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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:42:15 PM | This thread is hysterically funny, in an ironic way.
My assumption is that, anyone who whines about women being "too picky" about a man's job or income = someone with a crappy job.
A woman complaining about men being "shallow" about women's looks = a woman, who is really unattractive.
and so on.
Most people accept the simple reality that people are attracted to that which attracts them, and sometimes that excludes us, as we sometimes exclude others. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:18:53 PM | | ^^^^^^^^^^OMG!!!!!!!!!!!No mention of the word sex! Can`t believe it, first in the history of POF!!!!!!!!!! Congrats! | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/18/2008 4:25:10 AM | | I find several Hollywood actresses to be unattractive when many people think they are gorgeous, so, attractiveness is subjective, and at times men are shallow. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/19/2008 10:44:32 AM | | im 37 have 2 kids aged 15 and 12, i work full time and iv done the, oh hes a nice guy so i ll date him thing, im now single and at this great age iv decided i will NOT be with some 1 just coz every 1 thinks i should be, its my life and its full to the brim with kids work and pets, im not sayin i wont ever be with any 1, i just wont be with the wrong peson. we all deserve to be treated good and that means not bein with just any 1 4 the sake of it. If i meet some 1 and we hit it off i ll be over the moon, if not, i ll keep on bein picky, | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/20/2008 8:25:39 PM | | Ya know this is kinds funny but this is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night. lol. I am 32 with 2 kids .. Ive never been married..and I wonder if maybe I am too picky. If I am is that the reason why I am alone? Is this the way its gonna be for the rest of my life? I sure dont want it to be! But it is entirely up to me. If I dont stat going out and having fun I will never know what I missed and life will pass me by. am i right? | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/21/2008 10:34:59 PM | | Picky for vanity reasons like: Man or Women that is tall, or needs to have hollywood looks, or expects people to make high incomes. Vanity pickness will bite you in the long run. Picking a boyfriend or girlfried, wife or husband to be with should enrich your life, and not make it hell. Have to use intution and logic to figure out if you will be confortable with this person. I everybody standards are different, but make dicisions on who you date by factoring in things that core of the person. Lifestyle should be factor too; you need common interests to hold things togther. Personality is a big one because similar personalites dont always work in relationships. "Pickness is always in the eye off the beholder too"? | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/21/2008 11:05:58 PM | I think many women are too picky about completely irrelevant things. "He's not handy around the house", "He is too short", "He snorts in a really embarrassing way when he laughs", "He makes less money than I do", "He can't dance", "He has bacne scarring".
And sometimes I think women dismiss men for more relevant things, but if they have been willing to overlook it they might have found out that he is really just a fantastic guy who could have made them happy. Things like "he's been divorced", "he has kids", "he is in major debt because of school", "he has a disability", "he served time b/c he was busted for smoking pot when he was 18 ".
But I will argue that chemistry very much matters. It doesn't need to be Romeo and Juliet type chemistry, but *something* needs to spark. Sure, give it a few dates to see if it develops, but pursuing someone you have no spark with after 3 or 4 dates is wasting everyone's time.
ETA: Men are just as guilty about this as women. I only used women as an example because of the OP | |
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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 208 | |
| Too Picky
Posted: 10/22/2008 12:06:25 PM | | Msg 207: I agree with many of the things that you wrote. If you are picky about the wrong things or if you have a long list of requirements, then you could be rejecting someone that could be a good match for you because of some insignificant reason. Also having a long list of requirements can be a turn off to people who actually meet these requirements. Yes there should be chemistry, but I don't expect instant chemistry on the first date largely because I don't know the other person well enough at that point. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/22/2008 12:46:13 PM | I am picky when it comes to friends, you are not going to want to go out with anybody if you do not have anything in common with them..
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/22/2008 2:12:07 PM | A couple of things here
1. If your going to be very picky that’s fine just remember that those “cream of the crop” guys are looking at the “cream of the crop girls” So you better have an outstanding body, charm, whit, excellent social standing, pretty much you better be “perfect too”
2. That “perfect” guy also knows he has the “goods” women are looking for and typically may not be as honest as to really wanting a lasting relationship; after all he can jump into one pretty much anytime.
3. There is also the issue of women and men, who invent an unattainable list of qualities that they know they will never find and that give them an excuse to be miserable. “Oh I just can’t find someone”…. Honestly are you really looking?
4. Competition…. Do you have to “one up” your friends. That is out do them in the social arena… Are you more concerned about this being picky to impress your friends etc?
