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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/8/2005 6:35:11 PM | Heh heh..Agent -- you friggen crack me up. I saved some for you...no I didn't save that...I saved this:
‘Tis true about the bidness I beg ya’ll forgiveness But I am merely a man Composed of old Raisin Bran Often I get the dire urge To sit and and smile and purge
If you want I can save you some other other -y'know- stuff. Maybe it can be the prize for the Barn membership sweepstakes? I can make much more if need be.
I see my experiment was a partial success. Instead of the word "shit", we can use "shitake mushrooms" Here's an example:
"I dumped a huge load of shitake mushrooms in the toilet and clogged it up like a hayfever sufferer's nose in a Weyburn cow-pasture"
I see the filter allows "ass" but not "arse". I started using a*** because ass was being censored -- hm...I guess it's back to Plan A.
Now "cocktail" poses an interesting problem. How about it if we use the word "dicktail"? Example:
"I had a smart****ail down at the pub just before some bloke gave me a right proper snog. I finished my drink and kicked the shitake mushrooms out of him, by crackey."
It'll be a work in progress.
Okay...a poem:
==================================
This Bag Is Not A Toy
I wish there was a warning on each pair of testicles For the fairer sex To not be so rough with the little collectibles
Sure they can be touched, fondled and groped But please, please don't Squeeze them like oranges and don't use the rope
Those are delicate fruit hanging just below Mr. Winky This bag is not a toy And it sure isn't a game of Clue or a skin-coloured Slinky =====================================
But, for the record, I'd probably be aroused by a rat trap hanging from my beanbag after so many years of "non-action". Make sure the rat traps are free of hair and rat bits first. Thank you.
Later, eh. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/8/2005 6:38:20 PM | Hm...I see "dicktail" doesn't make the cut either. This filter is going to take some creativity to get past.
Let's see...phallustail? Penistail?
Roostertail?
Ah, shitake mushrooms...let's just call a****ail dress a strapless, non-kilt-like skirt or something...
Okay...I'd better go hose off the toilet. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/8/2005 6:42:46 PM | "Hey my Ditty goat, can I play with mr winky...I promise I will be gentle! Any guy reading this may think "What a lucky man he is!" Oh my gosh you ditty goat, what else are you going to come up with? Loving you till the end of time! I will be back later to add something! I had to respond to this thread!  | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/8/2005 7:10:41 PM | Ya want creativity, Goat?
How's about excess use of "quotations"? "cocktail" vs.****ail. "arse" vs a*** "arsenal" vs a***nal. "dicktail" vs.****ail
etc. etc. etc.
HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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longte
| Joined: 10/18/2004 Msg: 1055 | |
| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 2:20:48 AM | Cocktail versus****ail ETC ETC ETC
It seems an "Evil Princess" has snuck into my cave She Always knows she's welcome there... But still Its fairly Brave To come Advice a Dragon,,,, while he's guzzling down the beers {More chance then to get Fried ...... Instead of rousing cheers}
So now I know that Cocktail ....is just ONE of the words You cannot write real easily.... All just TOO absurd But still I 'spose the moderators need to made a point Yet when they stuff my writing up... this Dragon gets annoyed
A pissed-off Drunken Dragon.. Is not a Lovely Sight But thanks to Evil Princess ... I now can get it right It seems that are lots of words that I can use in here But now I have the Option..... Not many will appear
Greetings to all Sleep needed DESPERATELY 3am kickoff ....even for old Dragons .... Is NOT a good thing | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 2:26:11 AM | An edit feature is something to behold a cocktail, dick cheney and damn walked into a bar A pissed off dragon sat there licking his wounds and scratching his ass Edit , edit all the day Edit against the dying of the night Do not edit into the good ngiht There are secrets to behold, for users old and new damn hell boobs says bart, I really like the stars I have something to say Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh They are watching. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 5:25:33 AM | Good Morning everyone....
Seems like Longte has been picked on and censored, you naughty man....lol..guess you got the moderators on a bad day hun...lol
To funny princess...all those words you wrote and not one censored.. Hi Charming,Rory,Kobold,Agent...hope your all doing well..
