| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:13:35 AM | While I agree with you in the main, how can one argue market economics are not reality? i would like to suggest that reality changes. what is real and happening today may be different later. we meet new people all the time and they meet new people and things just keep on changing. i think you hold on to your expectations until you see them as unreasonable. god knows a lot of us fishies have some pretty unrealistic expectations ( i still cant believ j-lo wont return my calls  ) but you keep your standards up and you dont accept those things which are not acceptable to you.
as for sex market for the non sexual is very small. i personally will not date a person with a serious sexual hang up, been there , did that aint going back, however i still maintain that sex in most people's minds (particularly those who are, or who believe they are) seeking long term relationships, can lead to an implied longer term relationship than either part can or should be in. I have nothing against the occasional one nighter if that is what a person wants, but try and keep it between people who want that. doing a quick search of all women availible in my age range within five miles of my house showed me several (on the 16 pages availible) what are interested in relationships other than long term. many are looking for intimant encounters only others state plainly in their profile they are not up for a relationship at this time. so one can find pretty much anything you want in the pond if you look around. | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/25/2008 11:01:06 AM |
Part of my situation is that I absolutely do not know in person any single/divorced/widowed and eligible men. Seriously. Nada. They are already married or in serious relationships. So, my available universe is a moot point here and definitely not my preference.
Zeeba, your "available universe" includes men on POF. Many, probably most, people in their 40s and 50s very rarely are meeting people through their real life "social circles", as we did in high school and college. So, one has to expand to clubs, serendipitious meetings, like grocery stores or gas stations, or online. Most of the discussion, I think, is in reference to those people who are searching online. | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:42:47 PM | At age 49, after many years alone, I was fortunate enough to fall crazy in love with a wonderful man I met online. I thought I was destined to be alone forever, then suddenly there he was, and there we were acting and feeling like teenagers again. For a couple of years, that relationship brought me the most joy I've ever had with another person.
Unfortunately, although I felt we had the potential for a lifetime partnership, it didn't last. I'm devastated, but the pain of losing him won't stop me from trying again. I learned a lot from falling in love late in life, and trying my best to make it work.
If I found that sweetness once, I know I can find it again. A few years ago I would not have believed it, but I experienced it. Memories of those wonderful feelings of togetherness and lust and connectedness and caring will keep me trying.
The search for companionship can be discouraging, but some of you folks are inspiring! Thanks for reminding me why I am here.
--Mel | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:02:16 AM | | sory for your los mel, but you are one of the inspiring ones. at least you learned there is love out there and its worth the wait | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/26/2008 4:13:33 PM | Gary, it's quite simple.
Man is, that he might have joy.
Regards,
SD | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:04:51 AM | I don't try anymore.... period.
I never found the balance.... People say when you're trying, you're trying too hard... if you lay back, you're not being persistent enough.
Eventually, I started including a wish in my prayers every night. I prayed that God would simply take away the desire that I had to even FIND somebody out there in this world of SEVEN BILLION PEOPLE. And if he wasn't going to at least POINT me in the direction.....then at least take away my desire FOR it. And I prayed it every night.
It worked....
I'm done...... | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:59:00 AM | I think curiosity...I can't find any other answer.
Good question...my dear friend Gary...
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:45:38 AM | | trying and look pianao4te usually do lead to bad ends. what it ammounts to is that when i am looking for something i am focused on what i dont have, the longer i look the more uncomfortable i am with that lack so that eventually i will do something to get over it. usually involving finding a substitute for what i want or just quitting. either is an easy way our for a short time, but hardly a satisfying life style choice. admitting defeat in the game of life is never easy and usually causes more pain in the long run | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:45:56 PM | Maybe RMan you really haven't a clue the number of serial male dippers there are out here? Sex is basically the only thing on their agendas, the more the merrier, variety the only prerequisite. And that is just fine... but why go to a date-for-mate site when there are a zillion sex sites? You yourself showed your preference...and I don't think I'd venture to call it a 'relationship'.....but people jiving sexually when it suits....and if that is all you desire, as you said, there are plenty out there.
Perhaps we just find sex better with someone who also likes us for who we are and we them.... a more complex dimension than a lusty bump and go, that can give pleasure on multiple levels; mentally, emotionally, intimately, the creation of respect and friendship, camaraderie and communion, roads and views shared.
