| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:33:55 PM | also don't confuse what I say with "coupledom" or "marriage", it's completely fine to be single and not want a commitment. I'm saying those who have no will to find someone to share life and the joys of love or attachment, even found in flings have a problem, and I don't feel that that statement is ignorant.
Some people have deep reasons why they would want to declare their own independence and detachment from ever looking for somebody else and those people have some real issues they need to work out. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:36:26 PM |
Some people have deep reasons why they would want to declare their own independence and detachment from ever looking for somebody else and those people have some real issues they need to work out.  
Poor Mother Theresa, she should have really sought professional help! | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:40:45 PM | It can definitely be done. Is it always a preference? No.
But some people function and live their lives just as well when they're alone. I know it complicates things less for me when I am. In that same vein, some individuals are incapable of or refuse to be alone at all, "chain-daters" you could say.
And not everyone can turn love on and off. I know I can't.
Everyone handles each situation in their own way. That's the only consistent thing about us "humanoids." | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:44:00 PM | I could be alone. & not miserable.
I might just have tons of cats.
haha. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:47:45 PM |
Some people have deep reasons why they would want to declare their own independence and detachment from ever looking for somebody else and those people have some real issues they need to work out.
ok, i guess i see what you're saying somewhat now; i can't say i am in agreement, but i think i get what you mean
i am one of those people who really is enjoying being on my own, and can't envision changing that......but i am far from detached from people......i am surrounded by friends and family, and consider myself to have an infinitely more fulfilling life now than i ever did while married; granted, much of that had more to do with the individual i married and not the state of marriage in and of itself
i am not actively seeking a partner, nor do i forsee a time anytime soon that i will; however, i don't believe i have "issues," in fact, i saw a therapist during my divorce and for awhile after, and was released as relatively "issue-free" quite a while ago..........
i just don't think its fair to make a broad general statement that people that do/say/think xyz way have issues unless its something very obvious, like if we're talking about child molestation or serial killers or something like that........i'm being a bit facetious here, but i hope you see what i mean mcapuano, because otherwise i don't know how you can say in your profile that you are "open-minded and have a positive attitude" ......... i just don't think that proposing that people who enjoy life on their own are mentally ill is particularly open-minded | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:52:47 PM | | Yes, I can do it, but would love to meet a wonderful person that I could be with. If I am NOT in a great relationship though, would rather be alone than be with someone I'm not happy with. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:54:37 PM |
i heard a saying getting over a guy you need to be under a new one. Thats sucks its like LOVE doesnt matter it can be turned on and off on a whim.
OP, rarely does a relationship suddenly fail at its apex. If a newlywed is suddenly widowed, that's one thing. When a relationship or marriage fails, and the two separate, it's usually something you saw coming, but were either in denial, or were hoping it wouldn't happen. In either case, some part of you "knew", and now, how should you deal with it?
You could, as you suggest, allow a separation to take on cosmic meaning, that you will be forever alone, thus making one "bad" thing become something much worse. Or you could choose to try to put out of mind, as much as possible, by doing fun and interesting things.
In essence, OP, you can view life's ups and downs by adopting the philosophy of:
"accept the things you cannot change" ( stop trying to live in the past)
"change the things you can" ( move on)
"and the wisdom to know the difference" ( accept what's yours to do, and what you can't do anything about)
That being said, in the aftermath of a failed 20 year marriage, there have been times alone, and times when there is someone I love in my life. I "got out there" pretty quick, as I do, when a relationship "fails" now. I might mourn a "love gone bad" for a few days, but then I realize that "yesterday" is gone, and nothing I do will bring it back. "Tomorrow" is unpredictable, and it's pointless to fill it with projected doom and gloom in advance, or to go there to "borrow" problems for "today".
Today is what we have. Carpe Diem. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:07:52 PM | The word alone is subjective.
That means different things to different people...
There's solitary confinement alone and then there's "I don't need anybody!" alone. If you got locked up in a room with no contact with anybody, or anything, the whole "I don't need anybody!" definition evaporates pretty freakin quickly.
I'm sticking to my original post. Anybody going through life with that kind of "I don't need anybody" mentality about companionship, friendship, contact, or anything to do with other people what so ever, the problem is with them. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:13:25 PM |
So my fellow POFers Can you be alone?
Standing on my head, sure. But as humans we should be able to enjoy our own company...it's either that or we make crappy choices to try and avoid it.
P.S. I don't see how "alone/single" would mean no sex, no love, no kissing etc. You can have all that and still live alone/be single.
well if i couldn't be alone that would make me pretty needy, wouldn't it?
i don't like needy people. they give me the heebie-jeebies
That's kinda the way I look at it....
Of course most have family, friends, activities, work, a social life....so in the case of this thread where alone simply means "sans SO/spouse" it's not too big a deal. We're not all promised a soulmate. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:05:36 PM |
I don't see how "alone/single" would mean no sex, no love, no kissing etc. You can have all that and still live alone/be single.
DJ makes an important point. How strong the "need" to have social contacts and sex is, is different for different people. For me, I can't imagine living life as a celibate, and I do need to have some sort of social life, sexual or not. I'm fine spending nights alone, but I'd feel like a hermit, if it were months and never going out and doing things with friends, co-workers, or a love interest. One doesn't have to have a serious relationship to have those things.
