| | The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not. Page 3 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | Messages 46 & 47 ... That's exactly why I was thinking I have to either seek a younger partner or a partner my age who is just not retired or thinking about it.
I have friend in Ohio who just retired after 35 years working for the State of Ohio. He is an attorney and although he's retired at the age of 58, he is also now going to do some private practice. So actually, he still works ... just when he wants to. I asked him how he feels about being in a relationship with a lady who still works and he said he would love it.
Mind you though, he's not the type to want to travel and run around. On the other hand, he mentioned that if he truly gets seriously involved with a woman and he's got a good retirement income, he sees no reason for her to work full time especially if it would free her up to spend time with him when they wanted to just get away ... say for a long weekend.
*Hmmm ... maybe I need to cultivate that relationship. He was one of my best friends in high school and we're both single. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/23/2008 1:12:30 PM | | OP, I have had almost the same thing happen to me. However, I have only turned 51 recently and many, many men expect me to be retired. I really don't know what they expect me to be living on at this age--BUT, they expect me to be able to drop everything and be available at any time. Incidentally, several of the "retired" men were actually disabled and living on SSI. However, a few weren't retired, still working, but at a level where they didn't have to punch a clock, could pretty much make their own hours and they also were upset at the fact that I work. None of them offered to pay my bills though....go figure! LOL | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/23/2008 2:11:13 PM | Can't speak, and won't, for the retired or even semi-retired folks about what they would or wouldn't do about dating someone who isn't retired or semi-retired.
Myself, I wouldn't automatically rule out a gentleman who states in his profile that he's retired or semi-retired.
Hale, you're starting out as friends, then maybe dating - as far as I can recall, neither of those require one or the other to be attached at the hips 24/7. First things first - you've gotta get to the dating stage to even consider contemplating what happens in the next!
I'm lucky because my line of work I can pick up, go, and do from anywhere in the world that has the capabilities of connecting me to the internet. So, have puter, will go is what I'd tell 'em if they ever took the notion to ask.
And, I have packed up my puter and just went - 3 times in past 10 weeks as a matter of fact!
YIPPPEEEEE!!!!
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:08:20 PM | I can't afford to be overly picky about who I will date. They have to be honest and moral; stuff like whether they are retired is secondary.
The man I am with now is retired, I am not. He looks a little sad when I leave him to get busy on my duties, a little lonely, but I will say he does a good job of keeping himself busy. He is grateful for the company when we can be together, at least he knows I am honest and moral, and can overlook the fact that I have to (figuratively) punch a clock. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:48:31 AM | I don't understand how people can afford to retire early. Until POF I never met anyone under 50 who was retired.
I work for a big firm, all the men are busy hustling....they have mortgages to pay, kids to put through college.
Have you seen the price of things lately?!?! How the hell can anyone afford to retire early in todays economy?!?! Therefore, I am very suspicious of anyone who claims they retired early. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/26/2008 5:51:44 AM | | I tried this also. The woman was retired and I working. When you do get time together and book a holiday, whose money are you spending? Being a working man I could afford a nice 2-3 week holiday every year. But....... when she wants to go somewhere warm once a month, which is totally what she should be doing do I refuse to go because I feel I am abusing her? I am old fashioned and feel that I should be the one footing the bill. It is a money issue. I know some guys that would have no problem with that.................. but I can't do it!!!! | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 8/26/2008 5:58:35 AM | | I totally agree. Every man thinks he wants a woman that is never tired at night....... just think about that! Getting home from work doing a couple hours of yard work and then there isa party to go to 3 or 4 nights a week!!! I don't mean drinking all the time either!! Retired people that are still active do that kinda stuff!!! | |
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jedi4
| | Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 60 | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:57:45 AM | I think it's really a situational thing. I'm fortunate enough to be retired and what I have found is that most are so busy with their career that it's hard to find time together at all. I need a lot of alone time but having to make an appointment to see each other is kind of a deal breaker. I guess it depends on the person.
Bill | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/25/2008 12:47:05 PM | I think it will depend alot on the individual.
If you are older and retired, it may be something of an issue and you will consider how it will impact your lifestyle and whether you are comfortable with the changes that it will bring. For some it will not be a big deal... not every person wants to be with their significant other all the time.
If you are younger and financially independent, then you don't really have the option of being that picky. Being under 40 and not on the clock has alot of benefits (the ability to pursue hobbies and interests for example), but you realize quickly that it is a luxury that very, very few people actually have. While it isn't ideal for dating at that age (in that you'll have to fill your time with other things), you either learn to accept it or you'll find yourself spending alot of time single.
I would suggest that you discuss your concerns and see if they can live with them.
Wanderer | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/25/2008 12:55:01 PM | Jazzycat, I understand your "suspicion" about early retirees. There are some folks who made excellent investments, and/or have inheritances and were able to "retire early." But I have found that quite a few "early retirees" are simply men in their 50's who are no longer in the workforce because of issues with drugs, alcohol, or the criminal justice system, and are "unemployable..."
Or, they are men who were injured on a job when they were younger; perhaps they received a cash settlement which they squandered and did not invest wisely, and who are unable to work in any substantial, gainful employment.
But there are also women in these categories also. Many never worked in the first place, so when they get to a certain age, they just say they are "retired" to hide their lack of a work history. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:54:49 PM | How the hell can anyone afford to retire early in todays economy?!?! Therefore, I am very suspicious of anyone who claims they retired early.
That's unforutnate that you are suspicious of anyone who has retired early. As an early retiree (at 52), I'll tell you how it's done.
