| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:44:29 PM | | boys ages 14 to 26 have very little control over the functioning of their brain much less their bodies. if you can weather the storm and find one with a little maturity maybe you can find someone who will except you for you! don't just settle we are all special in some way! you don't have to have someone in your life to make you special! be comfortable with you! then once you know who you are someone will come along that you can resect too! DON'T JUST SETTLE FOR WHATEVER COMES ALONG! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:48:52 PM | No one on this planet is worthless, especially you.
Although I can not relate to the experience you had gone through, all I can say is that when you are able to get past this horrible event in your life, you will at that point be able to be more powerful than he ever was.
By that I mean, for as long as it remains a part of your day to day life, in the non trusting of men (and trust me I do understand why you feel that way, as I know for a fact I would), he and his actions have control of you. When you are able to get past this event, and open yourself up once again to others, you will have taken over your true identity.
Although this event was amazingly and brutally wrong, it is a part of who you are now, and as hard as it may seem to comprehend, you can actually make something good happen from this. Maybe when you feel that you are able to get past this traumatic event, you can assist other teenage women who have experienced this type of abuse, to also pull through. Always strengths in numbers. And it would be a great way to prove to yourself that you are worth a lot more than you think. We all know your not worthless, and now its time for you to see what we see.
I strongly agree with the others that it would be a great assistance if you were to get counseling, but always remember things happen for a reason, you have a chance to help other people overcome this as well, based on your experiences.
And for the guy who did this to you.... I have a feeling he will find out what you experienced when he is rotting in a cell somewhere, by some guy named Bubba | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/21/2007 10:57:30 PM | | you are better off to stay away from guys at your age. men 17 and older are usually very imature and cant handle commitment ,most just want sex if not all. guys will usually want a girl for sex and do anything or say anything to them to get it and when they do they dump the girl. so be nice and respect yourself you dont need a guy to be happy in life. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/21/2007 11:04:07 PM | | I will advise you of one thing - YOU'RE NOT WORTHLESS--only a worthless guy would have to rape to have his way with you. Whatever worth you put on yourself, that is what you are. There is nothing that builds up self worth better than education, and here's hoping that you find out what makes you happiest, and pursue it to be the best there is at whatever you decide on, and thank God yours is a generation in which ladies can live long happy lives without depending on a man's higher income level. Best wishes, and you being worthless is simply someone feeding b.s. into your brain--don't listen. | |
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gtokid
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Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 530 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/22/2007 8:00:27 AM | Ohh my, hope you are ok?
I really wish I could do something to stop guys doing such things to girls, it's awfull.
I really feel for you, if there is anything I can do just say.
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/22/2007 11:05:19 PM | This thread is over 2 years old; but this is the first time I've seen it. I've read most of the replies and am just appalled at how many people could relate because of a similar situation.
This is just horrible. I know I'm a lot older and people are sexually active much earlier today....but at 17 I barely knew what sex was.
I do know from my volunteer work that there are rape crisis centers in most towns now...and you have given very good advise.
It is just sad that so many of you had first hand knowledge.....bless you all.
Becca | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/23/2007 1:39:48 AM | Rebecca,
I'm truly sorry this happened to you. As everyone else has said, you need to get yourself into therapy or counseling as soon as you can. As for your subject of this thread, you are not worthless because some creep took advantage of you and forced you to do something you didn't want to. Don't -ever- let anyone tell you you are worthless because of it.
As for your looks, I don't think looks matter. They just might not be attracted to you as anything more than a friend. I wouldn't start assuming that it's you, that is a very nasty trap to fall into. And one that is incredibly hard to get yourself out of.
By cruddy guys, I assume you mean the ones who are abusive? Unfortunately, they tend to prey on the weak and vulnerable. And after something like a rape happening, you're going to be very vulnerable. I would recommend having some you time for a while and not worrying about relationships. You've got lots of time, you're still young =)
Pisces619: Just because she is his girlfriend, that doesn't mean he has any right to have sex with her if she says no. Rape is still rape, no matter if you're his girlfriend or not. NO ONE has any right to touch your body unless you deem it so, and from the sounds of the OP, she was not a consenting party to the act. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:27:41 AM | I didn't read all the threads - I sure hope no-one else posted anything as utterly stupid as the comment made by Pisces619 - hasn't he just advertised himself as pure menace?
Healing does take time, effort, help and understanding. Your self worth has nothing to do with the decisions and events of other people's ignorance and selfishness. You cannot be made "worthless" because of something someone else has done to you.