Very funny stuff agent..
Hi Goat thank you for your kind words..
my addition for the day
MY PERFECTION
When I look at you I see perfection Even though you Disagree
Your eyes are like Two pools of the ocean Drawing me in Making me go deep
Your voice reminds me Of an angels harp Playing sweet music To ease my pain
Your smile reminds me Of the sun's rays That turns the dark days Bright and clear
Your hands remind me Of the healer in god When you caress my skin I am so alive
Your body is like a temple Built in ancient Rome I want so much to Worship you all night
Your heart So full of love Is rarer and more valuable Then the most expensive diamond
To me your perfection No others eyes can see My own little treasure To love, cherish, and adore.....
Miz | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 2:35:50 PM | Hi there Miz, it is always a pleasure seeing you here with your poetry. As for cory, kobold and agent, good to see you all too! Longte and tera nice to see you here with your wonderful spirits! As for the goat well it goes without saying you are my sunshine every day my "Ditty Goat" I have to pick out a new bale now because my other one is worn out! I look at the walls and ask myself, "What do you want out of life?" "How can I live a happier life?" "What do I need to do for myself?" "When is this chaos going to leave my wandering head?" "Why do I choose the harder roads?" This barn is a very peaceful place to be! I think I will stay a while and just meditate! Not a bubbly writing today! I think I will soak up some of this warmth from the barn!
Those Challenges
Life has many challenges With love, family, and friends Or even just making it another day I am faced with decisions I am faced with hurdles I surround myself in walls Have to break these down I hang from cliffs or the edges Thorns in my heart make me bleed Daggers thrown at me I need to duck these They drain me of my energy I get all depressed and unhappy I wonder when it is over Feels like I am being pulled My life comes to a halt Until I pick up and move on Heavy weight on my shoulders Scales are unbalanced Please help me make it through Another day of my life Without wanting to give up I feel trapped in this box No where to run except one way To the demons who betray me Will these all be gone soon I want to be happy and free
Charming
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 4:44:30 PM | Hello Goat, Miz, Kobold, longte, charming, agent. Lurkers, come on in-- the water's warm and the words are awesome.
Here's one from a score back when I worked at a steel mill.
FELLINI'S PEACOCK
Coffee break-- we sit in the clearing on a finished beam and talk about ugly acid-bitten faces and necks we're treated to and wouldn't it be nice to see a woman any woman when one appears a secretary in a pretty red- patterned dress never mind that she is leaving while our arms embrace this steelyard furnace this sprawling hazard where cancer kills the lifers she waves to the twelve of us as we shout back our doubled fortune a sudden breeze lifts her dress | |
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longte
| Joined: 10/18/2004 Msg: 1060 | |
| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 5:24:51 PM | Hi Rory Loved it Simple things can give great inspiration
Had to go down into town, just was yesterday Had to do some boring Work... wasn't there to play An Absolutely Gorgeous YOUNG woman passed me by Striding through with Confidence, and her head held high See through top without a bra.... skirt was Really thin My eyes were drawn straight to her Thong... all it held within
First instinct, was walk right up.. say something to her Hang on Man... Can't do that... Much too Old for Her So was yesterday the Turning Point???.. Perhaps/Maybe I can When Younger Women Comment... "Dirty....Dirty Old Man"
OH NO I'm not ready for that I dont want to be a Dirty Old Man YET
Need some Words from Goat to assure me its "ALL GONNA BE ALRIGHT"
Might fly out and Fricasee a few Knights tonight Been a While Might Make me Feel Better
A Dragon in a State of Agitation is not a Pretty Sight | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 6:16:48 PM | Howdy-do. I have just enough time right now to lay this down, so to speak:
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The Rise of Metrosexual Man
See here at the local bar, once renowned for sports freaks The wings are good and so is the beer They don't serve no salad or steamed leeks
See now, the dawn of well-groomed and dressed young men Capturing hearts of the women-folk Like young proud roosters courting the hens
Oh, the ladies cluck and giggle when one walks by Their eyes agog, smiles do form And they lean in together, whisper and smile
But just as winter will always kill the gorgeous rose The women will soon understand We all look the same under them clothes
Yup...I'm talking about back hair in colours of all sorts Moles, skin tags and misshapen warts Scrotal pustules and rashes that never really heal That jacket may cover the body of a bull-elephant seal
It may be the cover of the book that'll get you to buy But it's always the story that's worth your while
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And I'll be back in an hour or two to read and respond. Been another busy day here in the olde barn...good to see. I shall return...wait for me. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 7:00:28 PM | Hi all. Wonderful writes. Haven't been feeling very creative lately. All I have to offer is some of my reflective thoughts.
