| Too Picky
Posted: 1/16/2009 6:27:31 AM | | No, someone is is not picky about the person they are looking for in a life partner has no intention of a long term relationship, seems to me they will always be looking for something and the relationship will be doomed from the start. Keep being picky, you deserve it. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:35:51 PM |
Shouldn't we be picky? I mean, I have limited hours in my life and a lot of great friends already to share what little time outside of work and responsibility I have with...why would I want to just settle for someone else to eat up my time?
I think we should be picky in the long term but keep an open mind in the short term. Take a look around this site and you'll find no shortage of people who will instantly reject people because they don't feel an instant connection one sentence into the initial e-mail.
Just take a look around the forums to find stories of people who seem like they would be pretty good catches who talk about their lousy response rates on here. You'd think someone who forms complete sentences, has a steady job, and is at least reasonably attractive would do better than 10% response rate (or worse) that many folks are reporting.
Sometimes chemistry is built over time. I've discovered as I've matured that the more I start to like and respect a woman, the more physically attractive I find her.
In the end, it's going to be up to you to decide how picky you will be initially, but realize that you may very well be rejecting a lot of fantastic men straight out of the gate if you set your standards too high. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:01:20 PM | This thread (and yes, I am lame because I read all 10 pages of it) made me laugh...but also made me realize why I am here and what I am expecting. The question "Am I too picky" has been on my mind for some time and I know I am. The very fact that, unlike most of you, I have yet to physically meet anyone from POF (and have had my profile a few months now) says it all. This is not due to lack of responses but that I pick every profile and every message apart. There is much truth to be said in most every post. I have turned down or not replied to a message because;
1) He's a non-smoker, I smoke
2) He has no kids, I do. I need a man who can relate to parenting issues/lifestyle
3) He wants kids, I am done having mine
3) He isn't handy around the house. Neither am I but wanting to be taught.
4) His pic shows him drinking. I think "alcoholic"
5) He has little/no info in his profile.
6) His message is two letters, "HI"
7) His interests state "bars, clubs, dancing, video games, sex". I can't dance, the rest turns me off, not my thing. Except sex, but plz don't mention it in your profile!
8) Women in pics with him??? Buddies in pics with him, ummm...which one is you??
9) He has no limitations as far as who can message him. I want someone picky too!
10) He pushes too fast to meet. I don't want to date by the dozens. I need to know there is a decent chance of us connecting prior to meeting. Ok, that is really being too picky.
And this list, for me, goes on and on and......
I have been married, spent the last 5 years of my 15 yr marriage dreaming of what it would be like when we finally split. The dating, finding that one man that would be everything my ex wasn't. The reality is, I am content being single...now. But I know I don't want to be for the rest of my life. I learned from my marriage. Some may consider that baggage, I consider it life-lessons. I am now in my 30's, I know what I want and what I am looking for in a mate. I am a realist, not expecting the dream. While looks are important, I find myself more focussed on what the person likes to do, where he is headed in life, his life experience. I don't want to be someone's trial run. The key is to find some sort of balance between picky and downright impossible. If anyone here finds that key, let me know!
I suppose I can edit my "Must be a Habs fan" clause. One compromise at a time. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:15:02 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You are entitled to have any requirements you want. But I think some of these requirements are really nitpicky and are based on broad generalizations.
He isn't handy around the house..... you could always take some classes
His pic shows him drinking. I think "alcoholic"...Maybe he likes to have a few beers when he goes out. This doesn't make him an alcohlic.
Women in pics with him??? Buddies in pics with him, ummm...which one is you??...Maybe these photos with other people were the best shots of him
He has no limitations as far as who can message him. I want someone picky too!...Maybe he has no limitations so that people from the forums can contact him | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:46:43 PM | Oh believe me, I know! I was somewhat poking fun at myself because I know I am being ridiculous. So the question is, do you have the key? I am well aware of my short comings and do not pretend to be near perfect, in fact, while I have all of these expectations of men, being perfect is not one of them. I think the problem, for me anyways, is that I over analyze they way they write their profiles. Let's face it, this is not an optimal way of making a good first impression. From the pick-up line we use as headings to explaining a perfect first date...it leads to alot of misinterpretation considering we have so little to go on.
If I were to meet a man in a supermarket, he invited me for coffee or whatever and in conversation I found out he wasn't good at home repair, I could care less! It's not in my criteria for what I expect in a mate yet when I read it in a profile, I skipped him.
I think I just found the key.  | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/22/2009 3:29:47 AM | Actually I don't think you are being ridiculous. I was thinking I could have written your list almost word for word. I have been single for awhile now and one of the reasons I always use to describe why is "too picky". I think though that after bad marriages and/or relationships you can't help it. There is nothing more disappointing then going for that first date and realizing that they don't meet your expectations afterall, no matter how many times you messaged back and forth or talked on the phone beforehand.
