| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 10:03:52 AM | Gosh a lotta back and forth on this subject! See, you even mention marriage and the tempers flare! Far as I am concerned, I think I will marry someone who is already married!!!!!  | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:28:38 PM | c deacon, I agree with you, it just makes sense.
I don't wish to appear anti-marriage, I loved being married and was married twice and I'd love to be happily married........but it doesn't always work out the way you want and that can be absolute hell.
In your 20's, you can pick up and start all over, but in your 50's.....the stakes are higher and not so easy.
Oh, yeah, and one might take note that women who tend to be broke tend to be quick to marry while the ones who've accumulated some money and property tend to be slow to marry or not interested at all. Obviously, it's a two way street. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:41:01 PM | | There are two words that should not be in our language and actually are not really words in my opinion. These are "never" and "always". No such thing. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:51:11 PM | Or as the immortal bond, james bond, might say: never say never again!!!! | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:57:07 PM | Well Steff I am a man who lost his home and life savings in a divorce. I married a gal who drove me into bankruptcy with her medical bills and then, because of the oft lamented legal system, she received one half my pension going back to 1979, when she was just starting high school and half the value of the house i had when we were married. result, a second bankruptcy. My statement was if you are in a situation where you dont want to be married, for any reason good or not so good, and you cant see a long term relationship due to the probablility of divorce (second marriages are 75 % by some estimates) then go into the part of the pond where folks are that dont want a long term relationship. even if i had the power to tell folks what to do i would not use it and would not want it. we all got issues, like i said in the baggage forum you cant live as long as the over 45 crowd without some junk in the trunk, but how do you carry them. be aware of your own wounds and deal with them. i see you as a solid sensible man with a good heart and a loving anc concerned mate by your comments. but i stand by my statement, if you go into a relationship thinking about how it might end badly dont go into any relationships because you are not ready and no good can come of it, especially for the other person if she/he is ready. have a great day | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 2:20:14 PM | Personally I agree with Parrothead, love has nothing to do with money unless it is the love of money.
If you find someone and want a relationship how much you have vs what they have is secondary..ie you can buy a hooker but you cant buy real love.
We all have had things that happened..that is life but when you go into the next relationship based on what happened in the last relationship you set yourself up for that to happen again.
I wouldnt care how much money someone had, you cant buy me so to me it isnt important. I had a friend yesterday tell me how they werent interested in any woman who was working in less than a professional job cause they wouldnt have that much of a retirement and would need someone who was well paid now to be able to afford alot later...such a turn off. I would rather have a man who is happy with what he is doing than one who works a job he hates and makes us miserable by doing so.
If you have money just get the other person to sign a prenup and end of story...why do I think there is still a hangup..oh cause to me it is simply a reason to stay playing the field based on what the EX did. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 2:53:01 PM | Yeah, parrothead, again, you seem to be mixing up long-term relationship with marriage, so you've made up a kind of story for yourself here. It is possible to want and to have an LTR, even for the rest of your life, without legally marrying, many people do it .......and it doesnt mean one has issues or baggage or is cheap and stingy, either.......myself, I am VERY generous financially and otherwise.......I've supported wives, girlfriends, their kids, etc. and that is fine to me IF and WHEN I choose it....but otherwise, all it means is that one is protecting himself.
We have to love ourselves first, that means taking good care of ourselves and protecting ourselves, not being foolish and doing things we will regret, etc.
And yes, second marriages end in a 75% divorce rate..........what does that tell you? It's not me or you having a negative attitude, it's just plain objective reality, so you deal with it..........or in your case, you don't.
I am NEVER, EVER going to be put in the position in front of some ***hole JUDGE who gets to decide whether I live in my house again, or see my own daughter, or if I need to get a signature to spend more than $100 of my own money, or get to sit in my favorite chair or have to sell it and give half to someone ..........not this baby.
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 3:11:29 PM | I believe that at our age (over 45) we have accumulated substantial equity. There's alot more to consider when discussing marriage. It's not for everyone. But I do believe, you should never...say "never", one glance across a crowded room, may be your undoing and a soulmate that's been waiting for you all your life.
Okay, so...... I live in a rosey-posey world. I like it here. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 3:13:14 PM |
Is there any hope for this whole generation of divorced guys.
