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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:48:33 AM |
NORMAL PERSON? “STUCK”? DIVORCE IS TOO COSTLY?...see this is why I love the forums: no matter what bullsh*it people put in their profile about what kind caring people they are, all you have to do is read their posts on the forums to see what kind of arrogant, bigots they really are… ….nothing you said was of any help to the OP’s question….
Pretty sure that if you leave my profile expecting a limp wristed pushover nice guy you are not reading the right profile.
I notice that on your profile in your list of the type of women you want to be with, you left out how much you loath fat people and consider them un-normal? Maybe you should edit it…. Pretty sure that if you leave my profile expecting someone who wants a lazy unhealthy person for a partner then you have not read the right profile.
Sadly I also notice how you couldn’t emphasize enough about my fat FRIENDS....See, I don’t pick friends based on size, gender, race or any other checklist, soooo yes, I have fat friends. To be perfectly honest, I do not. It is a job hazard you see, they are not allowed in and most socialising is done with other people in my line of work. We see eye to eye about important matters... like this one.
…see, none of those things makes me choose whether to be their friend or not: they would stop and help a complete stranger, not come online and insult a stranger…you’re parents must be proud! They are. I do something useful with my life, something for the country. You... make stuff up on the internet then attack people based on your made up beliefs?
what you believe to be true because you would never touch a heavy person except possibly to get laid, I told you, fat people are not allowed here.
is YOUR truth and not the real truth and thankfully does not represent the whole male gender Yeah... but close enought to all of us it makes no difference.
…….She should lose weight for her own health and her own mental happiness and NOT because of prejudice of people like yourself…. It is not prejudice if it is accurate.
I’m sure all the overweight people who are in loving relationships would love your memo on how they are living a scam and too stupid to know it…. I see many threads with fat people talking about how much luck they have at dating. Well, actually, none, but I was trying to be supportive.
...and I'm soooooo walking away from this thread if people are going to resort to "name calling" bigotry like you're in first grade... "I'm taking my ball and going home!" | |
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/23/2008 8:25:55 AM | My two bits :
I don't hate overweight people.
I agree that a healthy amount of self esteem is more attractive than too little.
But, the reality is this : the healthier you appear the more physically attractive you will be and your results in attracting people will increase .
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/23/2008 8:40:56 AM | My opinion is that your problem is much more an "interior" issue than an "exterior" issue.
As has been pointed out here already in this thread, there is a proportion of men who prefer women who are very overweight. These guys aren't just looking for sex (OK, some might be, lol). This is the pool of women that they find attractive. This is not the majority of men in the world, but these guys exist. Normal weight women just don't do it for them.
However, even a guy who prefers a larger woman is not going to be attracted to a woman who is insecure about herself, and an insecure woman is more likely to be taken advantage of by any man.
If you work on your self-esteem issues you should find it easier to date.
I do agree that you would do better on a BBW site because then 100 percent of the men in the pool would prefer your body type. On POF you will find 10 percent or less finding you attractive.
OP, you are very heavy, and at some point you should consider trying to get more active and moderate your diet. You will have physical problems down the road if you don't.
One of my good friends is over 400 pounds (down from 510 a few years ago), and she is having very, very bad health problems now that she is approaching 60. However, she doesn't and never has had a problem finding men to date her, and for the past 20 years she's been in a domestic relationship.
My suggestions are:
1) Work on your self esteem.
2) Fish in the pond stocked with the proper fish (i.e., a BBW site).
3) Get healthier and lose some weight. Losing some weight does not mean necessarily mean approaching normal weight. For every 5 percent of weight you lose you reduce your risk of serious illness.
Sorry about mentioning weight, but long term you will have problems. I watch my friend suffer every day and it makes me sad. | |
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:57:47 AM | I have read the posts and I have to agree, regardless of your size, a man likes a woman who is confident. Continue to work on your self esteem issues. You are a very beautiful lady, but YOU have to believe that before you can portray that to someone else. Love yourself, you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
I have read the other posts and I do agree, some men think we BBW's are *easy prey* and go after us only to use us for sexual encounters. And you can *fish* in bbwdatefinder, bbpeoplmeet etc., but there are losers on every dating site. It's just being conscience of the red flags to look for. Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It's a good read, others might disagree, but it will open your eyes to a few things if not many.
Dating is suppose to be fun but you surely cannot prove it by most people online. The internet has given the predators, the married men, the cyberpaths/sociopaths a screen to hide behind. I think it is terrible that most folks do not adhere to 'TREAT FOLKS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED" but unfortunately, it is a cruel cruel self centered world out there.
Hang in there Senorita.  | |
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:47:15 AM | crazytime1 wrote in Msg#9
You can better your chances of meeting good quality men by taking a good long long at your health and lifestyle choices. Otherwise, you are going to be spending your dating time trying to decide between fetishists and men seeking an easy lay. These are your only options, regardless of how much you like them.
There IS a 4th option. Find a man who has a healthy attraction to you for who you are. Just because you are too bigoted to imagine being attracted to an overweight person, does make everyone who IS attracted to an overweight person a "fetishist". That would be a INaccurate prejudice. There are men who are attracted primarily to overweight people not as a fetish but as a normal preference. There are also men who don't care how heavy or what body type someone has, but are more interested in the mind and personality of others.
In Msg#24 you also said:
It is not prejudice if it is accurate.
Which is also not true. Prejudice means judging a person or situation before (hence the "pre") knowing all the relevant information. Judging all "fat" people as "lazy and unhealthy" is both inaccurate AND prejudiced. Even if it were accurate, it would still be prejudiced to make that judgment without understand WHY the person is "fat".
dulcemexi, I re-read your profile and couldn't find many concrete suggestions. Including something in the "Profession" box might help. Rather than For: Dating, For: LTR might help a bit too. I don't know for sure, but some might see "Dating" as "a few dates and sex".
