| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:28:18 PM | I've been down and having a full face helmet on saved half of my face.
That said it is your choice and your life. Gnunugogoda or something said it right however, she is probably expressing deep concern for you. This is different than forcing you to do something based on her preferences (ie dressing a certain way).
There is a line ; if she told you to stop riding entirely, say your goodbyes and move on.
Although my #1 rule in dating anyone is, "you can ask me to do something, but never tell me."
Good luck buddy and pls put on a shirt. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:42:39 PM | I can't view your profile but it would be self defeating and humorous if both of you were smokers. Oh ya smoking is a slow death, hmmm wonder how many smokers chimed in on this topic.
As far as helmets, I seen enough cranial matter splattered around to last 10 lifetimes. Maybe she just wants to set an example for her children through you as a role model. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:28:01 PM | I'm a firm believer in not having helmet laws - if someone is dumb enough to ride a motorcycle w/o a helmet, then perhaps that's their loss. On the other hand: if someone who is emotionally invested in another, then it's not only that one person's responsibility to decide if they should wear a helmet, but the significant other's input needs to be carefully considered and given weight.
I say, no, she's not controlling at all, but is more or less just worried about you. If she didn't care about you, then there'd be nothing more than the basic human desire not to see someone die and she probably wouldn't care too much. Because she does care she is willing to tell you how much it worries her.
On a side note, I recently wrecked my r6 - I hit my head pretty hard on the asphalt and if it weren't for my helmet I really doubt I'd have the job I do now or even be alive. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:18:48 PM | Exactly. Survival of the fittest...you should have the choice to wear a helmet or not considering it will physically only affect you....
...but if you are dumb enough not to wear one...
...heh...that is your problem. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:49:16 PM | Honestly, she's not asking you to change your lifestyle, she's using common sense.
She's being 100% reasonable in her request that you properly manage risk during a potentially deadly/crippling activity. I ride myself and I can tell you from experience that as "uncomfortable" as a real lid can be - it's an absolute lifesaver.
I've "bounced" off the side of a city bus at 50mph that decided to push a yellow and make a left turn in front of me, what made the difference between me going home with a concussion and 21 stiches and going home in a body-bag was propper gear. A full lid, real jacket, and boots.
What risks you decide to take when you're single is entirely your business. When you're in a realtionship - especially with kids, she's got a right to ask that you be as safe as possible for everyone's physical, mental, and emotional health.
I think you're the one being unreasonable in this situation. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:11:47 PM | | Controlling no. Caring yes. If she didnt give a danged about you, she wouldnt ask. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:40:44 PM | starcityromeo wrote:
Am I wrong here? I certainly understand her worrying. However, we all worry about things that we have no control over. I feel that using some type of influence that one may have(in this case, that I SO like her mucho) to change something about a person rather than liking them for the person they are, seems a bit controlling to me. I mean, what's next? Get rid of my Harley??? Motorcycles are dangerous. Its a fact.
OP, she's not controlling. She's acting responsible (other than you), and she wants to save herself from possible (and likely) sorrow.
She's also telling you that she is not comfortable dating a man who is acting irresponsible and inconsiderate (both of which you're demonstrating in not wearing decent protective gear when riding your motorcycle). I've been in a motorcycle accident myself, and looking at my scarred knee and the scars on my hands I can't even begin to wonder what my face would like if I hadn't worn an excellent helmet when I hit the street head first - sliding over the pavement for about 200 yards before hitting a wall (with my head) that stopped the slide.