Or will they all stay alone the rest of their lives and take lovers from time to time? Will they ever be able to regain any trust in the opposite sex? I`m seeing alot of guys who seem to really have potential for a descent relationship but have resigned to the fact that they will never risk it again.
Only if you have big knockers, are blonde with a little tiny waste will they risk it again!! | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:04:04 PM | "life is for LIVING and it's NOT dependent upon being hitched."
Amen. Funny, when I say that I get flammed. Some think a women doesn't have the right to think the above I guess.
I think it is extremely important to listen to what the other person wants in their lives. If they never want to do anything again, that is their right. They may or may not change their mind, but whether they change their mind or not will have nothing to do with anyone trying to change them. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:48:20 PM | | Hitched or not? Has anyone ever considered that "common law" can produce the EXACT same result as legally married? I can understand what some of you men have said in here, as I was the breadwinner in my 16 year marriage. When the time came and it ended, he damn well made sure he had whatever he could take from me. Bitter? I was for a time. I actually hated that man! But time has a way of healing, making one smarter. I still am in the game should it happen. Seems to me though...I do remember something about a prenup? | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:09:29 PM |
Hitched or not? Has anyone ever considered that "common law" can produce the EXACT same result as legally married?
I was wondering the same thing moonchild48!!!
In addition, so I've heard, a persistent lawyer can chew-up a pre-nup. Practically make it null and void.
Anyone had experience enacting a pre-nup?
I'm curious. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:10:08 PM | moonchild, I dated a VERY wealthy woman for almost two years that ended last year. Anyone I told her about, they immediately asked, "Damn, why didnt you marry her?" .... and it's funny because she did want to marry, but I never gave that a second though..........what did HER money have to do with me? Or with marrying her?
Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to confuse love with money. A sign of the culture we live in, I suppose. :-( | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:24:01 PM | | Not at all Stef hun! (If I may call you that). I just felt that you are still so very hurt by your past and that hurts me. We don't know each other, but the one thing I did learn by being burned financially myself was that the hurting ,hurt only me. I hate to see that happen to others. To survive in this world and to love again, we must first hurt, be angry and then let it go. It only makes us bitter unhappy, folks without hope of finding someone we could truly care about. Does any of this make sense? | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:13:04 PM | Only if you have big knockers, are blonde with a little tiny waste will they risk it again!!
Well given the choice I'll certainly take big knockers, blonde and a "little tiny waste" (sic) over a bitter attitude like that any day! So sue me! | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:10:25 PM | moonchild, yes, it makes sense.
I dont feel hurt, though, any more than if I burned myself at the stove on a hot pan and decided to be more careful in the future. More like, "well, live and learn", you know?
To me, you look at the odds and you look at what you want to protect, and it is a completely rational decision to want to learn from that and not let it reoccur.
If I knew a way to protect myself financially and marry, I'd marry in a minute! I loved being married, but there is such a price to pay if and when it doesn't work out, so I have to ask: "is it really necessary to do that AND be in something long term?".
I'm not saying that this is anything about women and not 100% my responsibility. In my second marriage, a short one, I went into it with $50K in cash in the bank and no credit card debt and came out of it almost exactly with NO savings and $50K in credit card debt.......all hers, and all because I put my wife's name on the cards.......so I was stupid, yes.
Why is it so bad or why does it make me a mean, bitter man to not want to be stupid like that again?
We live in an age where NO ONE marries for a lifetime commitment. Those days are gone, it's not an ethical or spiritual matter anymore, it's become simply fickle. I did marry for life, through thick and thin, and I got screwed for it. Why should I subject myself to that again?
Plus, I have to say, its really fricking scary when that sweetie you married turns around like something out of the Exorcist as you watch this lying sack of s**t trying to steal property you owned LONG before you met her up on the stand. Really scary.
And I am sure there are males of that category as well, I just never married one.
I'd have no problem at all supporting a wife financially, but I just think that if they want to end the marriage for no real good reason, then they should go with the shirt on their backs, period, not turn the husband into some entitlement program. the problem guys have is that women seem to want it ALL. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:28:39 PM | Or...how about we come into the union with equal assets and support ourselves so this is not an issue?
