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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 1:20:41 AM | If I were your big brother I woulda stomped his ass. Sorry for the lack of advice. I have two sisters and one of them was raped by her boyfriend eerily just like you. Trust me, a brothers blood boils easily.
Ummm... maybe you need to find new friends or change your social life around a bit. The problem probably isn't you but your social setting. Even if there are some elements of your current social setting you can't do without (such as gal friends), it might still be a good idea to focus on a new group of friends, regardless and hope that any good friends from the past still stick around. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 1:49:52 AM | well dear this is going to be a different approach to dealing w/ the situation yet a lot like theropy. I study astrology and in that I do natel charts. Everybody path is different and the way we look and deal with things. What this site will give you is a personality reading, not a fortune cookie thing like you get in a newspaper. You will need to first know your time of birth, date and place. All personalities are based on the frequencies of the planets and there alignments to each other. It gets complicated to try and conceive, but w/ this site you don't have to try and figure an algabra equasion. (pardon the bad spelling) I found it hard to read at first, the truths of the self are hard to digest and the faults there in. But in that you learn and grow and find who you are. And yes you are beautiful from the picture posted ~ and I bet just as beautiful on the inside. Here is the site
respectful peace
www.astro.com | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 2:04:28 AM | Hi Cheri,
I am new here, and posting this a little late in this thread. But, no, your looks are not "pushing" guys away. Like a flower in a garden, each one is unique, beautiful, and one of nature's most prized wonders. Not only are you pretty, but God was showing off his craftsmanship when he made you!
Don't blame yourself for the abuse you suffered at the hands of a cruel person. I know it is tough, but please keep your head up, keep your spirit up and be the flower He wants you to be. Rise above this, I know you can.....
For Cheri (There's A Song - The Garden) by Steverino
There's a song being sung in silence
through this dark, dreary night.
It is heard when a life falls short,
and darkness overcomes the light.
There's a heart that beats with despair,
like an island in the stream.
It's battered by waves from an uncaring world
and driven to its knees.
From one little garden bed,
given care and gently sown,
a miracle of live occurs
when a beautiful rose is grown.
Sometimes the world misses the miracle,
seeing only dirt from which it grew.
It ignores the newborn wonder,
so alive, fragrant and new.
When you look into a mirror,
do you like the image you see?
Is the reflection clear and strong to you,
or is it shrouded by doubt and hesitancy?
Can you see a human treasure?
Can you see a work of art?
Can you see a living, breathing masterpiece
formed by the very hands of God?
Without love and attention,
beautiful things cannot grow.
So there's a song being sung in silence
for a miracle the world will never know.
Rise above this, sweetheart, and show the world the wonder of you. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 2:33:28 AM | Hi cheri sounds like you have hads some bad experiences that have lowered your self esteem and need to feel good about your self again. When we love our selfs and like who we are, other people automaticlly respond to this in a positve way and give us the repect we deserve, if they dont we have the self respect to walk away very quickly.. Sounds like you may benefit from visiting a proff counsellor who helps rape victims and perhaps reading some books on building up your confidence and good self esteem would help. Believe me its worth the effort, True happiness comes from within and only then is it reflected by the outside world, by finding people that truely love and respect us.... Are you worthless? NO YOUR NOT!11 you just believe you are, so other people like the men you meet are reflecting back your believes and treating you like shit... You did not deserve to be raped, dont let this bad experince spoil the rest of your life. Tell yourself every day, regulary that you are a confident and worthy person and you love yourself.. It wont feel true to begin with, and you may find that upsetting, but keep at it , its worth the effort - You can change you life... and you will meet a great guy, I promise -
Good luck | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 2:37:52 AM | Rebecca,