If you indeed have a knack for her, shut up and get a decent helmet. However, if you consider your "coolness" more important than her worries and her sensible arguments, pick your risk-taking irresponsible behaviour over her and move on to find someone else. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:41:40 PM | | I don't think she is controlling. She cares about you and obviously she felt the need to bring this to the forefront and discuss her concerns openly with you. Some habits are hard to break but in the end she is looking out for you, herself and the children. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:15:20 PM | | If I understand the OP correctly, his question is concerning a behavior of control and not necessarily the safety issue. Threat of abandonment unless demands are met is not an effective way of communicating concern! Couples should be able to influence one another based upon mutual respect....NOT a need to control. If she wants to encourage you to take better care of yourself, ultimatums aren't a great way to go about it. If she's willing to talk about it, you could find out what is more important to you both.....the need to dictate behavior, or the need to share concern for one another. If she won't discuss it, you already have your answer.... | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:29:53 PM | If you want to be an ADULT, since I have become pregnant with my first child , seatbelts are mandatory in my car for passanger and all alike. Now for Helmets....i will just tell you a story that is personal to my heart and makes me tearevery time I think of one of my best friends who the song "Dream On" by Aerosmith" reminds me of and I think of his life cut short....splattered on the parkway on a light rainy night, he skid hefell, he died, I was 16 yrs old, he was 18.........JUST A FRIEND. One of the most wonderful giving best people that I have ever met dear to my heart that I still think of him DEAD because he did not wear a helmet. And I still sometimes cry. Just a great person and a great true friend.
Please wear a HELMET. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:43:12 PM | Since my first husband was wearing a helmet when he was killed on his bike, I first have to say that it's false security to think that wearing a helmet is going to keep you alive. In his case, the helmet ended an inch or so above his eyebrow and it was his eyebrow that was punched through his brain when he hit it on a parked car as he flew through the air. I have also heard that helmets are only "protective" up to about 8 kms of impact so... It seems that if your time's up, your time's up...
As for the way she feels about it, perhaps that is better than her not caring at all?
She sounds more scared of the risks of loving than controlling to me... | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:50:50 PM | Answer: Nope....what she is saying is this "I care about you...I am not very comfortable with motorcycles, and if you wont follow the singlemost important rule of safety, then I dont think that I can continue on with this"
She may have lost a good friend or relative in a motorcycle accident....she may have even SEEN a tragic motorcycle accident.
You know what? This woman cares a great deal about you...and to toss it away over a helmet? I think you are out of your tree. I am an avid atv rider. I was riding my atv (Sportsman 450) up a wall of mud....it wasnt a good idea in retrospect, I dropped, the tachometer box slammed into the temple area of my helmet...it cracked. I got up and walked away. that is 1250 pounds that fell on my head...you want to tell me helmets dont save lives? | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:21:36 PM | | Helmets are cheaper than brains, and helmets are much easier to come by than really great girlfriends. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:21:56 AM | Have you actually not just rode on, but driven a bike? No I didnt think so. So how much do you really know about driving a motorcycle? Not riding on but really driving one?? Thats what I thought....
And you're basing this ASSumption on what? ESP? I have ridden before thank you very much. In fact have posted that fact in another thread.
But just since you called me out lets see how valid your argument is OK?
Was I making an argument? I simply pointed out that there were both riders and non-riders who thought OP was crazy to go without a helmet. A careful review of the postings would bear this out. Included in those postings was my own opinion, which if you'd care to read, I never said he was crazy.
Fun Facts from the Washington Traffic Safety Commission:
From 1997-2006, there has been a 185% increase in motorcycle fatalities statewide.
Nearly half of the people killed on motorcycles were speeding. A third were above the legal limit for alcohol consumption.
More motorcycle deaths happen on rural road and highways than on urban streets.
Motorcycle riders are found to be at fault in the majority of deaths; direct quote from Lowell Porter, traffic safety commission director.
Approximately 44% of people killed riding motorcycles do not have the proper endorsement on their driver's license.
The largest percentage of people who die on motorcycles are men 40 and older. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/27/2008 4:16:29 AM | I don't believe that the root issue here either you wearing a helmet, or her being controlling. I think it's a personality type clash. Her concern that your "risk taking" Type A personality could cause her (and her children) pain in the future is a valid one.
The fact is , yes...it IS your decision...but your decision COULD effect her, therefore, she has the right to make decisions of her own, albeit them being based on decisions that you make. If you can understand her worrying....then how is it that you can't understand her making decisions that will ease her worries?
As you have stated that you are crazy about her, that she's very special....I think if I were you I'd give in and wear the helmet; but I'd also NOT be too surprised if she doesn't also ask you to get rid of the Harley on down the road. (BTW, I ride motorcycles myself, so I'm not biased against them). But your question.....Is she controlling? That's really tough to answer based on an issue which has such "real" consequences. (for both of you).
