| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:55:09 PM |
Op, fellow rider here and NOT a helmet wearer unless we go on the interstate.
Ditto, well, except the interstate thing. It's personal preference and I opt to exercise my right to decide whether I'm willing to "risk it" or not. No one makes that call but me. 
You recently started seeing her. You might not make the distance. Why make a fuss this early?
Agreed. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:05:46 PM | | I think the issue resolves around wearing appropriate head gear on your motorcycle. No, I don't think is controlling at all....she simply has concerns and rightly so. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:08:45 PM | Coming from a motorcyclist, I find that there's enough friction on the discussion about helmets that a non-helmet wearer and myself would have a very hard time dating. It's one of those little things that rubs me the wrong way. What I find is that our view on life tends to be different. It may seem strange that a helmet or no helmet could show a difference in views, but it does a little. Granted, it's a small thing. If I already had the relationship going and the guy suddenly decided to stop wearing a helmet, then I probably wouldn't leave, though he'd get an earful from me at that point. It's not whether one would get hurt or not. I'm already aware of the possibility of serious injury or death even with full gear on. I don't really know how to explain it, except for that I know a lot of helmet wearing and non-helmet wearing people, and so far, I consistently would not be able to consider one of the non-helmet wearers for dating. I would even have no problem being with a guy that would have nothing to do with motorcycles at all versus a non-helmet wearer. We just don't see eye to eye. I'm trying to not go into more depth, because how we don't see eye to eye or on what points is not as relevant I think.
Oh, and I'd have no problems being good friends with a non-helmet wearer. Also, maybe at some other point in my life I might chill out on that....who knows. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:18:07 PM | She isn't being controlling; she is being practical. Don't let love die on a hill when you could win the "battle."
A certain amount of risk is acceptable, but not taking steps to control the damages that might occur from taking those risks is not acceptable.
When I find my next love, I want our relationship to last a long time--if he dies due to something that could have easily been prevented, he will be dead and it will be my loss. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:33:25 PM | | If you lived in the UK you would have no choice, you have to wear a 'real' motorcycle helmet by law. Every motorcyclist should wear one, your skull is fragile, protect it. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/24/2008 10:47:09 PM | | You throw the ultimatum word around as if its poison. The fact is, we all have make or break issues concerning people we consider being close to.....I imagine you have a few yourself. For her, your not wearing a helmet is a make or break issue. You can respect her view without agreeing with it....thus proving yourself to be a complete idiot, as we all know the consequences of a crash sans helmet. You could begrudgingly wear it to appease her and feel as though youve compromised your independance or manliness by doing as a chick told you to do, thereby giving rise to eventual resentment and probable petty arguments. Or, you could do the truly right and obvious thing. Thankfully Im going to tell you what that is and thankfully there is only one right behavior for your situation. Makes it easy for you. You are going to realize, have a great epiphany...and right now, that not only have you found your princess, but she considers you to be her prince. You are the man she cares for deeply....so deeply, that the thought of injury to you is giving her great anxiety. Anxiety that she has confided in you, and anxiety that you are, luckily, able to completely and totally alleviate for your princess with a very simple act. The act of buying and wearing a proper helmet each and every time you get on your bike. Make sure its a good one because you've got one HARD head. Good luck. xx | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 12:09:23 AM | I'm really of two minds on this one. I'm not a motorcycle rider, but if I was I'd be wearing a helmet for sure. And I think its great that she is concerned enough about you to bring up the subject of safety while you ride. I agree with her whole-heartedly in that regard. Where I have a tough time seeing her point of view is the part where she says if you don't wear a helmet she will no longer date you.
I don't like to ever be put into an either/or situation, where someone draws a line in the sand. Particularly since you have only recently started seeing this woman. I don't necessarily see her as controlling, I just think she picked a poor choice of words in expressing her fears and concerns. Wear the helmet because its the right, and safe, thing to do, not because she'd end things if you didn't. No doubt her heart is in the right place; however, you need to talk to her about a better means of communicating with you, other than a threat. If she lays down another ultimatum regarding your behavior in the near future, then I'd start to worry. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:09:57 AM | The funny part to me is all the folks that have never ridden on a motorcycle saying you are crazy..... to not wear a helmet. The truth is that your ability to see hear and react to everything around you is impaired with a helmet on. Surviving on a bike is all about AVOIDING any wrecks entirely. Even if you live through a bad wreck due to your helmet you may be mangled. Will she be happy with that? To live on a bike for very long it takes a total commitment to driving defensively at all times. To listen and see out of the corner of your eyes as cars approach or are near you. Thats the attitude you must take. That everyone is trying to kill you. Honestly! And that your goal is to get off that bike alive every time. And your ability to hear and see everything around you unfold, and that you use that skill is essential.
