| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:40:26 PM |  O h sweet angel
You are worth more than all those cruddy Guys ''
And yu need to get some help asap so that yu may save yur self worth ''
Yu are a Beautiful person and need remember that inside and out ''
I have been through it myself but much younger than yu and yes Time doe's heal but yu don't always forget but learn to handle it and know that through the years these things are Lifes Lessons '' And there is someone out there for yu Little one and
They will Love you and all of yu
So please Get that help and start anew Life a Happy one  s
Love and light
witchbiz | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 5:01:40 PM | Advice from a gay man who thinks he has dealt with any self esteem issues...
... DON'T TRY SEEKING ANY FORM OF APPROVAL FROM GUYS (or women if you're a lesbian or straight man)
hopefully your councillor might help you out. You're young, your insecure and dont know what this means. you're a bit dumb and hang out with the 'in' crowd. its ok you'll probably reach a higher understanding later darlin!! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:08:05 PM | | You are not worthless its in your head. I dated a girl that was raped and she couldn't let me in. I never asked about it never pushed it but she still couldn't. You have to think your worth something. She always kept saying she never felt when I told her I saw something in her she wouldn't see it. The guy that did this to you should be shot in my mind. You are worth something. You just have to see it too. Don't let this control you. | |
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wryter
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Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 505 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:27:46 PM | girl.. u need to not sweat what guys think or say.. definately in your position ! guys are pigs, an im a guy, but i aint all guys.. im happily hooked up but my girl moved back home an its up to me to trust her.. i've had 2 past bad relationships where i was ****ed over but u cant judge everyone because one was bad ! ya know ?! im sorry to hear your experience, not everyone can experience that, but regardless your looks, no one deserves what you got... you are pretty already to me based on your openness an personality, an i dont even know you !! u got alota guts to put that out there an request opinions from strangers. i believe you'll be fine in the future.. someone with your experience deserves nothing but greatness from another person. an i really think you'll find it ! dont judge people as people wont always judge you, take me for example! i aint everyone, but i am someone, an my opinion should count ! haha ! im playin, but seriously, i dont judge you ! if u need someone to kick it wit im here, aaaaight ?! get back at me, take care of yaself, an i hope to hear from ya soon..
g'night | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:32:45 PM | Your 17.. are you old enough to be on this site?
I was almost raped twice when young ran away both times. Yes it was hard to get over.. dont know if you ever get over it. Its just apart of your past and therefore part of you.
I know what you mean about the pretty thing.. its a blessing and a curse but you know the opposite is the same.
You can/will get cheated and miss treated in this life no mater what.. until you learn to be smart enough not to. I still am not always smart enough.
Like my dad always said.. no one said that life was going to be fair.. so just step up to the plate and deal with it and quit wining. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:36:05 PM | I have to admit I haven't read all the posts on this forum, but I am so encouraged by all the support offered on the pages I have read.
OP - I think the problem that I carry from being raped as a little girl, is almost opposite of what you were saying about your looks. It is because you are beautiful that boys (who think they are men) think that because they are attracted to you they have a right to you. I get uneasy when a man wants me, a hangover from the past. In a really perverse way I almost always go to men who don't want me. I am 53 and just getting over many of the hangups that came from abuse. Do the therapy in whatever form is comfortable and effective for you. God bless you for putting your honest words in a post. You have helped many of us, and in a sad way it is comforting to know that it has happened to many, and you are not alone. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:41:45 PM | | There is a saying which goes "We teach people how to treat us". Basically, this means that if we want people to have respect for us, we need to have respect for ourselves. We need to set boundaries with others and tell them where they stand with us. We have to let others know what we will and will NOT tolerate. Anyone can have a boyfriend if they are willing to "settle". Is it possible that you have some childhood issues which need to be dealt with? We get many messages from our childhood which influences the decisions we make on a daily basis. Chances are that you are a very beautiful young lady. What you need to focus on is that you are a beautiful woman on the inside first. You will only be able to acknowledge this when you truly accept who you are and not let the opinions of others influence you. You do not need a partner to make you feel whole or worthy. You need to be emotionally healthy yourself before you can give of yourself in any relationship. Better to be alone than to be abused in any relationship. Work on the inner YOU first and the right man will come along who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:41:45 PM | Listen Babe. You are only as worthless as you believe you are. I know being raped is hard to cope with, but pick yourself up and move on. Deal with the mental anguish and the emotional scars. The physical signs are probably long gone, or will be. You have a full life ahead of you. Don't let this destroy it.