It's simply a preference just like yours. | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:21:51 AM | why go to a date-for-mate site when there are a zillion sex sites? You yourself showed your preference...and I don't think I'd venture to call it a 'relationship'.....but people jiving sexually when it suits....and if that is all you desire, as you said, there are plenty out there.
There is a big difference between casual sex or one night stands, and relationships that include intimacy, rusty. My "preference", as you refer to it, is merely which ladder to climb to get to a relationship that is both emotionally and physically intimate.
The odd thing is that I have been actively dating over the past 8 years, and for most of the time have been "involve" in relationships of anywhere from 6 months to 3 years. Those aren't "one night stands". The women I have been involved with are above average in physical attractiveness, intellegience, education, and I don't meet up with women, who don't have core values and personal integrity.
The criticism seems to center around a recognition that I know that I don't "have to" accept a dating paradigm that I find uncomfortable. I know that there are women, who want a relationship to include sexual intimacy because they want sexual intimacy for their own needs, when there is mutual attaction. I don't "push", "demand", or ask for sex. I don't want sex, if it's not what she wants, and there's no one's wishes being disrespected.
That is not "insincere", "casual", or "short term". As I said before, I want all the things that the "friends first" people claim to want, but approaching it on the ladder of sexual intimacy, which creates an instant connection that makes it much easier to be open with each other.
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:51:03 AM | | You can meet in pof I did it lasted almost 2 years.I was alone for years after I had ended it with my husband it took me years to heal and then I started to date and meet this one on here.I was not getting what I needed from my last relationship.I have learned and I have grown.I know what I want.I now know to listen to my gut and the red flags.I try because I like being with someone .I like to have the emotional intimacy as well as other intimacy with the right men this time.I will not give up trying.If I find the right man good and if I do not that is ok I can be alone .I am very lucky because I have people that love me and care about me they are my friends and family.I am very close with my mother she is my best friend.I just want to share my life with someone.To love and grow old with each other.To enjoy life with someone.To laugh have fun and be happy with. | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:10:18 AM | | This is funny I just realize I never ever thought that I would be alone for the rest of my life the whole concept of that idea is foreign to me. Not that I would be with the wrong person again but I have met so many wonderful people in the last year who have so much to offer I just cant imagine ending up alone and never being in another relationship... | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 1:03:06 PM | | a gal like you saphire i doutbt if you need to worry about being alone unless you want to. | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:41:16 PM | if i met a man who was sexual with every woman he went out with by the third date, i would have to put him in six months quarantine and tests for AIDS. but that is me.
i just came out of a relationship and if anything, i have lost my best friend. i suppose i will keep trying because each time, i get a step closer to knowing who i am and what i need. i must come to realize "what" is not in keeping with my values and expectations, how i want to live and what i want to do with the rest of my life.
i find pof very supportive,short of a few rotten (or shall we say bitter?) apples. but i approach people as a step in understanding who they are. if along the way, one of the men "Jives" then that will be a gift. because i am interested in different opinions, cultures, ways of approaching things, i don't find any wasted efforts reaching out to people and try to be gracious when i am also contacted.
until very recently this was all about networking and idea sharing to me. yes, i came on here single, but i did meet my prior SO fairly quickly, so i stayed on POF for the forum contacts solely.
now, it appears to be a different ballgame. i ask some person something nonchalant and i get my head bitten off! or people contact me with some sort of affirmation and disappear, with my having no clue why they contacted me in the first place. i find people want a date, w/o knowing anything about them, or they me. so i assume, it's to check me out "physically". whereas up to now i've been networked all over the world with pof'ers who just liked me for my words or having spoken to me in great depth.
so i find this confusing and simply approach it as weeding. i weed and i weed and here and there i see some growth or some vibrancy or some signs of life that clicks with my garden design.
i'm not desperate. i am making more outside friends when i get lonely and have many pofer's on call and vice versa, if indeed i find myself in and out of the grieving process for my recent loss of a cherished signicicant other.
but i think each failure can be viewed as a stepping stone towards success. i want an even better best friend who has my interests at heart,equal to his own, who doens't take issue with taking turns and compromising, with whom i can just sit still and be peaceful and take walks on the beach that my prior SO did not like doing. i really miss the cuddling and the warmth and affection. all that would have to be in place for me to be sexual again with someone. there also needs to be a spark.