Don't buy anything unless you can pay cash. Don't charge anything to a credit card unless you can pay for it. Live within your means. Save on grocery bills by making things from scratch instead of buying things pre-packaged, grow your own and buy what you NEED on sale. Work your azzz off for 35-40 yrs. and save 10 % of your gross annually, for the duration. Make sure your investments are diversified. Make a profit in real estate by buying low and selling high. Buy a dump if you have to, fix it up and sell it for a profit.Pay off your mortgage a.s.a.p. instead of buying more shoes. Live off the interest (if you must) and don't touch the principal. Be your own good financial advisor. Make sure your money is in insured (by the federal government) accounts. Read books and become knowledgeable about your finances.
Bottom line: "be responsible for your own financial situation".
And, when all is said and done.........leave it to your heirs who didn't earn it! and will likely pizz it away. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/26/2008 4:55:48 AM | | Phoebe, I know we've gone off topic here, but you don't want to automatically assume that some people are unable to retire early because they are spendthrifts. Some of us had to bail out and start over with nothing in their 40's. So yes even though I save, don't use credit cards, cook from scratch and shop the sales, there's no way in hell I'm going to retire early. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/26/2008 5:19:22 AM | I'm 53 & will most likely be working til I am 65; & then part time after the way things are going financially in this country esp now even tho I have a decent job. Have only been in this 2nd house 7 yrs so still have mortgage to pay. This is why I am leary about being interested in "retired" men. It seems from some of the posts that they DO expect you to be able to drop everything and be available at any time... well I like to have fun & am not high maintainance but cannot drop everything for frequent travel or weekday activities, you only get so much vacation time!
AND I have noticed that many of these retired men look & act OLD from their postings, photos show old Tshirts/pants or they are set in their ways from what they say in their profile etc. One said he was on a fixed income /no $$ so wanted someone who didnt want to go out much, stay at home-- whats up with that???
So am looking for someone my age or younger (mid to late 40's-50's).
Any comments? | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/26/2008 5:45:15 AM | Phoebe, I know we've gone off topic here
Was not my intent to go off-topic curls. And, I didn't automatically assume that ALL people, unable to retire, was because they are spendthrifts. Was not my intent. That being said though, I've observed people who do live waaaay beyond their means with tons of monthly payments.
But, it does frustrate me when people ASSume that those who are retired are penniless, never worked a day in their lives or don't know what it's like to budget . Therefore they are suspicious of those who are retired early???
The previous poster questioned how people could retire early and I merely told her how it could be done.
Everyone has their own individual story to tell. I too, took a BIG financial hit in '85. I took another BIG one in 2001 when my husband died.
Each time, I pulled up my boot straps financially. I retired early because I'm really not interested in amassing anymore stuff to dust. I've realized that I can only sleep in one bed at a time, eat one steak at a time and wear one pair of shoes at a time. And, life's too short to work my azz off for "stuff" that's just going into a yard sale, when I'm done with it.
If people are suspicious because I retired early then that becomes "their problem", not mine.
In regards to the OP's question: If people are wary of retired people to date/have a relationship with, that's fine with me. More for me to date!!! | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/26/2008 8:12:11 AM | Well, its true I don't wear a suit much since I retired, and its also true that I wear old t-shirts, but that was also true before I retired.
I also think that lots of people who are retired are OLD. Its kind of part of the deal. I myself am OLD, but hardly act that way, and depending on what you think OLD looks like, I don't look particularly OLD either.
There are all kinds of retired people out there, and even the meaning of the word "retired" has a lot of different possible meanings. Many retired people do look and act OLD because of health, physical conditions, genetics and life history, but there are lots who don't fit that mold as well. There are even people who are really OLD, look really OLD, but still lead active and vibrant lives.
When it comes down to appearances, my own perception is that post-menopausal women suffer a lot more than do men who lead similar lifestyles, and I think this is an unfortunate genetic issue. I would hope that you take your own situation into account when you bait your hook for a younger man. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 9/26/2008 9:42:00 AM | I'm with you, Curls22.....just because I'm not retired, and can't retire in the near future (the whole US financial thing has wreaked havoc on the money that I did have put away), doesn't mean that I live way over my head....in fact, I had to start over with nothing but a few pieces of artwork and the clothes on my back while paying the bills for an emotionally disturbed child when I was 36........
And for those men who don't understand that, well, I can't understand them, either! | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 2:10:32 AM | I think I would prefer to date someone that was not retired even though I am. I find that retired men expect you to be free to come and go. I enjoy working on various projects during my daytime hours so this would work best for me.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:55:24 AM | I certainly wouldn't eliminate those old  retired folkies from my romantic searches, however, it is a bit intimidating that I work from 9-4 daily and arrive home with virtually little energy to play, and they work/play/relax from 7 am to 7 pm daily, and are still running on full like the everyready energizer bunny.
Battery compatibility might be an issue. | |
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| The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not.
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:41:21 AM | Ive dated a retired guy. Im fine with it. I'll be working til I can retire (probably 10 more years at least). As long as he has his own interests, hobbies, buddies and isnt pining away waiting for me to get home, or my phone doesnt start to ring with his calls as I take my first step into the parking lot after work, its not a deal breaker for me at all.
Lifestyle also has alot to do with the date a retiree or not... For example, if he wants to spend 3 months a year in a sunny tropical local, well I cant do that (not that I wouldnt love to), or if he likes to get away at the spur of the moment for a week here and a week there... hmm... cant really do that either, but Im up for nice long weekends away, or a vacation every year.
So to answer your question, yes Id date a retired guy, but before I started to seriously date anyone, retired or not, we would have to have enough in common, lifestyles, attitudes, etc... that we are compatible.
D. | |
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