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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:24:09 PM | | Do everything you can to make yourself a better person, stay in college, pursue interesting cultural experiences, maybe you could date casually, just stay away from loosers and partiers.clubbers, ravers, racers, etc. GET A GREAT EDUCATION AND CAREER, FIRST! then get a new boyfriend who is a winner and going somewhere in life. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:24:12 PM | | The 1st time your boyfriend or any one else forces or attempts to force you into anything,DROP THEM !!! One strike & they are out, not, three strikes or MORE.... Out & stay out.They have a mental problem & you cannot cure it.How many times does an alcoholic's wife get the hell beat out her before she cures him of beating her by taking the beatings ? This will probally be a lifelong trend of your ex-boyfriend. Talk to some of his other exes & warn the new ones & report him. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:25:24 PM | Im a man that has never had problems with girls and reason is that you have to treat people the way you want to be treated yourself. there are a lot of ass holes out there that are only out for themselves. you just have to be more careful when you date ask around about the person before you make a commitment to go out with them. i have never been one that goes for the looks i try and see through that and meet the person behind the looks. as for your looks you look just fine to me i your pic and as for the son of a **** that raped you i would have charged his ass in a minute and thats coming from a guy there is no excuse for that the **stard should be hung up by the balls. as for being worthless get that out of your head and move on time heals all wounds with the right freinds and support so keep your chin up and carry some mase in your purse. take care and cheer up.
offthechart | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 12:53:25 PM | Hello
Before you start into another relationship there are some steps you must go through, hopefully with guidance and support from a trusted person in your life - an aunt, friend, counsellor... or on your own ...
firstly, as a victim of rape and unwanted sexual advances you must really look at this from an emotional point of view - without trying in any way to jsutify his behaviours - he is a bad guy - he has real problems with respect and sexual aggressiveness ...
what would you feel if he did these things to your best friend? sister? daughter? to you?
You are a valuable and worthy person... your personal borders need to be strengthened and secure to aid in preventing this kind of abuse from ever happening again.
You will feel (most likely) a sense of violation - mistrust, confusion, anger, sadness and sorrow, loss... all these feelings and any others that arise need to be acknowledged and released.........for emotional healing to begin or continue.....
How angry are you? Would you like (theorectically) to see him dead?
Feel these things before you move on to acceptance of the situation and can put it in the past.....enjoy having good guys as friends without trying to make friendships romantic relationships. Do not question your value just because you do not have a boyfriend/lover right now in your life.
Best of luck in your healing process.
Julie Marguerite
Canada | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 1:14:16 PM | Dear Rebecca! First and foremost, my yound friend- you are NOT worthless! what your boyfriend did to you was inexcusable! But not beacuse of who you think you are or are not!
You have to find a way to take back control of your life! I beleive someone mentioned therapy- that is a good idea! there are lots of pros out there that do not charge for their services if that is a concern. If you do not take control of your life and this situation you cant go own with your life even tho you think you are doing just that-
So, take time to do it and you will be glad you did when you are a semi old lady like me!
God bless. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 1:51:18 PM | Sweetheart you are very pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I am a woman and it probably doesnt matter what I think but you are beautiful and very strong to even have been able to survive something like that.
Don't let anyone bring you down and let you feel like you are worthless. Believe me there is no man on this planet that is worth it. If all these guys don't like you for who you are then you didn't need them anyway. Be patient and the right one will come along but as long as you continue to let these guys have that power over you, you will never be happy.
I know it sounds stupid but you have to find your own happiness and believe that you are worth having a good guy.
You may not realize it but you are giving off signals of insecurity and guys are very perseptive and will prey on those of us that feel inadequate. You have to get to the point where you tell yourself that NO ONE will have that power over me anymore. I am priceless and it is just everyone's loss if they don't see that.