After a few dates I reveal my theory on finances, that usually levels the playing field. Some stay, some run. I make my own touch down. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:44:47 PM | | @Stef? We live in the age where no one makes a lifetime committment anymore? Hell, then I guess I should just hang up my hat then. While I know it seems that way to us, do we not still have to hold out hope that at one point in time, we will make the right choice? I guess then, we should all sit safely behind our puter screens and innocently flirt back and forth with no real intention of ever meeting up. I know a lot here do just that...Hmmm... food for thought! | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:48:39 PM | GPSweetheart, yes, that's a good attitude and wise.
Myself, I dont mind supporting someone, been there and done that and if I love and am married to someone, what's mine is theirs.........just as long as we're married, though, and not anything foolish .... it's the divorce part that is ugly.
My first wife is/was a nurse administrator and we had two good incomes, so there were equal assets, etc. ..... actually, it's one of a hell of a nice thing being married when you can invest one income and live from the other, too ........ the little boat you ride in turns into a nice big ship ..... but we had to "divide" our kid, sell our home, split up all the furniture, etc.... so that permanance and that life you had is gone.
I miss my garden. She never gave a shit about that, "you want flowers, call a florist!". Ive driven by there and the garden is gone, the house I loved looks like shit, etc.
Now, when I have a house I love and a garden again next year ........NO ONE can take it away.
Works for me!
Moonchild, I can't speak for everyone, of course, but it sure seems that the nature of marriage has changed, hasn't it? I dont think that means giving up the ship at all, I think it just means adapting to it and protecting youself, that's all. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:09:42 PM | Oh my goodness ......
All these people thinking about this topic - BEFORE THERE IS A REASON TO.
Marriage #1 16 years ....... she came out like a bandit.
Marriage #2 17 years ....... she did pretty good - not as good as #1 due to me not having as much.
Do I even think about this topic ........ nope. Well - it is true that my “pile” of money is more like a little hill these days - maybe that is part of it lol.
It seems to me it is like all the what if thinking. What if I get hit by a truck (and you are sitting inside of your house lol).
Hey ........ don’tcha need a potential boyfriend / girlfriend FIRST ....... to even start thinking about this topic.
I don’t have any natural kids but .... I did help raise two girls from 5&7 to their now 27/29. I would kind of like to leave my “hill” to them but .... still - why think about this topic AT ALL until (if and until) that big bOObed tiny waisted gal drops in your lap lol. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:23:48 PM | | After reading these forums for the past two years, I, at times, say never again. And, I had a happy marriage! How sad is that? I remember shortly after my husband passed away, bankers and advisers telling me that if I were to meet and considder marrying another man,to have a pre-nup. At the time, I was puzzled and didn't have a clue what they were talking about. But, I understand where they were coming from now. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who are takers. They want to take what does not rightfully, belong to them. They want to take what they didn't earn. In the course of the last few years, it's not just men who say "never again". I've heard women say the exact same thing. I know some women who have been "stung" financially too. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:32:32 PM |
All these people thinking about this topic - BEFORE THERE IS A REASON TO.
My thoughts exactly. Get married again? Who knows? I'll deal with that if and when it crops up. | |
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| Men that say Never Again
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:48:16 PM | Ron and Mr Happy Pants, yeah, valid questions, cross the bridge when you come to it.
But........ you guys arent spring chickens either, everyone wants security and builds it if they can and how they can, as I am ........ but I h0nestly don't know to reconcile that with the idea that the one thing, outside of being hit by a bus or a dreaded disease, that could just bust that for me is a wife?
I was the happiest guy in the world married, wore that wedding band with a lot of pride and never even thought about any other woman .......then boom! The first one got a bunch of her nurses together and moved the entire contents of our home except for our bed out and I got a phone call.....the second one made our lives so miserable with her craziness I had to boot her out because my daughter refused to come home weekends .....then raised holy hell and wreaked so much havoc with my finances, property, my business that my mother almost beat her up ... why would I even consider crossing the bridge when I came to it?
Honestly, the thought of marriage comes up and I think, "what are you, frigging nuts? Didnt you freaking LEARN anything from those two? "
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