| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:31:54 AM | OP, why bother living at all? maybe you are depressed. there are layers to everyone's cake. first, you get your own sh--together, then you form bonds with others--friends, neighbors, interest groups, even pof'ers! if not full time working, figure how to make a dent in society. in the course of this, you have a pulse, your heart beats, you breath air. "if" you test within the range of average for hormones and neurotransmitter balance, you opt for some range of peace, joy and passion. if not, see a physician.
each energy level draws others to you. why is it an effort to be attracted to one of them? it's not about taking away from you, it's about adding to a partnering. surely someone is on this planet to laugh with, snuggle, talk things out, share you joys and fears. this is not an effort to find someone like this, the effort is in waiting, but that is why you are baking a layer cake. work the other layers and the icing will come. chocolate or strawberry, that should be your biggest concern!
ps op, i have lymes disease which can be painful and tiring when i least expect it. if i can find the effort and make the effort and still have passion and joy and also disappointments and still get my a-s out of bed, so can you!!! and i just ended a relationship and still have hope! just ride the waves and don't get beached. i saw that happen to someone very close to me and it is such a shame and waste of life. we only have "one". the rest is conjecture. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:51:40 AM | Why? - because of a favorite line from a well known poem - "After Awhile" by Veronica Shoffstall that echoes in my brain should I forget.
... so plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers...
Nobody can change the yesterdays. Though they do add up to shape who we become, we can still rebuild upon them rather than wallow in the mud they sometimes leave behind. Step out of and away from the emotional mud and you will quit trekking and spreading the mess everywhere you go. Build a stronger foundation for yourself. Focus on each today, then maybe try to plan a few tomorrows. We are each in control of how happy, encouraged and fulfilled we choose to allow ourselves to be.
Opportunity is a little coy, doesn't always come knocking, especially to those who just sit around wallowing and waiting. Go open a few doors, look for it and invite it to lunch... it's not a picky eater.
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:48:55 AM | A very interesting post. I have often questioned myself on this very topic.
I think every one has summed it up very nicely.
Because the end result is worth all the pain, torture, turmoil, heartache, and all those other horrible things. ....,
and mostly due to the fact that the opposite... not making the effort....., would have worse words associated with it then the ones mentioned above.
I just love being in love and all that goes along with it..., and I'm just not ready to roll over and stop living. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:01:46 PM | Because I know God did make someone for everyone. I still believe there is a little love left in the world. Love is the greatest gift someone could give another person. I will now and forever believe love exsists. So of coarse it is worth the effort.   | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:11:37 PM | "I'm just not ready to roll over and stop living." Very well put.. my sentiments exactly.
If I keep trying.. I may find someone I love.. and loves me.. to roll over to.. than to roll over day in and day out.. and be all alone. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/2/2008 4:50:01 PM | I sometimes sit and ponder as to why, despite all the romance induced angst, all the glorious failures, all the rejection, all the put-downs and all the times my heart has been bruised and broken I still seek the oft ephemeral joy of love...................
For me the answer is mostly stupidity. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/2/2008 10:39:54 PM | because somewhere out there is a bombshell woman with my name on her. 300 million people in the US - let's estimate half of them are women. Let's say half of them are single and attractive enough to date.
thats 75 million women. hell, i should be able to blindfold myself and walk around and eventually bump into a decent woman.
It's only a matter of time. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/2/2008 11:19:12 PM | | Shoot, I never believed in "the one" in the first place, so my answer is I don't make the kind of effort OP talked about, twisting myself into a pretzel to get some lady to like me when she wouldn't give the real me five minutes. If I make any effort at all, it is to please someone I know and care about, and if I please them, it makes me happy that I have done so. Also , I still flat out enjoy the company of women and whatever I feel the need to do so that our time together can be a pleasure for both of us is no effort at all. If it starts to feel hard, then maybe I am not doing it right or maybe I have picked the wrong lady for me. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:10:16 AM | Thanks everybody...its been a rough saturday for me.
The stars are bright tonight. I live on a beautiful planet. I would like to stand outside tonight with someone special and share the night sky with him.
That's why. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:13:13 AM | you know sweet love is fine ...it's the best thing in the word ..and actually that's all I'm looking for ... but it's become a challange to sift through piles of bullshit and exageration to find her .. I had no idea that finding one woman would be such a challange. Now I'm up for the challange I know that , there will be no settling and i will find her it's just that I had the feeling that when I came here that everyone was like me . meaing that although they may have streached the truth it was still a reasonable truth ... I have been surprised at every turn. I'm not asking for much ..just a best friend with interests that match mine someone that understands that it takes two people on a level that is somewhat even ..not an adversarial partnership ..but a team effort ...sounds cory ..so what ..that's what I'm going to find...  | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:23:12 AM | Boy can I relate to everything you are saying OP. And I can't imagine at this point why so many still go that extra mile because the mile just seems to be getting longer.
As far as I can see from my experiences and what I have seen posted in forums, I think the one is not a reality...just an elusive dream or hope to cling to.