And maybe you should post his photo, address, and other relevant information online so other women wil know who he is, and so the real men can handle his punk ass.
Good luck.
NSD- | |
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| I have a question....
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:52:23 PM | Good point... I couldn't understand why this girls profile wouldn't come up. I assumed it was because I'm new at this. Thanks for the heads up.
So, that means this girl is now 19, I wonder how she's doing. I hope she got  | |
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| I have a question....
Posted: 8/21/2007 12:01:06 PM | A person really doesnt know how it feels unless you've been in those shoes. At the age of 16 I was a virgin and raped at gun point by my "best" friends cousin....He told me if I ever told anyone about what happened he would come back and kill me. For years he would come around town and remind me. The anger built up enough inside that it helped me move on and I was no longer scared of him. sounds crazy but it taught me how to keep my guard up around men. I think it also made me a stronger person and I learned to love myself no matter how the world around me saw me.
I've recently met a guy off POF and he asked me how many guys I have slept with in my life, when I told him, he laughed at me because my "numbers" are low. He told me being raped doesnt count! How does this not count?? I was a virgin, I lost my virginity...thats something I cant just get back. I told him I dont sleep with everything that comes my way, I have Respect for myself. He said respect has nothing to do with it, he said I only worry what others think of me. I love myself enough and care about myself that i dont sleep around, and I worry about that stuff called "STD'S". 
Time heals.  | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2007 3:17:02 PM | | back in 1989 and 1990 i did volunteer work for the rape victims assistance program. you should not post this information about yourself, only cops, counselors, some trusted family members and friends, and a very good lawyer should know this about you. do not endanger yourself by telling strangers about this. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2007 4:26:18 PM | | how would it endanger her? Only way I can see it endangering her is that people realize that they can rape her and she won't tell anyone . had a girlfriend that this happened to starting when she was 6 with a friend of a family, then her cousin who was told by the his friend that her pussy was good and that he should try, then her uncle the uncles father, then her mother's boyfriend her mother told the boyfriend about the time she was 6-8 by the friend (her mother thought it was consentual at the time and beat the shit out of her, she didn't find out it was rape until she was 14 but still called her a whore and wished that she gets aids and dies), he responded by saying that if that had happened to his daughter that he would kill the guy. Her mother promptly gave him they key to the apartment and forced her into situations that she would be alone with him. For example he would suggest to give her a ride to school after giving the mother a ride. She couldn't refuse or leave early because her mother would call her a whore and beat her so that lasted for over a year, and then her younger brother who was also told by the mother while she was sleeping but she was able to quickly kick him off upon waking up. With my help she told her mother about the bf and brother but her mother refused to believe her and her mother gave free reign over her brother to get physcial (shove her, tell her what to do) in front of her and if she said something she'd get smacked by the mother. Honestly, I don't see getting raped once or twice that big of a deal since I've been with this girl thats been raped regularly numbering in the hundreds. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2007 9:10:53 PM | | rape is rape. whether it happens once, or happens a hundred times. does the person who gets raped 101 times feel it more than the person who got raped 77 times? seriously...it almost ruined my life | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 8/21/2007 9:29:20 PM | Dear Miss, YOU are NOT and I repeat Not worthless. YOU have great value also YOU have great worth. YOU did NOTHING wrong, they did. Rape is all about control period. Just remember YOU are WORTHY and YOU are VALUABLE. Hold YOUR head up high YOU have Nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of YOU and others will see the YOU that YOU are. Be Proud ---Be True to--YOURSELF. Someday, yes prince charming will show up when YOU are ready. Do not let the storms of life stop YOU from accomplishing YOUR goals.
