Asper
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Joined: 11/13/2003
Msg: 51 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/4/2005 12:28:37 PM | Ive been through a similar situation. I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend. It would have ended in rape if it had not been for someone walking in.
I suggest going to your parents. you dont have to tell them which boyfriend it was. But your parents wont blame you and then you'll have an actual physical support system.
Its going to take a long time to get over this. mine happened 6 years ago and I still dont trust men. but slowly make friends with guys. Just friends. and do go to therapy. If I had gone straight away I would probably be more sure of things around me.
as for your pretty issue. yes you are good looking. no that isnt always what gets a guy.
you need confidence and self esteem which have unfortunately been ripped to shreds by that ***hole guy. Therepy and support from friends and family will repair this. Also telling yourself that you are beautiful smart and confident helps. If you still dont feel you are good looking try and work on another area. Like being humorous or athletic or artistic. Someone with a great personality and self esteem can get any person they want. unless theyre married. or dead. you know.
if you were feeling really vindictive you could charge him with sexual assault or rape but its up to you.
thats all I can think of. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/4/2005 3:54:18 PM | You're SO not worthless dear!!!
If ANYTHING you are STRONG!! You learned a lesson dear...and climbed the mountain too!! (We all have pains that hurt us BUT the test of character is how you dealt with it....and bounced back STRONGER than you were)
*shrugs*
I think you're beautiful.
You are young my dear dear girl. THAT is why you get pushed away.
It has happened to us all for so VERY many reason dear.
I promise this to you.....ok?
(I dont make promises alot)
I think you'll be ok. (SO go be ok..k?)
You track down all your dreams.
*shrugs*
n I'll go do the same. (ONe day..you will notice...that some boy is tracking the exact same dreams as you)
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/5/2005 7:32:57 PM | I've been raped three times...one of those by my first husband...and I can relate completely to the self-image problem. It literally breaks something inside of you when you are so violated.
I strongly suggest therapy for what you have been through, otherwise you may have difficulty to see men objectively again.
It took me a long time to come to terms with it all. My concern is that you continue to attract this type to yourself (as I did for a long time) and fail to recognize the risks.
I wish there was more I could say or do as I have a soft spot for women who have gone through this as I have...but chin up my dear...you ARE a beautiful woman...that is painfully obvious and know that your self image is just distorted by the experience right now...in time that will change too.
Take the non sexual love you can get from other women maybe ...and take all the time you need to open up to men again...you can honour your own healing process...and needn' feel pressured by it. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:25:38 PM | Rape is violent and controling and a need for sociopaths. He is the worthless one. Your feelings about yourself should be altered from the negative to positive ones through any means neccessary. Counseling, close friends that believe in you and your importance to them,and self assertions to yourself that you love yourself and you will be treated by others with respect. this means giving yourself the OK to respect and love yourself. NO one can do this for you except you. I walked that path and after many miserable relationships.. stopped.. stood back and really took a look at myself and why I felt I needed to deal with "losers.".. After very little thought... that should have been done years before... I realized I didn't.
Neither should you, or anyone else in an abusive ,controling relationship. Just remember.. the most dangerous time for someone who is "escaping" from this.. is when you start to leave. Have a support network, a safehouse.. even the police if you have received any threats form the one that you are leaving. Even something minimal has caused severe injuries, and even death. Please be safe and always aware of what might develope. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/5/2005 9:05:25 PM | YOU ARE NOT, AND NEVER WILL BE, WORTHLESS BECAUSE OF A RAPE!
The only worthless one is the b**tard who DID that to you. Rape is never, EVER a woman's fault; you have to believe that for truth before you can ever move on. Definitely get a female counselor, confide in your parents, and, though it will hurt, seek to have him punished for what he's done. Not only for your own peace of mind & closure, but also to save any other unfortunate female from his worthless hide.
Secondly, you are far from ugly. You are beautiful, and let no one ever tell you otherwise. What you're seeing sweetie, is what you feel is dirt from what he did to you. Once you have wiped it away emotionally & mentally, you will see how lovely you truly are, inside & out.
Surround yourself with love, the support of friends & family you trust, seek professional counsel, and you WILL live fully again sweetie. Believe in that. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/5/2005 9:26:56 PM | Cheri, hon, I'm so sorry that has happened to you... I did have a simular experience that I will not get into, but I just wanted to write you and let you know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are absolutely gorgeous.
Deffinately get some counseling, even if it is a school counselor or a chruch leader... But most importantly, slow down. You are young and have so much life ahead of you... Just relax and have fun being you.
