| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:16:17 AM | Gorgeous man ~ don't listen to the cynics!! A single rose would be super thoughtful and sweet. I've had a man do this for me on a first meeting and it left a very nice impression  | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:17:45 AM | Just like the prior poster said, the first date is more of a meet-&-greet. It's a matter of finding out if there is a mutually physical attraction. Such a setting should be like a coffee house or pub. No pressures - just be yourself. I think it's good to go on many of these meet-&greets so that you feel more comfortable meeting new people.
And for the 2nd date - it's a little different. | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:28:24 AM | I have to say I disagree with most of the people here, they are saying what they like and that is what suits them...you should do what you like...
If you like to give someone a flower then give someone a flower. Be yourself, if I was meeting someone for the first time and he gave me a flower I would love it.
Isnt the fact that she is meeting you...the way she EARNED it. (Not that she is entitled to it but in response to the poster who said make her earn it)
I have a guy who always makes it a extra nice treat for me by giving me something special....most is tongue in cheek gestures but I have keep each one and look upon them fondly. One was a lottery ticket that was called sapphires...it was fun to scratch it off together.
IMO it is time to make dating fun again and quit with all the dos and donts ...be happy be yourself. | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:16:11 PM | You assume too much my good man, to think my divorce could be the result of me calling someone a name.
Idiot as endearing name. He'd call me goof, i'd call him idiot. He was the hopeless romantic and I was the bumbling blond. LOL it was a good relationship if not a bit immature. We both had growing up to do. Including learning to open doors for girls.. (which he apparently does for his girlfriend now) | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:24:43 PM | I've had a little routine that I've used for years...long before online dating. I'd buy a single, small rose, cut the stem short, and hide it somewhere...in a buttoned shirt pocket, a jacket pocket, or even in my hat. I'd wait and see how the date or "meet" was going, and if the mood or time was right, I'd "suddenly" remember it, and bring it out and give it to her. Very rarely did it ever stay hidden and go home with me, and I don't remember a single time that it wasn't appreciated!
.....But then again, I don't remember many first dates, it's been so long ago.... | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:33:31 PM | I only read the first page of replies but I think this is a different one:
If I liked the guy a lot and thought he was decent and cute, I'd be impressed by the rose.
If I ended up thinking he was a jerk or incredibly strange or something not positive, I'd be a bit creeped out.
I think it's best not to bring a flower until a bit later on. Maybe the time you meet and you know it's a real date and you both are interested. The first meeting to me technically isn't a date.
After you meet and there's a connection, then do what feels comfortable for you and don't worry about what anybody else thinks. If she likes it, great. If she doesn't, then maybe she's not going to appreciate you. | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:10:22 PM | Personally, I think although it is a thoughtful gesture if a guy showed up with flower(s) on a first meeting or date - it would creep me out.
Not that there's anything wrong with that but when a guy bring flowers on a first date, then it can come off that the guy is looking for something more serious. Again, although it is a thoughtful gesture in this century - it's something that should be saved when there's more familiarity between two people. Besides, on the first date, what if the date was not exactly stellar? That's money, time, effort and so on wasted just getting her the scented greens in the first place. Of course, it really depends on the date and how both sides feel.
Again, although it's a sweet gesture (and I would admit that I wouldn't mind such a gesture) - it doesn't make sense to do something like that until maybe after you've gotten to know the person better and you have more dates after that.
Then again...that's just my personal opinion. | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:21:41 PM | | No flowers! Too soon for that. Make it low stress with coffee or a walk. You really don't know this person and they really don't know you. | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:22:58 PM | OP....my rule is if you meet a person on the internet and want to meet them in RL then there are one of 3 appropriate first dates/meetings, whatever you want to call it.
1. Coffee before work. This is a definite time period. You both have to get to work it's 15-30 minutes which is totally liveable if you get there to find out the pics your mate has posted are not only 15-20 years old, or not your mate's at all.
2. Lunch on a work day. Again, this is a definite time period of up to 45 min because you both have to get back to work. Appropriate and as unassuming as date # 1.
3. Drinks after work. This only works if you make it known that you are "meeting" someone (preferably related to you) about an hour after you get off work. Do I really need to state why this is a good idea?? Other than the same reasons as #'s 1 & 2...if you REALLY want to spend more time with the person you're on a date with it's as simple as excusing yourself to the restroom. Phone a friend to call you in 5 minutes...then you ignore what your friend says when you call and make it sound like the person you are supposed to meet is cancelling. Then it varies for men and women right here. Men, you hang up with your friend and inform your date that they cancelled. After a few minutes, express that you are getting hungry and would like her to join you for dinner if she's available. Women, hang up with your friend, explain what happened. Then hope like hell that the guy picks up on your willingness to continue the evening, heavy flirtation could help with this, but let him ask you, don't ask him.
