| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:54:36 PM | He's g0ing to Iraq, he regrets his choices, he's confused. I'd say let him figure it out and get back to you. Don't be needy or too available because men like the pursuit.
Of course it hurts, nobody did anything wrong here. Perhaps a little theatrics but emotions are that way.
Things always work out for the best. He'll be in Iraq at least a year if not longer....sorry to say.
Cheer up and keep a positive outlook. | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:14:36 PM | Hopefully you will stop hurting soon. Try taking your mind off your problems by focusing on something else like .........maybe helping someone else or volunteering.....that is fullfilling. There is a season and a reason for all things.
God Bless | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:35:28 PM | How women say, when they get older and wiser....NEXT FISH PLEASE....
Hun, you are so young and have a lot to learn; in time you will know how to play the game of the heart. There is a very good book called WHY MEN LOVE ****ES by Sherry Argov buy it and read it and you will learn so much from this book and maybe you might understand men. | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:37:25 PM | Obviously this guy has issues. Do you want to coddle his a** through all his emotional crap? If not, move on. Obviously this guy has issues. You can't fix him. Doesn't even sound like he wants fixin'. "I'll just go home before I flip out". He hasn't even learned how to deal with emotion. I say RUN!
Sorry it happened to you...dating is great, isn't it? Take care. | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:54:32 AM | OP... maybe you are are being a bit selfish. I know it's hard not to be so at times but you must really look at the situation. This man is going off to war in less than two months. If I were him, I wouldn't be able to breathe for choking on my tears. Much less carry on a relationship with someone who may need me a bit too much. I know it's hard not to think about yourself at a time like this. You are the skin you are in, after all. You're so young though and your life will move on. You will love and be loved again. He feels as though he may not. For you to turn your back on him, at a time like this, shows that you are unable to see beyond you. He may need and deserve better right now. Not better than you, but better than the way you treated him.
I do wish you the best of luck. I applaud you on your progress. Remember, though, you are so much more than the relationship you are in. If you can't see that now, maybe you need to take a step back from dating and just fo you. | |
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| to: achy jake
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:08:58 AM | THE TRUTH WILL SET U FREE..just adding some variables ok there tough guy..I would have gone cyber gangster on your fat old ass but I was taught 2 respect my elders..so that's the meanest thing I can say 2 u..k? HEY I'M IMPRESSED THAT U HAVE THE CHAT ACRONYMS DOWN THOUGH... | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:31:07 AM | | Maybe you can get Patton to slap him? Oh right... Patton is dead... Maybe you can get Geroge C. Scott to slap him... | |
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| To: mzsomebody & others . . .
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:41:53 AM | Pls. consider someone's (hurt) feelings when dealing out your version of the truth is all I was requesting . . .
I was very glad to see you have some interest in my "fat old ass" (or you wouldn't have mentioned it) . . .
And that you show some respect fpr certain ppl. ! ! !
If you want to continue this war of words, let's do it out of the public's eyes (PM's etc.). . .
As far as me being a "tough guy", I got you something to try to patch up our relationship (?) . . .
[img]http://pics.plentyofsite.com/mail_images/3.jpg[/img]
(I hope that link / img thing worked - if it didn't I send you a teddy bear . . .) | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:59:52 AM | Jake, you had some decent insight into the guys state of mind. Are you sure you didnt mean to add MzSomebody to the message to ohellyes and whatever????? | |
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| xcen
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:13:16 AM | My message was directed at everybody . . .
Who tries to "get a few shots in, when a person is down" . . .
My personal feeling is that we're called "Man-[u]kind[/u]" for a reason . . . | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:29:42 AM | | Leave him alone. You are 23 and I don't know how young he is or what he has or hasn't seen, but he might be going through some major changes. Once he has adjusted and feels he wants to find out if you are still around, he will contact you, if he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. You need to step back, get yourself together and realize you are young and have so much more life ahead of you. Start living for yourself and the next day. When you meet the right man you don't always have to make it work, it just does...sigh...yes, I miss that. | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:13:22 AM | Hmmm...Poster, would the situation(when you visited him)have gone down better had you handled it differently(calmly and listened to what he was really trying to tell you)?
