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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/26/2005 4:31:35 PM | Well, hello. Happy Boxing Day to alla ya!
Just a post n' run for me.
I found a lovely computer-generated poem for you today. The first line is mine, but the rest is generated by good ol' Linux based technology:
========================
One slab of pork and a bent fork
Or is it Eris, peering up from above?
I then pull out the bottle's cork
For him who sausage loves
==========================
Lovely, isn't it? Let's try again with the same line:
==========================
One slab of pork and a bent fork
the camel I love is not here yet
I then pull out the bottle's cork
To buy the lotto or place a bet
===========================
Ah..it just gets better. Let's do another one:
=========================
One slab of pork and a bent fork
Her cold gaze settled down upon those about her like so much freon
I don't make a mess, don't wanna look like a dork
With bedazzled pupils encompassing spastic neon
===========================
My, my, my...that's just smashing. I'd better do something original to save a little of my reputation tonight....let's see...
=========================
Cabbage rolls absorb
Gently into my system
Farting is a sport
======================= | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/26/2005 5:17:23 PM | Hey All fellow Barnacles ( I just thought of that hahahaha )
Hope Santa came down your Chimney yesterday
I got so excited unwrapping my prezzies I almost wet the carpet, even though I had wrapped them myself the night before....sort of Mr Bean's Christmas...but I DID NOT lose my watch in the turkey or end up wearing it as a hat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another Yule has come and gone
Another record number of garbage bags
Adorn my home
Take care
 | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/26/2005 6:02:30 PM | Happy Holidays Barn critters!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pickles, LMAO the garbage, I hear ya!!!
12 bags and 5 boxes
Of Christmas trash
Out to the dumpster
Was the repeated dash
How can so much
Come from one holiday
So little to keep
So much thrown away
Torn wrappings
Ribbons and strings
For the 20 seconds of joy
To the kids that it brings
Then mom gets to clean
And stuff it all in bags
They open so quick
They don’t read the tags
But all in all
It’s worth the smile
To walk trash out 10 times
That adds up to a mile
 Sam | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/26/2005 6:22:07 PM | The Phone Rings, it's Christmas
Were Christ Athiest
Would he raise child of love
Would he raise child with fist
A DVD gifted, another did show
the first was much talked of
I'd not considered it though
A phone conversation
Hurt words they came quick
Of visits, vacations and how the clock ticks
I do it myself, without once to consider
A notion, a feeling, desirous of glitter
I critique a comment as if it were sword
I'm laid open never, I never do lord
I struggle with likeness, I struggle with glee
I sometimes am thick the love to not see
That he is my image, I wish he were not
For mine are the bad traits, the booze and the pot
I support and defend him, I love him to death
My son is my lifesblood, my son is my breath
The picture is coming, into focus but slow
My Father and his all through this did go
That we all would be Strong
That we'd all be Content
Would be all the more easy
With heads not cement
Thanks so much for the welcome here. You folks are great. jim | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/26/2005 6:25:25 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Worst,
That was great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/26/2005 8:06:51 PM | Hey worst....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You gonna continue to post heah?
Then youse gonna be a Barnacle
God I am such a wit | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/26/2005 9:25:28 PM | 4786
My Rash Looks like Kazakhstan
27 December 2005
My rash looks like Kazakhstan
or was it just I was going insane
playing Russian Roulette
For who was it that took out
all the bullets and did not one forget
Life and death to behold
this battle of endangered kind
Going inane in losing
this focus upon my mind
My rash looks like Kazakhstan
because it was shaped like that
Must have caught something
maybe it was from that damn cat
Unable to take a shot in cure
because then my days would be done
Just looking for a bullet
since I only need one
“Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty
to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and
thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.”
Ecclesiastes 5: 2 KJV
© 2005 Christopher W Herbert (a New Zealand Poet)
a poet who cares | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/27/2005 3:56:02 PM | I hope I do not catch it
The dreaded skin lurgy
They call it Kazakhstan
I think that's because
It lingers on and on
Is it a form of trench foot
Or Jock itchies
Or nylon panties
Crotch rot?
Matters not
They have it in New Zealand
But not in Ontario
I think I know where I will go
For my vacation | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/27/2005 5:25:23 PM | 'Allo Pickles and Hello Poet!
A rash that looks like Kazakhstan...truly a wondrous thing. Though, a rash that looks like Central Africa could be worse.
As for me? Well, I have been inspired by the lovely and talented Pickles -- "crotch rot" is a term that has always made me lauch, manly because I am uncultured and fond of cottage cheese. Geddit? Anh?
Heh heh...
Greets to Mari as well...you are wunnerful too.
A big ol' welcome to worstguyonhere...It's about time you made it here. This is a place for you, pardner. Love what you wrote...keep 'em coming.
Okay...as for me...I love this poetry program I had kicking around and never used until recently. Let's seed it with the first line...
=========================
Oh, just a tiny bit of crotch rot
The dogs, they dance with rabid glee
I think I will sleep on a cot
on that tree
=========================
Lovely...visually stunning...like Granny in the nude on a cold night. Let's try again:
===================
Oh, just a tiny bit of crotch rot
But when we walk under the sun, the rain isn't falling -- yet.