As far as your relationships go, revel in the simplicity of friendships! Think about it, a friend, you can slob around in jeans and t-shirts in front of, boyfriends are much more complicated... And once one of those guys realizes he enjoys just being around the beautiful person you are on the inside, you'll know i he wants more.
You are a beautiful child of God, you deserve the very best a true heart has to offer.
Sincerely,
K. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/5/2005 9:38:00 PM | | you beutiful and I never met you. how ever all guys are scum and some more than others I apologize for the stupid men in your life and hope you find happyness one day | |
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MikeJ
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Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 59 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 1:44:52 AM | *sigh*.
1) You're right you shouldn't believe it - you're absolutely hideous.
2) There are 200 kinda nerdy guys at your school that would love to date you. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 6:34:50 AM | first i must comend the ladies that have come forward to help
it sounds better coming from them (no offence guys)
but i will say this i have bin with only 2 weman in my life and both have had to go through what you did and i dont wish this act on my worst enemy
second this group of ppl have said it all
and i only think one thing is left to say about this topic
and that is
TO GET A HUGE HUG FROM SOMEONE YOU TRUST
and in this situation i would suggest mom mabe if the relationship is good
or a very good girl friend
oh yes one more thing
your looks and you as a person do not give any person the right to do what has happened to you
this was not your fault and this act will never make a woman or man a slut as you out it for any reason
i wish you the best of luck in this jouney of yours
you are still young and there is still plenty of the would left to see
good luck to ya   | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 7:42:18 AM | Hi Rebecca!
This is already a month late, but maybe you are still interested in some input. I am sorry to hear that you have been forced into sexual activities with your ex-boyfriend.
Have you ever thought about why you still stayed with him and why was it 'him' that dumped you after raping you and ignoring you for three days? I don't want to make you feel guilty, so please don't try to. I just want to point out that we get ourselves in situations everyday that seem foolish and even when we are aware of that we carry on for some reason, there seems to not be much of a choice.
I want to tell you about a theory, which is very old and has been realized by very wise men and woman. Well it is a theory for us, because we can only experience it to some extend, but these wise people have relized it face to face.
Everything you do today will have some result in the future- near future or far future, maybe in another lifetime, if you believe in reincarnation. Even in the bible tyhey say - if you do good, you'll earn heaven, if you do bad you'll be in hell - or - as you sow, you shall reap. It is the cosmic law of cause and effect. Everything you send out, will be coming back to you - externally as an event, or internally as an emotion, or both. So, the experiences we are going through in our daily life are merely situations attracted in the past by our past actions.
If you whitness this understand this from the bottom of your heart, you'll be at peace with anything that might happen to you. But for now, I think you are doing good, seeking for help. Just be very selective on the internet, which people you want to listen to. I read some of the responses and I think some are helpful and some very misleading.
You are blessed with good looks and intelligence. The good looks will attract the players, so use your discrimination. I think it's great that you are looking for friend type boyfriend. It will give you much more joy. We all love sex, but it isn't that attractive when it stands by itself. It becomes beautiful and endlessly joyful when it comes along with caring, tenderness, sharing, sympathy, intimacy, innocence, selfless love. So, you see, a friendship is a must for a relationship to make it intimate.
Wish you good luck and insight!
And be careful of the many vampires out there and don' become one yourself!
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 7:56:05 AM | | That is disgusting...My heart goes out to you!...No. You've a very attractive you lady...I'm sure there is NOTHING wrong w/you...I strongly suggest you seek professional help for the trauma you endured...Best of luck! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 7:57:20 AM | First of all, it hurts me tremendously that a bright young girl is letting herself be so exposed on this website. DO NOT REVEAL YOUR REAL NAME AND PICTURE AND TELL PEOPLE YOU WERE RAPED! I believe in the goodness of people, but there are many menacing ones too who are waiting to prey on someone as vulnerable as you. I can only offer advice, what you do is up to you.
It also hurts that you were raped. How does that make YOU worthless! When I see a dog being kicked, I do not see that dog as being worth less than one that is treated well. The dog is a VICTIM, but their worth is the same. Would you value a dog less because the owner is abusive? The abuser is worthless. The pet is beautiful and trusting and loving, but people will take advantage, does that mean the pet is doing something worong. TUrn this around, who is the one that did something wrong here? NOT YOU, THEM!! Your value will never change, before or after any abuse. I hate to tell you bad things happen to good people, don't definfe yourself by what people throw at you.