I wish you well honey and I do hope you can find peace. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 1:55:20 PM | Hey sweety,
You're 17, I have been there and it does get better! You are a beautiful courageous woman and you will get through it. It takes a lot of guts to jump on the computer and ask for help. Whether it's through therapy, religion or family, you need to find an avenue to express your feelings. I confided in a good friend and found out we actually had a lot in common. She and I have been each others support system for the last 15 years. Right now, I know being 17 you want to date, but before anyone can love you the way you are entitled to be loved, you must first love yourself. This is easier said than done,(I know) but it is possible. It starts with little short term goals and plans that will better you (start off small), then go to the long term goals over time and to the bigger things. Rebecca dream big honey, you have your whole life ahead of you! Don't let the rotten S.O.B's who have made you feel this way and have put you through this hell win! You deserve the best sweety, but you need to look deep inside yourself and say "enough!" You aren't worthless, but actually you are very much worth it!!! I have actually seen the person who hurt me over the years since then. I can look him in the eye and hold my head up high because I am a successful, wonderful, and strong 31 year old school teacher now and not the person I use to be . I still work with my demons to this day, you won't ever forget it, but it becomes easier to deal with over time. You can get through this and you deserve better because you are worth it!! Look at all these people who have taken the time to try to help you, we are all from all over the world, that's gotta mean something! We all know you are worth it and you're going to make it through! Good luck sweety! | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 2:11:10 PM | You probably intimidate the nice guys.. .I know this all too well. I am 35 and have been in your situation .
Don't let a guy make you feel like if your face is pretty the rest of you is not worth nothing .You have a mind of your own --don't let any man swindle you into thinking you can't be worth more than just a good time ..and because you are attractive ,this will follow you throughout your adult life until u take a stand...
Keep your head up high ..and don't shoot for low . You shouldn't be getting raped my b/f's .. and the ones that do that are really shallow ,and have to feel like they are empowered by doing this ''action''... This hits very close to me --and I feel like when i read this .. i needed to tell you ....that i do the same thing... because of the way i got treated i use to hang my head low ..when told i was so beautiful..and didnt believe a word anybody said to me..... thought they were nothing but liars....and always let the good guys go.. ..
Remember beauty is only skin deep . It's what's inside that counts . You are lovely both inside and out...don't forget it girl! and for the ones that are nice...and push you away...they are intimated by your beauty. They feel like they can't measure up..and guys will always look at you... your not worthless... keep smiling ..there is someone out there who will apreciate all of you ... beauty and brains.  | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 2:41:44 PM | Hey Rebecca,
I have a daughter your age so your story pulls at my heart. I am not one that normally gives advise but for what it's worth here goes..
It's not you...it was absolutley nothing to do with your looks or anything about you as a person. Guy's that are abusive and mistreat you or any woman it's they that have the problem, and the problem is it's all about power. These guys are so insecure and weak within themselves that they need to mistreat woman so that they feel like a man. Being raped has nothing to do with you embarrasing him at his school dinner it's about power and him attempting to control you .Him being sorry does'nt cut it, he in all probability will rape again if he gets away with it this time. I am pretty sure based on your profile that you come across as a strong independent person. You need to meet a guy that is in himself not threatened by a strong will or opinionated woman, in short a "real man" that respects you and treats you as such. The good news is that there are guys out there that are real men, you just got to find them. I would suggest that widen your circle of friends and at 18 don't be in such a rush....
Best of luck to you.. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 2:54:08 PM | search yourself inside. decide what it is thats really bothering you. Your looks may intimidate some guys you are pretty. It'd take some guys some nerve to come up to approach but maybe when you're with a guy you like maybe you're sending the wrong signals or maybe your not sending any at all to let him know you're the least bit interested. in any case nobody can destroy who you are no matter what they do you are still you.
to drop down to the point. The truth is you're beautiful, bottom line. And anything else that should need to be said is either the wrong signals or some guys just arn't interested. I'm sure there are plenty there are. and aways keep your head up. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 3:04:50 PM | 
Rebecca.. I know what your going through.. I was raped as well when i was 18. I am almost 23 and I am still not trusting guys. I felt like all the guys are the same after that.. But now i am realizing not every guy isthe same.. Go to therapy. I didnt. But i do have couseling forother issues. If you ever want to talk.. talk to me on here :). By the way.. I was 18 and he was 16. And I thought i would go to jail for being older. So I didnt turn him in. But the cops after that happended said i should have turned him in. Now i know. I am honestly sorry for what your going through... By the way.. You are a beautiful girl.. Dont let anyone tell u differnt. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 3:30:41 PM | Help me understand your delema.