It would be nice if these observations could be made to be untrue but I have been on these sights for probably a lot longer than I should be and they are all the same no matter paid or not. Alot of the same faces keep popping up on different sites, me included, and it is starting to get depressing, frustrating and just a loss of hope for ever meeting someone compatible. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 1:35:18 AM | | i think that just because one has not had success in love in middle age it is only one chance meeting away from totally turning around! | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 3:22:56 AM | I make the effort cos i would like to think maybe someone appreciates it, but as of yet i seem to be wasting my time . where am i going wrong? :   | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 3:36:10 AM | | I haven't made the effort to find love in a very long time. Never used to make any effort; when I was younger it always just happened. Now I am older, I find if I don't want to be alone and without someone to love, I need to make the effort. If I do meet someone, and I hope I do, I'm willing to make compromises and to go that extra mile. What is life without love? Not so great, really. Is it an elusive dream? I don't believe in soul mates or the idea of 'the one.' People meet, they are compatible, they like one another and grow to love each other, they build a good relationship. It's not an illusive dream. Life is pretty much what you make of it. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 11:47:45 AM | I'm with you on that one. If there was only one person for all of us then most likely that person would live elsewhere, after all china and india make up over half the worlds population.  | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:02:09 PM |
you know sweet love is fine ...it's the best thing in the word ..and actually that's all I'm looking for ... but it's become a challange to sift through piles of bullshit and exageration to find her .. I had no idea that finding one woman would be such a challange. Now I'm up for the challange I know that , there will be no settling and i will find her it's just that I had the feeling that when I came here that everyone was like me . meaing that although they may have streached the truth it was still a reasonable truth ... I have been surprised at every turn. I'm not asking for much ..just a best friend with interests that match mine someone that understands that it takes two people on a level that is somewhat even ..not an adversarial partnership ..but a team effort ...sounds cory ..so what ..that's what I'm going to find
...Yes, who would have thought it would be so difficult. When I first joined PoF I recived a good share of e-mails and what immeediately popped into my mind was "So many men, so little time." Was I ever in for a reality check haha
....maeflowers
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:02:52 PM | Ah Mae......It is difficult for all of us, and imagine how much more for most men, since there are three to four men on here for every woman.
Reality is a bear but if you can look at the reason for it, you can take is all in stride and laugh not only at others, but yourself as well...... 
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:23:05 PM |
Ah Mae......It is difficult for all of us, and imagine how much more for most men, since there are three to four men on here for every woman.
...Ah, you poor guys have it tough alright. And yet so many of us still want you to be the pursuer as well.....best of luck haha
...maeflowers | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:18:00 PM |
After all these years - is "the one" a reality, or just something to cling to?
While I would be the first to agree that we are the cumulative result of "more years", I would also say that many many of us didn't even know who we were or who we wanted to be before we had families and got so caught up in the spouse/parent/employee roles that we didn't have much opportunity to explore who we wanted to be.
I don't know if there is "the one" in life but I do know that his being "the one" will naturally and easily leave some room for me in our life together. It won't be something I have to ask for, even if the practical side of things have to be negotiated.
I felt like you do OP.. for a very long time... Until recently, I realized that it's having the choice (not a contrived choice but a real one) about whether or not I decide to live with or marry someone ever again. Whether I exercise it or not, remains to be seen... | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 6:47:27 PM | I see it as a choice between living and dying. Making the effort is part of what being alive is supposed to be about. I'm not ready to die yet.
"The One"? Since I have no idea what you're even talking about, I'm going to say it's a myth.
See, find a right someone, and you'll put yourself out again, as long as you still want to live; and if you still want to live, you'll find a right someone, unless you give up. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:06:09 PM | | the "one" is the one you finally allow yourself to love. the real "one" probably lives on the other side of the world,but for sake of not finding him,we settle for one we think we can tolerate,change, or agree with for the time being. let's face it, what are the odds the real "one" is right here in our city? state? country? how's that song go " if you can't be with the one you love honey, love the one your with". do the best you can and love that person with all your heart. when time or circumstance forces change, move on and again do the best you can. it's hard and heartbreaking. cherish what was good, forgive or forget the rest, you choose. | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/4/2008 9:48:06 AM |
While I would be the first to agree that we are the cumulative result of "more years", I would also say that many many of us didn't even know who we were or who we wanted to be before we had families and got so caught up in the spouse/parent/employee roles that we didn't have much opportunity to explore who we wanted to be.
...hey, I still don't know "who I am". I get confused cause there are so many others living inside me... the mother, the daughter, the teacher, the nurse, the boss.....the list goes on and on.....and just recently, a midwife ( I helped with the birth of my grandchild)...and hopefully theres going to be "the girlfriend" sometime soon haha.....so much of me is a part of someone else I have forgotten what I wanted to be in the first place.
...maeflowers | |
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| Why do YOU still make the effort.
Posted: 8/4/2008 10:27:31 AM | | Because if I still didn't believe in the power of love, why am I here? There's got to be more to life than living alone or just raising children. Being able to share your life with another person is what makes it all worthwhile. I've been shot down so many times that I make the Red Baron look like a beginning flyer. I crash and burn all the time, but I keep on trying. Why not? God might smile on me yet. | |
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