Miss., Make YOUR own destiny by believing in YOURSELF. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/5/2007 8:23:08 PM | seems as if there is something that these "not so popular" guys sense. Some of the threads indicate therapy, but have you actually sought out some kind of help. The not so popular guys are just reacting to what they are presented with, and the **sholes out there will treat you like crap. Being a friend takes guts, determination and a sense of who you are.
My advise to you,
a: get some therapy - most communities have some kind of help
b: learning to recognize problematic people - something everyone must do (hard to do sometimes)
c: friends are the best people to hang out with at all times - even if you "get involved" with them, they've proven themselves time and time again through the trust of a friendship. Saying that, if there was a break-up, the friendship must always come first.
You have some thinking to do on how to live your life, but my current advise is - abstain from the relationship that goes beyond friendship until you are truly ready. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/5/2007 8:38:21 PM | Sweetheart, YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS, HE IS! I'm an ex-cop with a speciality in sexual assault and child abuse.
1. I beg you, talk to a therapist who specializes in rape and child abuse.
2. You are still beautiful and it's OK to be attractive. You did nothing wrong and no one EVER deserves to be raped and or "asks for it" I've prosecuted men who've raped prostitutes and women who were raped by their husbands'
3. Pray for discernment, God will keep evil people away from you if you do this. Also, stick with your girlfriends and if you drink, keep it safe and sane, or sip on pop.
4. Your body belongs to YOU and you can say NO! at anytime. If he doesn't stop, you're being raped!
Honey, I am so sorry this has happened to you, but you have a long and wonderful life ahead of you. Therapy will help you move past this. You won't forget and anybody who tells you to "get over it" has obviously never been criminally assaulted before or they're lying.
One thing I can promise.....you will be OK!
Lorrie | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/5/2007 11:03:30 PM | Rebecca,
His actions had nothing do with you. He had a terrible childhood, his dad did this, his mom did that, his uncle did something, Et. Et.....
Yet, you are left with dealing with his problems that he created for you. You are dealing with his violation of you emotionally and physically.
If you can do this for yourself:
Occupy yourself so you are not alone to think about it. (I'm not saying that it won't enter your mind in public, it will just NOT TAKE OVER your mind in private if your busy) I believe the most powerful tool that abusers have is isolation of their victims. Their victims are still victims long after the abuser has forgotten about them. Especially if the victim is isolated, and alone with the memories.
You wrote something that tells me you are on the right track. You wrote that you were raped. Many women are raped every day by boyfriends and husbands and don't see it as rape because they were in a relationship with the person. Yet you saw it for what it was. Good for you! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/5/2007 11:19:10 PM | You were raped by your boyfriend? Smoke a little dope do we or what? What a stupid statement? Why would you have a boyfriend who rapes you? Unintelligent-period. Did he only rape you when you weren't in the mood or something? JESUS!  | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/5/2007 11:28:12 PM | Rebecca,
Take Lorrie's advise, seek the help of counselor's even if you don't think there helping.
I know, I was also stabbed and then raped just two years ago. Unfortunately even with the DNA evidence and a victim (me) willing to testify, he was never charged with the crime and the prosecutor said it was his choice who he prosecutes. BUT the bottom line is I live with it everyday, in fear of going out after dark, or even letting people walk behind me still scares me to no end. And to trust another man, FAT CHANCE.
Like someone else wrote, take up poetry or writing a journal. I have written over 250 poems and about 20 songs. It is such a safe haven escape to the pain. When my book publishes in December 07, I'll be sure to forward a copy to you. You will then realize, your not alone BUT also, you can't beat yourself up over this. There's a life out there's and it's yours. Pick yourself up and Live! You will fall in love again, one day, I promise you that.
Good luck and if you need anything, just email...Jenn | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/6/2007 9:43:36 PM | To: Pisces619,
I had to post something out of your profile.....
I'm just so positive, easy to get along with & much fun!