However, OP if you have passed the "getting to know you" meeting, and you really like the girl then YES bring her flowers to the second date which is actually your first if the first was just a getting to know you non-date. Confused yet? | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:16:55 AM | Every woman I know loves to receive flowers. To flower or not to flower is really a personal choice, it wouldn't creep me out either way.
But there is one piece of advice I would give to any man on a first date..... If you and your date arrange a meeting where you both drive....by all means she that she arrives back to her car safely. Walk her to her ride and see her safely out of the parking lot.  | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:37:00 AM | "personally it would creep me out and have me running if anyone brought me flowers to a first meeting "
The thing I find most "creepy" about this site are the number of people who jump in and claim "creepy" anytime someone displays anything that resembles proper etiquette or just basic human decency.
Who are you people? Where were you raised? You find it "creepy" that someone would make a simple gesture of goodwill and bring you a bouquet of flowers? You can buy them at Walmart for 3 bucks. I find you people creepy.
And incidently, this might come as a surprise to you, but not everyone on this site is some small minded little nebish who has never been out in the real world. Other people happen to have standards different than yours. You can continue to live your life in your little narrow minded world. Me, I want to live my life in a world where when I make a simple gesture of kindness and courtesy that the receiver of my gift simply smiles and says thank you, and not jump up screaming how creepy I am. Maybe I should put this on my profile, "I don't find it creepy if you have decent manners." | |
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Posted: 8/1/2008 9:04:52 AM | Dceeee:
Okay, here is MY take on the subject....I LOVE flowers, don't get me wrong....but on a first meet? While it sure is a nice guesture....and if we both hit it off, it would be a 'forever treasured moment'....have you thought about the other side of the coin? What if you meet, hand her the flower(s), and then the meet turns out to be a total flop in your mind?
I would carry a single stem rose in my inside coat pocket. But HONESTLY I talk online here and on the phone and really know a lot about the women I meet in person. Many dont. They are in a huge rush to test "chemistry".
I just got on the wrong side of another thread here (shirley hates me I think...lol) about how awful many of you gals feel about just holding hands on a meeting.
And if things were going well I would have no hesitation about reaching for your hand or handing you one rose etc.. on a first meeting. IF THINGS FELT LIKE they were going well.... . My "meetings" here are usually quick. I smile and laugh a lot. And reaching into an inside sport coat or suit pocket and producing one rose with a wink would not seem out of line to me. Showed you cared and appreciated all the emails and patience I require for phone calls in advance to know you before meeting. And I cared to stop and make sure there was a subtle way to let you know. Even if the "meeting" didnt go well..... I have spent a LOT of time getting to know you BEFORE the meeting, and we will still be friends afterwards. No I am not showing up with 2 dozen roses and a limo.... (long sigh...) But to meet for a drink and to wink and hand her one rose and a kiss on the cheek as you walk her to the car just seems so natural to me. I am an old style gentleman. I open doors and pull out chairs, and one flower to someone I feel I know a little about and like as a person no matter what doesnt seem like a huge stretch to me anyway.
But the key is... I do this whole POF dating thing I guess different then many. The meetings are after a few emails and phone calls. I dont do quick phone calls or meetings. I want to KNOW about you!
My emails are usually not one liners unless I am busy at work. I really use those messages to get to know ya hopefully before meeting. Thats the info I use to give me things to talk about and put the lady at ease so she will talk also?
And one flower... sorry just doesnt seem wrong, at least to ME, in that context.
Kindest Regards
Cowboy | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:13:22 AM | | Just be yourself. She's bound to like you. Don't try too hard. She'll like the real you better. | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:22:41 AM | No flowers... no gifts either.
It's creepy and looks desperate. However, there is a huge difference between a first "date" and a first meeting.
If you've never met, then absolutely NO flowers or gifts. Offer to buy the coffee or a drink or whatever. (even if you don't click, it's the gentlemanly thing to do.)
If it's your 2nd encounter and your first real "date", then a single rose would be ok, but keep it very simple.
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My .02¢
"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu | |
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Posted: 8/1/2008 10:32:16 AM | For what it's worth, and this is my own opinion. I don't think it really matters.
If she is attracted to you, you could show up with some weeds from the garden and she will be ok.