I feel that using some type of influence that one may have(in this case, that I SO like her mucho) to change something about a person rather than liking them for the person they are, seems a bit controlling to me. You're asking her to change aren't you? To accept the risks that come along with your personality type. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:52:38 PM | Ok, so check this out people. This past saturday night, I took her out riding on the Harley. She was wearing the **** hat (pink helmet) and I wore my d.o.t. approved helmet. I took her to visit my brother in the next town, who was recently seriously injured in a motorcycle accident. She handled the ride well, and in fact, I think I may have got her tamed on that thing. The bike vibrates really hard, so I knew she would love it. She didn't mesh with me and lean properly in the curves, but it's all new to her, so we'll work on that. The important thing is I've actually talked her in to riding WITH me. Now, who is in control? :)
Now, if she will just be my girl, I'll be juiced. 
 | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/28/2008 3:14:19 PM | Starguy...
Curious, as I"m not a bike rider (have only riden twice)... is it possible that there is a correlation b/t her not meshing w/you on the bike and her not agreeing to be your girl?
In other words, is the meshing and leaning properly something that is learned or is it part of you and her becoming "one" in mind and body and soul?
Perhaps you 2 aren't completely in sync yet? Or *maybe* you just need to take her on your Harley a few more times to get her to mesh with you for the bike ride - and for your life? hee hee Have fun! I'm glad the helmet issue got resolved and she was actually willing to ride on your bike with you.
I hope you 2 are sharing control, of course....that's the harmony you want to shoot for!
Kaylie | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/28/2008 3:33:23 PM | get one of those really cool helmets.....you know the macho beany ones. Hey that pic of you in your profile....please don't tell me that was taken in the hospital after a motorcycle accident. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/28/2008 3:39:36 PM | She cares for you. She doesn't want to lose her. I don't necessarily agree for the exact way she put it, but... it's a good thing that you two can communicate.  | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:04:04 PM | "...she hinted to me that she may not be able to have a relationship with me if I don't wear a "real" motorcycle helmet while riding my bike..."
This is hinting at an ultimatum, and therefore I think a precursor to what many call demanding behavior.
When someone sayd, "I'd like for you to do this; I'm cocerned for your safety," it's what I would call a normal request. When someone doesn't accept your answer and uses tactics to get their way, regardless of how sensible the request is, it constitutes demanding behavior. When demands are made in any relationship, the outcome is never good. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:06:12 PM | | starry night (message #85) - I agree 100% with your assessment. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:25:39 AM | | once a women trys to change you buy.because they start with things they can get a yes from then they go to what they really wanted in the first place.unless you like being hen picked say bye.a meekish man is a is not a man.there are other words for them but i will be respectful. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:37:06 AM | For a living for 20 years now I type hospital reports and so I have seen my fair share of death reports for folks in motorcycle accidents - with and without a helmet. However, I have also typed many survival reports from motorcycle accidents for people that wore leathers and a helmet. Your SO cares enough about you and wants you to stay alive. You should be flattered. If she were cold or controlling, she would have run down to Allstate RIGHT NOW and drew out a million dollar life insurance policy on you and said, "Don't wear a helmet - I don't care - die so I inherit." That is cold - not what she's doing.
She has children that she cares about and in all high likelihood her kids were pads and helmets when they rollerblade or ride bicycles...why would she want anything different for you? She's a mom! Her maternal instincts have blended over to you! She cares and wants you around....again, she's thinking of her children. She doesn't want them getting attached to a man who doesn't care enough about his own life and safety by not wearing a helmet - you die, the kids hurt. Also, you not wearing a helmet is not setting a good example for her children. Children imitate what they see. You live dangerously, so will they. She doesn't want anything bad to happen to her kids because of the example you set forth. | |
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| Is she controlling?
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:42:52 AM | I can see her point.
She looking out for her interests, those of her kids and ultimately yours.
I'd say she's digging you if she's that concerned for your welfare.
Just wear the helmet! | |
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