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what "we" feel, we forget to understand what the other person is going through.
Perhaps he broke off with you because of FEAR....he would be gone for a year, he did not know you well enough to trust you....people get lonely...and "one thing leads to another" scenerios often occur.
Bottom line: he acted out of fear....
And there is no right or wrong...it's cause and effect...we live with our decisions(some are good and some not so good). | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:03:04 AM | I have to agree with Just Me, she is right, your young, and time will tell if its meant to be, thou will keep him i my prays and all the women and men over there, Cause there over there and we are here doing this dating game Cause there over there giving there lifes up, to all the men and women and keep a stiff upper lip, you be ok, time helps also  | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:14:08 AM | bellen,
I am very moved by your post. It sounds like both you and your boyfriend wear your hearts upon your sleeves--not an easy thing to do.
My advice is to step WAY back and give your boyfriend some room.
He's being deployed. He's going off to war. Perhaps, now, it is a war he no longer believes in--thus, the regret. He's probably getting freaked out thinking about the risks.
Back in the day, I recall any number of friends who were sent to Viet Nam. Their last weeks at home were ones of extreme emotion and behavior. Many who later came back from Viet Nam said that mail call--getting letters from lovers, friends, and family--kept them from falling to pieces. If you're truly serious about your boyfriend and willing to wait a year for him, staying in touch with him while he's in Iraq would be enormously beneficial for him.
However, if you don't think you can deal with his changes or wait a year for him, then it's better to just admit that and walk away now. Avoid being in a position where you now say you'll always be there for him and then six months from now send him "Dear John" letter saying you've changed your mind or that you've fallen in love with someone else.
"Dear John" letters are absolutely devastating to those who receive them while at war.
I've read accounts of WWII and Viet Nam where soldiers did themselves in immediately after reading them.
Either way, yours is an enormously difficult choice.
If this is the man you truly want for the rest of your life, hang in there , but make sure you're ready for the long haul.
If you don't think you can make this commitment, he's giving you an opportunity to walk away.
Truly,
MC | |
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| xcen
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:40:33 AM | AchyJake, these forums allow people to say what they think. Any attempt at removing the negatives would make it kind of poinless, one-sided. I don't agree with most of what the people you mention said, they could have been a bit more delicate about it, but they have every right to their point of view.
My 2p worth on the matter is that he's just dosen't want a long term relationship. For all his torturing himself, he makes his own choices.
All those people talking about Iraq, seem to missing the fact that he's done this before. He even warned you when the relationship began. Another person might see going to Iraq as a reason to get closer. He chose to shut you out.
Hard as it is, you can't fix him. Sadly, I think it's best to let him go, and look for something better. | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:04:22 PM | | I'm 65 years old and have "seen it all." From my experience with men, it sound like he is a man who has a fear of commitment. I would say, let him go and move on. He will continue playing games and hurting you. I'm sorry you are hurting. | |
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| Just Venting...
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:08:48 PM | Without reading the other posts yet, my first thought was Iraq weighing heavy on him. He's in the Army and I am sure he has seen men/women coming back different than when they left (post traumatic stress disorder)...and while he has been here on military bases, I am sure he has watched spouses run amuck while their SO is overseas. Then, depending on his position in the military depends on where he goes in Iraq. Like I dated a bomb disposal guy at Nellis AFB years ago. Today would I do that? OH NO! If he were going over to Iraq, he wouldn't date anybody today period. Reason being? His job was dangerous in the US in training...In Iraq it's 10 times dangerous, in the line of fire all the time, risks beyond belief every day!! One slip up and he would have a widow in the US.
There are so many things that could be going through your boyfriend's head. I would give him space - maybe send an email and just tell him to talk to you when he's ready and you'll be there to listen, but don't push it further than that. Let him come to you. No, I would not say that about a standard guy - It's just military is a completely different world. | |
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