| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 4:43:41 PM | "I strongly doubt that people on this site are just sitting waiting for miracles to happen.....and men that date anyone regardless if they have anything in common or not are the ones that make women picky in the first place......"
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I date women because I like it but also for sex and my guess is that that's true for most men out there. As single I can do whatever I want and I don't have answer or explain myself to anybody. Being overly picky however is just silly in my opinion. I don't look for "10's" or model-like like women, or someone who has to match every ridiculous criteria that I've managed to come up with over the years. I give them a chance. We give OURSELVES a chance! While I'm out having fun dating women, the picky ones are home in front of their computer, sobbing over how nobody fulfills their illusion of how someone's supposed to be. Wake up, for crying out loud. No one's perfect. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/29/2009 11:41:38 PM | I just think about all the different ways that people who marry and live happily ever after meet each other: high school, college, friends, accident, etc., and I wonder if they had the opportunity to analyze their partner's profile and pictures, and then choose to avoid that first meeting or date, would they avoid them and never make it to marital bliss? Further more, what about all of the people who knew their future spouses for months or years before things turned romantic? Surely they would have skipped past their partner's online profile.
But at the same time, what if all of the divorced people had a chance to review their ex's profiles before they met? Maybe the ability to be picky would have saved those people a lot pain?
I think there's simply too many reasons/excuses to pick or reject a potential mate to make this easy. But as long as you regularly adjust the importance of your criteria and never give up the search, you're bound to end up with someone worth while. Prince Charming or Princess Fiona they may not be, but you'll at least have a moderately happy marriage with lots of hot passionate bed-time and the opportunity to spread your DNA around.
But my opinion is this: If you have say 10 advances sent to you a week, and you aren't dating a new person at least once every one to two weeks, then you're probably too picky or too lazy. And if you make 10 advances a week, and get maybe one half-way enthusiastic reply every two weeks, then you're probably a guy. (I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I kid because I love...) | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:23:12 AM | Find out what is perfect for you and not what your friends deem is perfect first.
If the guy has a job, a good heart and a direction in life then thats a good start.
I do not believe in that "do not settle for second best" theory because it means that you will never give love a chance to blossom if you are always looking for perfection. Do this and one day you will wake up and find that you are now 30 or 40 years old, things are starting to sag, wrinkles beginning to appear, and girls much younger stealing all the guys attention from you. Now as you age your choices become limited. That guy you once labelled not perfect enough before is now starting to look pretty good to you but guess what? He is now with some other who gave him the chance when you would'nt.
Each day your market value drops as does your seduction power. Honesty can be brutal ladies but hey thats just the world. I have seen women on here that do not look good at all demanding the perfect man. Even other women know when a girl is trying to compete out of her league yet they encourage her to hold out.
It is perfectly okay for you to be too picky if you want to live a life without being loved. i am sure your girlfriends will applaud you for that but just remember that it is YOU who is going home alone every night and not them. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/31/2009 5:13:50 AM | | The women might not look good to you, but look wonderful to another man. Since when does appearance give someone the right or whatever to decide if someone should be picky or not about what does or does not work for them? I am an average looking woman to a lot of men I am sure, but I am dang picky about some things, since I know what a prize I am regarding the aspects of a relationship that are the most important, and appearance to me is not one of the most important things. (especially as we age) | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/1/2009 3:52:09 PM | "The truth is we don't know what we want, you can't really quantify what makes for a good relationship. If I think of the best relationships I've had, I wouldn't give those people the time of day if they wrote a profile."
I'm agreeing more and more here. So has anyone ever tried a dating service with any good results? | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/1/2009 6:12:14 PM | Some men feel because they are “nice”, have a pulse and can fog a mirror means we are well suited. At my age, I know what I want/need and can definitely identify what traits won’t mesh with my personality. Call me picky if you’d like: I consider myself selective. Settling does nothing to make me happy, increase my libido or help me sleep at night.
I’m not sure why a man has to get bent out of shape if I don’t consider him as someone I’d like to date. Telling me “You’re going to end up alone.” just underscores the fact my selectiveness scale is working.