There nothing wrong with your looks, you is a very attractive young woman that trusted the wrong guy. I read your profile and can see that your personality is of a good nature and that you will more than likely make some lucky young man a good wife one day. I must agree with the other when they tell you to seek some professional help with dealing with this matter, either with a therapist or a minister of the church, also inform the police with what has happen to you. Rebecca, please understand that you is not the one that has the problem, it is the jerk off that dishonor your trust and friendship. I am so very sorry that this ugly thing has happen to you and all the other women as well. When a man rape a woman he is showing anger at his own ensercurity and lack of self-esteem, he need to make someone esle feel worse than himself. The best way to hurt him back is to move on with your life and enjoy it to the fullest. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 3:00:59 AM | | my advice, quit throwin a pitty party. this one is played out. the helpless victim. i know it sucks, BELIEVE ME, i know. but bettin for sympothy over this, well, it gets old. suck it in, and get theropy. sorry, i know this is harsh, but somebody had to say it. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 3:34:12 AM | Dear Rebecca,
Please try not to let what a few guys have done or said, be the basis of how you're going to look at yourself for the rest of your life. The truth is you're a very beautiful young lady with hopefully many years left to prove this. These guys that have hurt you aren't even men, they are still boys and what they've done to you is to boost their own self esteem by lower-ing yours. In truth, they have cursed themselves by their selfish and ignorant egos. Anyone who truly Loves is either a daughter or son of the living God. You'll see in the near future that their ways will be their downfalls, while you'll continually be blessed by the Lord. Please believe in Our Lord and yourself, pray to Our Father in heaven and I'm sure you'll be guided to true love and not be deceived by love of the flesh. I know it isn't easy, but you'll end of being blessed and they're continue to be cursed, because of the Spirit of Truth.
-Tommy | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:00:44 AM | Cheri,
Let's get one thing straight: YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS
Secondly, as a paralegal apprentice, I can inform that this person who did this to you can go to jail for a very LONG time. Have you contacted a lawyer or notified the police? If so, I think you should. As I understand it, no one who has suffered a violation of their humanity as such does not want to relive the event but for their to be justice, you should seek some form of legal help.
No one is worthless until they perform acts as such as to take the humanity and dignity of a person. Never think such a thing. To others, namely your family and friends you are worth very much to them. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:57:35 AM | | Cheri: You are not worthless, but priceless and ALWAYS WILL BE. 1)Be sure to share what had happened with someone close to you in your real world, like your mom. Do not be embarrassed to share. 2)Seek counseling by a qualified professional. 3)Notify the authorities so this does not happen to another person. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:02:19 PM | | Noone on here and noone in life really knows who I am. So when I post something it usually means that i know what advice would be good for you. I don't think your looks has anything to do with your relationships going bad (And yes you are a beautiful girl because all females are beautiful within) I think you shouldnt keep going into relationships unless you have a strong feeling that the relationship will work out how you want it to. People shouldn't rush into relationships without really knowing what they want. What you should do is take time alone to think about the type of guy you really want to spend the rest of your life with and once you figure that out it will only be a matter of time until he comes along and sweeps you off your feet. Yes I'ma guy and your not sure if you should take my advice but just think about it. It will hurt nothing if you try all it will do is try to help you find Mr. Right. Well I wish you the best of luck and I know you will find the right guy for you. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:11:54 PM | Oh my God...
Listen, you aren't worthless. Maybe you just need to find and re-verify your own self worth. The guy who raped you on the other hand, IS worthless.
First of all, I know it sounds mean, but, grow a spine. The first inkling a guy is abusive to you in a relationship, get out of it. It's ok to forgive someone, but don't be foolish.
Secondly, As far as your looks are concerned, that almost sounds like a plea for attention. I could be and I'm probably wrong about this. You are a pretty girl, so trust the vote of the majority over anything. Looks don't make a person, the attitude and personality do.
Lastly, Just be yourself. Don't set standards, and don't worry yourself so much about it. May take some time, but the right guy will at least cross your path. From there on out, it's up to you.
Take care, and good luck. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:44:59 PM | ..Hey,
My name is Rebecca, and I am 17...yea I know I am young. Well anytime I get in a relashonship that lasts...it becomes abusive. I stopped trusting guys, and I started becoming interested in guys who werent as popular and were good friend material. Well everytime I start to really like a guy that I KNOW is a good guy, he kind of pushes me away for no reason.