People have a tendency to neglect beautiful things everyday, sculptures, art, nature...does that mean the sculpture has done something wrong???
you are very pretty, do not sell yourself to the lowly creeps, AIM HIGH, you ARE WORTH IT!!
Yes, I do go on, it just hurts me to hear what you have gone through. At least once a day tell yourself you are beautiful, whether you believe it or not, what does harm does it do to be nice to yourself when the world is not so kind? | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 2:10:07 PM | You are someone and don't let any idiot male or female say different. Just live your life, make friends, and explore things when you are ready. Find someone you can talk to and find some real friends not the ones who like you when you have something you want and then you will someday get back to the person you want to be. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 3:32:12 PM | I often tell my women friends how to hit a guy in the b*lls for maximum pain. If it comes down to him or her hurting...
And for the Americans, you have a decent 'right to bear arms.' If you can, utilize this... | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 10:29:11 PM | You are very pretty, and don't think otherwise. Some men are just scum. I remember consolling a girl in my first year in university, who was raped by one of her best friends who had never gotten the chance to *ahem* 'break her in' during his highschool years, and was pretty ticked. He waited until one night when there was a big party on campus and got her loaded, waited till she was coming in and out of consciousness and then took her back to her room and did what he wanted. I wanted to tell her earlier that I didn't think he was that good of a friend to begin with, but I passed it off as male jealousy....
Just wait, someday someone won't push you away, but pull you closer, and it will be worth the wait. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 5:35:11 AM | | I've read all the responses so far to your post. Everyone has been great with their own advice, some better than others. I agree with Judge Reed A. Chambers II. Press charges against the **stard. I can't add much more except to all especially the ladies, enrole in a course that teaches self defense on this subject & also get professional help to build up your self esteem & realize this wasn't your fault. Maybe, if this ever happens again it will give you just enough time to get the hell away from him & get help. Rape is about power & control & the ones that do it belong nutless in prison for life. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you like a queen. Don't let this experience stop you from meeting one of them. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:14:25 AM |
first i must comend the ladies that have come forward to help
it sounds better coming from them (no offence guys)
There are some things that women will be able to offer that men can't, true.
However, men who are willing to help her will: 1) help show it wasn't her that did anything wrong; 2) show that not all men are like that; 3) help her restore some trust in men (I'm not just talking about relationships, but in everyday situations). | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:46:47 AM | | when i was your age i went to a party with some people who i thought were my friends. i started drinking thinking that my friends would look after me and wouldnt let anything happen to me. there was a guy at the party who slipped the date rape drug into my drink i passed out and when i woke up it was to him raping me. for the longest time i thought that there was something wrong with me that somehow i had provoked this guy to rape me. because of that incident i fell into a pattern of picking guys who were worthless and not worth my time. i let these guys convince me that i was nothing and never would be. it took me almost six years to get myself out of that frame of mind. if i were you i would take some time out from dating until you can figure out why you are attracting these guys and why they seem to be attracted to you. you are so much better than that and you need to realize that. you deserve to be treated good. and it has nothing to do with your looks. i promise you. guys will tear down your self esteem to make you vunarable and thats how they get their control over you. don't ever let any one especially some guy have control over your life and dictate how you feel about yourself. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:57:04 AM | | I know how you feel.ITs totally not your fault.Report it to the police if you havent.And from what i can see your way too beautiful to even feel that way.The people who do these crimes deserve to be shot.And I also think some counseling never hurts.If you havent already you may wanna have a chat with God. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:07:21 PM | Listen sweetheart....first things first!
You are a beautiful young woman!
Secondly.....go get some healthy help! Counseling is a great thing if you work through it. Stop the cycle now....I am a domestic abuse survivor...trust me to stop it and figure it out now.
When you find the "right" guy.....this horrible experience in your life will not be an issue to even give thought to.
Keep yourself sacred....you're 17.....life can be beautiful....experience it!!
Sooo much to say.....hang in there. I can be any kind of support you need.
michigal10 | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:15:35 PM | I really dont have much advice to right now cause I dont even know you but I can say that you are a very beautiful female and any man would be so lucky to be with you but if you want to tal i am always around. If we could talk I could give you more feed back. Just remeber you are not worthless or I ugly that guy who raped is just a piece of shit and donsent even deserve your time or thoughts. So drop me line sometime and we can talk.
Sincerly Lonlybob
P.S heres a hug 4 you | |
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