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 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 26
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He said... She said...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

I find it hard to believe a man would spend the money on a plane ticket just to get laid.

I was pondering the same thing. Perhaps he wanted to visit the OP's city. Who knows? It is very unfortunate that you can't trust anyone these days.

 Rainy Mondays
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 27
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He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:14:34 PM

He couldn't understand why she was upset. She couldn't understand how he couldn't understand why she felt like she'd been played. Everything they'd discussed hinged on chemistry. The chemistry was there. The actions that followed confirmed everything they'd discussed.


Maybe YOU felt the chemistry, and HE did not.

I'm surprised that at your age, you haven't figured out the men don't necessarily have to be 'full of chemistry' to execute.....

Or maybe on second thought, there WAS chemistry, but you bored him to death with chitchat or dribble later in the week and the sex would NOT be enough to bring him back for a visit.

Its a toss up.

What do you expect 5 minutes upon meeting and having sex? Happily ever after?
And phone, texts, msn etc. do not substitute for the real life conversations.
 Snarkysmachine
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 28
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 6:40:39 PM
I couldn't read through the OP's post because I knew it was going bad places. I have stuck to the same rule for 18 years: nothing beyond necking before mutually agreeing to exclusivity and 90 days have past. It has been the only rule that's worked for me.
 wildcat99
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 29
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He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:43:08 PM
Great post pieganjan. I'm getting a little tired of everyone blaming the one who was used for letting themselves get used instead of the one playing them. The player is the one who's doing the lying and the cheating and the one who believes them is the the one at fault? Granted, a little more caution is warranted in these situations but to excuse the player and the liar is ridiculous. Being naive isn't inexcusable behaviour but lying is.

Having said that, I find it hard to believe this guy was out for just sex. He talked to her for 2 hours every day for 4 weeks and paid for a plane ticket just so he could get laid? I doubt it. We're not living in the 50s anymore. Its not that difficult to get laid closer to home with a lot less effort these days. There were probably other reasons he started backing off. Cold feet because things were moving too fast for 2 people who didn't really know each other is a more likely answer.

And judging her for being too easy is just harsh. She was obviously emotionally invested, however misguided that may have been since she didn't know him very well. The problem with talking and talking for weeks before meeting someone is that you build this romantic fairy tale in your head. Reality rarely compares with that. You fall for what you imagine they are and want them to be rather than who they actually are.
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 30
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He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:45:44 PM
hmmm...well, I guess the moral of your lengthy post, to my way of thinking is....
for every smooth operator out there, there is someone naive enough to fall into his powerful web???

Or...that this man, and perhaps all men,are just players, and really, you just thought it was about meeting.
or, perhaps it is a tale about two smooth operators.

you know, It takes two participants....everything you described above....sounds as if you were both willing...emmmm....more than willing to engage.

I'm just not sure how you can blame someone for something that you willingly participated in.
that doesn't make any sense at all.
think about it

Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 31
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:50:22 PM

I'm getting a little tired of everyone blaming the one who was used for letting themselves get used instead of the one playing them. The player is the one who's doing the lying and the cheating and the one who believes them is the the one at fault?

You fail to see that by placing responsibility in your own court, you now have the power and wisdom to realize your error and not repeat the same mistake...

this is in direct contrast to claiming victim-hood.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 32
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:00:08 PM

Maybe YOU felt the chemistry, and HE did not.
After 4 weeks of talking I think you needed to take a little more than 30mins to decide whether or not you got on as well in real life as on the phone. Both of you were irresponsible, seeing what you wanted to see. Talking about a future together when you haven't even met and don't know whether you'd even like being in the same room as this person or not, is definitely crossing natural boundaries. Like many women before you, you confused lust for something more than that and forgot that getting on well together in real life takes more than him being willing to have sex with you. Next time, make fewer assumptions, especially assumptions based on wishful thinking!
 wildcat99
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 33
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He said... She said...
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:10:37 PM
>>>>>>>>>You fail to see that by placing responsibility in your own court, you now have the power and wisdom to realize your error and not repeat the same mistake...

this is in direct contrast to claiming victim-hood. <<<<<

Good point but I never said that you shouldn't take responsibility for your own actions. Or claim victim-hood. Only that so many people place the blame on the one who showed a lack of judgement rather than the one who purposely lied and abused someone's feelings and naivety for their own selfish purposes.