Become a woman of power again, sometimes the odds are just plain stacked against us - it doesn't make us any less the warrior. The Spartans "lost" at Thermopolyae against greater strength of numbers but losing a battle does not make anyone a loser.
Your best battle will be to live powerfully again - in that, I have every confidence you will truly win. You have already proven your "worth" by your courage to go on.
God Bless | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:34:52 AM | | I sure wish someone could help me make sense instead of calling me names. I think I have a VERY valid point here. Cmon people, the guy was her Self Proclaimed Boyfriend whom she most willingly chose to be best friends with & carry on a relationship with even with his continued phisical advances. I'm sure if she wanted him to leave her alone at any point she could have gotten a court order. Her predicament just dont make no sense (scratching my head) | |
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venusv
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Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 536 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/27/2007 9:53:58 AM | | I'm so sorry that you went through this, you aren't worthless, you are more precious than you could ever know. Find somebody qualified to talk to and be strong. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/27/2007 10:10:50 AM | Ladies et al,
I'm 52 years old and female. In the course of my life I've had some really bad things happen to me and as a result my self esteem plummeted. It took me many years to figure out why I kept attracting the wrong kind of people and surprisingly enough, it was something I wasn't doing that I should've been doing. I didn't love myself. In order for other people to love and respect you, it is necessary for you to love and respect yourself first. I don't care what has happened to you or how horrible the men you've been involved with have been, they can't change the person you are deep inside unless you let them. So stop letting them. Decide today that you are a good person. That you deserve to be loved and respected by others because you are a good person and then stick to it. If you meet someone and they don't treat you that way then stay away from them. Make it a point to be around positive people instead of negative ones. It's very, very true that we draw either bad or good to us by our own attitude towards ourselves. So BE POSITIVE! I hope this will help in some way. Good luck! jesse | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:26:03 PM | | Okay number one, get into councelling, number 2, being pretty does not make you worth while , it is who you are that counts. You had something completely horrible done to you, I am 32 and was raped at 15 and is infact how I lost my virginity. You need to realize this is NOT your fault, your ex is a complete monster and the only good thing he ever did for you was dump you, cause now you are free from that abuse. i need you to take a long hard look at yourself honey. Of course you have trust issues and self esteem issues, you had someone stomp all over you and treat you like a loser until you started to believe it. Men are most likely pushing you away because you still think of your self in these ways. What you need right now is a good councelor and some time to love yourself before you move into any more relationships. Take a break, being in a relationship does not make you whole, pretty or special. It is loving yourself that makes you all those things. Then I need you to think about one more thing, I never reported my rape and it ended up two years later i found out about 4 more girls that guy had raped after me, had I been brave and reported him, 4 more people would not have had to face such a horrible experience. think about that before you let this guy get away with it! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:37:07 PM | | Always remember "NEVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU THINK YOUR WORTH", you have to look on the inside out, no-one can heal you, make you happy unless you do yourself. No-one can hurt you unless you allow them to. Victims, what are they? A true victim will only ever be a surviver!!!! Seek the help and guideance you need, heal, write a journal, but don't ever put yourself in that situation ever again. Learn, what has happened to you, think of it as building the foundations to a stronger you, never depend on someone else to make you happy. Accept yourself for who you are. Your 17yrs old you've got a whole life ahead of you, travel, study hard and experience life to the fullest. Always remember the simplest things in life are the best, take a deep breath and live for yourself. There is no need to rush in, males, what are they? Between puberty and mid to late 20's it's mostly about sex, sex, sex............................ | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:41:10 PM |
How can it be rape if she's willingly the guys girlfriend? WTF?????? If she says NO and he does it anyway, it's rape. I hope your daughter (when and if you ever have one) never has to endure a rape and the subsequent idiotic comments like this one. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:41:19 PM | | im shocked as a man to find out what happened to you.this dog wants strung up and cut from guts to garter.yes i know there will be people out there saying this isnt an answer but a tooth for a tooth?.when someone says no it means no.people should respect that and judjemental people get off ur high horse this is a horrific crime that needs a steel hand,i hope this girl gets the help she needs,puts it behind her and i hope i meet the guy in a very,very dark alley help him i was gonna put god help him but s+++e like him dont deserve god!!!!!!i would love to harm him!!!! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 6:50:06 PM |
Pisces619: Just because she is his girlfriend, that doesn't mean he has any right to have sex with her if she says no. Rape is still rape, no matter if you're his girlfriend or not. NO ONE has any right to touch your body unless you deem it so, and from the sounds of the OP, she was not a consenting party to the act.
This looked like a clear explanation to me. Whether she was a girlfriend, friend, stranger, or otherwise, she is a human being.
