om
|
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2926 | |
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/2/2006 5:20:37 PM | welcome back pickles:) hey yall
my bro had a heart attack not too long ago
I'd always thought him the healthier one
well this sure was a wake up call
to think of my own stealthier run
as Bobby Mcferren put it, " sing for the moment" !) | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/2/2006 7:49:52 PM | Hello all. Hello to the barn-dwellers and lurkers and newcomers. A post n' run night again. The evening is near done and I had a poopy day at work.
Here's the way it started:
=======================
Caution! Contents Hot!
Hot coffee on the crotch
Makes me pause
And look at my watch
It works its way to the balls
Singes tender skin
Improves my cattle-calls
Thinking becomes rough
After repeated exposure
The scrotal skin will be tough
========================
Grr. Well, I should be in a better mood tomorrow. 'Tis Friday then.
Take care...good night all. See youse later, eh? | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/2/2006 7:52:38 PM | Hey om
Thanks for the welcome back....
Sorry about your bro....hope he has made a full recovery.....
 | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/2/2006 8:23:16 PM | Ergh...sorry, Om. I didn't read what you wrote there. My head was up my ass.
I hope your brother is doing well and I hope you are too.
Take care, eh? | |
|
longte
|
Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 2930 | |
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/2/2006 8:38:52 PM | ..
.
Lurk Lurk
So dear Goat its plain to see
the dreadful dangers of coffee
not only has an awful taste
now your crotch is laid to waste
those coffee stains will always be
a very potent memory
of the day you slipped at work
went home feeling like a jerk
with jacket held in front of you
so the stains would not show through
bowlegged standing on the bus
trying not to make a fuss
whilst little kids looked at you
said "I think that man did number two"
So forget the coffee for your cup
drink your bourbon from the jug
if you spill a bit don't really care
while pissed you can look debonaire
..
. | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/3/2006 12:41:58 AM | FOR PICKLES
Staples in your gizzard
Like a nipping green lizard
Every time you twist or turn
Feels like a strafed razor burn.
Fool that pain ! Open a bottle;
(And not of water; go full throttle !)
Stitches and tape, like convalescent sweat
Will pass. Don't worry, pickles, ya ain't done yet.
| |
|
om
|
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2932 | |
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:31:20 PM | cheers pickles, goat, :) He's good, that contracting bus. can be stressfull...
That slowed him down...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, what a day I had!
Dropping off one job
Picking up another
Two cheques in hand
Not much of a bother
Oh Canada,
Such a great place to be
Kinda like this Barn
Where most are happy
Pickles, longte, rory and miz
And others, you're all such a hoot
And breathing, you,re such a gracious host
And you've got the goat, to boot. :)
Happy weekend :) | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/3/2006 7:02:26 PM | Rory...
MUAH MUAH MUAH
Piss and vinegar, eloquent prose
B.C.'s luck I suppose
Ascerbic wit even in a snit
Knows hearses and nurses
And Biblical verses
Loves steel girders way up there
Imagination floats in the air
Bandanas and cool
Thats you dude
I wanna show you my scar!
| |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/3/2006 7:50:35 PM | Hello all. Long week here in the flatlands, but work is done and the weekend doth begin.
Good to see Pickles, Longte, Rory and Om knocking about here. I'm glad you're all doing well and certain stapled people are doing well.
Hot coffee on the nads is an interesting thing, really. You see it hit the general area and you think "gee, that wasn't so bad" and then the hot liquid soaks in and the fun begins. Ig. Longte slayed me with that last one
Well, what do I have here in my bag (pun intended) of tricks?
===============================
G'wan! Beat It, Ya Lousy Workweek!
Gracious me, the week is done
All that blessed fun
This week was full of calls
And spilled coffee on my balls
My old boss was a bit of weiner
And my new one is a keener
We'll give it three months' time
For her new degree to lose that shine
===============================
Sorry about the post n run. I am totally bagged (another intended pun) tonight and must slumber.
See youse tomorrow, eh? G'night alla ya! | |
|
longte
|
Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 2935 | |
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:10:39 PM | ..
.