Its not SURVIVING a wreck. Lots of your body is not going to have a helmet on folks.... Your still mangled.... The goal is to never get in the wreck in the first place. I mean an idiot is an idiot and they are gonna die on a bike either way or just be lucky. But surviving on a bike is really about developing and honing survival skills in riding, and sight and sound is very key. Thats why actual death rates on motorcycles have not increased any if at all in many states that have cut out the requirement to wear helmets.
Would you want to be strapped into a tiny fragile car and someone put plugs in your ears and blinders on so you could only see straight ahead for the most part ???
Me neither..
Cowboy | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:25:09 AM | | I don't think she's being controlling at all. Sensible and caring perhaps. Wear the helmet and give the girl the reassurance that you care about your own safety xx | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:30:37 AM | I think she has a point if she cares for you. Wearing a proper helmet isnt really that much of a sacrifice is it? And it could save your life.
Maybe compromise on this one but if she makes a request again, threatening to end it if you dont do it, then I think you can safely say shes trying to control you. What you do then is your choice! | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:44:45 AM | I've got into 2 motorcycle accidents that I was lucky not to be dead in. Totally the drivers fault in the car, and the dumbest accident. My ex did 2 flips over my driving the bike and clearing the entire hood of the car!! Back problems for life and THANK GOD SHE WAS WEARING A HELMET! The helmet had bad scraps on the back wear her head whacked the ground.
I think it'd be nuts not to wear a helmet. Plus my helmets are really nice and awesome looking. I got one I bought in Portugal that you can't get anywhere in the US. It has a jaw that opens up so that you don't need to use straps. At ;east as far as I know the US still has the under-the-chin annoying straps. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:53:48 AM |
The funny part to me is all the folks that have never ridden on a motorcycle saying you are crazy..... to not wear a helmet
What about all of the ones who HAVE ridden and say he's crazy? You can't cherry pick to make your argument cowboy. Or you can, but it won't have any validity. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:17:08 AM | I've had a controlling woman before man. And i can totally see where you are comign from here. But as many of the others have said. She has children, and seems to be concerned about you. I'd come to some sort of compromise (whatever that might be) and keep the relationship going.
Are there any other things shes has said or done to make you think she is controlling? If there is...might be something to pay attention to, don't want to lose your b*lls b/c someone else is running your life. But this one instance seems harmless enough. She just doesn't want to have you get hurt is my guess... | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:23:27 AM |
Neither do I dispute that statement, but the subtle hint of an ultimatum to have your way is the issue here, and is what I'm asking about, not how "stupid" you think I am or what is safer on the roads, Einstein. Thanks for stopping by though.
Concern does not validate the manifestation of control methods(subtle ultimatum, or manipulation), or does it?
OK Let's try again...
Did she say you must change or I won't be with you?
or
I can't be with someone that does this (ie doesn't wear a helmet)
In the former, you have a case. In the latter, none. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:39:16 PM | I've lost my brother and 2 friends to not wearing a helmet.
but hey, it's your choice.
I'll grieve for the loved ones you left behind
only you control your destiny
as she controls hers | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:04:22 PM | | You have to even ask? Yes, she is controlling. Sorry, no degrees here, just brains. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:34:28 AM | | If by controlling, you mean that she has determined that she will control her own destiny by choosing not to be with someone who doesn't share her values of using common sense and taking care of themselves-- in part because they are behaving responsibly and understand that their own actions affect others, then yes, she is being controlling. Good for her! She doesn't have a victim mentality which is so prevalent in our society. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:45:36 AM | To Crls22:
What about all of the ones who HAVE ridden and say he's crazy? You can't cherry pick to make your argument cowboy. Or you can, but it won't have any validity.
I didn't cherry pick. I spoke from my experiance. You will NEVER get anyone to 100 percent agree on this. Just like abortion. Or gun control etc...
But just since you called me out lets see how valid your argument is OK?
Have you actually not just rode on, but driven a bike? No I didnt think so.... Its almost ALWAYS the other drivers fault. Unless your being stupid... The goal here is to arrive without an accident. Not surviving a bad one. My goal is to NOT HAVE ONE at all, as any accident at all on a bike, is bad bad news.
Its very dangerous to ride a bike PERIOD. But each trip is about avoiding any accidents correct?
So how much do you really know about driving a motorcycle? Not riding on but really driving one?? Thats what I thought....
YES I might survive a crash better with a helmet. NO ARGUEMENT THERE!