5. I’m convinced that at our age (I’m 38) that we bring much more baggage to the table then we realize, myself included. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/22/2008 2:27:51 PM |  Ladies, your not exactly buying a Truck here, all men are differnt but lke computers we can be Programed for how you like things, it just depends on weather you can work with our Format or NOT.  | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/22/2008 4:47:09 PM | I don't have alot of baggage to bring to the table, as I haven't had that many boyfriends, and I certainly haven't been married , nor had children..
I don't want to go out with just anybody, what's the point in that, I'd rather be alone, then go out with the wrong people and be unhappy. Which I did in my younger day, you learn what works for you!
I've had women tell me that , they wish they were single like myself, and not have any boyfriend, or husband whatsoever. Maybe, I am doing something right, afterall!
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/22/2008 4:56:07 PM |
A couple of things here
1. If your going to be very picky that’s fine just remember that those “cream of the crop” guys are looking at the “cream of the crop girls” So you better have an outstanding body, charm, whit, excellent social standing, pretty much you better be “perfect too”
Fair enough. Expect what you can offer, I agree.
2. That “perfect” guy also knows he has the “goods” women are looking for and typically may not be as honest as to really wanting a lasting relationship; after all he can jump into one pretty much anytime.
A woman can do the same here, there's no difference - so men also should be on the lookout for a woman who jumps ship or trades up.
3. There is also the issue of women and men, who invent an unattainable list of qualities that they know they will never find and that give them an excuse to be miserable. “Oh I just can’t find someone”…. Honestly are you really looking?
I don't assume the people with lists and the people who complain they're not finding anyone are really always the same group of people.
4. Competition…. Do you have to “one up” your friends. That is out do them in the social arena… Are you more concerned about this being picky to impress your friends etc?
I agree with both genders that this happens, and is not a good way to go about things...
5. I’m convinced that at our age (I’m 38) that we bring much more baggage to the table then we realize, myself included.
Bringing a past with you is one thing...but still living in it or still reacting to it and subjecting an SO to it is quite another. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:03:14 AM | I agree with Beth23's comments....just being in a relationship for the sake of it is no fun. Been there done that...I think anybody that would want to just be with anybody is a little needy and probably needs to work out some things.
I also agree with the previous poster about "baggage"....nothing wrong with it unless you are stuck on talking about a past relationship with your new guy/gal. I cant think of more of a turn-off. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:10:09 AM | | Girl, I'm going to tell you what........ I am a single mom of two boys and that is not what I'm having problems with. I have a big problem with too neat guys! what are they thinking I like my house clean ,but not sterile......I have only been on this site for about 3 or 4 weeks have gone on a few dates but the ones that I find cute are sterile...maybe thats why they are here.....arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 10/23/2008 11:14:07 AM | Nothing wrong with being picky or holding out for what is right for you.
Perfect is all down to the indviduals own perception. There is nothing wrong with having certain expectations. What is wonderful to one person, won't be wonderful to another. If you settle for what you would personally consider second best, there will always be something niggling at the back of your mind, 'have I made the right choice?' 'isn't there someone better out there for me?'. That's not to say there can't be compromises made when forming a new relationship. You just need to decide what will work for you and what won't, and stick to it. As with anything new you are going to discover the bad points to your partner's personality over time, no one is perfect, as there is simply no such thing. Yes there are a lot of people out there with failed relationships and things that would be deemed as 'baggage', but, what would you call baggage? Committment issues are also a thing in this day and age, however, if my father had not given up on his first marriage, I and my siblings would never have been born through his second (which has lasted now for 33 years!). It's all about finding the right person. I also knew a woman who was neurotic about cleaning the house, almost to the point of obsessive, her new boyfriend - now husband I should point out, loved it, as his ex was a slob! It's about finding the qualities and strengths that work well together, not about settling for second best. Be as picky as you want to. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:14:01 PM |
AM I too picky??? So my question is, is holding out for chemistry the wrong thing to do?
Are you kidding?? I'm holding out for more than chemistry!
I mean, you can have chemistry and it still not "be there" for both of you.
I've have chemistry, enjoyed each other's company immensely, etc.
And it still wasn't love and neither of us felt it. There was more to be desired for and from both!
So, if holding out for it to be "right" makes someone picky?
Then, I'm unashamed and unabashedly picky!!! | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:25:37 AM | | Being picky, to me, is demanding more than you can offer back yourself and expect that you will still get it. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:58:01 AM | I'm "picky" but that things I'm looking for are not the norm.