The notion that one "needs" someone else to feel "whole" is a romantic fantasy, that leads to dysfunction. It's "magical thinking" that someone else can fill in your deficiencies, and a denial of owning your own experience. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:06:41 PM | | she has stated to her sister and myself in atleast one email she is looking for hubby #3 she hates being with out a" man". im not talking being lonely or alone im saying with out a "MATE" wither it be dating or marriage. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:11:05 PM | | celibate I should have used this word ..... I am not dating anyone right now i have great crazy friends (female) and a wonderful son and family I am not lonely nor do I miss not having a man in my bed. I do miss the caring for and by another but if my last relationship (lasted 11 years) was to be my last I think I could go on with life. I survived the first `19 years with sex can do it for another 19 I think. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:17:07 PM |
I'm sticking to my original post. Anybody going through life with that kind of "I don't need anybody" mentality about companionship, friendship, contact, or anything to do with other people what so ever, the problem is with them.
i don't believe anyone said anything about people cutting themselves off from society and wishing to have no releationships or human contact; i believe we were talking about romantic relationships and partners...........there's a big difference between the statement "i am not really looking for a romantic partner," and "i want to live by myself on a deserted island".................if someone were indeed to say they don't like to interact with people and avoid human conatct and relationships, i would agree they probably have, in your words, "issues"...........but i don't think that was the topic or suggestion | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:18:13 PM | I did it for the past 3 years and several other times in my life. It's like ice cream - if you haven't experienced being close to anyone for a while you forget what it felt like. Trying to please a man can really drain my energy, so I concentrated on my work and embraced the thought of being a spinster for the rest of my life. Something switched over in me this spring and the thought of another summer alone made me melancholy. I didn't think it was going to be this difficult to find a good one and summer's half over.
I noticed at the zoo today, even the wart hogs can find a mate - when will I? Yes I could be alone, but why should I? | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:35:46 PM | Could I be alone? Yes, and I am........at this point.
I'm comfortable in my own skin.
Do I want to be alone? No, not in the least. But I'm not puttin' a rush on anything or jumping into anything willy-nilly to alleviate that just to avoid being alone.
Although a lot of people end up alone in this world for one reason or another, I don't think the universe was set up so that people end up alone. JMO. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:39:45 PM | My best friend and I have talked about this..this being alone crap and what are we going to do if we are still alone when we retire?
We have come up with a plan to go to Florida..live on the beach in frig boxes..become old prostitutes.. prices ranging(teeth in or out) and do some you tube videos of us as bikini models resting out asses against fast cars. Figure we will make a pretty penny and retire in a wonderful warm environment.
Thats the plan anyway. Got about 20 yrs to go.
Have YOU planned for YOUR future? | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 5:51:56 PM | I was alone with no romantic contact with men and not many social outings for 6 years while my daughter was small. I know that I CAN do it. And I think in a lot of ways, I was a lot happier when I wasn't on the dating scene. Dating can be frustrating, hurtful and disappointing as often as fun.
I'd like to enjoy physical intimacy though. Darn it, why is pleasure and respectful friendship too much to ask!
Nutt | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:25:15 PM | | No sex no love no kissing...I don't think that all humans are made to be that way. I do think some people can be. Some are born not to need intimacy and some have it burnt out of them. I know that I would love to find the right one, but I don't want or need sex that badly that I will forgo the love part first. I just need to find someone that loves me back that doesn't need the sex and kissing with other women too. That is the hardest part. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:15:08 PM | Apparently, yes. I'm alone now and have been for... I just have to get out of this house! | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:46:50 PM | Well, I've BEEN alone, more or less, for 7 yrs, since the unexpected death of my husband. Oh I've dated, had FWBs and significant short term sweeties, just not a serious committed "relationship"...and I don't find it particularly troublesome now.
In theory I'd love to find a healthy and emotionally enriching significant other relationship.
But if all that's available is men looking for sugar mammas, extramarital girlfriends, looking to line up a caregiver, or if I have to constantly worry about the guy "getting scared"/ waltz around a lot of divorce damage drama, alone is OK.
Cindy O | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:56:43 PM | Sure I can, the alternative is to be with anyone just to not be alone and I'd rather be alone that be with someone I don't really want to be with. Also I'd be pissed if someone called me in the middle of the night just because they were up and bored or needy or whatever, talk about rude. I don't want to be with someone who is going to wake me up in the middle of being asleep for any of the same reasons. People who can't be alone, they aren't a very good bet for being with you because they want you, they tend to just want someone, anyone. But hey, that's me.
As for your sister, who knows how long she hasn't wanted to be married, who knows what goes on between two people. If she's left her husband, she's free do date whomever she wants, I'd be careful making assumtions. | |
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:00:31 PM |
Can you be alone? NO sex no love no kissing
Sure I can be alone, I was single from 1984 to 2002... and over the years have lived for periods of time without the intimacy as well... the question is would I want to live that way? Heck No!! Who would?!
Chances are your friend's sister was seeing someone before she left her husband. As well there were most likely issues long before she decided to leave, no way of knowing? Maybe the gal is just a nympho and needed more than she was getting at home? Whatever the case if she has 3 guys and is having fun (and being careful) then I say More Power To Her!
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| Could you be alone?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:05:58 PM | I have been alone for a little over 7 years. I am very active, work, keep up my home and have lots of friends.
I would rather be "alone" than in a relationship that was not mutually loving. I feel that I am pretty set in my ways, yet if the right one came along I would be a giddy teenager again. Too many people (especially seniors) "settle" for someone rather than to live alone. I do feel women live alone easier than men, however.
I feel that we must be happy, truly loving ourselves before we can be in a successful relationship. It is sad that many people make the same mistakes in a relationship and go right on to the next one.
I do hope that in my golden years I met the right one, but am prepared to be alone, not lonely if I have to. | |
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