And Latoya's a SLUT! (A whole lot!)
the camel I love is not here yet
=====================
Oh, now we get political. Very edgy...awe inspiring, in fact. It must be again:
=====================
Oh, just a tiny bit of crotch rot
as the flounders with a two-ton hog
Procrastinate and she will be as useless as a chocolate tea pot...
or would said swine be best left in a fog?
==========================
It's getting better...I'm liking the results. Let's try one more:
========================
Oh, just a tiny bit of crotch rot
I really just hoped no one would see.
For her mind is never changing, but her body's always hot,
Go forth and plunder thee
========================
Sweet...I'm keeping that one too. Isn't technology wonderful? At this rate I can create 600 works of peotry in a month. A MONTH! Stunning, no?
And something original, to yet again save what is left of my reputation:
====================
"A beer!" the captain said to the queer
Though the lad and captain were barely stable
He had a voice like Brenda Viccaro
And lad's legs were like Betty Grable's
======================
It's the rough beginning to a ribald sea shanty that may or may not involve a lot of whale blubber and a bilge pump. Let that imagination roam like free-range chickens.
I'm going to bed...g'night! | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/27/2005 6:35:50 PM | HO HO HO and a bottle of Rum
Santa's on a cruise...having fun
Avast me hearties was the Reindeer's cry
Stuff the prezzies
Let's fly to
White sand beaches
Booze cruises
Now all the reindeer's noses are red
And Santa has enrolled in a Twelve step!!!!!!!
| |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/27/2005 7:01:02 PM | Festive greets to all...My,,,,, ermmm,,,, non poetic words are a bit, ahhhehhhmmm, skewed…….skews me...I have consumed a few rum and eggnogs…
Anywhos, it is great to read all of you …
A warm welcome to you, Worstguyonhere - - I think you fit in the barn, pull up a bale and stay a whiles, eh!?
Pickles - - You are blessed with humour and wisdom…
Poet - - “My Rash Looks like Kazakhstan” Had me chuckling, yup, ya did…
Mari_sam - - Christmas and Glad bags…And the smiles you recall as you walk to the trash….Good to see you here
Kobold - - Glad life and you are doing fine!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your gal…Glad you stopped by
Goat…..You are the best… You and your poetry inspired me to deviate from the norm… I loves ya!!
~~
~~ Questionable Technological Christmas Garble ~~
Christmas moments captured
Of course it is the season, but quit looking at me
My toast it was buttered
And I left a smelly goat for hire
We happily swam in the sea of plenty
A goal very hard to achieve
The most malicious of bacteria in any county
Last time the germ got caught on his sleeve
The fish, they floated mightily
Sitting as they do in cosmic butter
Mashed potatoes! Where's the gravy baby?
Keep your mind out of the gutter
Twas here that men and women fished with hope
Typography gets me down, but lets me fly
Things are not always as they appear
Nor do my verses rival Robert Bly
Tis with this we must end the night
Like the fat **stard, Mr. Magoo and his wife
The men she loved, the men she knew
A' spewing a powerful goo!!
~~
Well folks...Keep warm and dry...G'night all....... | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/28/2005 12:58:58 PM | Bon Giorno
.
.
.
.
Stop and listen in the mall
To the many cell phone calls
William Tell and The 1812
Piano concerto's and Sonatas
Serenade you in cacophany
Hip hop and jingles
Top 10 singles
Now you can download even more
The ad shrieks from the "Wreless" store
I prefer
To listen in silence | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/28/2005 3:42:20 PM | Hello, Barn-aholics ! I hope everyone had a meaningful Christmas.
==================================================
REUNION
Deft in a plague of memories,
Berlioz' "Dance Of The Sylphs"
surges throughout my heart.
Always the pained strings sing
from your terrified, startled eyes,
lovely, taken from deceit.
Nervous exclamation
marks, the lightning noiseless
sparks in the black distance.
The storm, my pity and lust,
the slow rapprochement finally
clapping our bodies like waves.
Morning, your contented, troubling
figure curled on the side
like a knocked-over demitasse. | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/28/2005 3:46:32 PM | Hey Rory
Welcome back...
I trust you had a good one
Missed your wit...maybe next year you could do a
12 days thing a la Pumpkin???
Hugzzzzzzzz
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/28/2005 6:51:53 PM | Howdy all. Good to see Rory back with us again...you are still in fine form, you is. And Pickles-dear...wunnerful! That is the reason why I stay away from shopping malls during this unholy Boxing Week.
Greets to Venus too, with her cheerful and perplexing praise. Welcome to the barn, eh?
Otay...what can my heretical rhyme generator come up with now? Let's see...
======================================
Lazy poems abound in my head
The Ides of March heighten our lust for pez
G'wan and kick me in the head
While a fly grasping warmth, perches on an integrated circuit
I've become fond of this rhyme generator
Then take out my big black gun
When all else fails, consult you mentor
God's coming over and his bringin a shotgun
Though the poems are quite nonsensical
Indigestion sets in so they now seem deadly
Turpentine... oh, it bathes my inner child. Peace. Chemicals.