Beauty for me, radiates from within. So if you have a good looking face and body but you're rude, nasty, judgmental or controlling, I might have liked you and been attracted to you in the beginning but after awhile I won't even think you're cute anymore.
This has happened to me many times, even with my children's Dad. Shallow people will say, Oh my goodness, you let him go, he's so handsome, but I'd say, Yeah, whatever.
To me he's a nicely wrapped package w/o content.
Now if you're so, so but kind, loving, affectionate, funny, mature, giving and intelligent, I'll see you as more and more attractive.
But of course, there has to be something initially there to get my attention physically, maybe the eyes, height, build, a walk, a laugh -- something. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:49:00 AM | Yes, I am picky, but not about appearances, material things, or how much someone makes. What matters to me is what the person is made up of, their mannerisms, their goals, beliefs. I do not tolerate abuse of any type, be it physical or mental. Nor do I tolerate games... I'm too old for that. I am holding out for that nice guy, who is honest, reliable, has a genuine smile, is friendly, and has little to no baggage. If I am being too picky? So be it. I won't settle for anything less.
And my mama told me that I shouldn't have to..... so there! Lol ;-) | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/13/2009 1:50:57 PM | | Well its good to be picky...but you should also be realistic. My sister is picky, she wants to date a rockstar...shes single and 40 y.o. never married and starting to realize her dream of dating a rockstar is dumb. Everyone has a idiotic criteria. I do too. You just have to look at what / who you think is attractive and ask yourself...is it unrealistic to want to date a woman that is a 10, that isnt crazy, that wont cheat on me, that is very loving sweet and kind, that is great in bed, and will be a great mom...answer is yes...so changing what you are looking for is not settling its being realistic | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:16:41 PM | If I feel even a little bit uncomfortable around anyway, then I do not anything to do with them... Yes I am picky, I'd rather be alone then lonely with the wrong person...
For instance, I have never been married and I would prefer the same in someone that I go out with... I don't have children, so I'm not maternal..
I am not interested in marriage, so if the guy is looking for marriage and children, then I am not for him in the least...
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jcolsa
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Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 223 | |
| Too Picky
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:22:29 PM | Ladies on the internet can afford to be as picky as they like IT is Their WORLD ! Why not live it love it tall short fat old skinny. It dont matter ask what you like and you will at least get emails making claims they can deliver..
But since you can I just ask PLEASE have some intergrity and be honest.
My personal issue is that you waste my time when I know what I want take the time to read very carely your ad thinking that I would at least be given an email or a chance but instead I either get rejected or dont even get a response.
It bothers me when I see for example someone looking for longterm that has been online for many months and othen years... I am not single because I am picky I am single because I am not given the opportunity
You have many opportunities and still you are here. you are not in longterm mode you are in date mode.
Regardless of who what you put. only a very very small number can claim longterm or friendship. maybe 1 % and I am being very generous and presumptous
but for the majority you are just here to date and will unlikely change that mentality in the near future | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/14/2009 9:36:21 PM |
Regardless of who what you put. only a very very small number can claim longterm or friendship. maybe 1 % and I am being very generous and presumptous
Generous? No
Presumptuous? Absolutely!
Where do you get your statistics from??
Your own experience? Or is there some case study that you are referring to?
Remember this......your online experience is your own.
NOT everyone else's!
And just because YOU think that you meet someone's qualifications doesn't mean that THEY will and THEY get final say.
Also, I highly doubt that you are messaging women that you are not attracted to. So then, you are also not giving opportunity to those that may be interested in you, but you don't find them attractive.......so you don't message them.
And FYI.......This is MY WORLD TOO!!
And I have just as much right to exercise the "NO" feature, which I DO use more than you'd think.
It bothers me when I see for example someone looking for longterm that has been online for many months and othen years...
It shouldn't!
It's called, "Get a Life!!"
Preferably one of your own!
If someone is on a dating site for months or years.......
It simply means that they haven't found the person that they share a MUTUAL attraction AND interest for.
Chances are fairly good that they've done the random dates long before you stepped on the scene.
Chances are REALLY good that they know what they want.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that YOU are it!
And I think that it's safe to say that we ALL want something better than what we've had in the past. | |
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| Too Picky
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:17:04 AM | | I agree with what some people have stated. No one should settle. But people should also have realistic expectations and not have a long list of rigid requiremments. People need to find the perfect medium between those 2 opposite viewpoints. | |
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