Degrees look kinda wonderful
sitting framed upon a wall
Always placed so people passing
can see it from the hall
"Oh My God, their educated
What a wondrous thing"
but life can be quite funny
when it comes to real schooling
"Of Course I went to Cambridge
Yale and Harvard too"
yet show them some reality
they really have no clue
So they sit there in the office
behind their shiny desk
trying hard to change things
because they know whats best
"You Must Do This, This Way
I learned it at My School"
When you try it "Their Way"
They look like bloody fools
So one thing I remember
to keep me at my ease
Rather have Dedication
Than 21 Degrees
Goat don't let it worry you
it's very clear to me
when she goes to the outhouse
she probably stands to pee
..
.
Lurking away
Chuckling quietly
I give speeches about Aquaculture and Hydroponics, Waste Water Management etc etc
Get asked about Degrees in Marine Biology etc etc
It is Always the Highly Educated Idiots, who get really offended that I have had no formal education about fish/gardening/water
Yet I grow them better than they can
..
. | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:34:41 PM | Hello all. Hello barn-dwellers. Hello Longte.
I have trouble with the degree-people too. I have a collection of diplomas, but they lack that supposed pristige one gets with a university degree. I do know someone with a masters degree in some useful thing like art history and he's been working in 7-Eleven for years. He may even be making good money as a manager there by now, these 15 years later.
The real education is in the field, for sure. The poem was greatly amusing and quite true...you must have had some experience with the educated idiots.
Well, I had a long snowy day here and it's almost time for da sleepy.
Here's a half-assed poem:
===============================
Snow Day Saturday
The kind lady at Wal-Mart
Told me to have a nice day
I just might have a better one
Than she ever expected
But I won’t be rushing back there
To tell her about it
I’ll quietly enjoy it
Roll in the bliss
And sleep in late
Tomorrow
============================
And a sermon tomorrow. Hang tight...hold fast 'till I come and all that rot.
Be good, eh? G'night! | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/5/2006 11:32:53 AM | Happy Sunday...speed sermon!
Everybodygetdownstandupdropandgivemetwentyyouallsmelllikecheeseaaaaaaarrggggh!
===============================
Psalm 81 – The Book of Goat
The 40 days of Lent
(excluding Sundays)
Is a curious thing
In the Catholic calendar
Laden with sacrifice
Laden with self-deprivation
That brings the participants closer
To God
(But not Thy Lard)
Sacrifice is a funny thing
That means many things
To many people
Some have given up the cream in their coffee
And some hath given up the coffee altogether
It seems all participants like to gather together
And compare what they’ve given up
And try to out-sacrifice one another
In some crazy Catholic pissing contest
The week following Lent
Is another peculiarity
When the rigid self-imposed sacrifice
Bends
Ever so slightly
To allow a bag of chips to sneak through
Or a chance cigarrette
After all, we’re only human
And Thy Lard understands
Even if Man and His religions do not
Meat is foregone entirely
Apart from fish
So no good Catholic can have a Whopper
For a little while
Though anything from McDonald’s is safe
As they use shredded phonebooks and beef broth
(And perhaps the occasional hamster)
You all may be happy to know
That the Church of Holy Ruminant
Does not have such a ritual
If anything
Thy Lard commands thee
To over indulge
Have that extra chip (or bag thereof)
That second (or eighth) beer
The entire can of whipped cream
(just shoot it into your mouth like Thy Lard – let it spray out thine noses)
Because Thy Lard and most of thee
(He believes)
Hath sacrificed more just to pay the rent
Rather than participating in a silly thing
Like Lent
Amen
========================================
Okaythat'sitgeddouttahereandgetsomedangedairintoyourlungsseeyoutomorrow!
Kiss kiss.
(slurp) | |
|
om
|
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2938 | |
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/5/2006 12:48:05 PM | LMAO, I just had to come-on over for a funday sermon read, before dishes and laundry...
Hillarious Lard!!!
Very inspirational !! Amen :) | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:41:03 PM | Goat, that was a remarkable sermon. I bow in gratitude.
SUNDAY NIGHT BLUES
Sunday has always been my most pensive day.
Lives are lived in constant association;
Church-going was a constant: the metal trays
Held by grey-faced shamed fogeys in anticipation
Of what? What was on their minds those long,
incredibly long mornings when dopey hymns
On loopy organ intoned, and thin voices shrieked in song?
The sagging torsos, the dusty tomes, the stilled limbs.
I quit at thirteen, my first great act of independence.
