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Posted: 7/26/2008 7:56:33 AM | maculun.... good post
The married men I got a hold of were really good. But this is correct and a lot on here is how I busted them way before wife called me. I just knew that a lot of what was said and done did not match and much just did not make sense.
The POF email busted these guys as wife hit his computer or shared computer. Then the cell phone bills. Wife paid all the bills. She traveled a lot and sometimes on weekends so these guys were good.
If I meet you I get real name and information. I now verify this information. If you will not come clean I pass. What are you hiding? I am real, you be real. Equal opportunity for stalking, talking, email and phone calls or just geninue getting to know each other. Fair is fair.
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Posted: 7/26/2008 7:58:00 AM |
As well, we need to come across these losers once and awhile to test our spidey senses and keep 'em at peak performance!!
Exactly! I've been "away" for quite a while and need to "practise" my spidey skills.  | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:00:14 AM |
One other rule I live by and it has saved me a lot of heart ache.. "patience is the weapon that reveals deception".. always be patient.
That is an excellent strategy. Here are two questions to always ask:
Why isn't he/she available? (Work? Family? Other SO? Time to self? Why unavailable?)
Where have you been?
I would always try to find the answers to these two questions if something is not adding up to appropriate response.
Ask a lot of questions. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:00:33 AM | It aint hard to figure out the players, the cheats, the married ones. Just because YOU ignored the warning signs, doesn't mean others will.....so there is no need to 'warn us'. We are quite capable of screening out bottom-feeders on our own.
Now that was written by a smart, HIGH quality, HIGH class lady. You made the hair on my neck stand up. Marry me.
Thanks for restoring my faith. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:14:10 AM | | Anyone with half a brain and a bit of common sense can tell if someone is married or not with in the first few dates. No background checks even needed, signs are ALWAYS there! The OP admitted she knew but ignored all the signs she saw and was even warned by others. If people are that lonely that they will continue to serve themselves up on a platter when they SEE the signs, then they deserve what they get. If you want to be in denial just like a wife/husband often is in denial of cheating spouse have at it. But stop complaining about it. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:18:48 AM | Ren. Man... this is why POF will not allow you to identify anyone. They don't know who is telling the truth or just pi**ed off. I see their point.
But there are many married men and women on here. We all just need to listen to that voice in our head, the red flags if you will. Pay attention and ask questions. For those that hate the interview I will have to pass up. Safty first.
Verify some things and make sure you are safe. Too bad we can no longer just trust what people say. I use to feel endless emails and calls were silly. Now I don't. When you take a little bit of time things come together or inconsistancies show up. Liars will make mistakes.
You have a logical response and well said. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:24:50 AM | TGood.......... i don't want to go on "the first few dates". NO background checks even needed. I will do my own background checking. And it only takes a little checking.
I don't feel woman or men are complaining if you will. This a a forum to get the word out to prevent others from falling into the traps.
We cannot name the married men and women but we can talk about them and how they do what they do. Warn the unsuspecting or the naive.
Hind sight is great. Caught up in the moment we just don't process all until later.. Then a light bulb goes off and yes, the signs were there.
We are not perfect and we are all hopoing for the best. We don't want to listen to those signs. We want to think he or she reallly likes us and is sincere.
Everyone needs to out these men or woman the best way we can. There are always new people on this site. Keep the warnings coming. Out them all. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:33:57 AM | | Thanks so much for that "Warning Signs" list, Maculon. I will be committing that to memory! | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:36:08 AM | | ITS JUST NOT MEN WHO HAVE DONE THIS ALSO WOMEN ITS A CHANCE YOU TAKE CONTACT HIS WIFE GET EVEN IT WORKS | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 8:48:40 AM |
We are not perfect and we are all hopoing for the best. We don't want to listen to those signs. We want to think he or she reallly likes us and is sincere.
What's with all this "we" crap. Speak for yourself. And running your own vigilantly without proof is risky and leaves you wide open for criminal and civil law suits.
I hope you have a good defamation of character lawyer, because your going to need one. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 9:09:00 AM | It's my understanding that anything you put out here will be deleted however...I think you can allow others to contact you and ask for the information can't you?