Quagmire
I have no direction, No aspiration or goals, I feel no connection, With society as a whole.
Working to live, Living to work, Mind is pensive, Buried in murk.
I am just existing, Life has no real value, My sanity twisting, Spiraling askew.
Living paycheck to paycheck, No end in sight, My life’s a shipwreck, With no relief to my plight.
I don’t want it to be like this, And I try not to complain, But something is amiss, When in living there’s no gain.
That which does not kill you, Only makes you stronger, A statement that sees me through, But I don’t know for how much longer.
No rest for the wicked they say, I’ll just have to accept it, And just take it day by day, Because I’ll never quit.
~Kobold~ | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 7:27:03 PM | Feeling kind of sappy tonight for some reason.
Real
When it comes to cars, I can fix anything, anything at all, When it comes to women, I’m set up for a big fall.
So many differences, between the way they think and I think, As such, it can be problematic and drive me to the brink.
There is no technical manual, and really, maybe there should, On dealing with relationships, then maybe I could.
I’d like more understanding, and am willing to compromise, In all areas am willing, except with thieving and lies.
I don’t think I ask much, I wish I could say the same for them, I read their ads for a perfect man, now that can be a problem.
After all, no one is perfect, neither a woman or man, And all we can ever do, is try the best we can.
Maybe we don’t need manuals, just realistic expectations, The everyone of us, might have better relations.
So I guess all I can do is be me, hopefully that has some appeal, Because out there, somewhere, someone’s looking for something real.
~Kobold~ | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 8:04:57 PM | Kobold, I continue to be impressed by the honesty in your verses. Speaking of miscommunication between the sexes.......
DIALECTICS
Whenever my thoughts turn evil you put on a happy face; if I buy you a plant you pull off all its leaves: now is when I should ask you to marry me. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 8:35:28 PM | Evening all. I've done some reading tonight...there's lots of quality poems here tonight by the usual culprits. I see a couple of new people here tonight as well...cool.
Charming...Be careful with Mr. Winky. I had to duct-tape him back on after the Vacuum Cleaner Incident of 2003. It was a trying time, but I got through it. Love yer right back until the end of time, too. I read your poem and wonder the same things as well. I also ponder what my job is on this planet, or what would I like to do so much that I would actually pay to do? I haven't come up with any answers yet. A good friend and teacher said to me if I want to be free, just be free. It's never as easy how it sounds, though. Stay sweet and charming. There's always a place for you here.
Agent...quoatations might do the trick, but they look so darned inelegant. Phallustail Dress sounds good to me. If phallus hasn't been censored yet. It still bugs me that "ass" isn't censored while "arse" is. It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world...
Longte...it's going to be allright, man. I have had a few experiences like that msyelf. I actually had a 19-year old tell me I was old. Scary. Those young ladies should be aware that those perky bodies lose their firmness quite quickly after 25 years old unless they really work at it. The cute as a species don't age well. Ugly folk like me are ageless.
Rory...howdy. Heh heh...ah, if I could count the number of times I'd join the steelworkers in a good ol' hooting at some purty young thing walking by. One wiped out when her heel broke, too. We weren't kind then, especially us poor young labourers. She did her best to ignore us, though. Good writes on the second go-round too....small, compact and punchy. Love it.