People always tell me that I am "pretty" or whatever...but I dont beleive me. I need someone to tell me the truth. Is my looks pushing guys away? Is the only reason I get cruddy guys because they'll go for anything? If my personality is good enough to be a friend, why nothing more? Is it my looks?
PLEASE someone give me advice
under so confused....
Cheri - you have posted the same exact word for word post under different titles..what is up? I think you have a serious problem with a need for attention or just hearing compliments...it's sad either way, if this really happened or not. Take care of yourself. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:47:47 PM | by no means at all are you worthless, by no means what-so-ever are you unattractive. you need to admit to yourslef you are attrative however. as for the guy that raped you i hope he got punished for what he did. as for the good friend guys they are great you should fond one and before you start becoming good friends if you want a relationship make him yours, (some guys like that) i know i enjoy it when a woman lets me know im more then just a friend. the ones that push you away they are'nt really the greatest people, unless they are pshing you away cause they dont want a relationship in that case they are trying to respect you by staying friends.
my experiance in this realm is slim so do take my advice with a grain of salt and dont use it if you think that what i;ve just said does not help you in the least.
as to the guy that said if i were your brother i would have stomped him, if you were related to me and i found out that the guy did this to you i would have the same reaction. i was brought up old school. Open doors for the lady, treat her like a lady. NEVER EVER lay a hand on a woman in anger. that kinda ground rules in my upbringing. good luck on finding a good man | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:53:02 PM | First you are a very pretty girl, deffinetly not ugly.
Don't blame yourself for what others have done to you, forcing you to have sex with them was their mistake not yours.
Take the advice of the others that have been through the same thing, and get some help, and you should probably make friends with some of them, the moral support should help.
and the next time a man tries to rape or abuse you have them arrested, press charges, and don't back down.
Never take the blame for other peoples actions, you can only control what you do. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 9:30:00 PM | Dear Rainy Amber,
Rape is all about power. He had it and he demonstrated that he had it. You are still in denial about the situation because you would never wish anything bad to happen to your assailant, and the real truth is that you owe it to yourself and also to the unaware women in his future to recapture your own power as an individual, your esteem as a delightful and attractive woman, and your right to control your own sexual identity.
What I am saying is that your rapist must be prosecuted BY YOU either criminally or civilly. If you do nothing he will continue to force himself on the trusting and unsuspecting women that are now, or who will in the future be part of his life. Your silence ratifies your rape and places other women in harm's way.
So, if you dont want to have him arrested (NO really does mean NO!) you at minimum can and must file a civil lawsuit seeking unspecified damages. You are going to need rape crisis counseling and I want him to pay for that.
But, of course, you should also have him arrested; or call the child abuse hotline because since you are not yet 18 and are in fact under age, he is technically a child molester and should be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.
When you recover your power you will feel better and you will have greater self esteem.
You are not "loose change" and you do not have to slut yourself to gain momentary acceptance in any man's bed or the backseat of the car of any guy that you may date, in an attempt to shake the rape experience and feel wanted by other men.
So take a deep breath, get the calender and remember the exact date of your rape, and then call 911 or the child abuse hotline and tell the truth on your rapist.
You have a duty to yourself, as well as a duty to other women who if you remain silent will also be victimized in the future.
He isnt going to change his spots, his behavior will only become more and more flagarant as he searches for limits and finds that you and his other rape victims will enable him as a rapist when no one will come forward and give the testimonty needed to stop him in his sexual assaultive misconduct.
Square your shoulders, take a deep breath, and tell the truth on him.
You are a rape victim. He is a rapist. Any questions?
Judge Reed A. Chambers II | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 9:36:27 PM | Cheriibhggiz,
You are a person of substance, value , and being of value, No one can undo what has happened to you.. I do not know the what have you's that put you in harms way. If you did not agree to what was going on ***it was not your fault****, remember that, and know so many young guys are only after one thing, I have never figured this out because sex taken this way , in no way makes it right, its not love, its just forced sex. Just not right!
I could tell you a lot of things but you need to talk to someone that can get your thoughts straight and correct.
