| Too Picky
Posted: 9/8/2008 5:52:20 PM | And here I thought it was safe to say that this thread was dead!
::sigh:: | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 9/8/2008 6:08:21 PM | | I was told that I am too picky because I won't date anyone who lives at home (without a very good reason), is recently widowed, divorced, separated or just out of a relationship, has very young children, or abuses drugs or alcohol. I prefer to date someone with somewhat of an education, a decent job, and a place of their own. | |
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lustre
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Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 178 | |
| Too Picky
Posted: 9/9/2008 11:49:58 AM | Hi OP,of course not,you have to be true to yourself and your own feelings.We are all picky in one way or another.It is a difficult dilema but everyone deserves a special someone in their lives but finding that someone can take a very long time but its a choice only you can make.Whatever you do dont give up hope,best wishes.
Lustre | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 9/11/2008 8:29:13 PM | | Never Settle!! But it's not going to be perfect chemistry. If we wait for the sparkes to fly, I think we wait in vain. It's been suggested, to have a list of what you want, and what you think are don't want. Like if he smokes and you don't, why spend your time and his.? If you do meet some one, and he has no major don'ts, still be picky. Good enough may not be good enough. l have been there, thinking I should settle because I'm alone, it only hurts worse when that does not work either because it should of never been. Hang tight. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 9/11/2008 9:04:12 PM | I try to view my life as this: I try to be as happy as I can be wherever and whenever I am. When that changes, then it'll be even better!
I think the internet has spoiled us and made us pickier. When we have the entire Earth to choose from, suddenly, the choices are staggering.
Compare that with just 20-30 years ago, you had to settle for who you met face to face and you are limited only in your city or wherever you happen to be. And 60 years ago, you had no choice but to marry someone from the same town!
Now, love can happen anywhere and it's facilitating this fantastic exchange and moving between cities, countries, etc...
There are more choices and more choices mean people do get pickier.  | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:09:06 AM | | I think thats why Im still single is because in the past I havent been picky enough and getting older and wiser I know what I want out of a relationship and a woman | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 9/12/2008 12:18:39 PM | | I am way too picky. It's why I'm currently single. I know it, but feel strongly about waiting for what I need rather than settling for someone that doesn't match what I really need. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:27:01 AM | Yes, there are many people both men and women that are too picky that they eliminate themselves from someone who could have been a good mate.
Having a set of realistic standards are different from being picky. For example, someone who has a level head, job, car, fairly attractive, and communicate well are not bad standards.
When the requirements turn into grocery lists are too high of expectations for a number of things, that's when it becomes picky.
One will never obtain someone that has 100% of everything on the wish list. That will not happen. If ya find someone who has at least 75% of what you are looking for, take that and be happy because chances of getting someone that has over 80% is slim to none unless the list contains a few requirements. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/7/2008 7:00:17 PM | This was the perfect forum for me to post a comment in. Being picky is almost a necessity. I have specific standards that I want in Mr Right. I've been divorced once already and I don't want to do that again.
I have physical, emotional, and sexual characteristics that I am looking for, some I can compromise on, but others, I won't. I don't think there is anything wrong with being picky. I wonder sometimes just like others on here, if maybe I am too picky? Then I think, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best. Isn't that what we all want?
All I would say is don't settle for less than what you really want because in the long run, you will hurt not only yourself, but your partner as well.
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:28:37 PM | Then I think, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best. Isn't that what we all want?
However sometimes what a person wants ( not necessary you ) is different than what a person can realistically get. IMO a person is being too picky or has unrealistic expectations if they wouldn't date an opposite sex version of themselves. In terms of looks, income, education, social status etc. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:33:02 PM |
However sometimes what a person wants ( not necessary you ) is different than what a person can realistically get. IMO a person is being too picky or has unrealistic expectations if they wouldn't date an opposite sex version of themselves. In terms of looks, income, education, social status etc.
I think you have it right. From my experience, the best rule of thumb is that one can realistically expect to find someone who is pretty close, in terms of overall "attractiveness" someone much like those with whom he/she has had relationships with in the past.
Some people think, because it's the internet, that they can "point and click", as if it were a catalog, and "upgrade". Then they're frustrated that "online doesn't work", when "no one answers my email". If you're a man in your 50s, divorced, writing to 18 year old supermodels, there won't be many answers.
Others go to the opposite extreme, having found "no replies', start looking for "anyone who will have them", and then, are dissatisfied with the results.
IMO, you don't have to give up your "absolutes", nor date those who aren't attractive to you. You have to be realistic, though. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:23:26 PM | You know every time I hear that from a man ("Your too picky") it is a man that knows he has no chance in starting any kind of relationship with me other than friends. A man I do not find physically attractive (or mentally for that matter) have no chemistry with, nothing in common etc. It's kind of like the same line "Do looks really matter?" Jah! They do.
I don't consider myself too picky, just a matter of knowing what I like. I would no more expect a man to lower his standards or settle for me if I didn't do it for him.