Kobold...two excellent writes. Poetry reflects the mood we're feeling; honest poetry hangs it all up for everyone to see. I get in those moods too, as a few of you might have noticed. I write my way through it all and there's a lot of it no one will ever see in my lifetime. It all helps to keep my bubble level. Ride 'em out -- we're travelling with you.
Evil Princess...that's a good test for the censoring filter. I roared when I read through your collection of words. Heh heh...you crazy, anh? Welcome to the barn.
Willbebannedsoon...I have no doubt.
Okay...g'night folks. Hugs and handshakes all around. See ya'll tomorrow. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 8:36:58 PM | Hey! Willbebannedsoon was banned...and soon!
Ah, now I can roam the forums with impunity.... | |
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longte
| Joined: 10/18/2004 Msg: 1067 | |
| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 8:55:13 PM | Only one trouble with Fricaseed Knight New Titanium Armor is welded on Tight Dragon's Teeth may be Sharp and Claws really Good But I really need more to get under the Hood
Its a terrible waste {of quite Stringy meat} To just leave it there... Fricaseed in the Street So don't worry Goat 'bout a noise near your home I'll just borrow your gas-axe and take it along
Then juicy morcels I'll take easily To ease my frustrations I'll have them for tea Maybe I'll forget as I'm chewing away About the YOUNG darling I saw Yesterday
Feeling BETTER already Thanks Goat | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/9/2005 8:55:16 PM | Hey! I forgot Miz! Sorry about that.
I'll just go back and read your poem....
......
Oh, and it made me purr. I haven't purred since I was 16 and I was really drunk in this tent with Rhonda...oh, er...sorry...
Oh, you've done a good job there. You tugged on a few memories there and all the feelings that came with them. Bless you, Miz. I'll be taking that one to sleep with me tonight. You'll have to make room for Charming, though. Ah, literate women make my toes curl. Hurm...
Okay...I'd better hit the hay. G'night. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/10/2005 4:53:36 AM | Well I almost thought you missed me....sigh was about to put up my hay bale for sale and move on
I am glad you liked it Goat...and you and 2 females in bed, isn't that a mans dream come true?...lol...I am at a loss for now in words, I am having one of your brain farts I think...sigh I hate having a block, but I have been writing lots, so guess one was due to come..I am digging up some old stuff so that is what you have been reading, I am keeping one back..but actually now that I think of it, it is probably more tame then what I have shared..lol oh well....Keep making me smile Goat, I thank you for being a part of my life even if its on the pc and with your words, It's sad that I have to come in here to hear what I need to keep moving on, but I am glad I have a place to go to..
Kobold, nice to see you back, I loved both of your poems, the first one about living I understand completely, there are days you just wonder why are you doing this and whats in store for you, things I hope will change....Like I have said before you have passion that comes out once in awhile, I like when It does...
Longte, your only as old as you feel, and don't worry,I won't be calling you a dirty old man, your to much of a respected poetic master for that to be said here.....I always love your works, they usually leave me at a loss for words, yeah shocking me with nothing to say...lol
Peaceful river
Out in the darkest, deepest forest my minds eyes cannot see the pain you left in my heart the day you wanted to be free
This is the only quiet place where I hear no surrounding sounds or feel my mind work so fast and my head begin to pound
I need this solitude and peace this escape from you most days I feel like hiding not knowing what to do
I came upon a flowing river reminding me of my tears and how I can get overwhelmed by the quiet rush of my fears
Your leaving has impaired me more then you will ever know but deep down inside I fear memories will have to be let go
So as I sit and gaze,with wet eyes I see my unhappy past begin to flow out free like the river finally giving me peace at last....
Miz
Charming, thank you for your kind words, hope all is well with you...
Rory, Agent...hello all...hope your doing well, and hope to continue to read your words...
I wrote this for the poetry contest, don't think I posted it here, one of my favs so I am sharing again... | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/10/2005 3:46:53 PM | Greetings and salutations, all and sundry. Well, another gorgeous day, a hint of spring in the air-- oh, I forgot, this barn's in Saskatoon. I'll try to fire up the environs with my hot air.