So I assume the real problem was she didn't have a gun or was too young to get one?
huh? you're not on the same page yet. The real problem is some jerk has zero respect for other human beings. I haven't come across many girls who keep weaponry trained on their boyfriends in case of bad behaviour. ...come to think of it though....it just might cut down on the bad behaviour. Lorena Bobbit should hold seminars! Would cure that repeat offender business anyway. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:00:34 PM | Rebecca-
I have been there myself and it is never easy. I can tell you the best advice I ever heard that always rang true...We attract people who are a reflection of how we see ourselves. So if you feel like you are not worthy, attractive, beautiful, or worth respect and have an overall negative view of yourself, you will attract nothing but negativity. Self esteem is a hard, hard, hard thing to build especially when you have gone through what you have gone through, and basically have no self esteem left. You must build yourself up Rebecca, you must realize in this life that you only have yourself...come to love who you are and everything there is to Rebecca. Seek counseling if you can, I know not all of us (me for example) did not have that option. Its something that just takes time...you have to begin healing from the inside out. At this point, its probably better if you don't get involved with anyone until you have worked up to your true potential and become the beautiful person that you were always meant to be. When you look in the mirror, say to yourself "Rebecca, I love you, you are my best friend, and I am proud of who you are"...once the self-hating stops and the self-loving begins...I promise everything else will fall into place. You just have to work at it and be patient. If you need anything just send me a message...anytime. Take care beautiful soul.
~Elizabeth | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:01:19 PM | Hey - first cut out the 'worthless' part. You are human and you were in the wrong place with the wrong person. You are not worthless - we all make mistakes and just learn from yours.
Why not just concentrate on you? What do you want to do with your (very valuable) life. College, a trade, own business????? Focus on this like your life depended on it - and it does. Scope out every relationship and choose the person wisely but always place you in the forefront - you and your future first!!
So you had a rough time - well it's over unless you pick it up again. I know this computer thing can seem very cold, but I feel the time I put into 'talking' to you is worth it - and if you were truly worthless, then why should I bother?
Take all the good things about you (and I am sure there are many) and put them to work to build your life. Be well, find some nice friends and please ,please, look around you and realize many others have it a lot worse!
God Bless | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:05:38 PM | Oh my god you poor thing. I am so sorry that that happened to you. I hope you are getting counselling for this because I am a firm believer in that. Please, please take care of yourself.
I am sure you are an absolutely beautiful person outside and in and if people (guys) can't see the inner beauty in you then they don't deserve you. I have just litterally learned a few new things myself tonight about self esteem and the way people treat you. If you write to me privately I will explain my issue as to why guys have a problem dealing with me. "Take me as I am or don't take me at all it's your problem not mine" The pond is full of very kind and considerate and caring people so you came to the right place. There are many tremendous people on here so don't give up we are all here to help and support you in anyway we can.
Please talk to your family and friends for the support but of course you should speak with a professional in order to assist you with the appropriate coping skills.
Take good care of yourself and always remember you are absolute never worthless!! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:13:33 PM | hi rebecca you are doing nothing wrong you have to like yourself first and then it will all fall into place dont go looking for a man just carry on with your life always be happy with a smile on your face and your mr right will come to you believe me dont think that you have to have someone in your life to be happy i have been through the same thing as you but it was my husbsnd not my boyfriend you are a bueatiful person and always remember that caz xxx  | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:32:48 PM | Look sweety go to therapy and talk it out with someone. No one should deal with this by themselves. And you know what your probably a really nice girl and they probably fell as though they don't deserve you but you will find that one guy who will not push you away I did and he's really nice. Trust me talking it out with someone helps a person I know was raped and they had so much anger then they gradually started talking about it to a therapist and slowly they learned to deal with it. And its not your fault that there a.s.s.h.o.l.e..s | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 8:42:31 PM | | The first thing I need to stress to you is that your looks or anything about you could not have caused a rape to happen. It is a very sick individual who forces his will in anyway on a woman. As for anyone else that comes into your life until you deal with the trauma from what happened to you, it is going to be very hard to have a healthy normal attachement to anyone. Most of us rush into things when we are hurting because it soothes us and causes a distraction from our real feelings. Do yourself and anyone else a favor by dealing with your feelings of low self worth before you try to enter any type of relationship. You will be a much healthier and stronger person for it. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 10/28/2007 9:43:41 PM | | You know, that happened to me too. After I was raped I became the "slut." Eventhough my rape was a few years ago, every time I go through a break up I tend to gravitate back toward the "slut" stage. I'm trying so hard not to this time. | |
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