I'm still looking for the key
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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 232 | |
| Too Picky
Posted: 1/22/2009 8:20:14 AM |
There is nothing more disappointing then going for that first date and realizing that they don't meet your expectations afterall, no matter how many times you messaged back and forth or talked on the phone beforehand.
I would rather have some failed first dates then automatically reject a man simply because he was a little bit different than the type of man that I am usually interested in. I would give it a shot and see what happens. I would have nothing to lose. The worst case scenario is that the date didn't work out. Not a big deal. If I had rejected a man right away without even talking to him beause of some minor reason, then I could be missing out on a potential match. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:18:29 AM | I am with you on this, and would rather take a chance with more "meet and greets" and see if meeting in person can continue the sparks from meeting on here......
The first meeting might end up being the last, but at least you tried, and many times, if you meet in real life, it gives the both of you much more of a reality check for understanding what you are trying to do, and why.
What I have noticed with more than a few of these meetings, will be the change in attitude about who is going to do what, when, and for whom....... The equal opportunity dating world does not stop once you meet, and does not becomes the sole possession of one, especially the male.
To many times I get the feeling that we have that attraction, and a desire to pursue chemistry, but only if I do all the work by calling and inviting out, emailing often, and being the lead in dating and knowing each other. I am not one to play that game, and somehow now that we know each other, as the man, I must do most of the work and force this into some antiquated courtship activity.
If you truly believe in equality for the genders, and dating, why not with inviting out, or over, or with phone calls and emails? Does this have to be like a carrot in front of my nose, and if wanted, I must do the bidding of that person holding it?
I so enjoy an assertive woman that will call me as much as I call her, will email me back when I email her, or email me first, will make sure that she will come to see me as much, if not more than what she expects me to do for her, and will invite me out, and not just wait for me to take the initiative.
Oh well......I will continue the quest to find that person, and have her hopefully find me....... 
Just my opinion......   | |
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jcolsa
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Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 234 | |
| Too Picky
Posted: 1/22/2009 4:42:38 PM | Still a HUGE subject I see and really it goes on in here and in real life..
Of course it up to the person.. Man or woman you like what you like,
BUT you have to accept in the end what you get or don't get.
However I'm not sure if being picky is the issue.
Thats just WAY too easy.. I how great would it be if all I had to do is read an ad look at my creditials and say YUP were a match
BEING HONEST and KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT seem to be the true issue
He is a real life example
A friend of mine is 38..
She is going through a divorce has 4 kids. A decent guy 48 asks her on a date. She asks me for advice ( well really just to share her thoughts)
Goes on about how woman live longer then men that 48 is too old, but that she doesnt want to be alone that she should maybe date someone who is 10yrs years younger..asking what do I think about that....and of course she asks. " am I too picky "
I'm thinking I dont even know what you want.. Plus even as a friend I can even tell why she's getting the divorce.. Her so far still current husband is even to her own admission a great guy. but that she doesn't think they have enough in common ( she found this out only after being married to him for near 20 yrs).. Still scratch my head on that one | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/22/2009 5:21:09 PM | | Just from reading many of the profiles. I dont realy bother to send any msg. I know that there is no way to even come close to the demands most woman post. I did dicide for the new year to send atlist one msg a week. It take me sometimes an hour to even figure out who should i send it to.. The response i get might as well be none. Its not like i dont have my own idea who i would like to meet.. But not even close to some of the demands i read. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:22:29 AM | My friends accuse me of this all the time, but theres nothing I can do about it either the attraction is there or it isn't. I can't settle for less, it does make finding a guy very hard and guys when they fancy you and you don't fancy them don't like getting their egos bruised, which is a hard situation to deal with.
I try to keep first dates short and let them know not to expect anything from me because I can't handle them expecting I should like them and yes they are not fun it seems like a waste of an evening when theres just no attraction made worse when you can tell he likes you.
I can't settle sounds like you can't too. I really hope you find the right guy sounds like your heart is in the right place | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/23/2009 12:58:12 PM | Being too picky may as well mean "never satisfied". If you have talked to someone your interested in for at least a week, then that must mean that there is something there that kept your attention with that person.
Op you already have a negative attitude towards "first dates" and that will always work against you in finding your mate. Try having a date from a different outlook, something positive. If you don't feel the chemistry during the first date which can happen due to being nervous or being distracted by your surroundings, then try for a second date. At least then you won't be nervous and you'll know what to expect to some degree. If you still feel no "chemistry" then at least you can let the guy know and perhaps make a friend from him.
It seems that too many are concerned with financial status , even type of work a person does, to what material possessions they own. Superficial things that don't necessarily make a person or help to fall in love with a person. Perhaps this idea of thinking is brought on from the living standards we see of those on tv? Perhaps people have been preprogrammed since when there young from there parents to always go for the best one?
It's fine to never settle, but to what end? till when your old and grey? (no offense to the elderly). If the guy/girl you meet is not 100% perfect, so what? Chances are your not 100% perfect either. If they make you feel good and treat you right, give them a chance. They may turn out to be the one.
