you are getting hungry and would like her to join you for dinner if she's available. Women, hang up with your friend, explain what happened. Then hope like hell that the guy picks up on your willingness to continue the evening, heavy flirtation could help with this, but let him ask you, don't ask him.
However, OP if you have passed the "getting to know you" meeting, and you really like the girl then YES bring her flowers to the second date which is actually your first if the first was just a getting to know you non-date. Confused yet? | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:16:55 AM | Every woman I know loves to receive flowers. To flower or not to flower is really a personal choice, it wouldn't creep me out either way.
But there is one piece of advice I would give to any man on a first date..... If you and your date arrange a meeting where you both drive....by all means she that she arrives back to her car safely. Walk her to her ride and see her safely out of the parking lot.  | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:37:00 AM | "personally it would creep me out and have me running if anyone brought me flowers to a first meeting "
The thing I find most "creepy" about this site are the number of people who jump in and claim "creepy" anytime someone displays anything that resembles proper etiquette or just basic human decency.
Who are you people? Where were you raised? You find it "creepy" that someone would make a simple gesture of goodwill and bring you a bouquet of flowers? You can buy them at Walmart for 3 bucks. I find you people creepy.
And incidently, this might come as a surprise to you, but not everyone on this site is some small minded little nebish who has never been out in the real world. Other people happen to have standards different than yours. You can continue to live your life in your little narrow minded world. Me, I want to live my life in a world where when I make a simple gesture of kindness and courtesy that the receiver of my gift simply smiles and says thank you, and not jump up screaming how creepy I am. Maybe I should put this on my profile, "I don't find it creepy if you have decent manners." | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:04:52 AM | Dceeee:
Okay, here is MY take on the subject....I LOVE flowers, don't get me wrong....but on a first meet? While it sure is a nice guesture....and if we both hit it off, it would be a 'forever treasured moment'....have you thought about the other side of the coin? What if you meet, hand her the flower(s), and then the meet turns out to be a total flop in your mind?
I would carry a single stem rose in my inside coat pocket. But HONESTLY I talk online here and on the phone and really know a lot about the women I meet in person. Many dont. They are in a huge rush to test "chemistry".
I just got on the wrong side of another thread here (shirley hates me I think...lol) about how awful many of you gals feel about just holding hands on a meeting.
And if things were going well I would have no hesitation about reaching for your hand or handing you one rose etc.. on a first meeting. IF THINGS FELT LIKE they were going well.... . My "meetings" here are usually quick. I smile and laugh a lot. And reaching into an inside sport coat or suit pocket and producing one rose with a wink would not seem out of line to me. Showed you cared and appreciated all the emails and patience I require for phone calls in advance to know you before meeting. And I cared to stop and make sure there was a subtle way to let you know. Even if the "meeting" didnt go well..... I have spent a LOT of time getting to know you BEFORE the meeting, and we will still be friends afterwards. No I am not showing up with 2 dozen roses and a limo.... (long sigh...) But to meet for a drink and to wink and hand her one rose and a kiss on the cheek as you walk her to the car just seems so natural to me. I am an old style gentleman. I open doors and pull out chairs, and one flower to someone I feel I know a little about and like as a person no matter what doesnt seem like a huge stretch to me anyway.
But the key is... I do this whole POF dating thing I guess different then many. The meetings are after a few emails and phone calls. I dont do quick phone calls or meetings. I want to KNOW about you!
My emails are usually not one liners unless I am busy at work. I really use those messages to get to know ya hopefully before meeting. Thats the info I use to give me things to talk about and put the lady at ease so she will talk also?
And one flower... sorry just doesnt seem wrong, at least to ME, in that context.
Kindest Regards
Cowboy | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:13:22 AM | | Just be yourself. She's bound to like you. Don't try too hard. She'll like the real you better. | |
|
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:22:41 AM | No flowers... no gifts either.
It's creepy and looks desperate. However, there is a huge difference between a first "date" and a first meeting.
If you've never met, then absolutely NO flowers or gifts. Offer to buy the coffee or a drink or whatever. (even if you don't click, it's the gentlemanly thing to do.)
If it's your 2nd encounter and your first real "date", then a single rose would be ok, but keep it very simple.
=====================================================
My .02¢
"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu | |
|
Home
login 