Weekends unbroken, then, by the grim disapproval.
"Teachers' ", without sheep, are out of a job. But some dance
With no need for explanation, and foregoing removal.
By God ! What is our great Western freedom for
If to give it all up for bizarre guilt-ridden ennui?
The sermons, the tests, the "straight" path: a bore.
And not worth any further wasted minutes for you and I. | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/5/2006 6:44:16 PM | Greetings talented poet folk…..
I see the barn is filled with comedians!! Good stuff
How are ya feeling, Pickles???
How is your bro, om???
The goat is the host of this smelly barn, and a fine host he is….Twas here in this barn I found the old goat…
Dearest Lard….The sermon was fantasmic …
Hugs to yee
~~
Homilies are for fiends and cats like me
Congestion at three
Even Goat drops(tm) extra strength
Can't cure this pain
Frustration is sure to make me climb a tree..
I’ll simply lie and fart in my smelly bed
Waiting for a taste of air
Even one breath will do...
Please excuse this nonsense in my head
Now much else can be said
I am thankful for a place to lay my ramblings
The time has come to slumber
I’ll leave one last thought to be read
We all wish to be friends
With assorted fresh fish
This old barn is a fine place indeed
It is here I shall rest my pen
~~
Well ...What can I say: My head is stuffffyfyfyfyfyf,,Not much else in there tonight...
Night | |
|
om
|
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2941 | |
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/5/2006 8:07:58 PM | eben wib a stuby head breaden, you gib good pen!! :)
-------------------------------------------------------
*Yawn, Yawn*
Day is gone
Time to lay my bed,
*Yawn Yawn*
Up for Dawn
Mine to play in head...
--------------------
Night'all :) | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/6/2006 6:42:15 PM | Hello all. A lovely Monday here in Toon Town, it is. Good to see some of the barn-dwellers coming on by for a bit.
Om...good to see you here. Thanks for the kind words and I hope the inspiration didn't hit you too strongly yesterday. Thy Lard's sermons are not meant to be taken internally, but applied to the skin of the cranium for maximum relief. Loved the little ditty you left later as well.
Rory...Ah, that poem reminded me so much of why I do not attend church anymore. I made my break at 15 and then the weekends meant something besides chores and church. I haven't looked back since. Thanks, Rory. You have reinforced my aversion to religion -- that's a gift greater than gold.
Breathing...stuffed up and still lovely. You can still write a mean line or two. You are the best, m'dear.
Okay....a poem? Ah, yes:
===============================
A Tribute to a Former St. Paddy’s Day Beverage
Those Shamrock Shakes
Usually occur to anyone
Who has partaken
Of far too many of the beverages
That bear the disorder’s name
A green minty milkshake
Was an interesting idea
And it possibly was a good source
Of chlorophyll
(If one really needed it)
The malady would set in
None too gently
And jitter it’s way through
Until the McGurgles began
The trip to the washroom
Needed mercurial swiftness
For the sufferer
To avoid
The McSquits
=============================
"McSquits" and "McGurgles" are trademarks of the McDonald's Corporation and should not be used for public performance unless it's really funny or if you are bored. Failure to heed this littel known copyright law will result in McDonald's employees coming to your house, covering you with Secret Sauce (tm) and letting a 600-pound Texan woman lick you clean.
Now that's punishment.
G'night! | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:05:29 PM | letting a 600-pound Texan woman lick you clean
That's some deep kink but in the interest of science I might consider this...but she'd have to be wearing fishnet stockings. And furthermore, in the next room I would need to be able to hear Alan Greenspan singing the Internationale while receiving a "poodle-bath" from Bill O'Reily. | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:26:10 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Guess you were having a bathroom break when they showed that at the Oscars | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:31:46 PM | Damn. I always miss the good stuff. Oh so as not to chat I enclose humble poem:
COMPUTER COMPUTER
An old friend burns
Black bark hieroglyphics
As I
COMPUTER COMPUTER
Onto you
Gleam blue dense air
Cut sky
COMPUTER COMPUTER
All day long
At the river’s bank in the green-yellow light
By the water’s edge in the green-yellow night
The men are growing enormous souls in
Their pants, the women lick bullfrog
White belly bulge-eye
I lonely …maybe you
COMPUTER COMPUTER
me | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/6/2006 7:40:56 PM | I am related...to the President!