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/23/2009 3:54:22 PM | | I can tell you, I am VERY picky! I have had a string of bad relationships and have done a complete 180 and cannot help but be picky now. I know what it is I want and deserve. I expect what I have to offer someone and nothing less. I know I should not have expectations although it's hard not to when you have s lot to offer someone who doesn't have much to offer in return. I have a lot of values that I uphold and a great family and no baggage or issues but it's impossible to find someone who has the same qualiteis as myself it seems. I've learned to never settle again and try to give someone a fair chance if he has some potential to be a dating prospect. So, I share your sentiments. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:08:03 PM | | ^^ Being too picky is being too picky for your own good. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/24/2009 7:18:15 PM | | You can never be too picky...you can't settle!It's for your own good that you're picky. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/28/2009 11:11:44 PM | | get a kleenex for pete's sake. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 2:09:53 AM | | you must be picky when getting into a potential relationship situation . too many ppl get into relationships for the sake of being in a relationship and consequently arent really happy and doomed to fail . Be picky , have a ( mental ) check list on potential partners . Above all dont settle for second best | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 5:17:53 AM |
theres nothing I can do about it either the attraction is there or it isn't. I can't settle for less, it does make finding a guy very hard and guys when they fancy you and you don't fancy them don't like getting their egos bruised, which is a hard situation to deal with.
I try to keep first dates short and let them know not to expect anything from me because I can't handle them expecting I should like them and yes they are not fun it seems like a waste of an evening when theres just no attraction made worse when you can tell he likes you.
I can totally relate to that. I keep meetings short and expect from them only to talk with someone for a short time and leave. Most times, that's all it turns out to be. If I sense he's excited or looking forward to it, I try to introduce a reality check to him before hand.
There's no reason to have huge expectations about someone you haven't met yet no matter how much you talked or think you will click. It's better to save that for after the meet (if its even needed). | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 7:32:06 AM | | I am 43 and dont plan on settling for someone that has no common interests just to go on a date......if you do that what kind of date are you going to have??? what will you have to talk about??? I dont think its being to picky I think its being mature enough to know what you want......JMO | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 7:40:53 AM | i agree with alot of the posts here
i dont think its wrong to be choosey. especially when ur not exactly a teenager anymore, so ur not meeting lots of different people to find out the type of person you would like to be with. uve already been there & done that, you know what you will and wont tolerate, and what is important to you, and therefore you would like to meet someone with a view to spending many years with them! so you have to think long and hard about whether you could spend a long time with this person. i think this obviously only applies to those of us that are looking for long term partners :)
i still prefer to send a few msgs back and forth with someone to determine whether its worth meeting up, you can suss out whether you have a good rapport (more important to me than whether you like something the same as them off their profile) conversely i like to meet quite soon rather than msg for eons! ive met a few people through the internet now, no sparks, but have made some good new friends
happy fishing everyone x | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 7:57:18 AM | | What's all that crap about being picky anyway? I meet women all over the place and I don't split hairs. We go on a date and if we're like night and day we'll know it right there and then. I'd rather date women whether we match or not than sitting in front of my computer all days hoping for a miracle to happen. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 8:18:52 AM | I'd rather date women whether we match or not than sitting in front of my computer all days hoping for a miracle to happen
I strongly doubt that people on this site are just sitting waiting for miracles to happen.....and men that date anyone regardless if they have anything in common or not are the ones that make women picky in the first place...... | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 8:56:11 AM | I'm picky. For me that means less "awful first dates".
To me, being picky means that you're selective about who you would date, as a result you're not having as many first dates that turn out to be awful.
If someone is having "more and more of those awful first dates", I would accuse them of not being picky enough.
This works both ways. If a person is extremely picky, then he or she could be missing out on some great dates. The key is to find some middle ground between the extreme viewpoints of settling for anyone that shows interest in you vs having very rigid requirements. Have some reasonable standards that are flexible to some extent. I would rather have some dates that didn't work out than not meet anyone. BTW awful dates doesn't always mean a person was too lenient about their requirements. Some people can have a great profile. Are polite during phone / email conversations. But can become completely rude or annoying when you meet them in person. Some people can be dishonest about their physical appearance. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 11:19:40 AM |
3) He isn't handy around the house. Neither am I but wanting to be taught.
that's what Home Depot is for - might as well learn to do it right. There are way too many people out there who "think" they are handy, yeah right!
I agree with Celts123 here - sometimes you can be too picky. You can have standards; you should have standards, but at the same time that's why first dates shouldn't be too long because that one person you normally wouldn't date may be the date of your dreams and they just weren't articulate enough in their profile for someone to see that. Making an exception once in a while is a good thing - it both makes you realize you really didn't want someone like that or why didn't I do this sooner! | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 11:47:52 AM | Making exceptions is only valid when someone does an exceptional job of standing out.
Making exceptions for someone that you're not attracted to, interested in, and/or can't keep a conversation going with.......is a waste of time. | |
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