For example: you can put out here that you had been seeing a man age 50 - 53, light brown hair, slightly balding about 6'4" in CA, with three children and loves his dog - his photos show him holding it...he loves water sports (has a photo of his boat)
This is ONLY an example - completely fictious and any similarity to anyone actually alive and on this site is coincidence and not the fault of the poster (me!)
Any way.....this gives women dating anyone in CA sufficient info to check out the man they're talking with and considering meeting...if they think it may be the same man they can then email you and inquire.
Private email discussions allow you to share this sort of information to protect others without violating the rules of posting in the forums, I think?
Someone did this for me on another dating site and I was so relieved to have been told - I was preparing to meet the man in another state and I immediately cancelled my trip. And boy was she ever right! He was a full brick short of a load. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 9:27:36 AM | Many women on here are married as well, oh the stories...I do relish bringing the hammer down when I catch them. Maybe someone could create a list like I did, except for us? Please Pretty Please? You'd be surprised what we don't know but combined were not bad.
Greg | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 9:32:58 AM | | don't worry about other women..they might not be as gullible or naive as you....get off the cigs..and worry about yourself..everything will take care of itself..'karma' | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 9:33:44 AM | I sympathise OP this is not to uncommon a story :(
Lesson learned just react accordingly in the future.
I don't think there is any way you can, nor, should you name and shame on your profile. If that was the case then there would be a fair minority exposed for every deliberate lie they told about status, age etc
And conversely a fair bit of unwarranted slagging by embittered people.
The site has specific status criteria, its just unfortunate some people choose to be less than honest. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 9:39:04 AM | To the Op
Don't worry
A wise old woman once told me
If you can't get him GOD will
I have added a few others to the list
The IRS , The DVM, The WIFE!
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Posted: 7/26/2008 10:00:18 AM | I think the biggest red flag for me. Is he reminded me of a guy i once knew. I was young and dumb and thought that it was different because he really loved me not her took me a lot longer to figue out with him once a lier and cheater always.
At least i learned from that one, as soon as me and wife talked he was out the door. no second chances from. Now what she does is her busniss | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 10:13:55 AM | | Good for you!. Nice to see integrity is still alive! | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 10:21:18 AM | | Mac thanks a few of them i didnt even think about. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 10:23:04 AM | | Smileee4u nailed it with post #21. I'm also sorry you had to go through this, OP, but you came through it more experienced, wiser, and ready to do it differently and better the next time. That's just one of the great things about this life; there's always a next time. Good luck with the next one, now that you've learned from this difficult life lesson. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 11:27:16 AM | | I think I recall reading another thread about X's won't stop bashing. I usually steer clear of them women that bash their X's. I don't want to become the next guy they bash. I think it's nothing short of slander.Get over it an move on. Live your life and stay out of his and his business. I'm sure he has his own story. | |
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Posted: 7/26/2008 12:57:58 PM | | You don't. For one, women who are active in finding out if a man is married/with someone before they do anything that involves giving them money/sex/thinking it's a relationship, won't get messed up with this man and women who jump right in there and then act indignant when they find a out a perfect stranger that they've taken into their bed and paid for, is just that, someone they know nothing about...these women aren't going to listen anyway, in fact if you named him they might contact him and go for it themselves. Some people are just drawn to drama and bad behavior like bees to honey, there's not a thing you can do to give them wisdom, they have to want to not be a victim and take responsibility for their actions. There's no way this man could fool anyone who wasn't gullible in the first place, who wasn't willing to go along with whatever fantasy he was handing out. | |
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Posted: 7/27/2008 8:28:43 AM | i want to thank all of you.. This was the first time i put anything out on the forum. I really appriate all of your input. I read them and listen with my heart and mind
i have decided not to try to warn others unless they come to me. I feel like it is partly my fault due to fact that i didn't listen to friends family and or myself.
I am taking it has a learned lesson. Need to check people out a little closer before i let my heart get in the way, need to learn how to start a relationship slower than jumping in feet first. Has far as he is concerned i do believe in karma and sooner or later the bad stuff comes around. I believe by posting anything anywhere would make me look like a ticked of ex. And why would someone take my word for it. When i wouldn't even listen myself.
I have decided to give it to the powers that be. And take my licks and learn from them
Thank you again. | |
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