Unless you are as zealously anti-drug as crazytime is anti-fat I would remove the "Must not do drugs" mail filter. I notice you do not prevent people who smoke from mailing you. Some people may check Yes to doing drugs because they smoke pot once a month or take a prescription medication everyday. Not all of them have an addiction or even do drugs often enough that you would even know about it if they weren't being "overly honest". I've been tempted to change mine to doing drugs Often (>3 times/week) because I take some form of caffeine (coffee or soda) most days. If you want to get really technical, some people consider sugar to be a drug. Beyond all that, unless you're being overwhelmed with messages, limiting who can contact you probably isn't a great idea.
I will also once again re-iterate my advice to "be the aggressor". You mentioned that in person you never get approached by guys. If we lived closer together I would probably be happy to go out with you, but I almost never approach women in person, so if you didn't approach me there's a good chance we would never meet. Dating is in part a numbers game. One of the best ways of increasing your chances of finding someone is to "approach" (either online or in person) lots and lots of people. The rejection can be tough, but I've been told one can get used to it. | |
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:43:57 PM | HELLO SENORITA, THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO BBW'S. I WILL SAY HOWEVER, THAT IT HAS BEEN MY EXPERIANCE THAT SOME MEN ARE ATTRACTED TO BBW'S FOR THE WRONG REASONS. YOU MENTIONED THAT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS NOT THE HIGHEST. MEN CAN SENSE THIS SENORITA AND WHEN IT COMES TO BBW'S, SOME EVEN COUNT ON IT. DON'T GET ME WRONG THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE WHO GENUINELY LOVE BBW'S, BUT BE CAREFUL OF THE ONE'S WHO SYSTEMATICALLY TARGET BBW'S BECAUSE THEY ASSUME THAT SOMEHOW WE WILL BE AN EASIER LAY THAN THIN GIRLS. REMEBER, THAT IF IT'S WITHIN THE FIRST SEVERAL DATES THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO JUSTIFIABLE REASON WHY HIS HANDS SHOULD BE ON YOU, (BEYOND A GOOD-BYE HUG OR HANDSHAKE AT THE END OF EACH DATE). A MAN MOVING IN FOR A KISS ON THE FIRST SEVRAL DATES IS A SERIUOS RED FLAG. THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IF A MAN LIKES YOU FOR THE RIGHT REASONS IS TO ALLOW LOTS AND LOTS OF TIME TO PASS BEFORE ANY FORM OF INTIMACY OR HEAVY PETTING. IF HE'S IN IT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, HE WILL WAIT UNTILL YOU SEE FIT FOR THESE THINGS, NO MATTER HOW LONG THAT IS. | |
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:15:04 PM | OP,
Self esteem issues you need to get some books and some advice from other women here,I might not be able to help you on that.
Yes of course there are a lot of guys who think "Big girls are easy" and they think you will be thank ful to them(Not all mine some from other GIRLS).
BBW are not easy and you dont have to think low of yourself.I think its not the problem with you its the problem with the guys you been meeting.
Kissing first date, is NOT VERY good sign of a relationship in my books doesn't matter you are BBW or not . Its just not right.
Just screw the thinking you are not good looking blah blah, just accept the fact that you are beautiful as you are.
At the same time please don't pick a guy becuase he is HOT and can sweet talk , like/hate the guy for him not other reasons like sweet talking, looks, money. Just don't kiss or get intimate for for 3/4 dates. If the guy is interested in you he will wait if not "you will see his reaction" trust me.
PS: By the way you are very beautiful.  | |
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:31:16 PM | Don't give up just yet Seniorita! There is a guy out there who will love you for who you are .. you just have yet to meet him is all!
As a woman who has never been thin I can tell you that there are plenty of men who are attracted to larger women! In fact when I married my husband I weighed more than 350 lbs , I was heavy when I met him, heavy when I married him and he still fell in love with me! In fact I have lost almost 150 lbs and he still feels the same about me... this is because he loves ME not a size or what a scale reads! Before I married I never had a problem meeting guys or dating either... just be yourself, be patient and you will find your guy!
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/26/2008 4:47:15 PM | A lot of men think because you are a BBW that you are desperate and easy. My best advice is stay true to yourself...I have met plenty of men on this site that like bigger women, problem is with age,,younger men are still too worried what their friends will think....older more mature men don't care what their friends think and their friends usually don't care.
I have met men from here and other BBW sites, they are pretty much all the same, even on BBW sites there are men who prefer the smaller BBW, but there are men there too that like te bigger ones. Everyone has become so picky and have no tolerence...but hang in there,,,,you will find HIM | |
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| Sweet BBW Senorita in Distress needs your advice :)
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:23:34 PM | SpaceSquirrel said:
I will also once again re-iterate my advice to "be the aggressor".
to which spitfire6844 responded:
A BBW "aggressively" going after guys hoping for a date? It smacks of desperation and will make most guys simply walk away when she is not willing to put out. Dulcemexi doesn't need to be more aggressive. She needs to do things which will make her more attractive to the kind of guys (respectful, mature) that she's looking for.
Being aggressive and desperate will cause a whole lot of misunderstanding and garner her a reputation as a tease.
It appears "Aggressor" was a poor choice of words. I just meant to "make the first move" ... initiate contact ... it need not be done "aggressively" or in a desperate fashion (don't even try to convince me that "only desperate women ask men out"). If on PoF actively surf profiles and send out first contact emails. In real life introduce yourself to people, maybe ask a few guys out. If you don't do so you're automatically cutting yourself off from a potentially large group of people (those that either don't make "first contact" at all, or only do it with the supermodel types).
That IS one way to make yourself more attractive to at least a subset of respectful and mature men. | |
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