No matter how mangled the rest of me might be. But the goal here is to NOT have an accident. And wearing a helmet cripples me in that regard. It makes me more likely to just HAVE an accident.
I can neither see or hear as well and that's CRITICAL in avoiding an accident on a bike. You have to be acutely aware at all times where everyone is around you. And a helmet limits that immensely.
We will agree to disagree on this one I guess. But at least my argument was based on experiance. Yes I have had bikes off and on for 30 years.
Your just guessing. But thanks for responding anyway....
Cheers
Cowboy | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:56:54 AM | | She thinks you are not safe to be with. Women require to choose men that are the most desirable..... those you feel a sense of security. This falls into all categories of income stability, all the way into believing that you would save her life first, in case of an airplane crash, to locking the doors at night, to being able to "hold your own" in a bar room brawl. She does not feel you are safe. She feels you will endanger her life in the future in other ways. This has nothing to do with wearing a Department of Transportation and Traffic Safety Inspected Motorcycle Helmet.... it goes deeper than that. This will enter into other facets of her life, pulling her into potentially dangerous situations by your thoughtless decision-making. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:05:41 PM | Some will not date a police officer because of the inherint danger.
Reverse roles for a second. If she were to do something that would end you realtionship because of a very simple saftey solution. What would you say?
I know you could possibly kill yourself because you hate that helmit.. wear it because I love you and want to keep you in my life. or who cares go killl yourself... I want a new woman in a year anyway.
Wellllllllllllllll what do you want? And yes, this you can control. It just could save your life. You are not 2 yrs old.
Then again, I don't have a bike. I know that some say no, and some say yes. Do you care what she thinks or what she stresses over? Give it a shot. Really evaluate. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:34:02 PM | Romeo,
I would be interested in hearing from you in a month or so ... see how her behavour is and if wearing the helmet of her choosing satisfies her.
Post an update please! | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:03:59 PM |
Romeo,
I would be interested in hearing from you in a month or so ... see how her behavour is and if wearing the helmet of her choosing satisfies her.
Post an update please! I motion to second that.
Try it, so your head will be warmer, but so will your bedroom. If the bedroom cools off, and some other complaint takes its place, you have your answer about control issues and if you can deal with a relationship like that.
From what I have seen and read, accidents happen close to home. My neighbor's son was killed on his way to work (on a motorcycle) because the sun was shining in another driver's eyes and he ran into him. A deputy warden ran a stop sign when I had my worst accident. My first fiance hit a truck in the fog (doa). I could go on about accidents I have been involved in, all except one close to home. The thing is, we drive more close to home and get comfortable and let our guards down. Drive safe out there, it is the other guy that will hit you. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 1:31:37 PM | My dad had a motorcycle accident years ago and was wearing a helmet. The road ground through the helmet completely to where there was a hole from it. If he wasn't wearing a helmet, it would have done that to his head.
I don't think I need to say anything more about my stance on the matter.
And having an issue with you not wearing a helmet is not controlling or manipulative. That's a matter of wanting someone you feel strongly about to stay as safe as possible. I wouldn't want to date anyone that rode a motorcycle and didn't wear a helmet. Has nothing to do with control or manipulation.
Now, I'm all for deciding whether you want to wear a helmet or not (or seat belt, too, for that matter). But I'm also allowed to decide if I'm comfortable with someone (potentially) important in my life doing something like that. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:02:40 PM | Hmmm, getting you to give up skydiving is a tad different than asking you to wear a helmet to do something you love. It would have been better to have said, would you consider it controlling to ask me to wear a helmet whilst skydiving.
Personally I think the way she has approached it IS controlling - being the ultimatum way. However why not go to her, explain that you feel that she has laid down an ultimatum and because of this you feel as though the choice is not yours to make. Explain (gently) to her that you like to make your own decisions, and that you will consider her concerns, but that ultimately the choice is yours.
It does sound like she has explained you you why she feels that a helmet is a good idea, I think at this point her thoughts are logical. She adores you and doesn't want to loose you (sadly leading to the illogical ultimatum - but come on, you are not new to the game of dating, us ladies can be a tad illogical!) perhapes you can come to a meeting point - like wearing a half helmet?
Hope this helps!
P.S. When you feel again like the choice is yours to make, maybe you will decide its better to wear a helmet. But until you feel as though the choice is fully yours I doubt you will make that move, no-one likes to feel coerced into something. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:14:36 PM | I am the last person on earth that would want to be controled, but at the same time someone wanting me to do something that would keep me safe would be different.
Now the sarcastic answer she is a control freak, wear a shower cap and show her a thing or two.
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