If she is not attracted to you then no matter how perfect you try to make the date it will not work. | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:31:23 PM | | I say no flowers. I had a man bring me a rose on the first date one time, and it was really sweet...but I was not attracted to him at all and it made me feel even more ackward. Now, if you're dating a woman for a while, it would be great to bring flowers! | |
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Posted: 8/2/2008 4:13:36 PM |
For what it's worth, and this is my own opinion. I don't think it really matters.
If she is attracted to you, you could show up with some weeds from the garden and she will be ok.
If she is not attracted to you then no matter how perfect you try to make the date it will not work.
I agree 100%. Focus on creating a fun flirty vibe between you and building a genuine connection. | |
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Posted: 8/2/2008 4:35:47 PM | Why not keep the 'flower option' open until the end of the first meeting?
If it goes well and there is a real connection a single rose would be a nice gesture.
If it goes badly then the alternative is the Triffid............................ | |
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wolftx
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 80 | |
| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:41:58 PM | One poster mentioned that she would have to carry the flower(s) with her the whole time, that speaks against bringing one.
Here's another thought that has been more or less explicitly mentioned so far. If you bring a flower on the first date, you have by definition not met before, so what is the flower for? Her well-written profile? Her cute pictures? A couple of e-mails? In person, a first date can go either way. Bringing a flower to that date is very generic. It is neither for the great smile nor the good time nor the pleasure of her company. On subsequent dates she can rightfully have a feeling of 'deserving' that flower. It becomes a meaningful gesture, a token of appreciation, if only from one date so far - but that is still one more than it would have been on the first, and zero is a mighty small number either way you look at it.
If I was a woman, I'd think of such a guy as a smooth player wannabe. Or an inexperienced guy who watched too many chick flicks. Now walking the lady to her car is a good idea, unless you are scarier to her than anything that could be lurking in the bushes... | |
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Posted: 8/13/2008 8:14:23 PM | Did you ever see a small child pick a flower and give it to someone? He doesn't worry about whether he will creep the person out or if they deserve it or if it's the first time they've met. He gives the flower to bring a moment of pleasure to the recepient and the other person is charmed to receive the gift.
Let's just enjoy the simple pleasures in life. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2008 11:06:48 PM | Huh, classy acts!! a flowers to a blind date is sure a high score, as a woman I will be drawn to you ,give you a cheek to cheek greetings that is norm in upper class society and I will be very comfortable with you because you are a gentleman...  | |
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Posted: 8/13/2008 11:12:14 PM | | I am used on recieving a flowers on first or several dates, I understand if a man doesn't bring me flowers ,because of the bad economy.<img Giving and recieving flowers on a date is just an etiquette gesture no big deal ,src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_011.gif border=0> | |
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Posted: 8/13/2008 11:16:21 PM | I am so glad to hear approval of what I would do and typically do when meeting someone for the first time, where there is pre-existing chemistry. I bring a flower. Yes, I am the card giving, pluck a flower, silly little sentimental thing kind of guy, so flowers are a no brainer. Though I am glad to know that this part of me, hasn't been looked at as creepy.
Personally I love the previous posters take on this the most.
Did you ever see a small child pick a flower and give it to someone? He doesn't worry about whether he will creep the person out or if they deserve it or if it's the first time they've met. He gives the flower to bring a moment of pleasure to the recepient and the other person is charmed to receive the gift.
Let's just enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
Let's just enjoy the simple pleasures in life. I totally concur. Stop over analyzing and just enjoy the moment and the nice gesture given to you.
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Posted: 9/27/2008 6:00:58 AM | | For anyone who is wondering, we did meet. It went bad, no flowers, she was not who she was made out to be on this site. Pics and personailty very deceiving. It was over a month ago we met sorry folks | |
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| First Date Etiquette
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:13:37 AM | OP, I'm sorry that your date went bad...I hear so often that the profiles/pics don't match the real person....so sad.
I still would like to make another comment on this thread. Linda4833 said it so well....
Did you ever see a small child pick a flower and give it to someone? He doesn't worry about whether he will creep the person out or if they deserve it or if it's the first time they've met. He gives the flower to bring a moment of pleasure to the recepient and the other person is charmed to receive the gift.
Let's just enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
How could anyone who has any love for beauty or nature at all be 'creeped out' when receiving flowers?....Now, if he followed me home afterwards...or assumed that accepting them meant that we were now exclusive....that's another story....and on the first meet, the hand picked ones found as you are walking somewhere are always the best...they invoke 'memories' and mean so much more as you know he was thinking of YOU and 'this time together' as he gave them to you. It's an 'Awwwww' moment....I LOVE those....
"Creeped out?" ....*shakes head*.....that expression is reserved for spiders, in my book.
~DC~ | |
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