RS | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 9:40:50 PM | You are an attractive young woman who has a whole life ahead of you (that is a good thing). You seem smart and personable in your profile so I will just add my voice to the ones saying that counselling is a good idea and I am sure you will find someone that will fit your life.
tend to healing that wound it is not and never was your fault. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 10:52:52 PM | cheriihuggiz, you are not worthless.
Raped you, the scum sucking pile of $hit, IT had no excuse, did you have IT charged? I sure hope so. To call IT an animal is an insult to the beast, | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 11:22:51 PM | Hey guys...sorry it took me so long to reply. I have gotten SOO many emails and replys on this. It really surprised me......and I took a lot of time to read each and every one of them. I wanted to say THANK YOU SOO MUCH for all the people who took time to share their heart with me. I needed that. Many of you are soo correct. It takes time. I knew that posting that on here might get good advice....but I never knew that so many people would care! Again THANK YOU. For all of you who shared your stories with me...it opened my eyes. I messed up by trusting a stupid boy......a lot of us have. I still hate my looks. Sometimes, expecialy after reading all of this..I look in the mirror and feel ****ing gorgeous. But then again when I'm with other people my age I feel like that ugly little scum in the closet.
Hopefully I can work on that. Oh but for you who left nasty comments saying that I wanted attention. Attention and pitty from who? I posted a question asking for advice on a board for ADVICE dumb shits. So for those who got some sick pleasure of trying to make me feel even worse then I already have......your going to hell :-D.
I made another big stupid mistake in the past couple weeks. I tried drugs, I let loose....I rebeled. It was stupid. My birthday just came up and I am officialy 17 now. Again I can't express how much this all has meant to me.
The story of what happened to me is long....very long...but haunting. My BEST FRIEND in the entire world.......whom I grew up with......it was her brother. He scared me. I did things with him because I was afraid to say no. Then when I did say no....no didn't mean a thing. Now a couple years later......he still tries really hard to get to me. He calls me a skank, says im so ****ing hideous and thats why my crush is repulsed by me. It's like I am going to be tortured for life by him. Arg. With everything that has happend.....expecialy lately of course I am going to feel worthless. But I think that how everyone has took their time to show me that they care....that shows I have some value! That's Gods way of saying something....it means a lot. Thank you guys verry much.
-Rebecca  | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/4/2005 9:29:10 AM | heres two questions you should think about,
What do you not like about yourself? and what can you do to change it? so that you do like who you are..... | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/4/2005 9:49:33 AM | Rebecca there certainly isn't anything wrong with your looks as you are a beautiful young woman. Why guys your age act the way they do is something we as women will never live long enough to understand.
You are so very young and have been through so much already. Having been through what you are going through at your age, I know how you feel, exactly how you feel.
I know that at your age you want a boyfriend, but take it from an old war horse that has been there and try to learn from my mistakes. The best thing you can do is just forget about boys for a time, and if you don't feel good about going to a professional or talking to your mom, talk to another trusted female adult.
Learn to love yourself as you seem like a young woman that is full of life and you need to see the value that you have as a person. In other words you need to heal, before you can go on to have that kind of closeness you want with a young man. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/4/2005 11:29:56 AM | | i just wanted to say that's it not your fault you were raped, and being mistreated in any further realtionships is not either. i think you need to just take a step back and leave the relationship thing for a while. you need to concentrate on yourself and getting your head right, please see a therapist, or at the very least call a rapse crisis center, and get help. after a some time you'll be able to trust men again and get the compaionship you deserve, good luck to you. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/4/2005 12:00:05 PM | | this is such a touchy subject! women who have had this happen to them usually shut down and withdraw from the topic, men automatically want blood. I wish i could wave a hand and undo the evil things we as men have done to women in the past but I'm sorry to say it is only a dream, only through education and strict harsh penalties can we hope to slow this disease down. I said disease because only a rabid person would do such a thing to another human being! but first and foremost remember it was not your fault, you are a person who does or did not deserve this and the most important thing, charge him or her and stop this now so someone else does not fall to the same fate! Get some professional help and put them away so they get help also. | |
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