At the same time, no one man is going to live up to my "Dream man". Nor am I going to live up to some man's "Dream woman". I will find a man that comes something like close and I will be damn close to his dream woman. ^_- | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/8/2008 12:17:12 PM | I'm not picky but I have needs... I just want a man who's intelligent (ok so that brings it down to about 5%) because I need to actually have a conversation... tall (6ft plus) - because I need to be able to wear heels... he also needs to be reasonably cute (2%), liberal views, funny, under 40 but with a mature attitude (0.1%), caring (0.05%) humble (0.01%), who still has hair, good in the kitchen... and other rooms (alright maybe I'm pushing things a bit now)... ok so maybe I am too picky... but am I bovverred?! I know he's out there - SOMEWHERE!!!!   | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/9/2008 10:48:04 AM | | Any women that needs to know how much you make a year before you date her is a golddigger. My god how shallow can these women be? I guess love is unimportant in today's world. | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/9/2008 10:51:07 AM | | Let me get this straight he has to be 6ft tall so you can wear heels? Think a moment how stupid and shallow that is. Shoes...you've some how added shoes into your requirements. Insanity pure and simple. | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/9/2008 10:56:01 AM | | ^^^I agree if he's cute enough, you can just not wear your heels when you're with him. Wear flat shoes so you're not taller. Then just wear the heels when you're out with friends or whatever. | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/9/2008 11:54:37 AM |
Let me get this straight he has to be 6ft tall so you can wear heels? Think a moment how stupid and shallow that is. Shoes...you've some how added shoes into your requirements. Insanity pure and simple.
Errrr that was supposed to be a joke - yet another indication that intelligent men with a sense of humour are few and far between.... and knowing my luck they're probably all short! | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/11/2008 4:51:59 PM | | Is it just me or does anybody else take offense to the only 5% of us are intelligent comment. When men make stereotypes it is sexist, when women do it it's "reality" I'm not saying, i'm just saying..... | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/11/2008 5:22:59 PM |
Any women that needs to know how much you make a year before you date her is a golddigger. My god how shallow can these women be? I guess love is unimportant in today's world.
People have a right to their preferences, no matter what those are. IMO, those who accuse others of being "shallow" are insecure and weak. It never offends me to discover someone whose preferences exclude me. The world is full of women, so why waste energy worrying about those who aren't interested based on their determination of who they are interested in, or what kind of relationship they wish to have?
Let me get this straight he has to be 6ft tall so you can wear heels? Think a moment how stupid and shallow that is.
Same comment as above, with this added. "Dating" is an open market. So long as one can find men, who fit her preferences, then her preferences are realistic. If she can't find anyone, then "the market" will tell her that she's "too picky" and will have to adjust, or go dateless. Other than "the market", none of us has any right to judge someone else's preferences. In fact, those who do, seem to be the ones who come across as "stupid" and "shallow".  | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/11/2008 7:13:42 PM | I haven't posted much but wanted to chime in after reading this topic. I think it's a shame that many women won't even talk to a guy unless he has certain looks. If anyone says they don't have time to waste on talking to non-potential mates, they need to slow down and enjoy life a bit more.
I've been looking at profiles for awhile and I talked to a lady who wasn't interested in me, but we had some nice emails back and forth. Sometimes just talking is enough to encourage a person to continue on looking for a mate with a positive outlook, regardless if you ever date or not.
Did the internet take away the ability to interact with one another without the need of hooking up? It seems that way to me.
So to the topic, I don't think people are too picky. I think they have forgotten how to be approachable and engaging. If you already made up your mind that you won't like someone, then no matter how great they are, you won't like them. | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:59:52 AM | | Yea i think people are way to picky. Sure there are big things to consider such as kids or do they use drugs. But i find it pretty sad how many women i have looked into that seem to focus on how much money a guy makes. It doesnt seem to ever go the other way around. Sometimes i am sure but not nearly the ratio. If how much a person makes is even remotley a priority that is pretty shallow. Don't try and justify it as "well it shows motivation or attempts at success." Maybe the guy just loves his job? Maybe he is a great man, potetialy a great husband and great father? Maybe he doesnt feel like his life needs to be spent working himself to death for a what? Women get so excited over "oh hes a doctor" Yea great marry him and hopefully you'll see him 5 minutes out of the day. Being military showed me how disgusting people are in relationships. Any current or ex military knows what i am talking about. | |
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| Picky and proud of it
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:20:16 AM | | I daresay there are more men who are way more picky about a woman's appearance than women being picky about a man's job or how much money he makes. Or maybe I know a lot of women who are not gold diggers. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:21:49 AM | i did chemistry a level if thats any good???
its true that some girls do seem "over picky" just as i'd like jenna jameson as my girlfriend lol
but some of those things aint gonna come true...and sometmes we have to make compromises....
thats life!!!
stew | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:24:04 PM | It probably wouldn't be a stretch to say that I'm too picky sometimes.
I guess what it really comes down to is that, like others have said, I don't want to spend my free time with "just anyone". I wouldn't want someone else to spend their time with me if they found me boring either.
Among attributes at the top of my list...
Smart
Funny (or at least funny to me anyway)
Considerate
Thoughtful
Easy going / No anger issues
Has Goals
Does not drink a lot / do a lot of drugs
Then of course to have a few combined interests.
I don't think I'm crazy to want and require some of these things. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:22:33 PM | | The heart wants what it wants. IMO, "too picky" is completely irrelevant - I'm either into a broad or I'm not. It's not like I can just attenuate my level of pickiness as an act of will and I think most people are the same. | |
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