Eat broken glass, and pound on you soundly
It makes the holiday season a little easier
It's been doing that for weeks
For writing too much poetry makes me wheezier
And the roquefort under my bed starts to reek
=================================
It's like a poem written by a non-English speaking person. A true Babelfish try, it is. I'll keep it.
Something original? Alrighty...
=======================
A Colon For All Seasons
If I were any larger, my pants would not fit
I would have ample buttocks
And a fine pair of tits
During this finest of holiday seasons
I will eat all that I possibly can
While crammed to gills, all fat and wheezin'
Will I need an enema, or a stomach pump?
On New Year's Day I will sit on the throne
And take a three-hour dump
===========================
A three-hour dump...aaaa threee hour dummmmp! Geddit...think Gilligan's Island theme song...geddit?
Ah, it's okay. I'm heading to the showers. Hugs, eh? See youse tomorrow. | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/29/2005 7:31:17 PM | Ah...I'm a bit lazy tonight..something crappy and quick will do:
=================================
A bot-generated poem is a wonderful thing
And I think this is all very tiring
On the other hand the grass needs cutting.
It makes me think of mother.
============================
Lovely. And it only took three seconds to write...the first line, that is.
And that is it. I had a hard two days at work and I still have the flu. To bed I go.
G'night! | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/29/2005 7:38:27 PM | Another poem....must...pretend...to...write...more:
===============================
If I could write one bot-generated poem
And in the all the chip-monks will know I shat on my tree
Mashed potatoes, where's the gravy baby?
You find out it's a number three, number three...
================================
Oh, yeah...that hit the spot. And that one only took two seconds to create. I'm on a roll hyar! | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/29/2005 7:45:25 PM | Tangerine skins
Are some of the things
I hate about Christmas
Between the cushions..down the sides
Those nasty bits of peel hide
Cleaning out their repository
I find enough for reupholstery
Leathery now
Devoid of scent
No wonder I am so hell bent....
Vacuum up that citrus crap
Got me 12 months till they come back
 | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/29/2005 9:41:16 PM | Hi Pickles! Just dropping in for a post and run. More great bot-generated stuff...and I don't care about my reputation as a poet any more...mwuh hah hah haaaaaa...
=====================
Is it real or bot-generated -- I have to ask
Flacking Penguins to the spawn
Things are not always as they appear
If you take much longer to move that pawn
=======================
Incomprehensible and lovely...you can't beat that, even with a bent three-iron.
Okay...that is truly it. To bed, farty goat...to bed!!! | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/30/2005 3:40:31 PM | Happy New Year to my fellow barn dwellers.....
Hope you end this year with a bang....get alot of in you and shake your booty a little .....and just have a great time...
Remember all that has been shared this year and thank whomever you choose for the new and old friends that have graced your life....I know I will and do all the time...
This place has been a haven for me and I thank the many people who have made it that way....you hopefully know who you are....
I love all you guys...
take care,and talk to you in the new year..
miz  | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/30/2005 5:31:20 PM | A Luddite
I am NOT
Would someone tell me...please
What the sh1te
Is a bot?
It sounds like slang for a bumm....bottom....booty
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/30/2005 5:59:50 PM | Hello Pickles...the bot-poetry is generated by a computer program. I'm guessing "bot" is short for "robot"...but it just means soulless phrases plucked from a pool and casually dropped into a poem. I just create the first line and the program does the rest.
I've been lazy lately and haven't felt awfully inspired to write much these days. Christmas/New Year's blahs, I reckon.
Let's try something original tonight:
===========================
An Excuse of Sorts
It is difficult to get suitably inspired
When the neurons aren't working
And the brain is tired
Before succumbing to the lure of the bot
There were stares at a blank screen
All that was seen was the Void of Naught
If the machine is seeded with a witty line
It generates a few stanzas of crap
But can generate something in time
Sure, it isn't the proper way to write a poem
But with the help of this computer
Is the only way to lazily grow 'em
And, yes -- it isn't ethical or truly right
But, by taking proper rests
My creativity will not take flight
=============================
Hello Miz...you're looking smashing this evening.
Okay....to wander and to pick and nibble. See youse tomorrow, eh? | |
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/30/2005 7:27:07 PM | Ok Goat....now I unnerstan
I thought I was missing some subtle Nuance in the poetry world or worse yet in the Barn world
One cloven hooved Poet, brain farts
Botty poems, are passed
Wheezed words
Generated in cyberspace
Plopped into our time and space
Rest thy thoughts oh Lardy Goat
We will forgive thy Christmas sloth
SERRRRRRRRRMMMMMONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
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| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 12/30/2005 11:15:00 PM | Awe Yes,
A sermonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn is needed, lmao
Forgive me lardy, for I have sinned, hahahahahaha
I done got these thoughts, and I all but grinned
See, I have this evil plot,
That all naughty, is not forgot,
HAPPY NEW YEAR YA'LL!!!!!!!!!!
Sam | |
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