Why do you have to be forced to have sex with "your boyfriend"?
Why do you want him for a boyfriend?
Why do want to be popular?
Why is he popular?
Why did he think you embarresed him?
Why do you like him?
Why are you his girlfriend?
Why do "good guys" look for "good girls"?
Why do you think "cruddy" guys look for "girls"? | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 3:45:26 PM | Hi Rebecca,
Beleive it, You are a very pretty girl, but FOREMOST, you most certainly are not worthless!!! The people who hurt you are the worthless ones. I am not going to say that I know how you feel, because only YOU can know that. I will tell you that I have been raped and sexually abuse from the time i can remember until I was 17 and on my own. Some tried after that too. I learned in counseling that perpetrators can pick out victims and find them easy targets.
Therapy did not come for me until I was 40. Don't wait to get therapy. PLEASE seek therapy now if you have not received any and even if you have. It will not change what has happened to you but it will help you deal with it. There are free programs out there.. talk to your doctor about it.. they are very resourceful
I decided to stop being a victim! Went for counseling and then to group therapy. The best thing I could have done. Wish I would have years sooner. I ended up starting a group and called it BEYOND VICTIMS,.. because we have to get beyond it and as long as we let it linger in our minds and hearts we are still being VICTIMS ... the abusers still have some control over our lives, as long as we harbor the pain, the guilt and the shame.
It is NOT our shame. it is theirs!!!
FROM THIS POINT ON .. STOP FEELING GUILTY!! STOP FEELING ASHAMED! KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT IT "WAS NOT YOUR FAULT" because it wasn't.
I don't care if you paraded nude.. nobody has the right to touch you if you do not want to be touched.
You are a beautiful person inside and out, I am sure... don't burry her.. get councelling.. it won't be easy to go through but the rewards will be more than worth it... set her free! :)
I hope this helps you... I am a FORMER victim hope you become a FORMER one... | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:00:02 PM | Hey Cheri,
Sorry to hear about everything. Understandable how you are..
Officially I am living in the wrong place.
Yes you are pretty, and seem quite nice from little I know. But things will fall into place.
Only thing is that with everything good to happen, all come in due time. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:10:56 PM | Rebecca,
I hate to make it sound like this, but the minority is now women who have NOT been raped or molested. So, in my 35 years I have learned that to really exist on this planet with a meaningful and happy life, I needed to learn to make myself better, to make more of ME to offer. And this has helped me realize a lot about myself in the process.
You have to make yourself strong and courageous. You have to have character and honor. You have to strive to be the best at whatever you choose to do in life. These things, once you develop and enhance them, will make you feel like the sexiest, most confident person ever.
At your age, however, these things can only come with experience. Yours is limited, but be aware that everyday holds a new something to learn. Even if it's bad, learn from it and become empowered by it.
Keep in mind too, that no matter how crappy something is, you can find something, anything good from it, and keep that good near your heart...throw the bad away.
You are beautiful, so enjoy your life because you have plenty of time to worry about finding a guy. It is more important to find yourself right now.
Angela | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:16:51 PM | Rebecca
I too was raped when I was 15, but beleive me you can recover from this. You are a good person and you are loved. Stop having sex with guys, you need to learn to love yourself,and need to take care of yourself. If a guy wants to be your friend and needs sex from you to make you feel loved, then he will end up hurting you. He will think if you will have sex with him you will most likley have sex with anyone. They like the chase,and will make you think you are the love of their life, but once you give into that they will abuse you and then be so mean to you. You will be left feeling worthless, and rejected. I will be praying for you each day, can you find some type od youth support group at your local church? Please know that Jesus died for you and you can overcome anything when you pray to him. He will never reject you or stop loving you.
Meg | |
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ENDO
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Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 92 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:31:34 PM | | Hey cherrihuggies you should have called the cops the minute that ***hole got off of you and guys sometimes use friendship to get what they want I guess thats what some people reffer to friends with benefits but you are not the problem just try to pay more attention to the people around you they may not have the best intentions touward you I usually like to study people befor getting close to them see their happy side or sad side even their angry side to see how they react even stand back and wach from a far distance or see how they are around their friends and family when you are around things of that nature the best way to see someones intentions is become someone else your self so be strong don't give in so easyly and dont look down always maintain focus be heard and show your strong side don't expose your weekness and good luck. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 6:38:26 PM | Big question... Did you ever tell anyone? Other then this board... Did you seek justice?