Some of the posts even relished her pain and were quick to point out all her mistakes rather than look at where they may have both gone wrong.
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 34
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:17:54 PM
^^but the guy is not here asking for opinions. He's doing just fine at achieving his goal apparently.

It is the OP who is asking.

Playing the "shame on him" game does absolutely nothing.
 Wildatheart62
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 35
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:31:50 PM
I am sorry for your loss my friends.
 atouchoftink
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 36
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:41:58 PM
Why buy a cow when the milk is free?
 Beholder123
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 37
He said... She said...
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:45:52 PM
OMG I feel so awful for you...that is heart breaking and I am sorry this happened to you....you thought you were in it for love and apparently he took advantage....that is very unfortunate and I am sorry
 justcueit
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 38
He said... She said...
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:42:30 AM

^^but the guy is not here asking for opinions. He's doing just fine at achieving his goal apparently.

It is the OP who is asking.

Playing the "shame on him" game does absolutely nothing.


When I posted this, it was entirely to share my experience. I had no intention of coming back and responding to posts, good or bad (hi Boland!!), but this one needs clarifying. I did not ask for opinions, I did not ask for sides to be taken. I also know that it's a public forum and opinions are going to be given. Just wanted to clarify that nowhere did I say "What do you think?" Or "Am I right?" Or "Am I wrong?" It was all about sharing... take from it what you will.

Oh yeah... one more thing. The whole "1/2 hour and we were between the sheets" is wrong too, but that was in my wording. It was a 1/2 hr from the time of the first kiss, the talk about his hepatitus, to the giving of his dogtags. We didn't sleep together until that night. In hindsight, still too soon and nobody's fault but my own.

Thanks all for your posts, and good luck in your online ventures
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 39
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He said... She said...
Posted: 6/21/2010 4:51:20 AM
Damn. This guy ran a whole routine and even took a plane trip just for that? Hell, i'm contemplating whether or not 45 miles is too far and too long a drive to meet with these two girls I met this weekend. I guess certain dudes really do have a whole other perspective as to the worth of having sex with a woman.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 40
He said... She said...
Posted: 6/21/2010 6:36:29 AM

Damn. This guy ran a whole routine and even took a plane trip just for that? Hell, i'm contemplating whether or not 45 miles is too far and too long a drive to meet with these two girls I met this weekend. I guess certain dudes really do have a whole other perspective as to the worth of having sex with a woman.



Anything over a 30 minute drive for me is a ball-buster.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 41
He said... She said...
Posted: 6/21/2010 8:35:56 AM
Anything over a 30 minute drive for me is a ball-buster.


Yet I bet many a spring break men and women traveled hundreds if not thousands of miles just to get drunk and and have sex with a stranger.

2000 miles to Disneyland for a weekend just to see Mickey and take photos..
Paris, Aruba..Priorities people.

As far as the op...IMO she was playing Russian roulette with her life. Now that sounds just stupid to me..
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 42
He said... She said...
Posted: 6/21/2010 11:18:17 AM
Maybe he went through all his options in his area and was just branching out! How do you think he contacted Hep C?!
That's why, keep it local so that you can take your time. Expectations begin to rise unrealistically online and by phone and then reality doesn't measure up. People can say and be whatever and whoever they want, but by meeting and taking the time to get to know someone, you can usually sort out fantasy from reality within 4-5 dates!
 imsa1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 43
He said... She said...
Posted: 6/21/2010 12:59:44 PM
geez...he has to fly in to get laid??? its the internet dummies! you talk futures after a few days of sex? ok, so you have the hots..understandable...go for it...but to think this is going to be a lifetime on a few dates and online chats and talks on the phone? with someone who is leaving town a few days later? don't be mad at him...be mad at yourself for being an idiot! Go complain to someone who knows you're an idiot....that way they can say "again"???....me? hell, I won't drive 50 miles for a date...pretty useless...
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