Goat-- man, those phony metrosexuals wouldn't have a chance in a competition with the ladies if you walked by their preening self-consciousness and swished your tail at one of their targets....... as always, very entertaining read.
Thanks, longte. As for your pondering the "dirty old man" label, rather than shrink from that tag, I'm looking with future pride to someday being regarded as such by the fairer sex. Enjoyed your poem, and the one word that comes to mind when I read your verses-- "insouciance". I love that word (and that attitude).
Miz, you keep putting together heartfelt lines of love and loss that's both direct and moving. Thank you for sharing that.
charming, always look forward to you brightening up the barn.
And if Kobold can produce work as good as this when uninspired, I look forward even more to his full-throttle efforts (couldn't resist the pun on K's alter-ego, it fell in my lap, sorry).
Now, as Olivia Newton-John would say, it's time to... "let's get metaphysical metaphysical let me hear the heavens roar the heavens roar......."
EVOLUTION
Clouds dab the ceiling grey from blue; a brush of pestering gusts mark and set off the frothing waves with corrugations like an old man's furrows upon waking again; the sun-worshippers shiver, grumbling, depart.
Without audience, the clouds through an expanse of air knight all the sea's shoulders with rain; the subjected shore foam splays its approval as the brushstrokes cease; the frenetic creation dissipates into the memories of patient trees,
adding more cuts to their old bark from which further oxygen will mold horrors as do moral mothers and fathers, tomorrow and all the next days, horrors of scaled ends fingering the source. | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/10/2005 4:01:32 PM | Rory, thank you for your kind words, but I feel they are not worthy, I read the works that are here and the depth of them are outstanding, I can not compare to them at all..there are so many talented writers, with insight and depth to their poems, one day I hope to have as much as you guys....
Keep up your wonderful writes, they are always a pleasure to read....
Miz | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/10/2005 4:13:43 PM | I delved into the depths of closet, certain I wasn't coming back out again Past issues, heartwarming feelings, and hey! my gym shorts from grade 8 All tumbled down around me in a cacaphony of mischief What's this? A half eaten orange from my stint as a vegetarian If that orange could talk, oh the tales it would tell you Tera was a lesbian, nope now bi, nope, women are crazy, back to being straight Sorting through the jumble I came across my childhood toy, tattered and torn One eye missing, accusing me of intentful neglect "Heathen" he would cry, "you went back on your roots. Where's the nice girl gone?" I ripped out the other eye. damn toys, think they can tell me what to do, I'll show them | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/10/2005 4:33:36 PM | Another great day for our weather thus far! I am still battling the unfittest cold and trying to pack, find a place, and get ready to move plus working the ole gravy shift! No sleep for this Charming one for a while! Five more days to victory and celebration of new changes!
Tera: Wow! Your words cut so close to my own heart! You truly are a princess my dear! It was deep and heartfelt your words and I could actually feel your words! Great Job!
Miz: Hello there it is always a pleasure seeing you around and things will get better in the long run! I am so glad you did not give up your bale of hay!
Rory: As always your writing is wonderful! And I am glad to see you still roaming around the ole barn!
Longte: As always your talented writings are a blessing in disguise especially when I need it! Thank you for your wonderful writings in here, they too make my day!
As for my favorite "Ditty Goat" It is always a pleasure reading your stuff! As for "Winky" poor guy sealing him up in that duct tape...as long as he is not "winky" at me, than I will continue to be kind and considerate! You have been a busy Ditty Goat writing all your followers pretty soon the ole goat is going to need a secretary to handle his feedback and comments! As for two women in bed with you, well I can handle that, thank you for making room for me!
My busy head
Scitter scatter what a batter Running around in circles Busy head is growing fatter Waiting patiently for miracles
Head is banging on the walls Being stopped at all thought Rolling around like springy balls Remembering what was taught
Time to take a resting place And slow those wandering words What a shame; what a disgrace They are flocking like birds
My very busy head Thinking about the next step Oh how I persistently dread In great width and depth!