i wasn't born yesterday, i know a lot about adult sexuality, i have the same needs as anyone else in that dept. but as my friend's husband always says: why settle for mc donald's when there is opportunity for fine dining! i don't mean that literally, i can do the diner quite easily, but i mean that when his friends are always asking him to cheat on his wife,he tells them there is no such incentive. they took years and time and dreams to nurture their relationship. i want a bit of something like that, aimed in that kind of direction. my man did not cheat on me, and he valued me and my companionship, but he did not cherish me--he began taking me for granted.
i think i will begin to know when i am listened to and feel that i am cherished in some way. i also think that kind of bonding comes, when two people can just sit down and laugh away the day together. i miss all that stuff and i know it exists and i aim to get me a piece of it--just not the mc donald variety when it comes to looking for "love".
so, "why not" keep trying? it's not like it's separate from the rest of my life. i do whatever i do, and keep an open mind and an open heart. i go slowly but surely, as i'm not used to the dating scene. but i put value on any communciation and i assume that who i eventually do meet will be a good person, and who knows what else!?* | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:08:30 PM | I think my curiosity keeps me still trying...when is new kid on the block...  | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/15/2008 3:57:30 PM | I think the eternal optimism theory keeps me trying. Busy, active, happy and fulfilled isnt the same as having someone special.
I have fond memories of married life and believe I will have the opportunity to experience that again. The same thing that attracted my husband and one man for a long term relationship, will probably happen again.
i think its in the numbers.....and will be if its "beshert". | |
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| Melanita08 - What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:00:21 PM | Melanita08
You are ONLY 49 and look great! There will be another wonderful love for you.
Child...you're a spring chicken! | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:00:34 PM | I sometimes wonder what I am doing - always coming back after many short meet and greets and even some longer relations (3 to 5 months), and I can't always answer that question. But just when I'm about to throw in the towel on here, I seem to meet someone that I enjoy being with. For me - also married 30 years and now widowed - I know I want special companionship. Not necessarily a live in, but that one special person that I know I'll see and spend great times with. Guess for me - I need that someone in my life so, I just keep on trying. Things aren't exactly looking great in the relationship I'm in now and here I am back to asking - is it time to give up again???? I think not for awhile, but I'm sure over time, I'll be back out there once more...... | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:20:43 PM |
I sometimes wonder what I am doing - always coming back after many short meet and greets and even some longer relations (3 to 5 months), and I can't always answer that question. But just when I'm about to throw in the towel on here, I seem to meet someone that I enjoy being with
If one sets the goal that all relationships are failures, if they don't last "til death do us part", then the odds on finding a "successful" relationship aren't good, and there is a good chance that, in trying, one will deal with repeated "failures". If, however, one is satisfied in, "meeting someone you enjoy being with", and has some period of time, where they are joyfully sharing part of life with someone, why isn't that "enough" to make it worth doing? | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/15/2008 8:16:02 PM | Statistics. With the numbers of people on POF, there should be a match. The problem is also statistics. At 5'7" tall, 80% of women will read no farther. (data from studies, not anecdotal. Men over 5'11" and under 6'4" are never rejected for height so their experience is quite different.) After that hurdle, one must also sift through the "inaccuracies" in profiles, gold diggers, hookers, etc. In the mean time, the forums are entertaining.
In the mean time, I have my dog, my boats, and too many activities with my kids to date much anyway. | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/17/2008 5:39:30 PM | | I have been by myself for about 38 years out of 52. I like being with someone but at this point in my life I am not going to jump into anything that's not right,I can have that right now and am not interested.But here? I post on the forums so that people can see the real me and how I think,with the hope someone will contact me.But if not or if I'm not interested in someone who does,I'll survive. Just a side note I tend to be alone because I travel so much,that's hard for some to take . | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/17/2008 6:53:00 PM | Sorry for coming late to the party, pardon any redundancy
The potential of the site is enormous. This huge body (as in collective not over weight) is composed of people looking for someone. Already this is a major plus. Through the course of your normal day how many people could you possible meet who are even interesting in dating, probably none.
At least POF allows us the opportunity to separate the wheat and the chaff. I’ll agree the process can be draining but that’s how dating works.
Last thought – I’ll bet the vast majority of the profile include “looking for some to ….”
I’m still new to the site and optimistic.
John | |
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| What Keep You Trying?
Posted: 9/18/2008 4:33:58 PM | | what keeps me trying is the belief that everyone deserves a second chance at happiness and love | |
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