Yet you wrote this to this thread:
You were raped by your boyfriend? Smoke a little dope do we or what? What a stupid statement? Why would you have a boyfriend who rapes you? Unintelligent-period. Did he only rape you when you weren't in the mood or something? JESUS! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/6/2007 9:53:49 PM | | You are not worthless. You're a victim of a terrible crime and I am so sorry to read what happened to you. I think you just need to take a break from the "dating" mindset, talk to a professional about what happened, and focus on school and your future. You probably are very pretty on the outside but are no doubt very beautiful on the inside. And with time and when the right guy comes around, you'll know it. You can get through this. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/14/2007 2:51:49 PM | people, in general, like that make me sick. At 17, life is supposed to be innocent, not traumatic. I've dealt with so many situations of rape whether it was family or girlfriends, and it just seems to become more and more prevalent.
I hope you understand that it isn't your fault. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/14/2007 3:08:48 PM | | sweetheart- please know that you are beautiful, and deserve the best- obviously the poor person who tried to relate to you by trying to take some of your power, sterngth and beauty away has failed! you are questioning all angles and this means that you are beginning to heal and you are starting to get ready for healthy relationships! boundaries, observation and standards- sometimes we can be so desperate for love that rather than taking the healthy route of just loving ourselves and attracting those that love us, we can go for toxic dependant love----pick the first- listen and be honest with yourself about what you hear- guys will tell you- " i'm neurotic" " i gave my heart to the wrong person" "i hurt people" etc. believe them- they need help- not you dragged into their painful patterns- use crystals and vibrators to get to know yourself and your body's responses and emotions around sex, meditate, take baths, journal and trust what you keed- and ask for it- those who can't give what you need to you will let you know by their response- keep giong- victim, next a survivor, then see how this has given you strenght, and insight, forgive them, and live your life to the fullest- there is nothing wrong with you! | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 525 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/14/2007 3:09:42 PM | Wow thats some effed up logic. thats like these bass-akward cultures and primitive chicken sacrificing religions that say women shoudl be stoned if someone rapes them or sisters/daughters/wives should be torutured or killed or humiliated because some 3rd party does something to offend the "family"...JEEEEEE-ZUSSSSS come on you bonehead buncha nutjobs .......millions of you in these stupid ass reject shit-hole countries who believe that crap......wake up and pull yer head out!!!!!!
ok ok ok SORRY.....Im kinda ranting a teeny weenie bit here. and im pretty sure none of these Maroons in these repulsive palces is reading this...but jsut in case!!!!
but OP YOU are doing the same thing these shit-for-brains people in these voodoo countries are doing. You are blaming the woman for something she did not do. You didnt rape anyone. so why do you think that make you a bad person? there is no logic there...same with these goofy arse countries with all the millions of lamebrain shortbus-riding devotees....as they BURN the women for not having enough dowry or execute the women cuz some pervert man looked at her. They kill the baby girls before birth or jsut leave them out to die or sell them into prostitution and then have the gonands to look down on those women. Those people follow that crap because most of the people in those cultures are just blind fools with little to no critical thinking ability and no morals or good sense. their cultre feeds that crap and its hard to break out I suppose.
but YOU!!! You dont live in some back ally cess-pool like those places....you are surrounded by people with more sense that all that. now something happened to mess you YOUR own personal thought process...you need to get help to get your brain back on track....cuz youre waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay lost !!!!
your "worthless" feelings started BEFORE dipshit raped you. You admitted it in your OP....you said he "used to force me..." (which means it happened more than once). you also said he ignored and broke up with you. Girl all thats tellin me is that YOU were stickin around for it.....he did it and you went back for mroe and more and more. THATS EFFED UP!!!! You need someone to help you dig down tot he core of your being and figure out HOW and WHY you managed to get so fvcked up and then to help you sort it all out and put it back together in a logical way. Until then you cant really expect anythign else to go very well for you. youre like a blind person driving on the Interstate....an accident waiting to happen. get help!
merry xmas
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