Here is my entry for today! It still amazes how I come up with words such as this right out of the blue with very little thought! It pours out and what a finish I must add! all the best to you all this wonderful day and may my days get better and better each day!
Charming 2005 | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/10/2005 5:09:44 PM | well done charming, it is amazing how sometimes the words just flow out....
I am just adding something that came to me, since it seems like alot of people are sick with the cold and flu...thought I would write this up... nighters all...xoxoxox
The Flu
I can’t seem to get rid of it Don’t know what to do Why must you haunt me You darn old flu
I can’t breathe at all these days My nose is so stuffed up The only fluid I seem to take Is Nyquil by the cup
Going through Kleenex It seems by the truckload Non stop using it I am on blowing overload
My body is always aching It feels like my bones will break Walking to the bathroom Is more then I can take
How come the room Keeps spinning around Maybe I should sit Before I fall to the ground
Oh my head hurts so much Feels like the devils inside Just want to crawl into bed Into the darkness and hide
Please go away you darn old flu There’s nothing left of me You have taken all you can So now just let me be….
Miz | |
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| A Barn By Any Other Name... Posted: 3/10/2005 7:41:41 PM | Been doing some reading, great writing in here.
Goat, love the metrosexual poem. A lot of truth in it-know a few.
Miz, love the peaceful river, I can feel the pain in it, and see the restoration of ones soul.
Rory, Evolution for me is quite visual-great write!
Charming, been there, done that-too many times-lol, love it.
Tera, wow, wild write there, and kind of a dark side to it-hehehe-love it.
Well, this 1st one is written about a passion of mine-being WWII fighters. I even have an aviation page at my website-though it doesn't really fit there. But its just soemthing I have always loved since I can remember. Enough rambling-here we go......
Me109
With 1800 horsepower, the Daimler Benz 605 The Me109 from the clouds, upon its enemy dives.
With the Mk108, sending a hail of heavy lead, Fighters and bombers alike, many it does shred.
Truly an awesome weapon, in the hands of the right man, With an approximate length of 29 feet, and a 32 foot wingspan.
In its day it was the master flyer, few could hold their own, Many that tried, died, and out of the sky they were blown.
A formidable foe, a fighter plane to be truly feared, One that many a pilot flew, and quite often revered.
But it no longer prowls the skies, with its armament aimed, No more rumble of its DB 605, for which it is famed.
Into history it passed, but will never fade away, As one of the greatest fighters to fly, in and of its day.
~Kobold~
Modern Cavemen
Violence is the answer to all, Or at least it seems to be, Man set up for a fall, The continued road of misery.
Why can’t we all get along, Having peace instead of war, To be so full of hate is wrong, No one listens anymore.
We all have the similar need, For clothing, shelter, and food, But so many are driven by greed, And over their wealth, brood.
We all bleed the color red, The black, yellow, and white, And we all want to get ahead, But instead, only fight.
I believe if we don’t change our ways, That soon, man will be no more, On my mind it heavily weighs, It’s just something I can’t ignore.
I have no solution to the problem, One that we really need to solve, And there isn’t any magic serum, It’s our minds that have to evolve.
The caveman days are no more, Lets live as a civilization should, With peace, and no thought of war, And unto others, do only good.
~Kobold~
Nature
Quite often I like to sit, and take in natures splendor, The work of art it is, like on a canvas it does render.
I love the songs of the birds, as they sing in the early morn, And the bright colors of the flowers, of which they adorn.
I love the reflection of the light, off the morning dew, And the warmth of the sun, from the clouds it peeks through.
An orchestration of beautiful sight and sound, From high in the air, all the way to the ground.
Take a minute from your busy life, and take in natures view, And I’m sure you’ll appreciate it, as much as I do.
There you’ll find piece of mind, breathe in your surrounding, Nature has it all, and it’s all quite astounding.
~Kobold~ | |
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