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/2/2009 8:08:11 AM | | I often think that's maybe why I'm single...I'm too picky or maybe I am just bein selective. Hmmmmm.... I'm going to go ponder! | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/2/2009 8:52:56 AM |
Some men feel because they are “nice”, have a pulse and can fog a mirror means we are well suited. At my age, I know what I want/need and can definitely identify what traits won’t mesh with my personality. Call me picky if you’d like: I consider myself selective. Settling does nothing to make me happy, increase my libido or help me sleep at night.
Odd, isn't it? I attribute it to the fact that most people think they are a catch for everyone, especially those they have interest in. Truth is none of us are a catch for everyone...and for those of us who know what we want (or at least we can point pretty easily to what we don't), it can be offensive to someone who thinks they are all that.
I’m not sure why a man has to get bent out of shape if I don’t consider him as someone I’d like to date. Telling me “You’re going to end up alone.” just underscores the fact my selectiveness scale is working.
Exactly. The tacky reaction to being rejected never made sense to me. Does it work? Does the person you couldn't have really cry over what they could have had, yet didn't have any interest in? Dating is about finding someone you like who likes you back. That's the formula - if it's not mutual, then there's not much else to say. You can't decide you want to force mutual interest cause you don't have patience, or don't like rejection. Doesn't work that way. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/2/2009 7:51:53 PM | Actually, I think that being in someone's category of "too picky" makes us more attractive.
I've gone outside my preferences before and wasn't happy with the results.
When I stay within my preferences, though I haven't found a lifetime relationship, I do tend to be happier in them.
I don't know if it works this way for you ladies.
But when I've verbalized my selectivity it seems as though I become more appealing.
I get the sense that women are more interested in a guy that doesn't appear to be looking for just anyone! | |
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flappo
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Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 260 | |
| Too Picky
Posted: 2/2/2009 8:01:28 PM | | I think people online become too picky. It is cool if you can afford to be picky. If you are hot stuff in person chances are the guy you pick will stick with you. But if just because you get LOTS AND LOTS of emails from guys online, you get a certain confidence and become too picky that way, guess what, the guys you meet will already know that they will not have anything to do with you unless they get some tail out of it. So, be a little picky, not too much. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/2/2009 9:39:57 PM | OP, it's all about balance.
It's not good to be some hopelessly anal and perfectionistic snob, but you don't want to be a swinging door, either.
One can avoid both extremes by avoiding the all-too-common delusion that another human being can somehow "make" you happy, because of course only you can do that for yourself. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:39:16 AM | "I get the sense that women are more interested in a guy that doesn't appear to be looking for just anyone!"
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A desperate guy or woman will take anyone. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 2/3/2009 10:16:14 AM | being picky about a husband, could actually be to your detriment.
i mean would it be ok if he scratched his but in public? how about public displays of affection?( i.e. the shopping center) kissing you or caressing your bum?
if the guy is picking his nose all the time i can see your hesitation. I guess what it boils down to is what YOU'RE willing to accept in a relationship. i mean really how picky are you? cause My last wife had a problem with public displays of affections. I didnt.... yeah that meant I copped a feel in the grocery store. didnt care who saw. so what......i was commited to her and nothing else mattered to me. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 4/18/2009 5:20:31 AM | | u know i read some of the messges on here and cant help but laugh at how stupid people can be. i work full time,have 2 children, have a really full life but always make time to look good so i can feel good, and i have been single for 9 months now, i will not drop my standards for no one, i will not go out to have fun ( as in sleep with who ever) do people forget that there is such things as stds, and condoms do not stop them, im no prude i love goin out with my friends and havin a laugh, but if bein to picky means not lettin some idiot into my thong for there own pleasure then im more than happy to be picky, and i wont be sittin in front of any pc on a saturday night sobbin, but i wont be a slapper just to suit the whore masters out there!!!! | |
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dwf44
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 265 | |
| Too Picky
Posted: 4/18/2009 8:58:24 AM | | I will repeat what I had mentioned in another thread about a similiar topic.I can understand people being picky about who they marry or have a serious relationship with. But IMO people should be more flexible in the begininng. I wouldn't be so quick to rule out a man simply because he doesn't exactly match a long list of rigid requirements. Sometimes a person who is somewhat different than your usual type can be a good match for you. If there is no connection after some email / phone conversations or a few dates, then both people can move on. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:48:34 PM |
"If there is no connection after some email / phone conversations or a few dates, then both people can move on. "
Ive met some people where I didn't get along at first, but ended up as some of my best friends. It's about leaving your armor behind and freeing your vulnerable mind.