High office indeed
This does not mean
That she doesn't have to clean
Her room, or help with dishes.
Au contraire
All is fair in home and politics
But I am shouting from the hilltops
Telling all and sundry
My daughter is Class President
Isn't that something?????
JRM Class President
Senior Year
McGill University
| |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/7/2006 3:13:35 PM | OF PRESIDENTS, PETUNIAS, PILLOWS, AND POGO STICKS
He strode down the dark airless hall
On a mssion of furious recall
For his florist he tried to forestall
With sleeping pills and overpadded pillows
Underneath the windy swaying willows
Which fly in updrafts as clouds billow
And weird acolytes bounce on sticks
Doing mid-air cartwheels and other tricks
Looking for their flowery presidential fix. | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/7/2006 5:04:43 PM | Hello all. Good to see you here in this ol' barn.
Black Mary...the 600 pound woman used to be 300 pound, but McDoanld's kept paying her in Quarter Pounders and, over time...well... I liked COMPUTER COMPUTER as well. I spend a lot of time fixing/using/kicking the darned things and any poem with computers (and beer) is a winner in my books.
Pickles...Congratulations on your elevation of status. I remember the U of A class president way back when, all drunk and passed out in the john in RATT (that's Room At The Top -- of the SUB building). Good times. I don't know if they have the same crassness at McGill...times have changed and most of the students have gotten civilized now.
Rory...hello there and thanks for the presidentially perfect poem. Love it.
Okay...as for me...something different...longish...yeah...
==============================
Two Balls and One Big Ol’ Dink
If men wrote advice columns in the papers
Oh, what great things they would be
Problems would be vexed by oral sex
The readers immersed in their capers
If more men hosted talk shows
What interesting things would they discuss?
No need for tissues, for there would be no issues
And no room for victimized woes
If more men wrote romance books
They would be more fun to read
There would be no tears, only cold beers
And women wouldn’t give them a look
If men worked at lingerie stores
They would be dysfunctional places
The guys would watch aunties in their panties
But those fellas would never be bored
I’m not saying women ruined our fun
They simply removed the rough edges
Without a sound, the world became soft and round
The ditches filled and they trimmed all the hedges
We seem to be legislated by liberal weenies
We can’t scratch ourselves or loudly burp
We’re not mentally erect, only politically correct
Did the meek finally inherit the earth?
=================================
I wrote it at work while waiting for the server to serve my files. You can tell I had a few minutes on my hands.
Okay...to the showers and soon to bed.
G'night! | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/7/2006 6:14:14 PM | hello to all yee fellow barn sitters....
ya'll left some good pickings-----Rory/Om/Pickles/Black Mary
Dearest Goat, I do love your mind!!
~~
Clouds resting in the breeze
The sound of silence
The memory of leaves
Falling from trees
~~
Have a good one - - Sleep well | |
|
| The Poetry Barn and Eatery
Posted: 3/8/2006 12:38:14 PM | Life is Precious
My heart full of love
For my little girl
Each time I look at her
A smile comes over me
Her cries are communicating
Unique and easy to read
Up all day sleeps all night
Patterns change, people change
Life is precious and so are you
Hold on to that love
Because they grow up fast
Each day I now see
What my mom used to do
I admire her more and more
As my princess learns
Excitement runs through my veins
And a smile comes on my face
Such warmth inside!
Life is precious!
Hi there Goat and everyone else! It is pouring rain out here! I just popped in to say my hellos add to my page in here, and to let you know all is well! My hands are full with my little one. Each day holds many surprises for me because I get to see what she is learning today. Every day now she is doing something different and will be three months old this Saturday! We started out in and out of the hospital with her RSV and a few other challenges! The best of all is that we are okay and she is getting better each day! Now we can begin our life together in a healthier way! As we bond we learn lots about one another! My quote for today is to accept all for who they are because they are precious inside and out. We have our quirks but do not allow these to judge another because underneath is a beautiful human being! When you meet someone from the pond, remember it takes more than just a few dates to really know someone both inside and out! I love it in the barn because it is filled with warmth and love! I cleaned up my mess Goat, thanks for keeping me dry from the pouring rain! Now I must put up my umbrella and wander back! Loving you all today and always!
Charming and sweet! | |
|
Home
login 