I raped once too, and I didn't seek justice until it was too late. But it's never to late to seek counceling! EVER!!! You will never be able to move on from this, until you talk about it. You have to get it all out. One thing that I did was create a journal. Day to day I would write about how I was feeling.. My anger, fear, insecurities...
You probably can't find "love" because you arent ready for it yet. You are still very young. You have plenty of time for love. Find yourself, and your confidence first. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 9:06:18 PM | MYTH: Rape is only committed by strangers in dark alleys and parking lots.
FACT
As many as 84 percent of women are raped by someone they know, such as friends, family or an acquaintance.
MYTH: If a woman is raped, then she must have deserved it, especially if she agreed to go to the man's room or wore sexy clothing.
FACT
No one deserves to be raped. Being in a man's room or wearing revealing clothing does not mean a woman has agreed to have sex.
MYTH: Women who don't physically fight back haven't been raped.
FACT
If a woman did not or could not consent to having sex, it is considered rape. Forcing a woman to have sex against her will, whether she physically fights back or not, is rape, plain and simple.
MYTH: If there isn't a weapon involved, you haven't been raped.
FACT
Whether the man uses a weapon, his fists, the weight of his body, verbal threats, drugs, alcohol, or takes advantage of a woman's diminished physical or mental state to force her to have sex, it is rape.
MYTH: It's not rape if the man is her boyfriend or husband or if they have had sex before.
FACT:A woman has the right to decide what she does with her body at all times - if she does not want to have sex, it is her decision, even if she willingly had sex with the man before.
MYTH: If a woman lets a man buy her dinner or pay for a movie or drinks, she owes him sex. FACT
No one owes sex as a payment to anyone else, no matter how expensive the date.
MYTH: When a woman agrees to "make out" with a man, she is implying that will have intercourse with him, too.
FACT: Everyone has the right to say "no" to sexual activity, regardless of what has preceded it, and to have that "no" respected.
MYTH: Women lie about being raped, especially when they accuse men they date or other acquaintances.
FACT: Rape really happens -- to people you know, by people you know.
MYTH: When men are sexually aroused, they need to have sex or they will get "blue balls." Also, once they get turned on, men can't stop themselves from forcing sex on a woman.
FACT:Men don't physically need to have sex after becoming aroused any more than women do. Moreover, men are still able to control themselves even after becoming sexually excited.
MYTH: Only women are raped.
FACT: Ten percent of rape cases involve male victims...
YOU ARE NOT worthless....the piece of S*it guy who did this to you...is to blame...no blame lies at your feet...the best thing to do is seek professional help...and move on.
Sky
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 9:24:23 PM | Hmm. Why are all the rape "facts" geared toward women? Don't both sexes get raped? And in fact, do we not live in a culture where a man who is raped is seen as being immasucalted, thus, invalidating the last stated "fact"?
Oh yea, and the part about blue balls is completely BS. I don't think you can make a judgement about that unless you have balls. Do blueballs justify rape? No ****ing way. But if you intentiaonally arouse a guy and then tell him to go **** himself and he pissed off and in physical pain, do not be surprised, I have been there before. DId I rape the girl? No ****ing way. Was I pissed? Yup, enough to do the same thing to her a few days later.
SOrry to seem like a jackass, but I would love to see more of the equality thing going on than the man bashing thing.
Rapists shouldn't even be considered male or female (socially, not biologically). They should be considered predators, period. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 9:29:48 PM | | You are of inestimable value in the eyes of God and I'm sure these posters. Please seek counseling help from a professional, not just rely on the advice on line. I wish you all the healing in the world. You can deal with this trauma through friends and supporters. Don't seek help from boyfriends. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 12:14:53 AM | | sweetie dont think for one minute u r worthless...if these guys are pushing u away then they dont know what they r missing....i dont know what u look like but its not whats on the outside its the beauty within | |
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