People ARE too picky especially on dating sites. Perhaps, though, too many options are making us pickier and reinforcing the misguided notion that a perfect match exists. The problem with this fairy tale bubble is that it's bound to pop because, in reality, there's no such thing as perfection. People should just find someone that irritates them the least and stick with them and then the "nice guy(or gal)" will finish first instead of last. If they do that, then there would be more people living happier lives instead of people being constantly disappointed. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:06:19 PM | I Don't think it's too much to ask to want chemistry. But chemistry is a funny thing. I knew someone for 10 years once, but we only had casual conversations. It wasn't until we spent a couple of hours talking one day, that we realized wow, MAJOR CHEMISTRY. So i guess it can also depend on the timing. Where you are in your life, how open you are to new people and experiences plays a big part.
I'm assuming you've had conversations prior to the date, saw pictures of eachother. Had a general sense of who they initially are before meeting. If the conversation is easy, it's worth a second date to see if further conversation could result in chemistry.
Some picky ness comes from your own experience. I know my preferences are based upon my experience, and knowing that travelling down a certain path would not work out.
Narrowing down your choices, by listing certain preferences is not being picky, it's just knowing who you are.
There should never be awful first dates, if you're taking the time to converse and get to know eachother before hand. Even if upon meeting and talking you decide dating is not something you wish to pursue, you may have just met a friend. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:20:41 PM | first. Being picky is fine, as long as you understand the implications: you reduce your prospects from 1000 to 3 (or something like that).
Here's another way to look at it. It's well known that coming off as desperate is perceived as repulsive to people, even when the person is attractive. I know because I've seen it, and it is not pretty. So it can be said that being picky is one way to offset being desperate. If you are being picky, then you are setting some ground rules, some basic qualifications a person must have in order to receive your attention and affection which does not come cheaply.
Ah, but there's a lot of nuance to consider. The more I think about this the more that my answer seems wholly incomplete. Anyway...
Ain't nothing wrong holding out for chemistry. After all, do you want just another friend, or that special friend who makes you grin wide, your face flush, and your toes curl? | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 7/3/2009 6:07:07 PM | | I don't think holding out for "chemistry" is the wrong thing to do at all. Heck, at this age we know what we want, and probably more what we don't want in a mate. Physical attraction is a huge part of any relationship. I'd rather know a man feels chemistry with me, and I'm sure he would want that from me. It's the added spice to a relationship... | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:27:52 AM | Sux when the pickiness is aimed at one's self... but unfortunately we are not so good at overlooking things we see as turn-offs. I think woman are generally pickier than men about who they agree to START a relationship with and men are generally more pickier about who we will MAINTAIN a longterm relationship with. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:44:10 AM | I do think we all need to loosen up a little... it seems to be getting to the point you can hardly strike up a friendly conversation with the opposite sex... we're stuck talking to friends and family only. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 7/11/2009 6:52:43 AM | OP,
From an pertinent article, methinks (and now on my profile - cause it really would prolly help *all* of us)....
"...any time you meet someone who has 80% of the things you are looking for, you should realize that this is a great person for you. If you throw back into the dating pool an 80% guy, the next guy is going to be 80% again, just a different 80% because it is near impossible to find more than 80% perfect for anyone."
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/87925/dating-101-secrets-of-a-matchmaker
~ Samantha Daniels, "Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker"
*tips his hat*
- Mr. S | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 7/11/2009 12:30:16 PM | You have to be realistic. No one is going to have everything you dream of. And if they did where is the fun?
Don't settle, but don't be ridiculous in your expectations. And if he's hot a first date bang isn't the worst thing in the world. It's good for you once in a while. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 8/29/2009 5:56:18 PM | | You said it right man. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:51:10 PM | | Building a relationship cannot use the word of picky. Chemistry is the key. | |
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